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"Unrealistic" body goals



  • qhob_89qhob_89 Member Posts: 89 Member Member Posts: 89 Member
    @lynn_glenmont @kimny72 I get what you are both saying. I’m certainly not arguing with anyone. And I don’t have any examples of negative things being said on here, as I haven’t experienced it or witnessed it. As you said, the OP provided a rather simple example without much context and I responded to his question ‘thoughts?’
    I think many people are capable of far more than they allow themselves to believe. That was my original point. That is why I don’t this it’s necessary to tell someone they have “unrealistic” goals. However, as pointed out this was all started as a generalized question. The whole concept of IG, celebrities, and social media images got roped in along the way. Overall, I think comparing yourself to others (especially fake images on the internet) is not healthy. If someone is truly that obsessed with looking like a photoshopped image, there is far bigger issue than “unrealistic” goals they need to figure out and work on. (Which could be a much larger debate on the impact and obsession with social media, etc.)

    The frustration with repeat posts of the same topics from the same posters was brought up as well. I get deaf ears can be annoying, but if helpful advice has been exhausted then why engage with the horse who’s standing at the watering hole? It’s simply putting energy into someone who doesn’t want the feedback, is seeking attention, or isn’t willing to put in the effort.
  • snowflake954snowflake954 Member Posts: 6,375 Member Member Posts: 6,375 Member
    kimny72 wrote: »
    kimny72 wrote: »
    @qhob_89 The thing is, I don't ever see anyone here just tell someone their goal is unrealistic. I always see caring, encouraging, instructive posts that try to show them how much they can accomplish if they focus on the right things. That's really my point - I think the OP has oversimplified the situation that bothered him, and it's gotten extrapolated into slamming things that don't actually happen here. And if there is occasionally a blunt discouraging post, it is typically overwhelmed by great advice. So I'm curious if anyone so passionate about not discouraging posters is actually seeing lots of these bitter pathetic posts discouraging newbies from their dreams right now? Because I can't find them. There might be an odd post every once and awhile that hits at an off time and after one bad reply gets buried behind newer posts, but I just don't see this regularly here.

    I think where it gets hard is that for many people having big, lofty goals that require extraordinary effort is demotivating. So if you try to help those people set more realistic goals, you're HELPING them. For others, having big, lofty goals that require extraordinary effort is actually motivating. It gets them going. Telling those people to be "realistic" and set different goals is perceived as telling them to "quit."

    The thing is, unless you're close to someone and know how they operate, sometimes it's hard to tell who is who online.

    I think this is an important point. There seems to be an assumption that everyone is motivated in the same way by the same things. I know plenty of perfectionists who never accomplish anything because they'd rather not try than do something half way. I know plenty of people who constantly feel like failures because the fitness industry is setting them up with unrealistic expectations. I've seen countless posters helped by learning how to set and recognize realistic goals, and enjoy small seemingly unremarkable successes.

    Anyhoo, we were due for a "You guys give bad advice" thread, so I guess I shouldn't complain :smile: I was helped enormously here by learning from the veterans how weight loss and recomp work and what's realistic to see when, so I'll keep paying that forward!

    I agree with you--a "mean people" thread. What bugs me is the vague description of "people" demoralizing posters and their goals. I've seen just the opposite, but nobody talks about that. I don't see anyone that wants a poster to fail. If you don't like the advice given, speak up and help out.
  • qhob_89qhob_89 Member Posts: 89 Member Member Posts: 89 Member
    I definitely didn’t say people were giving bad advice (unless someone is just saying that’s unrealistic and leaving it at that- which I said I personally have not seen on here. OP mentioned seeing that, the basis of the original question) or being mean. Lol I was only sharing my opinion; which you’re entitled to think smells like the other thing we all have- I believe people are incredibly capable and shouldn’t limit themselves if they really want to meet a lofty goal, even if others deem it “unrealistic.” (Such as the OP mentioning a 20yo female wanting a flat tummy and being told it’s unrealistic- it’s realistic, I had one, after a baby!) I also said comparison is unhealthy and not where energy should be directed. That is where this post seemed to take a turn to... this concept of people having a goal to look like photoshopped celebrities and heavily filtered IG influencers. Photoshopped and heavily filtered photos on social media are NOT REAL, which makes it quite literally unrealistic. I see no problem with offering constructive advice if someone is 5’2” 180lbs, with an hourglass figure and posting an image of a 5’11” 100lb VS runway model as their goal. Bone structure alone is going to make that unattainable. Which is why I also pointed out that if someone is obsessed with that idea, they have a bigger issue to tackle than “unrealistic” goals, they’re out of touch with REALITY. (Which is becoming more common with all the filtered content in the world). There’s deeper mental work to focus on, other successes will follow.
  • L1zardQueenL1zardQueen Member Posts: 8,540 Member Member Posts: 8,540 Member
    I'm rose-colored glasses kinda gal. I get you, Ann.
  • NovusDiesNovusDies Member, Premium Posts: 8,815 Member Member, Premium Posts: 8,815 Member
    J72FIT wrote: »
    “A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”
    -Bruce Lee


    The specific goals require a level of sacrifice that can, at times, be selfish. I hear the same story from my successful in business friends. To get to that level they had to sacrifice family time. They would often justify it by saying they were trying to provide more for their family but then it falls into that classic trap of want vs need. I got around this dilemma but not having kids and having an equally ambitious partner. I sacrificed health though.

    The vague goals require sacrifice too but they don't require as much because there is no specific destination. The level of pressure is not the same as be a CEO of an x million dollar company before 30. It is not all or nothing. We do not get an endless supply of all or nothing goals in a single lifetime. Thinking we do will lead to a bunch of nothing. I had not taken good care of myself for years. I wanted to be better. I kept chipping away at the things that were wrong and let the picture develop on its own. I set intermediate goals when one feels doable. I am a few weeks away from attempting my first 2 day hike. This was unimaginable a little over 2.5 years ago. At that time making it down the sidewalk in front of my house was hard and painful.
  • J72FITJ72FIT Member Posts: 5,760 Member Member Posts: 5,760 Member
    NovusDies wrote: »
    vague goals require sacrifice too but they don't require as much because there is no specific destination.


    Shooting for perfection means you might just catch excellence...
    edited October 2020
  • lemurcat2lemurcat2 Member Posts: 7,117 Member Member Posts: 7,117 Member
    J72FIT wrote: »
    “A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.”
    -Bruce Lee

    This is how I approach things too. I find lofty goals inspiring, and generally have lots of intermediate goals on the way to mark progress. People definitely are different in the style of goal setting that works for them.
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