Asked for help, REFUSED! *rant*
Replies
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When I was a little girl, my brother was in the Cub Scouts. They got to do all kinds of really cool stuff and went camping, etc. I wanted to join. I was not allowed to, because I was a girl. Instead, I had to join Brownies, where they made us wear ugly brown dresses, and did stupid crafts and ****. It wasn't fair, either.
Now we all know where you learned to make a pine cone bird feeder.
The circle is complete.
*I've got something in my pocket,
That belongs across my face,
I keep it very close at hand,
In a most convenient place.
I'm sure you couldn't guess it,
If you guessed a long long while.
So I'll take it out and put it on,
It's a great big brownie smile.*0 -
As you're in the UK I can explain this to you.
The Adult Obesity Care Pathway of the NHS provides different services by different teams with different expertise to people at different stages of the care pathway. These services are provided in different settings... community centres, health care settings, hospitals, depending on what they are.
Google your health board and their Obesity Care Pathway for your locality may be online.
Services work like a pyramid, in what they refer to as "tiers", with the most generic services being at the bottom (tier 1) and suitable for the majority of people who may be just overweight, so you're looking at basic public health advice.... All the way to the top (usually tier 4) where there are specialist services for those who are morbidly or super morbidly obese. You are in that category.
The staff were responsible in pointing you to the services that is targeted at your level of need, which in their view is beyond basic lifestyle management. Nobody is out to get you.0 -
If you want a group of weight loss buddies other than online, I'd suggest Weight Watchers.0
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I know it is entitle to make it's own rules but I just think those rules are not fair. I don't want to have to go to a hospital to get help, I want help in that kind of setting. I really feel I would benefit from it, so I don't know why I can't. I think I could keep up because I have as good brain as anyone and I always try my best. I don't know why they assume I couldn't. I don't know that there are any other groups out there, this is the main local organisation for this sort of thing. It's just really frustrating
I don't assume they are out to get me, I just feel it's not fair.
Is it not fair because they helped you reach a BMI of 61 and now it's their responsibility to help you get it under control? It's not fair because you, personally, feel that it's not fair because now you want to do something and they won't "let" you? It's not fair because you don't like your other options, so who cares what their insurance costs are, their guidelines are, what they are set up to handle and who they have their plans designed to accommodate....nope, none of that matters because you want this and since you can't have this...it's just not fair? It's not fair because, somehow, you're exempt from other people's rules just because you think you should be?
Please, help me understand how this is not fair. Help me understand how you seem to be entitled to a program, one in which you apparently don't qualify, just because you think you should be.0 -
When I was a little girl, my brother was in the Cub Scouts. They got to do all kinds of really cool stuff and went camping, etc. I wanted to join. I was not allowed to, because I was a girl. Instead, I had to join Brownies, where they made us wear ugly brown dresses, and did stupid crafts and ****. It wasn't fair, either.
Now we all know where you learned to make a pine cone bird feeder.
The circle is complete.
*I've got something in my pocket,
That belongs across my face,
I keep it very close at hand,
In a most convenient place.
I'm sure you couldn't guess it,
If you guessed a long long while.
So I'll take it out and put it on,
It's a great big brownie smile.*
No. I had to learn how to make PCBFs on the STREETS.0 -
BMI is useless but when we are talking a BMI of 60+ we are talking about a 6' tall man being 450lbs. I think it's a very fair practice to exclude those people over 40 BMI.0
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*I've got something in my pocket,
That belongs across my face,
I keep it very close at hand,
In a most convenient place.
I'm sure you couldn't guess it,
If you guessed a long long while.
So I'll take it out and put it on,
It's a great big brownie smile.*
Wow. Flashback.
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Have you thought about organizing a support group of your own with people in your situation? You can exchange ideas, do light exercising, have a healthy snack. A meeting room at a local library or public building could be an option. Just a thought. 0
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I may be able to understand you not being able to keep up with the physical parts of the class but not being able to go in for nutrition? Ugh. I HATE the BMI scale, it really doesn't say much in my opinion. I'm sure you're overweight (like most of us on here, myself included!) but there's no reason you can't sit in a chair and participate in conversations about how to lose weight. I learn better in group and would be really frustrated if they wouldn't let me join, just like you are.
On the other hand, there's nothing that you can do about it except lose 20 points on their stupid scale or find another group. Are there other groups geared toward heavier people in your area?
Awww, thank you. I suppose I can concede that they would think i'd struggle with the exercise (i am not sure I would, I am OK fit), and maybe insurence stuff. But this I think strongly- that I can't even join in a group talking about healthy eating etc? Do they think I'd have nothing to contribute to it, nor benefit from it? I don't understand it.
I don't need sarcastic comments about yachts or whatever, seriously.
Let me guess, other people having an opinion other than yours is unfair as well?0 -
Personally, I think the "liability" excuse is bull hockey. If it were only a group focusing on exercise then I would buy that. But if they also offer classes on nutrition and meal planning then what heck is the liability in that. It really sounds like they gave you a lazy cookie cutter response. With a bmi of 61, really you would benefit more from the nutrition side than the exercise side at this point anyway. They sound like idiots.0
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Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.0 -
I know it is entitle to make it's own rules but I just think those rules are not fair. I don't want to have to go to a hospital to get help, I want help in that kind of setting. I really feel I would benefit from it, so I don't know why I can't. I think I could keep up because I have as good brain as anyone and I always try my best. I don't know why they assume I couldn't. I don't know that there are any other groups out there, this is the main local organisation for this sort of thing. It's just really frustrating
I don't assume they are out to get me, I just feel it's not fair.
I just hope you don't let this deter you. Just because they have criteria in place and have a standard recommendation does not mean the hospital is your only choice. Look into other community organizations, YWCA, community colleges, classes run in association with the hospital outside of the medical care they provide, for example. If you have a doctor, you could ask there. Most importantly, just keep moving forward.But this I think strongly- that I can't even join in a group talking about healthy eating etc? Do they think I'd have nothing to contribute to it, nor benefit from it?
Ultimately, I think you would be more successful in a group where you could fully participate. If you don't meet the criteria to fully contribute or benefit from the whole program, it's probably just the wrong program. I hope you find the right fit and love it!
In the meantime, this is a good place to browse or communicate ideas about lifestyle, food, light exercise, etc. You just have to ignore the ones who are sarcastic or looking for an argument....online or in person. lol Take care.
Edited to add: By the way, I do understand the difference between a momentary rant borne of frustration and just pitying yourself and giving up. I hope you've found some useful support and suggestions here.0 -
I don't want to have to go to a hospital to get help, I want help in that kind of setting. I really feel I would benefit from it, so I don't know why I can't.
That may not be the sort of help that you want, but at your BMI it may be the sort of help that you need.0 -
Wow ! I can see why your upset ! And i would be to ! Add me as a friend i just joined and i am here to get support and hopefully be a support person for others !0
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I feel for you, and can see why you are upset. I understand both sides of this.
You are ready to make that step and want to be in a group so you can work together to get ideas for cooking, exercises, etc. There is power in numbers.
They have limits, probaby due to legal issues.
I hate rocks and hard places, and I do hope you can find your way out of the middle of this one
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm sure their recommendation to seek help at the hospital was purely due to liability issues. Try not to take it personally.
That was my first thought too.. they don't want to be liable if something were to happen to you. I completely understand why you're upset, but I honestly don't think that they were trying to make you feel bad.. they were just suggesting where you could go to get some help.0 -
Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.
Is it possible that you may actually need acute medical care so you are able to make sustainable changes and have them be a part of your long term strategies?0 -
I don't need sarcastic comments about yachts or whatever, seriously.
You're determined to be idignant about this instead of trying to understand the reasoning.
That's OK.0 -
Is it not fair because they helped you reach a BMI of 61 and now it's their responsibility to help you get it under control? It's not fair because you, personally, feel that it's not fair because now you want to do something and they won't "let" you? It's not fair because you don't like your other options, so who cares what their insurance costs are, their guidelines are, what they are set up to handle and who they have their plans designed to accommodate....nope, none of that matters because you want this and since you can't have this...it's just not fair? It's not fair because, somehow, you're exempt from other people's rules just because you think you should be?
Please, help me understand how this is not fair. Help me understand how you seem to be entitled to a program, one in which you apparently don't qualify, just because you think you should be.
No, i do not think it is their responsibility, it is mine. And the way in which I am taking responsibilty is, among other reasons, seeking helfpul advice and support. I think it is unfair because i beleive it would help me, and also that I would not harm the group (i am sure I could in fact be as valuable member as all the others), so there seems not very good reasosn to exclude me, is my view.
My comment aboutthe yacht means, I don't need sarcasm and nastiness, like I wasn't looking for that at all. Can't stop you doing it, but it brings nothing at all to the conversation, all I can do it ignore it, you wasted your own time even typing it.0 -
I may be able to understand you not being able to keep up with the physical parts of the class but not being able to go in for nutrition? Ugh. I HATE the BMI scale, it really doesn't say much in my opinion. I'm sure you're overweight (like most of us on here, myself included!) but there's no reason you can't sit in a chair and participate in conversations about how to lose weight. I learn better in group and would be really frustrated if they wouldn't let me join, just like you are.
On the other hand, there's nothing that you can do about it except lose 20 points on their stupid scale or find another group. Are there other groups geared toward heavier people in your area?
Awww, thank you. I suppose I can concede that they would think i'd struggle with the exercise (i am not sure I would, I am OK fit), and maybe insurence stuff. But this I think strongly- that I can't even join in a group talking about healthy eating etc? Do they think I'd have nothing to contribute to it, nor benefit from it? I don't understand it.
I don't need sarcastic comments about yachts or whatever, seriously.
Let me guess, other people having an opinion other than yours is unfair as well?
Seems like0 -
I don't need sarcastic comments about yachts or whatever, seriously.
You're determined to be idignant about this instead of trying to understand the reasoning.
^ Yup.0 -
It is known.I don't need sarcastic comments about yachts or whatever, seriously.
You're determined to be idignant about this instead of trying to understand the reasoning.
^ Yup.0 -
Hello,
I am trying to lose weight but have found my efforts stalling a lot, like my progress as ground to a halt, and I have not been able to lose in some months. So, I wanted to get things back on track, and I heard about a local organisation that offers fun social group exercise stuff, and also lessons about healthy eating, cooking, lifestyle etc. I thought that this sounded a good thing to get involved in, and a nice friendly way to get help with other people.So I enquired about it.
I was told I could NOT be involved
My BMI is 61, far over their 'top' threshold of 40. Therefore they say they can't help and that I can only gethelp from the HOSPITAL!! I am very angry and upset about this!! I do not want to have to go to the hosptial to get all clinical help like I was an invalid, and also, I don't LIKE hospitals, who does??? It was not what I was after at all- as I say, I was seeking a nice fun informal way to get help- about working towards a better lifestyle, not about being treated as a patient. I think I would benefit much more from the class than hospital. Am I so much of a 'special needs' fatty that the group would be better off without me??
It annoys me that there is a group to help ppl about weight, but they only want to help people with a minor wieght problem. It just upsets me thinking WHY? Is it tht they think I am beyond 'normal' help and interventions? that I wouldbe bad for the group? That I would not keep up wth the class, physically or mentally? What is it?
Ugh, sorry for the rant, just so annoyed!!
No offense but 40 BMI is not considered a minor weight problem. That is considered obese. 60 is extremely high and morbidly obese. This group may not have the means to help in such a dire situation. Their suggestion for you to contact a doctor who is more knowledgeable than they are is a good suggestion. Quite frankly you are in a very bad place with your health with a BMI that high and you should seek help from a doctor or nutritionist to get your BMI down as soon as possible. Some situations need serious action not just a fun environment to learn new recipes. For your health, you need to take a very serious approach and lose some weight. Good luck.0 -
I think you've done great so far!
Let me ask you this, though- do you think it's fair to make them take on a person who's needs are greater than they can deal with? It would be unprofessional and unfair to you for them to take you on if they didn't feel they could do the best by you. Yes, classes are good to learn about nutrition, but that's hardly the only source.
I know you don't like hospitals, but if you're not even going to try looking at one of those programs, you're doing a disservice to yourself. If you want to change your life, you're going to have to do *something,* even if it means sucking it up and trying something you don't want to do. You might find that it really *was* the best thing for you! 0 -
I get you wanted to be a part of this group, but you didn't meet their criteria. Their rules are probably in place for one reason or another, liability issues, perhaps. I don't know. Either way, why not use it as motivation to get down to their maximum BMI? Then, you can decide whether you want to participate or not. Having solid, attainable goals is one of the best things you can do to keep yourself motivated.0
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I'm sure their recommendation to seek help at the hospital was purely due to liability issues. Try not to take it personally.
^^Absolutely in agreement with this ^^ They're either not equipped, or not insured enough, to facilitate your needs.0 -
To hell with them. You got us! :-D xxx0
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I'm sorry this upset you. Stay with this program, and talk to you're doctor about other places, and exercises you can do. This is what I do. I'm sorry for the people here who answered rudely we are here to help each other. we all have a weight problem so just pay attention to the people who answer with helpful information. I would love to be friends to give support. I can use support too.0
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Thanks for the informed comment size10again. Are you a professional in this area?
I guess they must be going off that tier thing. And that is what frustrates me, I dont want special medical help, I want that teit lifestyley, public health stuff. Apart from being more positive, it is also more sustainable because it gives real long term strategies for life, not just acute medical care. I really feel this approach would be best for me.
I don't think people are out to get me, promise, I just think I am being prevented from accessing services I feel I could really benefit from.
If you really feel that you could benefit from them, then I suggest that you lose the weight needed to be accepted into their program.
Honestly, they aren't going anywhere and will be there when you reach 40 BMI. Good Luck!0 -
I understand why you're upset. It's too bad that you are not allowed to participate in the non-exercise activities. I hope you are able to find another program.0
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