WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR SEPTEMBER 2021
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I was lonely after my divorce. I had to move to a cheaper town, away from my friends, and work from home. There were weeks when I didn't speak to anyone. I did a lot of knitting. And I had my little dog Teddy.
Heather, so glad your son isn't hurt worse. Did they find a cause to the accident?
Annie in Delaware1 -
Machka, I, too, am inspired by the Paralympics. Along with that I am currently reading a book in which the author recounts his mother's journey through years of away from home treatment for polio into her adulthood of raising a family. These things encourage me to focus on what's right in my world, rather than what is wrong.
Barbie in NW WA
My husband, in particular, has taken a lot of inspiration from the paralympians. He relates to them and their stories. Many tears have been shed here in the last couple weeks as we've gotten to know the Australian ones through the good coverage we've had and watched their victories ... even just being there and completing! Several of the announcers were past paralympians as well. They've gone on to make careers in media. And I was really impressed when I learned that some of the running/jumping paralympians make their own running/jumping legs - as in, they work in that industry as engineers, designing and creating these things.
The way so many people have taken daunting situations and turned them around to something positive was just wonderful to see.
Even with my husband's situation ... at least we can still ride bicycles. Not the distances we used to, but at least we can!
M in Oz
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all inside1st place has been saving up his rides and made one big entry. He is now at 2069.63 … that means I have 300.54 miles now that I have to do before this coming Wednesday to catch up to him. Ugh…I could do it if I rode 100 miles for today, Sunday and Monday but do I want to?? I dunno…. Sad face sore butt.
Would that all be inside?
I've done heaps of 100 mile days outside but I don't know if I'd have the motivation to do it inside!!
Machka in Oz
The longest I've done inside is 4 hours ... 2 movies!
The fastest century (100 miles) I've done outside was 6 hours in Manitoba (flat, flat, flat), on a beautiful day, with no wind.
I'm not sure I could have gone on for another 2 hours inside!!
M in Oz
The MS ride is definitely not flat
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Annie - He came off by hitting an unmarked kerb at a roundabout junction. The council had previously put cones on it because it was hidden and hard to see. They removed the cones in February and since then there have been five accidents to bikes there, one guy broke his hip. One resident has been writing to the council about it.
I think they have a case against the council and have taken loads of photos of the kerb area and his injuries. We shall see what they decide.
My DDIL was full of praise for the police, ambulance etc. Also a nice lady stopped her car to help him. For a few minutes he could only see in black and white, though he didn't lose consciousness. The bike is OK.
Max was a bit anxious, but the girls were fine.
On an expedition to the shops I learnt from Edie that there has been a discussion about moving Nellie on, because of her extreme anxiety about being left on her own for any time. My DDIL did say that she has sought help from an expert, but there doesn't seem to be much hope. I must say she is an absolute pain.
Elder son should be home by now. Good to see him. I think I will make it up there before Christmas if covid numbers settle a bit.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx5 -
bananasandoranges wrote: »Now that I have to pay attention to skin and sun, I've noticed in others.
- a colleague wearing gloves yesterday in the sun, - who has vitigo - another woman wearing gloves yesterday - a warm day, a rather young woman (late 30s?) sitting in the shade applying 50 sunscreen says she has to protect her skin, another woman wearing a mask more to protect herself from sun than from virus I think, another who clearly had an operation around her nose area, another who had a bicycle accident and a big scar on her forehead. all in 2 days.
- things I surely wouldn't have noticed or thought about before.
No one is "perfect" ... whatever that is!
Have you been watching the Paralympics? It's inspiring to see what can be accomplished by people who have been born different or who have been through diseases or difficulties.
M in Oz
I have really enjoyed the Paralympics- I like the Olympics too but Paralympics are very inspiring for sure.
That is the only sports I ever watch.0 -
(((Kim))) – I am sorry that you experience loneliness on a regular basis. The pandemic has hit us all and keeps many away from socializing with friends, casual acquaintances, and extended family. Telephones, the internet and this group are lifelines for me. We are able connect with friends & extended family members in distant locations. DH & I live in a townhouse community and have been able to visit with our neighbors-- five feet away, outdoors. No one is invited inside. We are currently all wearing masks in public places such as grocery stores. The mask mandate here in Oregon seems to fluctuate depending on Covid numbers. This group, including you, has made a huge difference in my life and I am grateful for each and every person here.
Heather – I hope your son is doing okay and was not seriously hurt in the bike fall. Happy for you that he sent a message to let you know how he is doing. I hope his broken finger heals quickly.
Machka – I like your comments regarding your DH’s situation. The two of you manage to deal with things and enjoy your lives. My DH is diabetic and has MS. It is difficult, but he is still going places and doing things. The toughest loss for us was sailing. We still have the boat, but DH cannot go on board because balancing is too difficult. In the world of shoulds, I should sell it. Not happening today. :ohwell: I love your photo on the bike path. Tasmania is beautiful from your camera’s eye view. Your photography gives us a wonderful view.
Pip – You are, and have been, our hero in the fight to defeat MS now and in the past. Thank you for your steadfast participation in the Deception Pass Classic.
Our sweet old dog passed away from cancer a month or two ago. We miss his companionship every day and will look for another dog, likely in the early part of 2022. We have family obligations that will require air-travel. Not a good situation for dogs unless they are guide dogs or other service animals. We will look for a pup when we come home.
Katla in overcast NW Oregon
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Machka - I have no idea, it is something I have had since being in elementary school - in fact for years and years I thought everyone was lonely and that it was just the way we all felt every day not something that was more "me" but I am pretty sure it is not depression related as when I was on anti-depressant meds I was still lonely. The fact that it is just bad once or twice a week now I think is just getting used to the feeling and figuring how to tamp it down before it's an issue. Just shows how we are all so different and yet so much the same.
Heather - so glad that your son is ok. So sad to hear it is a known problem that has not been addressed correctly. That is too bad to hear about Nellie, they should check on "separation anxiety" in dogs it is actually often made worse by the owners routine when leaving a pup - crating a dog while you are away if done right can actually be very helpful.
Pip - you are #1 in our eyes --who cares about their list....
Smiles Kim in N. California3 -
Machka, I, too, am inspired by the Paralympics. Along with that I am currently reading a book in which the author recounts his mother's journey through years of away from home treatment for polio into her adulthood of raising a family. These things encourage me to focus on what's right in my world, rather than what is wrong.
do it.Tracy, My father was in the Coast Guard all the years I was growing up and often on duty away for months. My mother was a master at being independent and self sufficient during that time. She learned to love the time he was gone. When he retired, she got a job because it made her crazy that he was home and underfoot all day. It's "Grocery Day"--a highlight of our week when we drive to the store and have our groceries loaded into the back of our car. Barbie in NW WA
My former hubby was in the Coast Guard when we got married. When he got stationed on the ship at first it was very hard but, like your mom, I started getting more independent and yes, looked forward to when he would leave and look forward to when he was home. He was out two months in AK, home two months,then back out again. It was hard when he got out. A real adjustment for both of us. Sadly, he didn't adjust well(and had other issues he hid from me and didn't deal with so his way to cope was to leave). Thankfully he got help later on and now we are best friends.3 -
Barbara ... good news regarding nephew!
Heather ... glad to see that son will be ok. Once the adrenaline leaves, hope he doesn't feel too poorly ..
I'm back to watching church online until I get a different kind of brace for the broken leg ... right now I'm wearing shorts and I just can't see that in church. Not to mention transporting me is a pain for everyone.
I think I experienced loneliness most when my expectations were for something different. I remember the isolation of having a disabled son and wishing for a good friend who would allow me to talk or vent about the day... not wanting to burden my husband with more than he already had. Once my expectations of what my life should look like changed, once I became more settled with who I am and who I am meant to be ... the loneliness factor has sort of vanished. I'm at peace. Not sure that all makes sense, but that's what I'm thinking.
Beth near Buffalo
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Oh, I want to share what one friend is doing for me as I journey through this first year of grief since my son passed. Very early on ... knowing I wouldn't be able to hear on phone calls ... she told me she would send me a heart text message whenever she was thinking of me. I was under no obligation to respond ...she just wanted me to know when she had me on her mind. This has been immensely helpful to me as the months progress. Our culture is not good at grieving. Most have moved on. I'm not complaining. It's just a fact. But these random hearts popping up on my phone have been so very healing and a recognition that grief does continue even when the rest of the world has moved on. If you ever have an opportunity to do the same for someone you care about, I will confirm that it is very helpful.11
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Barbara, I’m so thankful for the good news about your nephew.
Jenn, wow! Just wow! I’m so glad you survived the kayak fiasco and didn’t let it scare you away from something you love. I have a friend who is like that with horses. Every time I talk to her she’s had another injury from riding. I will say, “are you going to stop riding now?” And she will say, “ for at least another week, then I should be ok.” I am afraid of horses and kayaks, so I will let y’all have your fun.
Jenni, welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry your relationship did not work out but glad you didn’t waste any more time on it.
Heather, glad your son’s injuries seem to be minor. Enjoy the grandchildren.
The only time I’ve ever lived alone was the six weeks my husband spent in Minnesota with his mother in her last days. I’m not sure that counted since it was always temporary. We are both independent and introverts, though, so we do a lot of things separately now. I think I would be fine. Hard to say, for sure, though, since I haven’t experienced it.
My father is home and I’m letting my sister and my mama carry the heavy load right now. Once she goes back to NOLA, I will need to step back up to the plate - probably staying up there at night so that Mama is not alone with him.
My new metabolic reboot plan starts tomorrow. I’m trying to get a head start just by focusing on protein. It is hard as heck to eat 90 g of protein a day - just saying. I hit it yesterday and plan to hit it today. I had a pack of tuna, crackers, a carrot and a pear for lunch. My old eating habits much prefer peanut butter crackers and a Diet Dr P. It does help if one meal a day is a protein smoothie.
Starting weight on this venture (just for accountability) is 196.8. I’ll try to remember to update you guys once a week.
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When it comes to loneliness, sadly, it is more common for me than being happy. It is a combination of things. A very distant husband who may be in the house but rarely in the same room, a son who lives here but at 23, out with friends or at work or ?? . I have worked at home by myself for most of the past 40 yrs(I did have a few years of teaching at a preschool). I have been in this town for almost 29yrs(it will be on the 19th). I am not involved with many outside activities- I go to church Sunday mornings (for the past 5 yrs) and just recently started Zumba two hours a week. Other wise I am home on my computer. Trying to get back into some hobbies.
The one thing that helps with the loneliness is the friendship I now have with former hubby- he checks in every day, just to say Hi, or good night or just to say he is thinking about me. He is one of my best friends and the only one that I hear from every day..
Debbie5 -
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Beth - To lose a beloved son that you have cared for, fought for, every day of his/your life is devastating. I think of you often. Grief is what it is, No limit.
My worst loneliness was when I was separated from my first husband, even though, in the early stage, I had boyfriends. I was totally alone for three and a half years and thought I would die of loneliness. I was the instigator of the divorce, so I did not have a lot of empathy from people. I spent long weekends completely on my own, only dragging myself out to teach a few times a week. I could not tell anyone how I felt.
If I lived alone I know I would have similar feelings, even now. We are social creatures and need to be 'seen and heard' by someone, if only a good therapist. My family of origin do not 'see' me. My friends and my DH do, to some extent. I have usually had a best friend to whom I can admit my darkest thoughts. I think that is important. G is for me right now that person, though there are a couple of others. It used to be my darling friend Ros who died.
I get a lot of help from books, and communities on the Internet. I feel encouraged and supported by them. I know I am not alone. But we all need someone with whom we can be completely ourselves.Warts and all.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx7 -
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Did Warrior Workout DVD (yoga) then went for a 2 mile walk around the mall across the street. The plan for tomorrow is to do a Nina Lessig DVD.
Man, there are a lot of sidewalks around here! What I probably should have done had I known that there were sidewalks almost all the way was walk to the store to buy the paper. As it is, I drove there. Then Vince and I went to Lowe’s Hardware to get a new thermostat. Do you know that a programmable one was cheaper than a non-programmable one???? We were really surprised. He installed it while I went in the pool. Then to this beachware store to get space stuff for gifts for Lynette and Colby. No real plans for tonight, I guess Vince especially needs some time to just relax.
Tracey – we had a 60’s party once and I made brownies and I put oregano on top
Ginny – yea for ac
Jenn – thank God for that man. Good for you not letting that ahole get to you
Jenni CT – welcome! I was, literally, going crazy during this pandemic...so much so that I resorted to getting a part time job because I was always with people and I really needed that. You know, after we come down here in Feb., when we get back I’ll probably look for a small job. I think being a greeter at WalMart would be really good for me. But who knows if they’re even hiring for that position? We shall see. Maybe even Lowe’s Hardware (not like I know much about tools and things, I just like helping people.)
When someone said something about Sundays being for church on the radio today, I realized that I totally forgot to go to church yesterday. Oh well...what’s done is done.
Heather – hope your son is better real fast. Update: glad to hear his injuries weren’t real serious.
Beth – how thoughtful and wonderful of your friend!
Michele who just packed away her exercise clothes that are going to NC3 -
MicheleI thought about you this morning when we went to the grocery store for curbside pickup. When we got there the woman who brings out the groceries was having an animated conversation with the man in the other pickup spot. When she brought our groceries, Jake got out of the car and chatted with her for a bit. It looked like the sort of job you would like. 2
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Had a chartrutery board today. 1 slice of deli bologna, some roasted chicken, dark rye bread, some slices of brie, and pepper jack cheeses. Also a pickle, some English cucumbers, and some berries. I ate most of it. I had a bowl of a T of mayo, and used my cucumbers to spread of the small squares of bread. Its like playing with your food.😁👍
Rebecca
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Machka - I have no idea, it is something I have had since being in elementary school - in fact for years and years I thought everyone was lonely and that it was just the way we all felt every day not something that was more "me" but I am pretty sure it is not depression related as when I was on anti-depressant meds I was still lonely. The fact that it is just bad once or twice a week now I think is just getting used to the feeling and figuring how to tamp it down before it's an issue. Just shows how we are all so different and yet so much the same.
Heather - so glad that your son is ok. So sad to hear it is a known problem that has not been addressed correctly. That is too bad to hear about Nellie, they should check on "separation anxiety" in dogs it is actually often made worse by the owners routine when leaving a pup - crating a dog while you are away if done right can actually be very helpful.
Pip - you are #1 in our eyes --who cares about their list....
Smiles Kim in N. California
Awwww thanks, that’s sweet of you to say, katla love your kind words too0 -
UPDATE:
We ended up canceling the cruise again. It got to be too stressful in trying to figure out the COVID testing while we were going to be on the road and stuff. 1st we thought that our confirmation of our shots would suffice. Then the cruise peeps said that you needed to get proof of being negative 3 days before you board or you couldn’t get on board, the a few days later the changed it to two days before boarding. Well we were going to be traveling and trying to find a place to test us and get results fast enough within their required time period was just getting to be a hassle. We got a credit so we will try again next year.
Meanwhile we now had to figure out where we are now going to stay for the 7 days that we would have been on the ship. Found a place on cannon Beach. We thing we have it figured out ad now figuring out the food stuff that we will need. If its not one thing, its another. Still doing the ride, its still on… as far as we know….3 -
Cannon Beach is a wonderful place. It is a favorite of our family. Enjoy!
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Barbie – you’re right. That was one of the parts of working at Food Lion that I really liked. As a matter of fact, one lady asked for me to help her with her groceries to her car and when we got out of the store, she asked if she could give me a tip because I was always so friendly and helpful. I told her that I really enjoyed helping people and she said “I know”. Then she asked if she could take me home with her. The only thing I regret is when she asked me if she could tip me, when I told her “no”, I should have said “but you can make a donation to the soup kitchen”. Oh well…..
Michele who just took a walk around the parking lot
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all inside1st place has been saving up his rides and made one big entry. He is now at 2069.63 … that means I have 300.54 miles now that I have to do before this coming Wednesday to catch up to him. Ugh…I could do it if I rode 100 miles for today, Sunday and Monday but do I want to?? I dunno…. Sad face sore butt.
Would that all be inside?
I've done heaps of 100 mile days outside but I don't know if I'd have the motivation to do it inside!!
Machka in Oz
The longest I've done inside is 4 hours ... 2 movies!
The fastest century (100 miles) I've done outside was 6 hours in Manitoba (flat, flat, flat), on a beautiful day, with no wind.
I'm not sure I could have gone on for another 2 hours inside!!
M in Oz
The MS ride is definitely not flat
No, it's not. Definitely not a Manitoba Flat. But ...
910 metres of climbing over 94.6 km ... that's what we call Tasmanian Flat here.
910 metres (rise)/94600 metres (run) = 0.0096 * 100 = 0.9
Here, anything between about a 0.5 and 1 is Tasmanian Flat ... whereas a Manitoba Flat will be somewhere down around 0.1.
We warn cyclists coming from the mainland that when we describe a ride as relatively flat, we mean "Tasmanian Flat". It's just so hilly/mountainous here!! I can't do a 160 km (100 mile) ride under about 9 hours here.
These days I try to design routes under 0.5 for my husband's sake and that is really difficult. We end up riding the same 3 routes over and over.
One day, I would really like to move somewhere so that we don't have to drive to cycle and so that we have a bit more variety.
M in Oz2 -
Machka - I have no idea, it is something I have had since being in elementary school - in fact for years and years I thought everyone was lonely and that it was just the way we all felt every day not something that was more "me" but I am pretty sure it is not depression related as when I was on anti-depressant meds I was still lonely. The fact that it is just bad once or twice a week now I think is just getting used to the feeling and figuring how to tamp it down before it's an issue. Just shows how we are all so different and yet so much the same.
Smiles Kim in N. California
Is the loneliness like a feeling of being different or not accepted?
I have felt that way (different) since I was in late elementary school. It wasn't an issue earlier on, but I might have started noticing around Grade 5 or 6. While all the other girls were becoming cute and girly, I wasn't. I wasn't a particularly attractive kid from 11 or 12 to my late teens and I was a tomboy. I hung around the guys as a buddy because they were so much more interesting than girls who just wanted to talk about make-up and stuff.
I got into sports (individual ones because I wasn't keen on teams) when a lot of the girls would stand on the sidelines and complain about sweat and messing their hair.
I got into male dominated fields like engineering technology, accounting, software development, and database administration/analysis. In some of my classes and jobs, I was the only or one of the few females there.
So I have frequently felt like I was on the fringe ... not really fully accepted. But it's OK. The only thing I wish, sometimes is this ...I think I experienced loneliness most when my expectations were for something different. I remember the isolation of having a disabled son and wishing for a good friend who would allow me to talk or vent about the day ... not wanting to burden my husband with more than he already had. Once my expectations of what my life should look like changed, once I became more settled with who I am and who I am meant to be ... the loneliness factor has sort of vanished. I'm at peace. Not sure that all makes sense, but that's what I'm thinking.
Beth near Buffalo
Sometimes, during the 3.5 years since my husband's accident, I wish I had that good friend to whom I could vent. I do a little bit in emails to my mother but I don't want to burden her too much.
I haven't been able to do that so I've internalised it all. Sometimes I think I should write it down in a journal (or type it because that's faster) but I can't be bothered.
M in Oz3 -
cityjaneLondon wrote: »Annie - He came off by hitting an unmarked kerb at a roundabout junction. The council had previously put cones on it because it was hidden and hard to see. They removed the cones in February and since then there have been five accidents to bikes there, one guy broke his hip. One resident has been writing to the council about it.
I think they have a case against the council and have taken loads of photos of the kerb area and his injuries. We shall see what they decide.
My DDIL was full of praise for the police, ambulance etc. Also a nice lady stopped her car to help him. For a few minutes he could only see in black and white, though he didn't lose consciousness. The bike is OK.
Max was a bit anxious, but the girls were fine.
On an expedition to the shops I learnt from Edie that there has been a discussion about moving Nellie on, because of her extreme anxiety about being left on her own for any time. My DDIL did say that she has sought help from an expert, but there doesn't seem to be much hope. I must say she is an absolute pain.
Elder son should be home by now. Good to see him. I think I will make it up there before Christmas if covid numbers settle a bit.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
Is Nellie the dog? For a moment I thought Nellie might be the au pair!
I'm glad to hear that your son isn't too bad, but sorry to hear that he had the accident at all.
I hope that he gets some satisfaction from the council!! I'd be tempted to get some bright spray paint and paint it. I'm tempted to do that with a kerb on the route my husband and I cycled yesterday!
M in Oz1
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