WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MAY 2023

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  • Whidislander
    Whidislander Posts: 3,905 Member
    okiewoman510 wrote: »
    When my neighbors husband was ill/dying, they had family coming in. She was very stressed about getting things cleaned up as she was spending most of her time at the hospital. I went over and stripped all the beds, started laundry at their house and mine, and remade the beds. Washed all the towels and cleaned the bathrooms. The cat had gotten accidentally locked in the pantry and had bags and cans everywhere. Fortunately, I love to organize so I went to town and organized the pantry. Two other neighbors came over then and I left them to sweep and mop the floors and dust. We all cooked a few things to load the fridge up. When she got home that night she said she sat down and cried because her
    house smelled good and was clean.

    Okie in the TX Hill Country

    Oh how sweet and thoughtful! See you would've been there for me. We can't pick and choose our family. I never ask anything of her now, and so she doesn't feel pressured. I don't get my heart broken because mentally and physically, she doesn't show up for me. Realities of life.
    Rebecca
    Whidbey
    Wa
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,361 Member
    173173
  • OregonMother
    OregonMother Posts: 1,670 Member
    Hugs to you Kim. You have been incredibly strong through this. I'm glad the chapter is over.

    Continue to take care of yourself.

    Flea
    Willamette Valley, OR
  • margaretturk
    margaretturk Posts: 5,295 Member
    Mary I agree it might be time to list your property again. I am surprised she didn't take better care of the property if she was renting with the option to buy. If she cannot swing it let her father make you an offer you can either accept or counter offer. You are not legally obligated to give him her deal. The contract is with her not him. Prices have gone up in the past few years around here. I am not sure what they did in cabin country. Even with the change in interest rates prices have not come down that much here in Twin Cities. Considering how difficult they have been, it might be best to find new buyers. You need to make the best deal for you. Not sure about that $8000 dollars depends how the contract was written up. Earnest money is not too far off from $8000 today. It protects you as a seller. You could have kept your property on the market to make a sale. Her deal kept you from doing this. Do you have a lawyer or realtor to help you get this resolved?
  • Anniesquats100
    Anniesquats100 Posts: 3,306 Member
    Good evening ladies!

    Kim, you made it through! Excellent! Now you can relax a bit.

    My old laptop would go dark as soon as I logged in. So it can't be backed up unless I can fix that.

    Today I ate 1343 calories. Still too high for me. I broke down and ate evening snacks. I know better! I did my exercise, rode my bike twenty minutes, did an hour of yoga and thirty minutes of aerobic walking. Yay! And it came out to a deficit of 238. Good enough.

    Annie in Delaware
  • dlfk202000
    dlfk202000 Posts: 3,272 Member
    Kim, I am so happy to hear your mom has healed enough to go home and you have survived! I understand there were times you didn't know how you would.
    I sure wish dh would speak up to his mom and not continue to let her bully him. 6/10 will be one year since her fall and he is still over there at least twice a day for well over an hour or close to two hours each time. At least he isn't there 24/7 like he was the first 5-6 months, what ever it was.
    She no longer physically needs him there twice a day but she wants him there, serve her meals, do the chores she is more than capable of doing. If it only affected him I would say- hey, he is a grown man at almost 60 yrs old. He needs to put his foot down or just deal with it and shut up about it. Problem is that he brings the stress/bitterness/anger home. Every single thing revolves around him and him being at his mom's.
  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 7,152 Member
    Ginny and Margaret thanks for the input. We do have a realtor that will do the paperwork for her and her dad since they are our clients not theirs due to their listing it. In fact we haven’t signed an agreement yet. I agree that if she can’t buy it on her own then the dad will be in the same pool as other interested buyers but we only pay the $2,500 realtor fee for the dad. We priced our house very competitively with the 4 other properties that are similar to ours. The main difference is that we have a cabin that is rented and has solid rental history and a tiny house with a building site that has water and electricity already put in. The only downside is the interest rates are high.

    💕Mary from Minnesota/Arizona
  • fanncy0626
    fanncy0626 Posts: 7,152 Member
    edited May 2023
    Tracey it’s a tough decision. It goes on the market tomorrow. She needs to get prequalified and so would her dad. She’s aware of the timeline. Our realtor is going to talk to her tomorrow. She really wanted it before and so did her dad. But, this is only one year not three years like we were expecting to have it back on the market. If she had not violated almost all the terms of the lease, in fact the only one she didn’t violate is being behind on rent. And if she did the caretaking jobs we wouldn’t be putting it on the market we would still be renting it to her. We definitely don’t want to put up with renters like her anymore. If she doesn’t want to purchase it she has to leave June 30th.

    Dreams are weird sometimes!

    💕Mary from Minnesota/Arizona
  • skuehn48
    skuehn48 Posts: 3,076 Member
    <3
  • pipcd34
    pipcd34 Posts: 17,361 Member
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    I’m putting this in a spoiler because there is swearing. I don’t want to offend anyone.
    kdsbnumqtm9n.jpeg

    Tracey

    Lolol, that’s everyday language for me. It’s not swearing
  • auntiebk
    auntiebk Posts: 2,620 Member
    edited May 2023
    30. Share a quote you find inspiring to give others a boost.
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    e4zf45pp90eo.jpg

    Long beach stroll with T, dogs to powerline, laundry and fernwhacking wiped me out. Had to postpone zoomchat with C and take a nap instead. Dogs semi woke me barking at the neighbor’s shooting off his guns. Lapsed back into sleep, dreamt of danger, Joe going out to calm the dogs and confront the army truck that drove up our drive. SMH. Then somehow morphed into a dream about stuffing my face with the popcorn I’d intended to nosh on during zoomchat. Woke up feeling full :laugh:
    Allie ((hugs)) love and prayers, and great idea about Family services.
    Annie even if you don’t go back to your book as it was, it could be useful to have in reserve. Can you move/copy it to your new laptop? Can you boot your laptop to an external device and access the files that way? Or login as administrator? Maybe something in your user profile got corrupted.
    Carla ((hugs)) for the bittersweet anniversaries. I’d be disappointed/angry/hurt if Joe went fishing on our anniversary, especially if it was so close to a sad day.
    Kylia :love: the pics, can see family resemblance with your brother.
    Rita watering your plants absolutely counts ;)
    Debbie Destiny’s prom pic brought tears.
    Tina good to see your smiling face.
    Kim how hurtful of your mom. ((hugs)) Brava for fitting in more exercise, stretches, veggies. Bravissima for doing the things you wanted to. Hope they brought some joy. You are right, it will take months to recover. Give yourself time. Cheering for you!
    Okie what a good neighbor you are. Inspiring!
    Margaret “…do you have a lawyer…” good question to Mary. Sounds like it’s time for a real estate lawyer to be involved.
    Mary realtors are not lawyers and may not be equipped to give you all the protections you need when dealing with this tenant.
    Tracey praying your NS cousin is safe and her/his home is untouched by the fires. Yes please ask your massage therapist. Numbness says nerve involvement to me. The meme made me laugh out loud :naughty:
    05/29: Move: 2 sets PT w/x&a, Whaleshead beach stroll w/T, dogs to powerline, fernwhacking. steps:9684
    Fuel: plants running count for week so far: 11=acv, almonds, avocado, beans-chili, grapefruit, maraschino cherry, pecans, peppers-sweet/yellow, romaine, tea-black, wheat-Snap’d crackers/tortilla. CI=1445 CO=583
    Live: Joe, readings, BP, two loads laundry, AF. Wt: 135.4
    Later, lighter, lovelies!
    Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD x8zcp1ya37k1.gif
    2023: Be of good cheer. May: Move more, fuel better, live NOW.
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,793 Member
    edited May 2023
    Kim - Ooouuuffff!!!! What a journey! Sending the biggest hugs.
    I think there are different friends for different occasions. Some are practical, some are a listening ear, and others are good time gals. Horses for courses. :p I was of no practical use at all for my friend L when she lost her partner, and had a hip operation, but I was able to listen to her crying down the phone and I know it was a help to her.
    People can only give from the resources they have inside them. I have learnt not even to expect DH to be able to always show up in ways I would like. Some things he just can't emotionally do. Others he is super good at. For others he needs reminding! I think it's good to have a range of friends and not to expect everything from the same person. Why not go out on the town with your avoidant friend! Like in a movie. :p

    I hope you get a chance to draw breath and recuperate before some other demand comes up. I agree with Tracey's meme. All we can change is our response to crisis and suffering.
    Much, much love, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • KetoneKaren
    KetoneKaren Posts: 6,412 Member
    <3
  • evie1958
    evie1958 Posts: 868 Member
    Well, had a good post going, hit a wrong button and deleted the whole thing. :'( And it's late so I'm not going to repeat most of it! lol
    Rori and Heather, so nice that the two of you were able to meet up! Lovely photos!
    Kim, I'm glad that you have your life back and that you and your sister are speaking once again. Unfortunate about your friend and her lack of empathy.
    Life goes on in my little world. Hugs to those who need them, congrats to those celebrating and welcome to the newbies!
    Evelyn, Vancouver Island
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    okiewoman510 wrote: »
    When my neighbors husband was ill/dying, they had family coming in. She was very stressed about getting things cleaned up as she was spending most of her time at the hospital. I went over and stripped all the beds, started laundry at their house and mine, and remade the beds. Washed all the towels and cleaned the bathrooms. The cat had gotten accidentally locked in the pantry and had bags and cans everywhere. Fortunately, I love to organize so I went to town and organized the pantry. Two other neighbors came over then and I left them to sweep and mop the floors and dust. We all cooked a few things to load the fridge up. When she got home that night she said she sat down and cried because her
    house smelled good and was clean.

    Okie in the TX Hill Country

    I would have loved for someone to have done that for me when my husband was in hospital.

    Or even now!

    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    Anniesquats100 wrote: »
    Good evening ladies!

    Kim, you made it through! Excellent! Now you can relax a bit.

    My old laptop would go dark as soon as I logged in. So it can't be backed up unless I can fix that.

    Today I ate 1343 calories. Still too high for me. I broke down and ate evening snacks. I know better! I did my exercise, rode my bike twenty minutes, did an hour of yoga and thirty minutes of aerobic walking. Yay! And it came out to a deficit of 238. Good enough.

    Annie in Delaware

    You might be able to take it to a shop and have them download the data from the hard drive.

    Or you could do that yourself if you are comfortable doing it.

    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    GodMomKim wrote: »
    I saw the best most caring side of some of my friends. I also developed a new understanding of the care giving role and how much those folks should be supported. I was asked “what can I do to help” more than once and rarely could come up with anything. The 2 things that helped the most were a friend saying I am out doing errands I will be at these 4 locations do you need anything from there – specific clear and let me mentally go through the list and say yes. Also was the call saying I am bringing you frozen soup, is there anything your mom can’t eat? (we know each other well enough she knew my eating habits) I will do these when it is time for me to offer support.

    I was often asked "what can I do to help?" and like you, I rarely could come up with anything.

    But when people (occasionally) dropped off food, or gave me a ride home in the evening, it was greatly appreciated.
    GodMomKim wrote: »
    Changes-
    I have lost 7lbs, some of it tied to stress, but much of it tied to every meal being home cooked. No pre made anything… and while that is my “normal” what was different is that I only ate 3 meals in 10 weeks that I did not cook. And my Mom doesn’t get enough nutrition via food, so the meals were heavy on veggies, light on carbs and heavy on proteins. She spent some time at every meal making sure that I knew how fat I was so I often left the table hungry. I did get good at fitting in extra veggies to help with the hunger and they were easier to get by my food police mom. Some of this will be hard to maintain, but I will be trying!!!!

    I have fit in exercise a lot more in daily things, no loading my arms up when bringing in groceries. 4 bags = 4 trips. Any way I could make an extra trip, bend down an extra time, march in place while waiting, even do wrist circles or other stretches. Standing up with out pulling on something or pushing off of something has become natural.

    Smiles,
    Kim in N. California

    Well done on the weight loss! :)


    M in Oz

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    sh0tzz99 wrote: »
    To the Ladies in Canada. We are considering a trip to Calgary and Banff. Any recommendations for what areas of the city (near Scotiabank Saddledome preferably) are nice to stay for tourism? Also, any resort recommendations in/near Banff? We will probably stay 4-5 days in Banff and a couple in the city.

    Thank you!

    Tina in CA about to go east where there is hopefully some much-desired and needed sunshine.

    At one time I might have been able to tell you! I've lived in Calgary ... still have friends there ,,, and I have family in Banff. I've spent a lot of time in that area ... but not recently.

    I miss it!!!

    M in Oz
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    Snowflake1968 wrote: »
    Heather - you are so right. I really need to listen to my body.
    I haven’t checked into it yet, I also think I jumped the gun on looking for work too. I really need this time to just be.

    Lisa - I have found sleep very hard for the last few years. I have noticed since I have been in sick leave that my hot flashes have decreased significantly. I was having 12 or more a day and some days now I’m having none, some days 1 or 2.

    I am closer to Edmonton so can’t comment much on Calgary. I have heard their zoo is very nice.
    I love Banff though, when we go we just drive and do a lot of the smaller trails. The most amazing place I’ve ever stayed was Num-Ti-Jah Lodge. It was incredibly relaxing, there are no TV’s, no internet, no cell service. It’s amazing what actually shutting off can do for you.

    Tracey in Edmonton


    I have a lot more hot flashes when I am at work.

    You should take a bit of time and go to the Num-Ti-Jah Lodge for a few days now. Shut off and relax. :)


    M in Oz

  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
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  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,793 Member
    edited May 2023
    Terri - well said!!! :D We only have one freedom, and that is to choose our attitude. We can't control events, or other people. If we have expectations, they are likely to be disappointed. But we can find joy in the everyday, in the small victories, in the present moment and we can live a life of authenticity and integrity, listening to that inner voice. Sometimes that voice says NO, and sometimes it is a great big YES! On the other side of fear of change lies freedom.

    This morning I went out running for the first time since my accident. It was a big step, so I am proud of myself. I was very careful crossing the road! :p I listened carefully to my body and only did just over two miles. I just didn't feel like I wanted to push myself. I could have done more, but I didn't want to. :)
    I then came home, via the deli where I chatted with the owner, and managed to get 500 words written. o:) I am writing about the fear I had when I published my first memoir and how terrified I was of telling my sons about the abuse. It was a huge, scary step for me.

    This afternoon I will wash my hair and buy my train ticket for my visit to London tomorrow. I am meeting my friend C, who I haven't seen for nearly 20 years, in the Wolseley for lunch. An adventure! :D I'm a bit trepidacious, but I'm sure it'll be worth the effort (and expense) I also WhatsApped another couple of old friends yesterday, inspired by Dr Chatterjee, who was talking with two researchers into happiness. I've bought their book for my Kindle. Both friends replied at length and one is going to catch up on the phone at the weekend.

    Love to all, Heather UK xxxxxxxx
  • grandmallie
    grandmallie Posts: 10,153 Member
    Morning ladies
    Well im at Tracy's, she is just overwhelmed, and snapped at me about finding daycare,that right now she can't handle it..
    She said what we found in Carmines room floored us,soshe wouldn't tell me,but it really shook them.
    So for right now.. everything is on the back burner and poor Miles is feeling all the stress..
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,694 Member
    grandmallie wrote: »
    Morning ladies
    Well im at Tracy's, she is just overwhelmed, and snapped at me about finding daycare,that right now she can't handle it..
    She said what we found in Carmines room floored us,soshe wouldn't tell me,but it really shook them.
    So for right now.. everything is on the back burner and poor Miles is feeling all the stress..

    You could probably guess anyway ... likely one of 2 things, maybe 3.

    She needs help.

  • teklawa1
    teklawa1 Posts: 678 Member
    <3
    Betsy in NW WA

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