WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR OCTOBER 2022
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Katla: (((Hugs))) My heart goes out to you. 💕💖💕
Machka: DH and I have always worked as a team, where the house and finances are concerned. I am working on distributing our unused belonging. Little by little, the pile reduces.
I use DMiL’s ‘good’ china as my everyday china, and think
If her every time I set the table.4 -
Good morning ladies
Allie - so good to hear you are on the kidney transplant list. I keep forgetting to tell you how much I'm enjoying the Miles photos. He's a charmer.
Mary - (((HUGS))) what a generous offer. Sorry to hear about your brother.
Flea - glad you are done with your recent surgery, sounds like recovery is going well. That's something about your mom's sudden decline; good to hear she's moved into a better facility. I wave your direction every weekend when I know you are zipping by Hwy 12.
Ginny - happy your recovery is coming along.
Rosemarie - what a blessing your DH's new caregiver is giving you more freedom in your day.
Rebecca - good luck with the Kefir!
Kylia - We miss you
About moving/retirement communities/rentingI'm content to stay right here as long as I can keep up with the house (admittedly too big for just me) and the yard (2 1/2 acres with mowing, pruning, etc.) I can hop on the mower, I can hire someone to tend to pruning the bushes and do heavier tasks. It will be costly, but if I can keep it to a minimum that will fit my budget.
Everyone on our little road is 60 or above, in fair to excellent health. We'd all qualify to be in a 55+ retirement community, but what would we do there? Here, we can keep as busy as we want to. The old fellers putter and the ladies garden a lot. We keep track of each other. We know and trust our neighbors and feel very safe here. Those of us who like dogs and cats can have our critters without having to pay a "pet fee" like renters often do.
So in a way, we already have our 55+ retirement community.
My DH liked dogs much better than people in his final years and wouldn't have been content renting or moving. He always said they'd have to haul him out of here and he nearly got his wish, having lasted 2 days in the hospital.
Rents are sky high these days. Developers are putting up "tiny houses" on small graveled lots, no garage or storage, very close to each other. Right next to the freeway. $1200 per month rent. I watched a presentation on YouTube given by an investment advisor who predicted the housing market will take a downturn but the cost of renting will continue to increase.
I can see myself eventually moving into an apartment in a retirement community. But for now, taking into account genetics and family history, that's likely a long way off. Who knows. If my health goes south or other circumstances make me leave this place, I'll go with the flow. I'm done trying to control everything in my life. One day at a time.
Air quality alert and walking....
This weekend, the Pacific Northwest has an air quality alert in some places. Yesterday, the air was dirty and smoky and today it's supposed to be worse. I emailed my walking buddy last night and told her that getting a quick walk in today might be iffy - my hip was cranky in addition to nasty air.
I haven't heard back from her. She had knee replacement surgery a few months ago and now her new knee has a painful "clicking". The surgeon who did the replacement has retired and moved from the area. She was going to call the physical therapist she worked with in getting the new knee rehabbed and see if that gal had some clues as to what's going on. I wonder if the "General Patton" walking she liked to do after her surgery affected her recovery.
Anyhow, in the past couple weeks, we've moved our walking time to 10:00 and have cut it back to a mile, and she is OK with that. Three or four days a week is sufficient for us to catch up on the news.
I've been with this group since December 2016. I agree with Rita and others who have benefitted from the support and comradery here. I encourage the new ladies to stick around if you can, join in when you can. We are quite a varied bunch and I always look forward to reading the latest in these threads whether I have time to comment or not.
Make it a fabulous weekend!
Lanette
SW WA State4 -
TerriRichardson112 wrote: »[
To rent or buy It’s a personal choice.
🥳🎉 Cheers to all those celebrating.
Virtual (((hugs))) and 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 for those
who need them.
🙋♀️ Miele failte to the newbies.
☘️ Terri
Very much so ... and also depends on where you live, what's available, your priorities, your finances, your circumstances.
I have been happy with my choices and priorities so far, which have focused on education and travel. It suits me.
Machka in Oz
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Heather I just had a discussion with one of my cousins about funerals. She just took her dad on a day trip to the area where he grew up. He is 96 years old. He went on and on about no funeral. My cousin just nodded and smiled. We agreed a funeral is for the living. It is a way to help process grief and remember how much love the person who passed brought to life. The person who passed is important.
I did have a friend who knew her end was near because of a chronic illness and she planned her own funeral. It worked for her.
Even though we had to make adjustments because of COVID I am so glad we had a service for our son. It was an outside service on a beautiful day. I also asked friends to bring flowers from their gardens to surround his casket. At the end I asked those who attended to select flowers to take home with them. Those that remained I took home with me. When they faded I added them to my compost pile. When I visit his resting site I take flowers from mine and his garden to honor him.
When my niece past during COVID there was no service for her. Her father chose not to have one. I did get together with her best friend when I want to visit where I grew up. It was good for both of us to share good stories about my niece.
Carol Great loving advice from many in the group here. I do agree having passwords and account numbers would be helpful.
I too made a book to make it easier for the person who has to take care of our affairs. I went over it with our son. This reminds me it is time to review it with him again. We agreed to do it yearly to make sure it is order. I did also include how to pay ongoing bills like water, heating, trash...Some are on auto and some are not for various reasons. His first comment was to make a list with passwords to make things easier.
I find it empowering to be able to handle my finances, how to do simple repairs on a home, and to find workman to do the repairs I am not able to do myself. When I have workman work for me I try to treat them like I am the best boss. I give them a thank you gift card for their work. I try to create a work environment so they can do their best work. I also ask many questions so I know how to better maintain my property. I try to be pro active because it helps cut down on unexpected breakdowns. Last year had I not had our yearly furnace tune up our furnace would have broke down in a cold snap and it would have been even more expensive to replace. Also this reminds me it is about time to shut down outside water for the winter.
Th latest person we had service our furnace shared with me how he lived in New York when 9/11 happened. He was an EMT the only reason he was not in the thick of it at the time was it was his day off. He lost seven buddies that day. He moved to Minnesota to get a fresh start. He reminds me we all have stories to share and one never knows what burdens other carry unless we ask. I do remind myself just because I ask does not mean the person is obligated to share.
Margaret
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Day 1 of holiday --
My husband and I went to a model train show. It was way over in an area on the other side of the city, an area where we have not been in a while, so it was a nice drive. We also did a little exploring after visiting the trains. It's spring and beautiful!
But the model train show was fascinating. I love looking at the scenery and watching the trains. One day my husband and I would like to set one up. He's mostly interested in the train side of things while I like the scenery aspect.
A lot of the scenes had resin pools, rivers, etc. and I had the opportunity to ask about acquiring resin, so I've got a source now! I really want to give some things a go.
We stopped at Bunnings on the way home and my husband got pavers so we can walk to the beehive more easily, and I got some craft things onto which I may experiment with acrylic paints and resin.
I walked Rhody as usual.
Then after dinner, I had to cancel the cycling event we were about to hold next weekend. Unfortunately a lot of the roads and bridges didn't fare well in the flooding. And there's a wall of water moving north-east right now from off the highlands so whatever was missed in the first wave a couple days ago could be wiped out in this one.
Machka in Oz
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I am in our apartment waiting for DH to be able to join me. He is working toward improving his health and strength. We have been married more than 50 years, and I hope he will be able to join me in the near future. I have visited him in his health facility as often as DD is able to take me there. I hope DH will join me soon.6
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Allie - Such awesome news about getting on the transplant list. Yay!!!
Ginny - The apartment we may move to in 2 years would be the first brand new home either of us have ever had. Hard to even imagine!
Terri - I have a beautiful quilt that was truly a show stopper when my mother gave it to me, but now has been used and washed and is showing some wear. I wasn't going to use it except for display, but my mother told me I should use it. Like using the good china. What's it for otherwise?
Karen in Virginia3 -
Margaret - The thing I object to with funerals is the absolute rip off charges. A simple cremation funeral here, with a couple of cars, is around £4,000. It's wonderful that you felt comforted by the ceremony when your son died. It was a terrible, grieving time for you. I can hardly imagine anything worse than what you went through. I'm sure a funeral was the right thing for you.
I very much want people to be happy and celebrate when I go. I have lived a wonderful, full, life and I hope to have written even more books before I go. I do not consider my body to be me, so a coffin always feels the wrong symbol for my living on in hearts and minds. I am anti - religion. My kind of spirituality would take to long to explain.
I want the money saved (a cremation disposal costs around £1,000) to be used for a party/celebration. Not a gloomy affair, beautiful food, music, dancing, photos, videos, readings from my books. More like a wedding with me as the bride. If DH is still alive, I know he will be horribly grieving, but we share the same wish for our demise and I want everyone else to be happy for me. A life well lived.
I have never really understood grief for people who have lived their allotted span. It is completely different for those who die young, or unfulfilled. If I lost a grandchild, I would never recover. But for old people? We all have to die.
Plus, I rarely miss people. They are so vividly present in my head that I don't really feel they have gone away. I would much prefer people to read my books and remember me fondly. I believe we live on in the energy we have created in our lives and how many people we have touched. Life and death are the same thing.
Those are my wishes and I hope people will respect them. I will think about writing it down in more detail. I have a few pieces of music I would like played and I hope the food will be very enjoyable. I want dancing. I might write an address. I will be joining the universe.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx4 -
Thanks for all the encouragement you all give me!
So thankful to have all of you as online friends!
Carol in GA8 -
Heather, Your post has inspired me to start working on my wishes for my funeral. I plan to say that if any of my closest loved ones feel they must have a funeral then they should do so. My wishes are quite similar to yours, with a cremation or whatever the minimal expense required by law to dispose of remains is at the time. If I can be put in a biodegradable bag and have a tree planted on top of me, so much the better. Whatever. I will set aside money in a separate account accessible to several family members for a casual celebration of life with food, music, a microphone for anyone who wants to say anything, comfy conversation groupings, accommodations and airfare for out of town guests, etc. And I'm going to write my own obituary, as I think you probably will...this could be very fun! I'm going to get started on it, and work on it for a few minutes at a time as I have alluded to before. First thing is to find a box and a journal or notebook to keep the ideas and photos in. Notes to my family, financial information, photos, wishes; a Death Book. I think I'll call it The Gentle Art of Death Planning. Or maybe just Karen's Death Box, lol!!! Thanks!
Karen in Virginia5 -
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And I'm going to write my own obituary, as I think you probably will...this could be very fun! I'm going to get started on it, and work on it for a few minutes at a time as I have alluded to before. First thing is to find a box and a journal or notebook to keep the ideas and photos in. Notes to my family, financial information, photos, wishes; a Death Book. I think I'll call it The Gentle Art of Death Planning. Or maybe just Karen's Death Box, lol!!! Thanks!
Karen in Virginia
Karen - that's an excellent idea. I had a friend who was a major player in the Seattle seafood industry in the 70's and 80's. He passed unexpectedly in May 2021. His published obituary was full of not only his personality and perspective on life, but there was plenty of history sprinkled in. I'm not sure very many people, even his family, realized everything that took place in development of the Magnuson-Stevens Act of 1976 which protected US federal waters out 200 miles from foreign fishing and overfishing. And has protected that resource for generations.
My friend helped craft that legislation.
As I read his obit, I knew it was in his voice, with some memorable aspects of his life included. I don't think anyone else could have done that good of a job.
And I remember how my sister and I struggled to write our mom's obituary, mainly because my dad's version didn't include any of her hobbies, workplaces, special talents. He let us override his version so folks still living would remember the wonderful gal she was before she became a farmwife.
Lanette
SW WA State
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Allie I have no idea how to PM you! Can you send me a message first then I can respond. I have no idea what blood type I am. My husband is O positive so he was considered a universal donor. I'll call my Doctor and find out what I am. His coworker is going on 14 years with his and her doctor said it is as good as new!
Update: I think I figured out how to PM!
💞 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota3 -
Allie - congrats on getting on the list! I know it's a long process, glad the docs are keeping up with your labs in the meantime.
I wrote my obituary some years back and edit it pretty much every year--it's included in the spoiler below. No need to read if you find it morbid, or just too dang long. Karen - it's more fun than most things I've ever done writing-wise. Advice: Write at least the first one truthfully... it's quite cathartic.
Corey's working today, but at least got to sleep in, bless him. I sent him off with a grocery list as well. I have to go get more labs done on Monday, so I'm happy to stay home all weekend if I can.
Later y'all,
Love,
Lisa
Obituary - Read at your own risk...Lisa went out of this world like she came into it, protesting the whole way, on ___date________ at _____place_______.
Born in Minot, North Dakota, (through no fault of her own) to V. and H.B. --, she led a peripatetic life. Until
the age of six, her family moved back and forth from Texas to Montana and back, following the seasons.
They finally settled near a small town in Texas, in late 1966, where she attended school like normal people. She graduated there a year early, in 1977, and left home pretty much at the point of a shotgun just a month later. After various escapades in East Texas, she entered the United States Air Force in 1979.
She married in 1980 during her first tour of duty in England, happily swapping her “maiden” name for an
unspellable Slovakian moniker. She and her military husband were reassigned to Montana in 1982, where she was promoted to Sgt. (E-4), shortly before she was honorably discharged in 1983.
After her husband’s assignments to England, Colorado, and Nevada, Lisa began college, graduating with an Interdisciplinary Studies Bachelor of Arts in Writing and Personal Communication summa cum laude. Her husband having retired from the military, they settled in central Texas, while Lisa began her master’s degree in communication at Texas A&M. Her grief over her mother’s death in 1999 derailed her plans and Lisa abandoned her schoolwork to find a job.
She and her husband (he wasn’t Voldemort, but she’s still not going to name him) moved to northeast Texas in 2000. They bought a much-too-large house in 2001, and Lisa was ordained online by Universal Ministries (yes, the acronym is UM, which pretty well sums it up), in order to perform her sister Ruth’s marriage to this guy who also will not be named. He is not germane to any other part of her life. She went on to marry her brother and nephew in subsequent years.
It’s not as weird as it sounds.
Lisa’s father died in December 2004 and she and her sister went to the funeral to make sure he was dead. The Indonesian tsunami happened two days after he was buried—possibly Mother Earth trying to vomit out the vileness that had been buried on the other side of the earth.
Still living in the much-too-large house, and in a much-too-large body as well, Lisa had gastric bypass surgery in September 2005. She lost 99 pounds in the first six months, and would proceed to lose another 67 pounds over the next year and a half. Her completely cynical brother and sister started a pool (or said they did) on how long her marriage would last after she got skinny.
It lasted three years.
She left him in Illinois, after numerous efforts and therapy and even anti-depressants (the horror!) Lisa headed back for Texas, always her refuge, and landed at her sister’s house in West Texas on Memorial Day weekend of 2008. Her sister had long since kicked out the idiot Lisa married her off to in 2002 and was driving a 40-ton dump truck for an oilfield services company.
A week later, Lisa scored an office job with the same company. On her first day at work, standing on a balcony overlooking the mechanics shop below, she told the girl next to her that balconies always made her want to do the beauty queen wave. She proceeded to demonstrate (it’s elbow-elbow, wrist-wrist-wrist, if you’re curious). Below her, she heard a voice say, “Hello, Princess!” Standing on the concrete shop floor below her was Corey—the man who six months later would reveal his superhero identity as the love of Lisa’s life, and who would marry her in June 2009.
Corey brought with him two amazing people, Kelsey, who was 17, and Johnathon, 15. They ended up calling her “Mom,” and variants thereof, and their babies called her “Gramily,” because she insisted on it. Kelsey left for the Army at barely 18, and Johnny left two years later for the Air Force.
The peripatetic life continued with Corey, as after living in three different houses in that same small town, they left Texas for Oregon in 2011. Back to Texas in 2014, Corey landed a job as the fleet manager at a remote ranch. In the next two years Lisa published her first two books (available on Amazon, hint, hint) and got a job as the managing editor of the newspaper in town. She lasted a year at that, then took on a job writing and managing grants remotely for the Girl Scouts.
In November of 2017 they headed for North Carolina, where Corey was grandpa-in-chief for the grandkids for five months while their son-in-law was deployed to Syria. Shortly after his return, they fled to Arkansas, where they bought their forever home, and have lived in it ever since.
Lisa died happy. She is survived by Corey, the love of her life, their soldier daughter, Kelsey of whatever Army base she happens to be stationed on at this moment, along with her husband Cruz, son, Johnathon, of wherever he’s living at the moment, and whoever he’s married to at the moment; and grandchildren, Tyler, Haley, Levi, Chris, Jaidan, Eli and Elizabeth, whom they’ve never actually met (just the last four).
She is also survived by her brothers and sisters, including but not limited to Ruth of Oklahoma; Carl, Jeff and Jack of Texas. She also had a half-sister named Shirley who’s living somewhere in New England, if she’s still alive, and a half-brother Spencer who died a long time ago. There were also either two or three half-siblings (according to who’s counting) who were her father’s get from one of his earlier wives. It is possible they all survive, but who knows?
She also didn’t name the in-laws, ‘cause she didn’t like most of them (the ones her brothers and sisters married; she actually liked Corey’s siblings). The nephews and nieces are uncountable and mostly amazing, except for the step-nephew who murdered his ex-wife and is hopefully still in jail. If she starts naming them, though, it’s going to cause a ruckus. Oh who cares, she’s dead, they can be as mad they need to be.
Her favorites were Elizabeth, Vivyan, Nathan, Daniel, Alex, Jamie, Adam, Amanda and Caleb. She liked Shawn after she grew up, was pretty fond of Dakota, thought Montana was a *kitten*, never really got to know Jeannie, and the rest tended to run together after a while, especially the children who were kidnapped from other countries and raised as Americans. Not disapproving, just never actually met them.
She preferred to be cremated and her ashes scattered over some ocean somewhere. This is because she knows Corey won’t do what she actually wanted, which is to have the urn with her ashes put on the mantelpiece and stick some googly eyes on it so she can check out his next girlfriend and make snarky remarks. Silently, but he’ll know.
Knowing her family, they decided they’d bury her instead and put up some godawful gravestone. She decided that she will come back and haunt them if they do that.
Her funeral arrangements were under the slightly sketchy care of You Plug ‘Em, We Plant ‘Em Mortuary Services.
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fanncy0626 wrote: »Allie my husband donated his kidney to his coworker. I was going to donate mine to my brother but he died.Tell me where you live and who your Dr is and I will find out if I'm a match for you. You can let your Dr know that you may have someone willing to donate and then they will send me a kit to see if I'm a match.
💞 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota
Wonderful! You are both very compassionate giving people! 💕💕😘🤗🫂2 -
Lisa- that was a hysterical and lovely obituary all in one..
I bought a book called Im dead now what.. it has every concevable thing in there you will need to leave to whoever is going to take care of your things after you pass. Im still working on the book.
I went down and got my pneumonia vaccine and then filled the tank ( ouch) and got the clothes out of the dryer..
So now im going to relax for a bit..3 -
Oh Heather, that's horrible! I'm so sorry you had to go through that with your mother. Sickening what people think they can do to our elderly or vulnerable of any age. I worry about that with my mom too, but my brothers are close and go in to see her pretty regularly and we have a close friend who works there, so we're pretty confident of the staff there.
Rebecca, I'm right there with you, BUT we're actually leaving on Monday to go up north for real! Got permission to take two addional days added onto our edMN convention break (which I don't have to participate in). SO excited to just LEAVE and relax.
Allie, sending many prayers.
OMG, had no idea what funerals cost until Shawn died! And they want CASH! That threw me for a loop. I thought everyone dealt in plastic, but nope. They wanted cash or a check only. Geez. Thank God we had our checkbook with us because no one else even had a checkbook. I know that I just want to be cremated and I want the girls to have a big'ole party with LOUD MUSIC and all of my favorite foods! I actually have already planned it for them.
Catch ya tomorrow!
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN4 -
Lisa - Your obituary is simply wonderful. And a timely inspiration. I'm completely psyched now.
Karen in Virginia1 -
Lisa love your obituary!
Funeral last day plans! I told my daughter that if I know that I'm going to pass that I will just go to the cabin in the woods! Both my husband and I have decided to donate our bodies to Mayo. Then we are going to have a big party with close friends and family which would include our pastor. He can comfort those in need and reassure them that we are up in Heaven partying as well 💞
💞 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota7 -
Brilliant Lisa. Must get going on mine.
I love it that we can talk about this. So many people can't.
My meatballs were amazing. I use the Lisa method - baking. It gave me 32 balls. Enough for 3 meals.
Here they are in the tomato sauce. 🍅
Much love Heather UK xxxxxxxx
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Heather! So funny, I've got Corey picking up the makings for meatballs too... we do keep trying a few store-bought things here and there, but ours are just better tasting by far, and we know what's in them...1
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Carla - That wasn't my mother, thank goodness, just an article in the Guardian, but it is all too common, I fear. Care work is hugely undervalued and underpaid; in the UK it is a national crisis. What is amazing in this article is that it was an expensive home.
My ex MIL was not badly treated in her hugely expensive nursing home, but there was some uncaring treatment and some neglect of her basic toileting needs. I was quite shocked when I visited. It was costing a fortune. I had to wheel her through corridors to find help when she was desperate. Not what I expected at all. She died in agony from an undiscovered stomach cancer, the pain of which had been ignored. I was not married to my ex at the time, though visited when I could. The grounds and the house were lovely, but the private life of the inmates is a largely hidden world and they have no voice.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx6 -
I've just downloaded to my Kindle, THE SELFiSH PIG'S GUIDE TO CARING by Hugh Marriott. I was inspired by all the experiences of the carers on this thread. Plus it may fall to me one day. I haven't read it yet.
Both DH and I are relieved at the resolution of our technical problems. My Kindle wasn't connecting to the Internet and his newish laptop was not able to connect to the printer. We rebooted the router, which solved my problem and he reinstalled the printer. All good.
Lisa - the meatballs are an awful lot of faff, even with the baking method, but so worth it! I love having the reserves in the freezer.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx1 -
Dd1
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We had to change our groomer when they moved to busier location and added do it yourself dog washing. It was noisier and more impersonal and Bessie was scared. She is too heavy for us to lift into the tub. We called the mobile groomer we'd seen in the neighborhood and when she heard the story of Bessie's life she found a way to fit her in. It will be expensive but not even close to what we paid for years to groom two Standard Poodles.
Jake decided that he didn't want to pay to have the car detailed so he did it himself over the last two days. His new healthy eating and new meds have made a big difference in his energy level
I have only one section left to finish washing the fence. I will finish it tomorrow
When we die, we have arranged for our remains to be picked up by MEDCURE who will use us for study and then cremation before returning the ashes to our representative. We want no funeral and no party. Our friends and family are all over the place and not necessarily financially able to travel here for an event. Anyone who wants to celebrate my life can honor me by dancing, going for a walk, being kind to others, caring for a pet, and being happy.
Barbie in NW WA11 -
Stats for the day-
Walk/slow jog w/yogi- 1hr 30min 31sec, 23elev, 4.0ap,116ahr, 165mhr, 6.30mi= 630c
Strava app = 772c
Other- PT therapy exercises, 3sets of 10 each, 3 different exercises 17.36min= 79c
Total cal 7091 -
I visited DH at his care facility this evening. I think he will stay there a bit longer and then will join me in our apartment. I look forward to it.3
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Evening ladies
Have the windows open.. getting the fresh air while I can...
Tom,Elena and Homer left at 2 this morning and got as far as South of the Border right over the line in South Carolina.. and will get up early in the morning and it will be another 10 hrs down to there place in Florida..
This wont be a pleasure trip and I hope he has enough insurance to cover the repairs..
Tomorrow im hoping to get some things done around here..3
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