WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2023
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grandmallie wrote: »Morning ladies
Well im at Tracy's, she is just overwhelmed, and snapped at me about finding daycare,that right now she can't handle it..
She said what we found in Carmines room floored us,soshe wouldn't tell me,but it really shook them.
So for right now.. everything is on the back burner and poor Miles is feeling all the stress..
There will always be a reason now isn’t a good time. She knows you won’t actually stop watching him if she doesn’t find someone so she has no reason to feel any urgency.
I’m truly sorry Carmine is struggling. That is no excuse for them not to either 1) find acceptable child care 2) change up her hours so she can work evenings/nights while Kyle is home or 3) quit and stay home until she finds child care.
If you want to address your health issues, you need to give them a date and stick to it. If they haven’t found someone, that is there problem. THEY are the parents.
When is your cruise? Maybe that’s the date if it is soon.
Okie in the TX Hill Country
10 -
I’m getting ready for a walk with a friend this morning. I’m looking forward to it.
🌹
Katla6 -
Well folks, I went online to book my train tickets for tomorrow and found that they are on strike! I don't know how that info escaped me! Good job I looked and didn't just turn up at the station tomorrow morning. So I've informed my friend and I've cancelled the lunch booking. The restaurant were very nice about it and obviously knew before I even said anything.
That's the second cancellation for this meet up.
DH'S cricket friend and his wife are taking us out to lunch in Brighton on Friday. They will park here and get the bus in with us. It's to celebrate his 70th. So maybe it's a blessing! I am not personally disappointed, but I had psyched myself up for it. I was just about to wash my hair.
DH took the car around the corner for a service this morning. Literally around the corner. He brought the car new 6 years ago and paid upfront for 5 years service. This is the first time he has had to pay for it. He thinks they are very nice and they didn't charge too much for two oil changes. They brought the car back. I suppose a very local firm depends on its local reputation. It's a tiny little place.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx3 -
Snowflake1968 wrote: »I’m putting this in a spoiler because there is swearing. I don’t want to offend anyone.
Tracey
Yes .. that is life. I think about Destiny and her family. Anything I have going on in my life is nothing compared to what she and her family are going through. May the Lord shine upon her. 🙏🏻5 -
cityjaneLondon wrote: »Kim - Ooouuuffff!!!! What a journey! Sending the biggest hugs.
I think there are different friends for different occasions. Some are practical, some are a listening ear, and others are good time gals. Horses for courses. I was of no practical use at all for my friend L when she lost her partner, and had a hip operation, but I was able to listen to her crying down the phone and I know it was a help to her.
People can only give from the resources they have inside them. I have learnt not even to expect DH to be able to always show up in ways I would like. Some things he just can't emotionally do. Others he is super good at. For others he needs reminding! I think it's good to have a range of friends and not to expect everything from the same person. Why not go out on the town with your avoidant friend! Like in a movie.
I hope you get a chance to draw breath and recuperate before some other demand comes up. I agree with Tracey's meme. All we can change is our response to crisis and suffering.
Much, much love, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
I understand this so much! I too have specific friends and family I open up with problems I'm dealing with. I can just text "sneaker wave" and my eldest sister will call me. She too calls me when she is overwhelmed. I am grateful we have that connection now. 🤗💖👍🏼
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa4 -
Son and wife took Athena to a ceramic shop. I think she had fun.💖🤗. Son said she was goofy. She is definitely a master at expressions.
They also flew balsa wood planes and some bird like planes that flapped their wings. I love that as a young family they go out and play. I think its so important as a family to have hobbies. When we were raising the boys we did the Renaissance faires, and SCA and it was a way for us to immerse ourselves in history. It taught the boys to respect their elders (or anyone in royal garb). Interesting that our first hobby was all about the dress, our persona, and the second one had no dress at all, being nudists. Kind of a 180' mind shift. But both were great.
Rebecca
Whidbey
Wa
6 -
Bless poor Miles he slept for 3 hrs ,its nice and quiet ,no screaming or yelling ,the cats and dog are sleeping and all is well.
Im taking Dan to visit a friends after taking care of Miles..i grew up with her mom ,it is my friend Doris' granddaughter and great granddaughter we are going to see..
Then home to put stuff in the dryer..4 -
Kim, I am so happy to hear your mom has healed enough to go home and you have survived! I understand there were times you didn't know how you would.
I sure wish dh would speak up to his mom and not continue to let her bully him. 6/10 will be one year since her fall and he is still over there at least twice a day for well over an hour or close to two hours each time. At least he isn't there 24/7 like he was the first 5-6 months, what ever it was.
She no longer physically needs him there twice a day but she wants him there, serve her meals, do the chores she is more than capable of doing. If it only affected him I would say- hey, he is a grown man at almost 60 yrs old. He needs to put his foot down or just deal with it and shut up about it. Problem is that he brings the stress/bitterness/anger home. Every single thing revolves around him and him being at his mom's.
edit- wrote this last night and forgot to submit I guess.
Hoping for a calmer day but doubt it. He said he has to spend the whole day over there trimming her bushes and trees so she doesn't have to pay someone to do it. She threatened to go out and do it herself if he didn't do it. 87 and on a ladder. He fell for the threat and is heading over.
She says it is his fault she has to hire someone because he didn't take care of them sooner and they are too big. She told him last week there was no rush and now this. Always the same
Tracey- not a fan of the language but oh, the meaning sure is true. (That is the language he uses all the time even though he knows it really bothers me-the more mad he gets the more he does it and the louder he gets)
Finally get to go walk the wetlands after a four day break. Weather should be cool but hopefully not too windy at 65degrees at the warmest today.
Have a lot of things around the house that should get done and I will work on something but a big procrastinator today(and always it seems)
Have a wonderful Tuesday.
Debbie4 -
Good morning!
Kim - good news that you have your house and life back. Crossing fingers mom is able to fend for herself now for a long time. And also good to hear you have re-established communication with your sis.
Heather - glad to hear you are out running again. I think you made very good points about friendship. We never know what others are dealing with when they don't respond as we expected them to. My DH was my "best friend" for most of my life. I never had to rely on anyone else. Now, I have one best friend who would drop everything and is here for me when I really need her. I am very grateful. And my neighbors are friendly - if any of us needs someone to run an errand or needs a meal, we know we can call each other and someone will help out. Otherwise, we don't really do "friend" things. But, we are each other's safety and security which to me is better than a lunch date anyhow.
Debbie - thank you for the update on Destiny. She's had quite the journey. Praying for peace for her and her family.
Allie - I tend to agree with Okie. I'm sure Tracy is feeling very overwhelmed - costs for counseling were hard for them to deal with (I hope the resource you mentioned can work out) and now daycare costs piled on top of that. You have been a very loving and caring mom and grandmother to your kids & grandkids and they have really come to depend on it.
Because your health is upsetting the apple cart, you needn't shoulder any blame for that - if you are. In fact, I'm wondering if the family counseling should be priority #1 over daycare. Something tells me you will continue to be the daycare provider for a while anyhow - perhaps putting pressure for counseling (with you included) might have a bigger payoff. Maybe you have already attended some whole family sessions?
Kylia - thank you for the photos! Looks like the Indy 500 was a lot of fun. Cute house, cute car, cute husband. 
Rosemarie - hope you like those slip on Skechers, I'm anxious to hear the report
. And have a good visit with your mom and relatives when you head back up north. I know the feeling when you get a room cleaned up. My guest room is now the storage area for items I'm not quite ready to get rid of yet. No hurry.
Lisa - I think of you and your bumpy mowing every time I hop on my mower. 5 acres in 2 hours - I'm envious. I have so many little trees and flower beds to mow around that take a lot of time. And the bumps are something else. I like to speed along and they cramp my style.
I need to remember to wear my super-support bra.
My landscapers are coming out this afternoon for half a day to remove a few more dead/dying bushes and saw down some stumps so I can mow over them instead of around them. They'll also rake up twigs and debris and just do yard cleanup. Again, so I can mow in some spots.
AND they will throw more junk on the truck - DH had amassed a "pile for the dump" over the years and never got around to taking it, so this stuff will be going as well. I also have a storage shed with old hoses and odd things that I will pull out before they get here so I can at least clear a path.
Better close and get busy.
Lanette
SW WA State
6 -
2023 Mindful May
Word of the year: Appreciate : today I appreciate Memorial Day at the park went off without any incidents.29. Today do something to care for the natural world. I watered my plants. Does that count?
Exercise goals added
Yoga 10 mins 3 times a week 1/15 100%,100%,80%,73%)
Walk 7,000 every day 18/31 (84%,86%,94%,93%)
6 min HIIT -1x a day start April 1- 0/31 (93%)
Arm weights twice a week 0/10 (100%, 60%hurt my elbow, hurt my shoulder 30%,50%)
Meditation: daily. 20/31 (82%(started Feb)94%,100%)
Feeling overwhelmed this month. Taking a break from the list above until I feel more in control. I am also having a bursitis/arthritis/tendinitis attach this month. Doctor prescribed something for me to try.
1. cut back drinking and limit to 2 days a week. 8/8–(100%,100%,0%,0%,0)
2. Average 7,000 steps a week. 10818, 8171, 8856,8315, 5541 (7,700,100%-9851,100%—9526,100%—-9,559,100%)
3. Update budget every 2 weeks 3/2 —(100%,100%,100%,100%)
4. Contact close family every week (4x) 66/208/ —(100%,100%,100%,50%should be 86 by June1)
5. Contact Donat and sibs once a month (8x)40/94 (100%,100%,100%,100%)
6. Weigh less last day of month compared to first until I reach 140. Start at 178.6,176,174.2,173.4,175.4 (100%,100%,100%,0%)
7. Develop a journaling practice by aiming to journal at least 5 days a week. 16/15 (100%,88%,100,100%,100%)
8. Read 12 books at least this year. 20/12 (100%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
9. Pay off credit card debt by January 2024 by making monthly payments to NDR——5/12—(100%.100%,100%,100%,100%)
10. Continue building emergency fund at SLFCU (min$25 a month)$25+$25+$71+700+25+25 )(100%,100%,100%,100%,100%)
11. April started putting 4% on income in savings. 700,200 (100%,100%)
January Met —100%
February met —-90%
March met met —-90%
April met——86.36%
May met
June met
July met — met
August met
September met
October met —
November met—
December met—
1. Do something kind for someone you really care about. I need to think about this and plot! I gave my son a gift card to Netflix. He needed something to make him smile.
2. Focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t. I will try. Did this.
3. Take a step toward an important goal no matter how small. I have to think about this. I did not buy beer today. Working on not enabling my DH.
4. Send a friend a photo of a time you enjoyed together. DONE!
5. Let someone know how much they mean to you and why. It’s my brother’s 59’th birthday today. Going to call him. We never really call each other.
6. Look for people doing good and reasons to be cheerful. Will do! And found them all over all day!
7. Make a list of what matters most to you and why. Did this in my journal.
8. Set yourself a kindness mission and help others today. Do this every day
9. What values are important to you? Find ways to use them today. Will try.
10. Be grateful for the little things, even in difficult times. It is hard right now but trying.
11. Look around for things that give you a sense of awe and wonder. There is plenty here at the park. Wondering how a cave could turn into a lake.
12. Listen to a favorite pieces of music and remember what it means to you. I will try to remember to do this. Did not have time.
13. Find out about the values or traditions of another country. Sounds like fun! I looked up Canada and specialty Quebec where my family originated.
14. Get outside and notice the beauty in nature. I love doing this!
15. Do something to contribute to your local community. Helped a homeless man today.
16. Show your gratitude to people who are helping to make things better. Will watch for this. Did this to school group’s surprise visit to the park.
17. Find a way to make what you do today meaningful. I try every day by helping people find campsites in emergencies.
18. Send a hand written note to someone you care about. To be completed. Did not finish.
19. Reflect on what makes you feel valued and purposeful. Did a grateful meditation on the Balance app this morning which helped me do this.
20. Share 3 photos of things you find meaningful or memorable.
21. Look up at the sky and remember we are a part of something bigger. For sure! I walked the dog at 3AM and looked up at the vast night sky. I was able to see the Milky Way and billions of stars. Awesome view.
22. Find a way to help a project or charity you care about. To be reviewed
23. Recall 3 things that you’ve done that you are proud of.
24. Make choices that have a positive impact on others today.
25. Ask someone else what matters most to them and why. Will try to remember. I asked my daughter this.
26. Remember an event in your life that was really meaningful. I have, a bad one, but a good one right behind it!
27. Focus on how your actions make a difference to others. This happened yesterday when a camper experienced a medical emergency. I was there to help and comfort the wife and assist with the husband.
28. Do something special and revisit in your mind tonight. Called my mom and considered the conversation.
30. Share a quote you find inspiring to give others a boost. See picture.
31. Find three reasons to be hopeful about the future.
RVRita in NM
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1751750
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I've been agitating about a birthday present for my son. I've painted the abstract and a card, but the abstract is very much an option. As an aesthetic tyrant myself, I would hate to press anything on him. Entirely his choice.
So, this afternoon I dived into Amazon and came up with truffle slices in olive oil and Kashmiri saffron. At least I've got him something.
The family are just about to take off from Greece. I tracked an earlier plane, but it was the wrong one. I will be waiting for this one to touch down tonight. Oh my heart!
DH and I hugely enjoyed our dinner tonight. The simplest thing, but DH said I should really appreciate how excellent my cooking is. Because it is second nature to me, I don't always realise how unusual my talents are. He was ecstatic at the simple meal. It was pretty good I must admit. Sea bass, spinach and crushed butter beans. Heaps of garlic, lots of olive oil and butter, lemon juice and za'atar. Heaven!
I also created a rustic Martini, with gin, vermouth, lemon and ice. Much appreciated.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxxx5 -
Note to self: do not eat an ounce of salted peanuts on the way to arterial ultrasounds. They take your blood pressure 😮 and rat you out to your PCP 😡
Barbara AHMOD 🐶8 -
Kim … glad to hear that your Mom has healed sufficiently to move home. Now to take care of you.
Allie … thinking of you and your family. Praying an answer to the situation soon becomes clear.
Kelly … don’t borrow trouble from tomorrow… just take one day at a time with your sister. I’ll be praying.
Trail cams have been removed from the attic and we’re just waiting to hear back from the wildlife guy.
Sitting in an infusion center with my son. He’s suffering again from migraines … they’re affecting his work attendance and that has to stop.
Very dry here near Buffalo. No rain in the forecast for awhile means watering a few plants tonight. The grass is going to go into hibernation early. You should see the masses of “helicopters” the Maple Trees are producing and releasing! Going to need a shovel to clear the driveway!
Not doing well with my eating… I think I’m just giving up …
Beth
8 -
1
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This morning I went for a good walk with a friend. I enjoyed every step. This afternoon DH & I walked through a flower garden. It was lovely. The trees nearby provided us with shade. He’s napping & I am happy.
🌷 🌹 🌸
Katla11 -
Hi all. Would love to join this group. Will there be a "WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR JUNE 2023at some point?4
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Sitting in an infusion center with my son. He’s suffering again from migraines … they’re affecting his work attendance and that has to stop.
Very dry here near Buffalo. No rain in the forecast for awhile means watering a few plants tonight. The grass is going to go into hibernation early. You should see the masses of “helicopters” the Maple Trees are producing and releasing! Going to need a shovel to clear the driveway!
Not doing well with my eating… I think I’m just giving up …
Beth
Beth - our maples started helicoptering last week and it's been pretty wet. I think our PNW drought is about to start though.
What type of infusion are they giving your son for his migraine?
Did I ever post the Bob & Brad featured video about using an ice pack on the carotid to stop migraines? I thankfully haven't had one in ages but it seems it would help. I remember I had a cold pack on the back of my neck and on my forehead/over my eyes when they'd get bad. Who knew I should have put them on the side of my neck?
Lanette
1 -
Welcome newbies and returnees! (((hugs))) to those who need them.
Thanks Mary. I'm better today.
Thanks Michele!
That's the tough thing about this angelversary/anniversary thing, Barbara. Of course Shawn didn't intend on dying at all and I certainly thank GOD that he didn't die ON our anniversary, but geez, it just always happens the day before that I'm all bummed and then I'm supposed to be happy the next day and hubby bails! Well, he came home and grilled so it was better.
WOW Kylia! You've been busy and happy!
I'm struggling with that, Mary. While I somewhat agree with you, I also agree with hubby and you have to figure that at some point you just have to let things go. You want to sell the house, right? So just sell it. If she was going to get $8k, give him $4k off just to be rid of it.
Wonderful reflection Kim. SORRY you had to go through that way, but amazing reflection, nonetheless. It really never ceases to amaze me what happens to our "friends" when we're really in need... and afterward. We lost many "friends" after Shawn died. I was stunned. I was even more stunned that some of it didn't happen right away. Some of our "friends" left because they got "tired" of our grieving. Not kidding. And then told other people the most horrible things about us. Still makes me shudder. I hope you know that we've been cheering for you too. I know that you will recover stronger. OF THAT, I have no doubt. (((HUGS)))
Okie, what a wonderfully thoughtful thing to do! God Bless.
Heather, you have such a wonderful way of looking at friendship and you always remind me to be more forgiving. I have to remember that. It's just so danged hard. I tell my girls that "no one has your heart" all the time and then I get angry when people "don't have mine". Thanks for reminding me.
Oh no, Allie... sending LOTS of PRAYERS! It's true though. What Okie said. They have to figure it all out now, ALL OF IT, or they never will. It's terrible what Carmine is going through and it's horrible the stress it's putting on Miles and Tracy and Kyle, BUT... IT'S THEIR FAMILY. You are the grandmother, not the parent. If they don't figure it out, they are going to work you to death. She needs to quit her job and stay home to CARE for their children! PERIOD. Maybe then they wouldn't be "finding" horribly unmentionable things in her bedroom.
ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT, TRACEY!!! (and I'm 100% for that language... sometimes that's the only language to use!)
Great faces, Rebecca!
Welcome dcresider! Yes, watch the end of the thread and Barbara will post a link to next month's thread.
Love and Blessings, Carla, in MN5 -
Well its been a day lets just say that..
Miles slept for 3 hrs this morning poor little guy..
When Tracy got home she was a wreck and almost in tears.. Mental illness runs in my ex husbands family,my ex mother in law was bi polar,Rich is bi polar and poor Carmine,is either Psychotic or Schizophrenic at this point she has been cutting herself and writting death threats on everyone.. so they need to get her into some type of place like Pronto.. pay a little at a time if you have to.. but for her life and yours it has to be done.11 -
Mary--What a mess. I understand how you feel about what they might do next. I pray they leave soon and that is the end of it.
Karen--Great picture! I remember when you were working with him, so glad to hear he is doing so well now. You had a lot to do with it.
Kelly--Sending big hugs and prayers for you and your sister. Glad DH was able to help. Given a chance most the time they do well. I know my DH tries when I give him the chance. Giving up control is not easy.
Pip--good job and puppy looks so happy.
Rori--Glad you are home and had a good trip.
Ginny--What a neat message with the humming birds.
Allie--I have been wondering this for awhile. But so much attention is given to Miles. Neg attention is better than no attention. Just a thought. Threats are nothing to mess with and at this point they all need to take it serious. And they know how to keep you by not facing facts and dealing with them. It will always be something. I have been there and it comes a time when you have to do what is best for you first as they won't until you drop over dead.
Tracey--Congradulations on winning the prize. What a nice surprise.
Debbie--HUGS!! and prayers for Destiny and her family.
Kim-- Happy dance for you and all you have learned. I know you are a stronger person now and have no regrets.
Beth--Don't give up, just take things one day at a time.
Blessings, Vicki GRAND ISLAND, NE 4 -
Skimming through. The blog moves so fast. Too tired to take notes. Worked with the cats this morning and will again tomorrow morning. I have the grand dog a black lab and he is well behaved. Thursday I have to be on the van early to get to the Atlanta airport. Wish I wasn't so tired. About to lay down for a nap.....at 5:16 pm.....and hope I have some energy when I wake up. Thinking about everyone and wishing every one the best.
Best,
Rosemarie from Georgia4 -
I'm sorry, Alli. I'm sure it's difficult to sit by and watch this play out. Especially since you have no control over any decisions or actions.
Up at my mom's this weekend. Got the bathroom painted, one of the rooms the realtor recommended be done. We are paying someone to paint the upstairs bonus room. It is huge, and I don't have the energy. It will look much nicer when it's completed.
My niece is causing stress, which she often does. I have an appointment to talk to the attorney about her complaints on Friday. She called them this morning to complain about me, but they won't talk to her unless I give them permission. I think I know what she's upset about, but I've already told her two or three times the answers the attorney has given me, but she's not satisfied. I just want this part over.
If you want to know the substance of her complaint, you can Google "are joint account assets part of probate or estate funds." Short answer. They aren't. And that is inconceivable to her because obviously, my mom would want me to share evenly.
The thing is, she wants half of all of it, and then for me to continue paying everything to maintain the house on my own. Thankfully my mother left enough that I can cover everything from her old accounts, which are technically and legally my money now, but I don't mind because I feel like I'm still responsible for my mom. But it is my money.
My attorney told me months ago that if she insists on being a pest about it, I could charge back to the estate everything I spend out of that account, which to date is well over $10,000, and growing. I would like to avoid that, but it could be a threat to make her back off, perhaps.
I hate this.
Flea
Willamette Valley OR10 -
Flea - I'm so sorry that your mother's death had to be accompanied by strife from the family. Your energy is so precious, it shouldn't be split this way. It's why I went to the effort to establish the trust. Right now, neither feels they want anything from us, but who knows what a decade or two can bring. This way, everything belongs to the trust, nothing to our kids. This way, hopefully there won't be acrid arguments and demands, and their relationship will continue after we're gone. Deaths somehow bring entitlement out of the woodwork.
4 -
Just passing through!
Carol in GA4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axsRSq7mVak
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