WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2023
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my question about this is if your comfort zone is no longer can you go to any other zone?
Kim ... Good question. I suspect we are then pushed into the other levels whether we like it or not ... and then have to decide if we want to sink or swim.
Kylia ... I am so sorry you deal with migraines! I would discontinue the heart medication too regardless of whether it was beneficial. You can't function with migraines so what would the point be??
Debbie ... I'm praying for a different outcome for the young man too ...
Rebecca ... is there a way to find a serviceman's current address? Would the Navy give that to you or is this another privacy issue like HIPPA?
Karen in VA ... Glad to hear that some of your wife's symptoms are lessening! It would be nice if they ALL subsided, but something is better than nothing!
It has been an unseasonably warm few days. My husband and I continue to work at yard clean up and, of course, the more we're outside the more that we see needs done. I was hoping we could get the house resided this year, but the one quote from a friend (very reasonable) was higher than we can swing right now. I even did some mowing this afternoon over a spot that is very high due to persistent watering (the dog). The temperatures are supposed to drop fast this evening and there's even a chance of mixed precipitation. Arghh.
Beth near Buffalo
No not really. They keep all that pretty secure.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa2 -
Hi Gals,
Well, as Lisa and Heather predicted, God is off the table as the entity in charge of safety. With the reaction from me and PT being anything but “ok that will work” she is finally doubling down on doing her PT exercises between PT visits, and being willing to try harder – I am now needing to remind her that falling again will just slow going home down. But this is easier to deal with. Still no willingness to get railings or grab bars installed to make her home safer, but that will be this weeks job to convince her this is important.
One big win for me was a friend sent us money to get dinner to go, and my mother refused to agree to use it – I should cook, and not take charity…. Other local friends have dropped off soup or other things and that was ok, but this friend lives a 6 hour drive away. I told her how hurtful it was that I had to make all the meals and could not even take a break one night when we had the money to do it. Then she wrote a thank you note to this friend, and I was totally appalled and told her in no uncertain terms that you can’t tell me it is charity and send a nice thank you note! (I actually held the thank you note hostage! LOL) Last night we ordered Chinese and have enough for 2-3 nights! And I put the thank you note out for the mail person.
I am finding myself in a place of grief, understanding that grief is something that happens with any loss, not just at the time of a death, I had hoped (unreasonably) that if somehow my Mother and Brother were separated I would be able to have some time before mom died with the mom I remember from childhood (I know there is not universal belief that she was a good mom, but certainly before my dad died she was a much nicer person). The separation has happened and the bit of hope I had for some time, some memories being built is gone. Having my sister reconnect and realizing that there is no hope for a relationship there. Means that hope is gone.
One of the things I have always wanted was family. I now have to accept I will never have that. I have my nephew and god kids, but they all have others that are their family also and none of their other family will acknowledge that I am part of the kids family. So I am trying to do what I need to, grieve what I hoped for, and look for something to hope for because without hope what is the point.
A while back the question was asked what did you want to be when you were a kid? And my answer is what I wanted was to be a member of a big family, and a host of different careers from Lawyer, detective (I was a huge Nancy Drew fan), to farmer, to pilot and architect.
Kim in N. California
17 -
(((KIM)))0
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Oh, big, huge acknowledgement, Kim. Yes, grief can happen at any time and for all reasons. But I do believe it can be the beginning of something new. You are coming home to yourself. The best home of all.
We love you. You are so brave and honest.
Can't write more because Bea is bugging me!
Love Heather UK xxxxxx5 -
Still no news about Nick- Just praying for a true miracle.
A bit stiff this morning. Walked the wetlands before getting Ezie from school then walked with my friend at the park last night- first time her and I have been walking in months. Great to catch up. I could have walked longer but she was ready to quit. Thankful for the time we did have. It was getting cold and the dark clouds were blowing in. It rained after I got home.
Ended the night with my fitbit telling me I was just over 20,000 steps/9 miles.
Heading to Smart and Final for a few things-last day of the sale- hopefully they still have what is on my list. Tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini and grapes- all 99cents a pound and Ragu white sauce for $1.49(son loves that but adds seasoning and parm to it when he makes pasta)
Pick up Ezie at 1:10 so will head over there about noon and go walk before getting her.
No class or walk tonight so will make a nice dinner for all of us- chicken tacos/tostada's
As far as the unemployment- in this area, because there were so few people that wanted to work(many were getting a lot more doing nothing than they would have working- including our friends daughter-she hasn't worked for three years. She is very capable and there are tons of jobs all over ). That is why dh was working so many hours and they lifted the restriction on retirees until just this last month. He could have worked more than 40hrs a week during that time if he wanted. He is now back on restriction for 63hrs a month.
The extra unemployment benifits have ended and they are cutting back on other benifits- Hopefully this will push Ali to get a job instead of just sitting at home. She could go back to her old job, no problem but she didn't like having to work weekends because she wanted to spend time with her boyfriend. Another job she could have taken, she didn't want because it was entry level and she has a college degree and felt it was beneath her to take it so she does nothing and her dad and boyfriend continue to support her.6 -
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the grass Debbie is referring to is Cynodon dactylon and in our area it is a very invasive weed!
Kim2 -
Oouuff!!
Bea was picked up by my son. She is a true force of nature! Wonderful!
We do wonder what she will do as an adult. I'm sure she will make her mark on the world.
Still, thinking about Kim, and sending her my very best wishes. These kind of 'story-changing' revelations take a while to absorb.
I was listening to a podcast this morning that brought tears to my eyes. Who are we really without our illusions? And what does it mean to face the infinity of who we are? Spoke to me. Anyone interested can find it on We Can Do Hard Things. Latest episode.
I love people who able to face the truth. In the raw.
We have Max tomorrow, followed by painting our pots. DH said he would like to go out for an artisan beer and a Persian meal afterwards. Who am I to say no?
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx7 -
Kylia--HUGS!!!
Karen--What a fun day. I remember growing dad would have different people over and they would start playing guitars and I so enjoyed listening.
Carol--Prayers.
Mary--Interesting about the food tour. Thanks for sharing and the pictures.
Kim--I understand how hard it is to go from what we dreamed of and what is. I always wanted a big family and to be the hostess that would make the big meals and have everyone at my house. Kids do not get along, (blended family worked until they left home) so I have learned to take it as it is. You are part of my famiy and always welcome. Sorry about the let down with your mom.
Been a long week and it is only Tuesday. One of my staff had her mom fall and break her hip yesterday and when they did the xray found she has advanced cancer. So she is gone for who knows how long. So I am work 6a-6p Monday-Friday until further notice. And they have put a freeze on hiring until at least July. One day at a time.
Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE 14 -
(((Kim))) We love you! ❤️ As Heather said, you are brave & honest. I admire your dedication to your mom’s wellbeing & the care you give her. You are a shining star of kindness and courage. ⭐️
Katla2 -
Oh, Kim. Strong hugs for you.
And Rebecca. Long hugs and a shoulder for crying.
Lisa, you are a trooper, but I know you also don't have a lot of choice.
Alli, my son went to prom with a trans boy one year, and they both wore pants. They looked adorable. When I became a parent I vowed never to fight with my kids about two things: hair and clothes. So far, that has served me well. My son's friend's mother tried to get her child to wear a dress to prom, and that argument did nothing good for their relationship, and the child wore pants anyway.
Hang in there everyone!
I am trying. I haven't felt well for the past couple days, but I can't identify what is off. Hubby made it through his first day, and it might not be as bad as he thought it would be. Thankfully.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR10 -
I am finding myself in a place of grief, understanding that grief is something that happens with any loss, not just at the time of a death, I had hoped (unreasonably) that if somehow my Mother and Brother were separated I would be able to have some time before mom died with the mom I remember from childhood (I know there is not universal belief that she was a good mom, but certainly before my dad died she was a much nicer person). The separation has happened and the bit of hope I had for some time, some memories being built is gone. Having my sister reconnect and realizing that there is no hope for a relationship there. Means that hope is gone.
One of the things I have always wanted was family. I now have to accept I will never have that. I have my nephew and god kids, but they all have others that are their family also and none of their other family will acknowledge that I am part of the kids family. So I am trying to do what I need to, grieve what I hoped for, and look for something to hope for because without hope what is the point.
Kim in N. California
Ah, Kim - I am so sorry that your hopes were dashed on the craggy cliffs your mother's built around her. I think you've seen me say more than once here - what's hurting you is not your mother's behavior, it's that massive violation of your expectation that it would be different this time. She hasn't changed and won't and the only thing you have the power to change about that situation is your own expectations. I think the mother you remember and wanted back died with your father, unfortunately. If you grieve, I hope you can grieve for that mother.
That does not have to signal the death of hope. It can be the beginning of a rational, rather than emotional, relationship with your mother. It will give you the ability to view the current one as an obligation, with no room in her heart to be loved or to love back. I'm so sorry that your interaction with your sister wasn't better, too. That's a lot of blows to take in a very short period of time.
And who cares if the nephew's and god-kids' families don't consider you family? As long as the kids do, that's what matters.
Love you,
Lisa
11 -
OregonMother wrote: »Lisa, you are a trooper, but I know you also don't have a lot of choice.
Hang in there everyone!
I am trying. I haven't felt well for the past couple days, but I can't identify what is off. Hubby made it through his first day, and it might not be as bad as he thought it would be. Thankfully.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
Flea - hope you start feeling better soon! It's funny you would say that about being a trooper, because I was thinking about something someone else said about being strong, etc. When it boils right down to it, we don't have much choice other than being a trooper. Crying all the time just makes me tired. When that's all I have left, that's when you see just a lot of emojis. The storm passes and I come back again, being a plucky little woman slugging it out instead of a big puddle of goo. Thanks for the compliment, though. You are the ultimate trooper your ownself.
Onward, upward--had to move the trust/will/estate signing stuff out a couple weeks, as Corey couldn't make it back down the hill in time. He had to go up to Fayetteville, an hour north, to fix a number of pieces of equipment. Talk about a trooper...
Hugs to those needing them... and don't we all?
Love indeed,
Lisa in AR7 -
Sending huge love to all the wonderful, strong, brave women on this thread. You know who you are.
Heather UK xxxxxxxx6 -
Annie: Glad ordering the work out pants on line worked out for you!
Tracey: I love the Band in a Box gift idea for a 1 year old!
Barbie, Flea, Tina: I thought about trading in DH's disability van for an EV. But I don't want to put a charging station into the garage and don't want to be out in public charging the car in the GA heat. I stay in a very small area and will only be going out of town 1x a month so I will stick with gas for now.
Heather: Love your Bell and Snowman!
RVRita: I like being in the learning zone as well!
Rebecca: When Under the Tuscan Sun came out DH and I drove to Atlanta to see it.
Lanette: I enjoy books by Louise Penney and Sue Monk Kidd.
Margaret Turk: The book Quit sounds interesting.
Kylia: Lucky DH...getting homemade chocolate chip cookies!
Karen: What a lovely afternoon listening to the musicians!
Machka: I love the blue/grey in the dry stream!
Carol: Sorry about your brother's health. I will say a prayer.
Mary: Glad you enjoyed the food tour!
Janice: Are you doing any training with weights at all to help lose weight?
Kim: Hugs! Sorry your family relations aren't what you want at this time.
Debbie: Praying for Nick. Sad situation.
My son is coming for the night, so I am doing a little cleaning!
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia7 -
Lisa, Flea, Kim, Kylia, Allie, Tracey and others. My heart goes out to my dear friends who are battling personal trials of various kinds. Your strength and resilience is such an inspiration.
☘️ Terri
9 -
Saw the first baby swans of the season while walking around the wetlands.
Love seeing the babies and watching them grow.
Rushed through my walk to get to the school just to find out she didn't go to school today. Her mom forgot to let me know. I understand but still would have been nice to know so I wasn't rushed for nothing(rushed our shopping trip so I could get my walk in before getting her)7 -
Lanette
1 -
Kim ... hugs and more hugs ...
Carol ... praying for your brotherOregonMother wrote: »Lisa, you are a trooper, but I know you also don't have a lot of choice.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR
Flea ... I believe Lisa does have a choice ... as we all do. Each and every situation we encounter in our lives presents a choice ... how we react, respond, change, etc. Lisa, and a lot of other ladies (yourself included) are incredibly strong women. And that's because of the choices you've all made.
It is snowing here! Ughh! But by Thursday we are supposed to be back into the 70s. Go figure.
Beth near Buffalo8 -
Welcome newbies and returnees! (((hugs))) to those who need them.
Oh Carol... big hugs and huge prayers. Cancer SUCKS!
Hey Janice! I'm just south of the Twin Cities. Been here basically all my life except for some formative speaking years in Overland Park, KS from whence I fall into my drawl on a regular basis. lol
GOOD FOR YOU, Kim!!! I am so glad you stood your ground! Besides, it is your house. The mail came to you as a gift. It was yours to do with what you pleased. OMG, that woman. How clever of you to hold the thank you note hostage! I don't know if I would have thought of that. You know, Kim, you still have family. Just not the "family" that you expected. We're family. But you have to allow yourself time to grieve what you wanted and that's okay.
Prayers for Nick, Debbie. I hope you get your miracle.
17. Be active outside. Dig up weeds or plant some seeds... trying, hopefully we'll get spring back in MN sometime soon. It was a really beautiful day today, albeit still quite windy and my allergies are beating me up.
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN5
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