WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2022

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  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,261 Member
    <3
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,361 Member
    Ll
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    edited March 2022
    Betsy, Lots of us have used this thread for grieving, venting, processing, etc. There are broad shoulders here, and life experience. It's remarkable. The women here are a gift, no strings attached.

    Karen in Virginia

    p.s. Good idea to have the phone on speaker with your friend there when Jack's oldest son calls.
  • minicooper452
    minicooper452 Posts: 653 Member
    OH D*** Betsy, I feel terrible for you having to deal with Mark. I can totally understand your anger. Really. I'm angry for you. I have so many words I'd like to say right now, but you don't need to hear that. DON'T ALLOW him to come if you don't want him there and make sure you have support in that. I'm glad you have your friend who will take over.
    PLEASE don't put it in a spoiler because this is why we're here. We ARE a support group for whatever is going on in all of our lives. What Karen said, "no strings". We're here for you.

    Carla, in MN
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,708 Member
    Betsy - No apologies needed for venting to this group. You need to take care of you first.

    In a past life I worked for a newspaper in the IT department, and the receptionist/switchboard gal reported to me. She shared a desk with a representative who did all the obituaries. You could always tell when someone like Mark came in we always believed they were feeling guilty about the way they handled their relationship with the deceased - they would cause a scene - loud crying, wanted the entire lobby to hear the stories - would want a long flowery obituary and would rave about what a good (mom/dad/sister/brother) the person was and often one of the few relatives mentioned by full name was the person in the office.

    The Mark's of the world will not help you find the peace and quiet you are looking for. Good for you to have someone to help keep him in his lane.

    Hugs,
    Kim in N. California
  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    <3
  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,659 Member
    <3:)<3
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,795 Member
    Betsy- You don't have to be gracious. Just polite. Don't waste a minute of your life worrying about him. He will have to make his peace with his father's memory on his own. He is not your responsibility.
    I am glad you have a friend to help you. <3

    Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 3,306 Member
    I did my yoga, elliptical and marching. Yay!

    Betsy, lots of love and support to you in this difficult time.
  • 1948CWB
    1948CWB Posts: 1,659 Member
    KAMA ~ Welcome!

    Carol in Georgia
  • GodMomKim
    GodMomKim Posts: 3,708 Member
    Hi Gals,
    Machka – I love the idea of stairs…. But I don’t know of any near me – I’ll have to look around. If I could find some I could incorporate into my morning Levi walk that would be ideal! I have a single step in and out of my home, not really a staircase….LOL The area I live is pretty flat.
    There seem to be a few newbies! WELCOME, some of us are better than others about welcoming but we all at least think “welcome” I have been here for years…actually just had my 8 year anniversary. And some one back in the day said if you’re eating or exercising goes off plan just get back on, do not wait till tomorrow or Monday or after x holiday, just get back as soon as you realize what you did. (that is a para phrase) but it has stuck with me. I have not always been able to do it; but I do it more than before I heard it. And I think it really helps – helps me at least. One thing about this group is that we each have our own way, some it’s a fasting routine, some eat similar meals all the time, some do gourmet cooking, some do a little bit of exercise, some a lot of exercise – some work around allergies, or family members food choices, but we all care about one another.

    Thinking of you all, and hoping for a happy healthy day
    Smiles Kim in N. California

  • Katla49
    Katla49 Posts: 10,385 Member
    Kama— Welcome to an amazing group. We live in many places and countries, and all speak English. Many, like me, have been visiting this “place” for several years. I hope you will stop in frequently for support and friendship.
  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,905 Member
    Awe Betsy, I'm sorry for the added stress you're feeling regarding Mark. You do you. Give yourself time to process. Do not worry of the should haves and the could haves. Mark has to make peace with his actions, and not thru you. Big hugs to you. So glad you have a friend as back up.
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Wa
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,670 Member
    teklawa1 wrote: »
    Good morning Gals,

    Lisa,Appreciate you saying you were glad I checked in. I think I need to use here for venting and laying out my feelings. The feedback helps and it's a safe place to throw out what's making my head and heart messed up.

    I am sorry because I feel like I'm a runaway train with negative thoughts and I just need to dump some thoughts. I didn't sleep much last night but made myself stay in bed until 5am. About now all I feel in control of is my schedule. I'm making myself eat and go to bed and get up on time. I'm a water drinker so that comes naturally.

    Jack's oldest son, who lives across the country texted last night after I'd gone to bed. He wanted to call and I texted back I was tired and in bed and it would be convenient to call anytime today. He texted back that he loved me so much and wanted to keep in touch but I could tell he was miffed about having to wait til today to call. This is the son that quit answering our phone messages, text messages, returned our letters marked "refused, return to sender" ... for over two years. He never told us why he cut us out of our lives. Just this last month both Jack and I texted him, telling we loved him and missed him in our lives. When Jack died on Friday, I texted his three children and my two. All got back to me right away and then Mark texted last night. I was so bothered by getting his text last night because Jack would have given his eye teeth to get that text from the son he raised. I felt guilty because I didn't get up and tell him to call last night. All night I felt haunted. Dang. I hope I'm gracious today when (if) he calls. I love him but I am angry for the pain and anguish he caused us. Now to get in touch with me seems so empty because Jack doesn't have the pleasure of his son reconnecting.

    I'm all conflicted. Having Jason and family here was hard but they were so loving and we all were hurting and missing Jack. But I don't want Mark here. He's always been negative and needy and critical of Jack and I. I'm not ready to deal with him. I need to be kind and also firm when he calls. I don't want him here now. My friend is coming over to be with me and we'll put the speaker phone on and she will take over the call if it is too stressful for me. She is a tough cookie and she and her husband have been an amazing support.

    Barbie, Appreciate this forum. I think I should maybe put my thoughts in a spoiler next time so people can avoid my negativity.. It's not my nature but it's where I am right now. I feel lost.

    Betsy in NW WA

    This is such a rough time. You have to do what you need to do to protect yourself. Having your friend with you is a great idea.

    Flea
    Willamette Valley, OR
  • evie1958
    evie1958 Posts: 868 Member
    Betsy, feel free to vent away, we are here for you. If you feel the need to put it in a spoiler, fine, but please don’t feel that you HAVE to. You did the right thing telling Mark to call today and I too am glad you will have a friend there to keep him in line. So very sad that he didn’t “see the light” til after his father passed.
    Hugs.
    Evelyn, Vancouver Island
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,272 Member
    Machka9 wrote: »
    dlfk202000 wrote: »
    exermom wrote: »
    Remember I told you I got a new garage door? Well, it's been opening and closing all on its own. Yesterday when I went outside first thing in the morning, it was open. I know Vince closed it the night before. Evidently, he added something so that he can open my door from any of his vehicles. Maybe that's interfering????

    When I ride the exercise bike, I usually watch TV. I had been watching old shows of "Beverly Hillbillies". I haven't ridden the bike in about a month, maybe more. When I went to watch it today, I couldn't get it to work. The TV worked, but I couldn't get it to play "BH". So I called Vince. He logged back into Amazon. Seems they've changed things again and now I can't access that show. So I watched old episodes of "I Love Lucy". Really, that's not as good. I'll just have to see about another show.

    Michele NC
    who is going to take a shower and then work on the puzzle.

    that is better than what my husband was watching this morning. I was watching church online in the living room where my desktop is. He was in the kitchen. Offered to do the dishes for me which I appreciated(needed the sink empty to bathe the old momma cat). He has to have a tv on where ever he is. He put on The Flinstones then The Jetson's. I had to turn my computer up just so I could hear the service. Was glad when he was done with the dishes and turned it off.

    Headphones are great! :)

    Mind you, I would have said, "please turn the volume down, I can't hear what I'm listening to. "

    Great idea-
    Usually it is not a problem. He rarely is in the kitchen, especially doing dishes.
    90% of the time he is back in his room.
    Most of what I do online I don't have to hear, once in a while, I will watch a video or church on FB.

    Headphones would be a big help when I am watching tv and he decides that is the time he wants to vacuum.(he vacuums at least 2-3 times a day, usually more, at some spot in the house)
    Again, It doesn't last too long and he is back in his room. Just a minor annoyance. But hey, at least I rarely have to vacuum.

    Debbie
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,795 Member
    Beth -love your poem. <3
    So true.
    I also felt this during my separation and divorce from my husband. My grief was totally overwhelming and no one understood. I cried for 4 years. There was a hole in my universe.
    The good news is, I eventually found a way forward. People do. But it is important to honour the terrible hole in existence.
    Love to all going through that black hole.

    Much love, Heather UK xxxxxx
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,272 Member
    Betsy- you have to do what is best for YOU right now- not try to do what others, including stepson wants to make THEM feel better.
    Mom went through this a year ago when dad passed suddenly(after a few months shy of 65yrs of marriage). My sister showed up a few hours after dad passed, had already been drinking that morning. Crying and all,ended up passed out on the floor that night. Mom did NOT need that that night.-she rarely visited mom and dad when he was alive(she lives close to them)- they didn't get along(dad didn't agree with her life choices, like where she picked up boyfriends or how she neglected her boys,etc) Sister is now feeling very guilty because she can't repair the damage she did. She told me how jealous of me she was because dad and I were always very close. My older sister has the same guilt.

    Let them deal with their own feelings of guilt or what ever it is. You have to deal with your feelings of grief and loss.
    Accept meals if they are offered but if you are not up to visiting, tell people, BUT, when you are ready, let them know. Most people will offer once or twice but after time goes by offers stop.

    Debbie
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,153 Member
    Afternoon ladies
    Sitting up at school waiting for Carmine..Tracy,Miles and I went to buy milk,she gets lactose free and if there isnt a shortage everywhere.. well I found some across the street at Target and they had some winter clothes on sale so got a couple of things for Miles.. at this stage of the game i dont know what to pick up for Carmine..they are staying after school for extra help in math..
    Betsy- you do what you feel that is right for you and we are all hear for you,if you need to vent,vent away.. thats what friends are for..believe me I have done my share for sure..
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,272 Member
    waiting for dh to come home with my new phone. The company I had been using(cheap one because I don't use it much, mostly to text my former hubby and to go on FB)-decided at the beginning of March that my phone wasn't compatible with them any longer- didn't tell us, just started to drop service-got slow then couldn't retrieve voice mail then this morning tried to actually make a call- nope, can't make or accept just plain phone calls. DH called them, they didn't really care- just told him to buy a new phone- So, he is, but not going through them anymore- paid for a month with no service and they don't care.

    Debbie
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,261 Member
    <3<3Betsy we are here to listen❤
  • barbiecat
    barbiecat Posts: 17,261 Member
    :) We just got home from getting our second shingles shot🎶🎵🌞

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