WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR FEBRUARY 2023
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Just like complaining can be a more familiar default than gratitude or appreciation, it is often more familiar to make the case for the shortcomings of others rather than their strengths
Barbie ... this is so true. It helps me to remember that I have plenty of my own shortcomings to work on before I start picking at others.
Beth5 -
Because of the conversations around them here, I've been thinking about complaining, and my own bent for complaining. Legitimate complaints are one thing, and they certainly exist in my life, and occasionally are even of benefit. Pitching a complaint up to the Lowe's CEO after the false advertising issue when we were ordering the stove comes to mind.
However, the vast majority of my complaints are simply habit. I hope to try to keep that in mind in future. For days like today, gray, rainy and chilly outside, complaining about them certainly does no good, but because I couldn't go outside and work out, I finally broke 30 minutes on the elliptical today.
At more than one point in the last couple years, I've been afraid that I might not ever reach that goal again, and I'm pleased and proud that I didn't let the fear delay me even further. I've taken a big mental step today in getting my life back, and I couldn't be more pleased.
Thank you all - our swirling conversations have been of benefit to me in the past, as well, making me think about how I'm living and communicating, and I am ever grateful.
Love,
Lisa in AR12 -
Welcome newbies! (((hugs))) to those who need them.
Darnit Debbie! I'm so sorry. That just sucks! Glad you had a rainbow at the end.
NEVER heard of that with bananas, Vicki! I'll have to try it. I just end up SQUARSHIN' them and putting them in the freezer to make bread later when the grands show up, so they never go to waste.
My thoughts exactly Barbara. I don't know if we'll take it that far, Lanette, but THANKS so much for your wonderful words of encouragement and support. I like to think I'm pretty bad-a** when I get my "mama-tiger" going on. SO frustrating. They're finally moving her today.
WAIT, Kylia!!! Clear liquids can include BEER! No one ever told ME THAT!!! I like your "butt" doctor!
WTG Michele! Hubby had a 300 going once-upon-a-time, but snagged it in the 8th frame. DANGIT! I don't think I've ever even hit 200. We had a really good friend who was a pro-am, 200+ avg bowler. Dang, that was really fun to go watch him bowl.
Now THAT'S a comfortable Cat, Rori...
Well, it's good that Subaru knows that it's a problem with their radios and will fix it, Rita! YOU are not crazy and the radio is not haunted. But what a great story! hehehe...
3-Watch a movie that reminds you of kindness... didn't have time as I was at the hospital (will have to make up for it this weekend... never got that done, will work on it)
4-Take a picture of 3 things that make you happy and share with a friend... will try to do this today
5-Be kind to yourself... trying
6-Start a conversation with someone new... does it count if the conversation was yesterday? Had a whole buncha conversations with new people YESTERDAY!!! (at the hospital... LOL, and most of them were good, until the end of the day)
7-Consider a current struggle, write down 2 thoughts that bring you comfort... let's see... mom's still with us and she still knows us, those two things bring me GREAT comfort!
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN6 -
dlfk202000 wrote: »(((Debbie))) Lots of hugs for you and your family!
Carla & Beth ~ Sorry to hear about both your mom's.
Beging Talked Over ~ That is such a thing around my home. Both DH and Son do that to me. We both have to yell at son in order to get a word in. DH does it because he doesn't want to hear any suggestions.
Carol in GA
sounds like my dh- no suggestions at all. If I don't agree with him, I am wrong.
If I try and talk, he doesn't listen and changes the subject to something revolving around him.
He even says when I say, I told you that, oh, I wasn't listening.
Aren’t all men like that??
Nope, they’re not3 -
Stats for the day-
Walk w/kids- 2hrs 3min, 54elev, 2.92ap, 99ahr, 119mhr, 6.14mi= 600c
Strava app= 752c
Zwift home bike trainer- strava stats- 33.44min, 98aw, 174elev, 17.9amph, 127ahr, 158mhr, 10.06mi= 333c
Strava app= 188c
Zwift stats- 33.45min, 177elev, 94aw, 60arpm, 17.96amph, 10.1mi= 188c
Total cal 933
* Lucy walked all 6 miles, no boots, didn’t take stroller, no bleeding.4 -
Lisa congratulations on 30minutes on the elliptical! Yay! That's a wonderful milestone.
I do complain about my parents, even though I love them dearly. I do it to share my frustrations, which eases them. But I know I have a whiny streak in me that sometimes needs restraint.
Annie in Delaware
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Debbie do you remember the story of Henny Penny?
I say if they want crab ,they can help crack crab... lol
Kylia- your story and Kellys were both a hoot,when my daughter was born ,the covering Dr graduated high school with my husband.. here i am in pain and there chatting away lol..
Found out years later he packed up all his files and dropped them off at another Drs practice and that was that.1 -
LisaInArkansas wrote: »Kylia - Lord,that was hilarious.
KJ - Your high school QB, too! Sorry about the man cold, it's much harder than having one ourselves.
Machka - You look serene and relaxed in the sunshine... Your dry stream is really looking good.
Rori - Mars also looks serene and relaxed in the sunshine.
Allie - Glad you're feeling better, dear heart.
Annie - Thank you, what a nice thing to say.
Jewelry - Had to take my wedding ring off, as well as my ruby ring, because my fingers have skinnied down to the point where I'm afraid I'll lose them. Tried ring sizers, but they are uncomfortable and weird feeling. I don't ever wear necklaces, as they make me feel as if I'm choking. I did wear ear studs, but between having to wear a mask and glasses, as well as a phone earpiece most of the time, I kept yanking them around, so I quit wearing those, too. Now that I don't have to wear a mask, I will wear earrings occasionally when I leave the house, but I seldom remember to go find a pair before I'm out the door.
I have to admit - I do love being past 60 and not giving a flip what people think of me, whether it's jewelry, makeup (I don't wear any), or perfume (don't wear that anymore, either). What's funny of course, is that others never really did care about me. Most are too worried about what people are thinking about them to think of me.
Humans are weird.
Later, y'all,
Love,
Lisa
Does anyone wear perfume anymore?
It's banned in most workplaces, I think, and strongly discouraged in public transportation.
It's so rare that I smell it on anyone.
M in Oz0 -
I can’t believe it, I got locked out of my condo!! I was inside and got a message from a lady that I wanted to buy something from her on marketplace. I was so excited that I got everything together and out the door I went. When I got to the truck, I realized I did not have my keys! I called my husband and he could not leave work. He suggested I dump the garbage container in the garage area and use that to climb over our 6 foot courtyard wall. At that time my neighbor and the mailman show up. I am standing on the turned over garbage can trying to grab the ladder that is leaning against the side of the wall inside the courtyard, but it is one of those heavy duty ones that fold in half and can reach the sky! The mailman has me move out of the way and stands up on top of the trashcan and pulls the ladder over to the outside of the courtyard. I climb up on top of the wall. He then lowers the ladder over to the other side and I safely climb down to the bottom! Unluckily, however I have locked all the doors and windows, and was unable to get in that way. Now here I sit waiting for my husband to get home in about two hours. Maybe I’ll take a nap!
I hope everybody else’s day is going well!
💕 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota17 -
I don't wear jewelry except for holidays and dates. I never wear perfume because I went through a time when I was allergic.
Mary hope you get back in okay!
Pip Yay for Lucy not bleeding!
Annie in Delaware1 -
SophieRosieMom wrote: »Debbie - I am so jealous! That's a great price on Dungeness, my favorite crab. Are you just going to serve the meat? Make crab Louis? Salad? Crab cakes? Our Safeway ad comes out tomorrow. If I see them I'll have to make a run to town and splurge.
Lanette
I just got the ad that starts tomorrow- the digital coupons for this coming week are $1.88 for ground beef and buy 1 get 2 free avocado
A few other good deals. Will be putting them in my "cart"/on my card in the morning(can't do it until after midnight as they start tomorrow)
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Carla ... oh no, your Mom DID have a break! As far as malpractice complaints, know that the legal system/court sides with the medical community. Unless a case is "slam dunk," ... and I mean the doctor left his watch in your loved one's body cavity ... a personal injury attorney won't take your case. Your mother's dementia would be a condition the hospital would use against you. Even those cases that are clearly the result of malpractice ... only 25% of those are found for the plaintiff. But fall on a pair of stairs, get hit by a car ... well, then those attorneys can get you "10X more than the insurance company offered." Our legal and health care systems are a mess.
Complaining...I just want to clarify ... I'm not criticizing anyone here for "venting." That's a part of our community and the causes of those vents are why many of us are overweight. My comment was only to say that I try to take the log out of my own eye before I look for the splinter in someone elses.
Beth near Buffalo
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And, following on Beth's clarification - I was very much talking about my own complaining as a way to begin a communication, no one else's. Many of us vent here, and it is a valuable space for that. No judgment on anyone at all, only on myself.3
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Need help with my "Listening..." homework. Would anyone share an example of when they really just needed to be heard, but others talked over them or snowed them with advice.?
Thanks!
Lighter, lovelies!
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
2023: Be of good cheer.
February: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.
Just live a day with me! I am constantly being talked over. It's one of the main reasons I like communicating through the written word rather than talking and will often send an email first before attempting to speak to someone.
If I really want to say something, I will just keep talking even though I am being talked over and I will do it slightly louder.
Otherwise I will stop talking and roll my eyes and the moment they take a breath, I'll say, "As I was saying ..."
M in Oz
Machka I am like you with talking. I prefer email or text, or writing rather than talking. It seems I can get my point across better. DH is a talker (part of his dementia) and I have to yell to get a word in, or when talking to a couple, I will approach and talk to the non-speaking spouse.
RVRita
Mine is also a talker ... part of his brain injury.
But I've got people at work who love to talk as well. Sometimes it's OK because I rarely feel like talking, so I get them going and just sit there and nod and smile while I think about other things. But if I do want to get a word in, it can be challenging.
M in Oz2 -
dlfk202000 wrote: »SophieRosieMom wrote: »Debbie - I am so jealous! That's a great price on Dungeness, my favorite crab. Are you just going to serve the meat? Make crab Louis? Salad? Crab cakes? Our Safeway ad comes out tomorrow. If I see them I'll have to make a run to town and splurge.
Lanette
I just got the ad that starts tomorrow- the digital coupons for this coming week are $1.88 for ground beef and buy 1 get 2 free avocado
A few other good deals. Will be putting them in my "cart"/on my card in the morning(can't do it until after midnight as they start tomorrow)
Debbie - the online Safeway ad comes out for me after midnight tonight. Will be interesting to see what the specials are. I always go through the online coupons and click on those, then go through the printed ad circular to see what else is out there. I'm still getting a good deal on avocadoes at Walmart, 78 cents each. They were up to $1.08 each last fall so I'm glad to see at least one item reducing in price.
Hope your DH's car tires situation got fixed and there's no more damage. Boy, stolen truck and DH's car. The vehicle gods were having a hissy fit with your household!
Are you all done with tooth repair and skin cancer surgery?
Lanette
SW WA State3 -
dlfk202000 wrote: »
I will have to catch up with everyone else a bit later. Kiddos arriving. DH is sick now with the crud that I had a couple of weeks ago. I am keeping him at arms length (further if I can). It is funny how, my life went on through the crud; but his life stops completely when he has it and he expects mine to, as well. The man-cold.
ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)
Same thing going on here, except mine is a little worse because of my asthma so have to do the nebulizer treatments to try to keep it from getting worse. Not once has he asked how I am feeling, just walks in complaining ... waking up coughing like crazy and wheezing an hour and a half before I wanted to wake up.
Debbie
If it were me, I think I'd stand right in front of him and say, in a firm, loud voice, "I woke up coughing like crazy and wheezing an hour and a half before I wanted to wake up. I do not feel well."
M in Oz
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It's time for a fresh start and I'm looking forward to doing it with all of you. This thread is a great place to find friendship, support, and encouragement.
One of our members described it like this:
Welcome, welcome. When I first found this group, someone said it's like a "salon" = cozy café. Different conversations at different tables. There's the fun table, the support/listener/good cry table, the cooking and recipe table, the health/weight loss table, etc. Some of us jump from table to table. All the time. It's really OK to sit by yourself in the corner and just listen. For as long as you want."
It is more personal if you sign your post with a name or nickname and a location, specific or general.
Be sure to bookmark the thread so you can find it again.
My word for 2023 is "please" to remind me to be kind and do things that will please me and the others in my life, to remind me that politeness (saying "Please") will take me far in dealing with others, and to urge me make my environment as pleasing as possible (organizing and decluttering might fit in here).
Barbie in NW WA
"The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials."---Lin Yutang
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dlfk202000 wrote: »(((Debbie))) Lots of hugs for you and your family!
Carla & Beth ~ Sorry to hear about both your mom's.
Beging Talked Over ~ That is such a thing around my home. Both DH and Son do that to me. We both have to yell at son in order to get a word in. DH does it because he doesn't want to hear any suggestions.
Carol in GA
sounds like my dh- no suggestions at all. If I don't agree with him, I am wrong.
If I try and talk, he doesn't listen and changes the subject to something revolving around him.
He even says when I say, I told you that, oh, I wasn't listening.
Aren’t all men like that??
Thankfully ... no.0 -
My husband and I both started this in September 2022 and we are in our 70's trying to stay healthy and get in shape. So far I have lost 18 lbs and he has lost 25 lbs. We try to walk or hike every day that the weather permits about 3 miles with our Morkie a one year old furbabby.8
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2.That the person I’m listening to may have physical or mental issues that cause their speech to be slow or uneven. If they’re not given space to express themselves, they may just nod and go along.
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
2023: Be of good cheer.
February: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.
This is a very good point.
My husband has aphasia.
It means he has a bit of difficulty reading, and a bit of difficulty forming words and sentences. He pretty much knows what he wants to say, but it can be very slow coming out, and sometimes he'll use the wrong words. Especially when he's tired.
A comment about something in the evening (when he's tired) can take a l-o-n-g time to come out and it is tempting to try to guess what he wants to say and finish his sentence. But I try to sit patiently and wait for it.
If someone didn't know that about him, and expected he should talk as fast as the "average" person, they might talk over him and he would get very frustrated.
In fact, I accompany him to important appointments and things for that reason (and other reasons) ... so that I can either ask the other person to be quiet and let him talk, or so I can talk for him.
It saddens me when I see sales people talk down to him like he's not intelligent when he asks for something slowly and especially if he uses the wrong word. If a sales person is particularly nasty, I'll step in and say something. But he's told me of several experiences where he has gone somewhere on his own and come home without whatever it is because the sales person treated him like dirt because he had difficulty communicating.
M in Oz
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pmileader2 wrote: »My husband and I both started this in September 2022 and we are in our 70's trying to stay healthy and get in shape. So far I have lost 18 lbs and he has lost 25 lbs. We try to walk or hike every day that the weather permits about 3 miles with our Morkie a one year old furbabby.
Welcome. My husband and I are both in our 70's with a few health problems. We are careful about our eating and seek every opportunity to be active. Where do you live? What are your weather challenges? I have lots of outdoor clothing that allows me to walk in nearly all the weather we have here.
Barbie in NW WA1 -
I did thirty reps of my dumbbells Yay! That's about a 300 calorie deficit. I figure as long as I'm consistent counting, the scale will let me know whether it's enough or not.
Annie in Delaware1 -
My husband finally got home. Four hours later! I was sitting out in 65° weather and feel a little chilly through and through! Warming up now on a heating pad and under a blanket!
💕 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota11 -
Mary thank goodness you are inside again!
Annie in Delaware1 -
Got a new floor. This is taking forever! Poor husband wanted cube steak and spaghetti for dinner but with all the banging, I had a splitting headache. So pizza for him, and mac & cheese for me. Easy food. Tomorrow I am donating blood.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa
3 -
Did a body pump DVD,then to the Salvation Army (I got an exercise DVD I don’t have,) then to WalMart to get Vince’s prescriptions, then to Kohl’s. I saw a real nice mat for Halloween for 80% off but knew that I was going to get $5 off. Only when I went, both of those mats were gone. Oh well. I did find this cute bank in the shape of an astronaut. Got one for Colby and one for Lynette. Then I got home and saw a coupon for 20% off. They said that I could take it back, return it, I would still get my Kohl’s cash plus the 20% off. So I’ll do that Friday. It’s worth $16 to me. Kohl’s isn’t that far away.
KJ – when Vince is even the littlest bit sick, you would think the world was coming to an end! He walks around the house moaning and groaning in his bathrobe. Me? I get to do the laundry, cook the meals, those sorts of things
Kylia and KJ – you made me spit my water!
Unfortunately, I can’t wear my wedding ring. The arthritis has just made the joints too big. If it weren’t for the arthritis, I’m sure I could wear them
Seems that yesterday the city of Newton was without water, so I had practically no prep to have to do. I was only there 1-1/2 hrs. But that meant I could get to the gym earlier. Now we weren't without water yet we get our water from the city of Newton. Explain that one.
Vince’s pack that we use for the scanners at Daytona broke, one of the zippers was broken. So I took it to this gal to repair. She repaired it, only she replaced the zipper that wasn’t broken. Why? I have no idea. Why would you replace something that isn’t broken? Anyway, I took it back to her and she agreed to replace the broken zipper. I still don’t have it back so I’ll stop there maybe tomorrow after work to see if she has it done. If not, I’ll bring it back home with the zipper broken and take it to her when we get back. It’s been about a month and a half.
Made brownies for Vince to have when we get back. Honestly, he thinks about the things that need to be done before we leave, I need to think about things before we leave and when we get back, like what will we have for dinner?
Debbie – I love getting a good bargain. A while back Food Lion had lump crab on sale BOGO, so each container, instead of costing like $16, cost only $8. That was a price I could live with. What a great price you got!
Kylia – I wonder if clear liquids include white wine? You can see thru it. That’s usually the criteria they give you, like apple juice.
Carla – Kyle Troop’s home bowling alley is the same one we go to. One time he held the door open for me at the alley. Many times I’ve seen him bowl, play the pinball machine, then bowl some more. He’s a real great guy. You know that sponsors give him all kinds of bowling balls. He’s given some to kids who didn’t have any. My turkey was a REAL fluke, and I do mean that. Like I said, this is only the second time EVER that this has happened. I’ve seen so many people get real close to a 300 game. I don’t think I could handle that kind of pressure.
M – I remember when I went to the Y and took the water aerobics class, there was one lady who had to use the family locker room because she was sensitive to the perfume in the lady’s locker room
Michele NC2 -
fanncy0626 wrote: »My husband finally got home. Four hours later! I was sitting out in 65° weather and feel a little chilly through and through! Warming up now on a heating pad and under a blanket!
💕 Mary from Arizona/Minnesota
I don't think I would have sat outside for 4 hours ... I would have walked or taken the bus to a shopping centre and gone browsing for a while, or maybe have just gone for a long walk.3 -
M – I remember when I went to the Y and took the water aerobics class, there was one lady who had to use the family locker room because she was sensitive to the perfume in the lady’s locker room
Michele NC
That's why they ban it in so many places now ... lots of people are sensitive to perfume.
Most perfumes give me a headache and set off my allergies, and I am definitely not the only one.
M in Oz
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0
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2.That the person I’m listening to may have physical or mental issues that cause their speech to be slow or uneven. If they’re not given space to express themselves, they may just nod and go along.
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD
2023: Be of good cheer.
February: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.
This is a very good point.
My husband has aphasia.It means he has a bit of difficulty reading, and a bit of difficulty forming words and sentences. He pretty much knows what he wants to say, but it can be very slow coming out, and sometimes he'll use the wrong words. Especially when he's tired.
A comment about something in the evening (when he's tired) can take a l-o-n-g time to come out and it is tempting to try to guess what he wants to say and finish his sentence. But I try to sit patiently and wait for it.
If someone didn't know that about him, and expected he should talk as fast as the "average" person, they might talk over him and he would get very frustrated.
In fact, I accompany him to important appointments and things for that reason (and other reasons) ... so that I can either ask the other person to be quiet and let him talk, or so I can talk for him.
It saddens me when I see sales people talk down to him like he's not intelligent when he asks for something slowly and especially if he uses the wrong word. If a sales person is particularly nasty, I'll step in and say something. But he's told me of several experiences where he has gone somewhere on his own and come home without whatever it is because the sales person treated him like dirt because he had difficulty communicating.
M in Oz
Aphasia
Generally, aphasia can be divided into four broad categories:- Expressive aphasia involves difficulty in conveying thoughts through speech or writing. The patient knows what he wants to say, but cannot find the words he needs.
- Receptive aphasia involves difficulty understanding spoken or written language. The patient hears the voice or sees the print but cannot make sense of the words.
- Patients with anomic aphasia, the least severe form of aphasia, have difficulty in using the correct names for particular objects, people or places.
- Global aphasia results from severe and extensive damage to the language areas of the brain. Patients lose almost all language function, both comprehension and expression. They cannot speak or understand speech, nor can they read or write.
(My husband experiences the first three to some degree or another ... moreso when he's stressed or fatigued)
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/aphasia
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/5502-aphasia
https://www.healthline.com/health/aphasia
M in Oz3
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