A confession to the MFP Police

rml_16

It's not the help that most resent...it's their tone. I've been called stupid more here in the last two days than ever in my life. Starting to wonder how I ever became valedictorian of my class.

I remember a specific thread you were in and no one called you stupid, but they did question your attitude about something based on an urban legend someone copied and pasted from Facebook that you were using as the basis for your own argument.

An urban legend that's been debunked a thousand times and has no scientific backing whatsoever.

So ... You're probably not stupid, but you may need to work on critical thinking skills. That is not people here being mean or "the MFP police."

And, put the way that you just did, I may have listened much sooner. I have never claimed to be an expert in any way on that topic. Also, I do not know the credible sites to go look for on that particular subject. Nor, do I have the time to look for them.

It was the tone that everyone was using towards the poster and the subsequent people that dared to post on that subject that got my hackles up. People with knowledge do not have to be rude to get their points across. Or, use sarcasm to cut people down. If they are trying to be helpful...be helpful without the attitudes.

Well, first of all, long before you started posting in that thread, several people pointed out that it was an OLD urban legend that had been around for many years and was not true. So it had been said several times already.

And if you don't know about the subject, why were you so insistent that it *could* be true when so many people were giving credible evidence, pointing to studies and making logical arguments against it? Were we supposed to just let something stand as fact that was a lie?

It seems like your issue is you felt stupid because you tried to make an argument about something you admittedly knew nothing about. My advice is don't post in a thread about a subject you don't know about.

*gasp*

Bully!

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm the "friend" to whom the OP referred in her "I deleted a 'friend'" post, so guilty as charged?

I do complain on my wall because it's better than saying those things in people's threads. I have little patience for a complete lack of common sense. Call it a character flaw. I own it.

If anyone else wants to delete me, feel free 'cause I ain't changin'. I grew up on Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and Firesign Theatre. Sarcasm is second nature.

kyleekay10

Since we are all on this "journey" together, before you go juding people and calling them out for not being educated, remember you were uneducated about all of this once too. That's why you are here.

Haven't read any replies yet (I will) so I do apologize if my comment is a repeat.

Yes, the so-called "MFP Police" were all uneducated once too. I'm sure learning everything they know about healthy, sustainable weight loss techniques took them a long time since they likely taught themselves. They simply speed up the process for everyone else who is uneducated. And though it's not what you meant by this statement, yes, "that's why they are here".

I'm personally very grateful for those individuals who try to help correct bad habits and behaviors that people have (be it unhealthy ones, or just techniques that don't really work). I learned a lot in a short time thanks to those people.

Also, the most helpful/knowledgeable people here aren't the ones that belittle others and call them stupid, etc. They are the ones who simply pop in, reference science (real science, brah) and stick to their guns even when people think they are different than everyone else on the planet. The people who insult others are the ones who no one takes advice from anyway.

So "MFP Police", thank you for teaching me things. :flowerforyou:

ETA: When I say MFP Police I am personally referring to those people who respond with logical solutions to the threads that are like "Omg I'm not losing weight!" when the poster is clearly doing several things "wrong". Wasn't sure if that was clear.

And PS- Good on you for reaching your goals OP. I think everyone "breaks the rules" now and again.

karlschaeffer

Wait 'til the MFP Police get drones! Entertaining post & replies. I may have to go & eat a cookie. Cheers everyone!

rml_16

But, might I suggest that there was no reason for me to believe that these people were not just posting links from websites that opposed the OP just because they themselves didn't believe what they called an urban legend?

Opening the websites and reading what they said might have been your first clue. There were several, not counting the many links to the Snopes.com page.

Gwibbertronii

Haha, these forums make me properly lol. I came to MFP to log my carbs and cals and lose some weight. I come to the forums to laugh my a** off at some of the threads. *very non-English guffaw of incredulous laughter*

action_figure

Congrats you lost weight. I lost 36 pounds. I am not better than anyone else. I am just a fat girl living in a skinny world right now. And I would really love a jelly donut. Or some pop tarts.

Screw that. There is a place by me that has a specialty flavor for every day of the week. Sundays is Red Velvet Cake donut with Cream Cheese Icing. Want. So. Bad.

rowanwood

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

Oh, I'm as sarcastic to someones face as I am online. You wouldn't like me.

Achrya

It's not the help that most resent...it's their tone. I've been called stupid more here in the last two days than ever in my life. Starting to wonder how I ever became valedictorian of my class.

I remember a specific thread you were in and no one called you stupid, but they did question your attitude about something based on an urban legend someone copied and pasted from Facebook that you were using as the basis for your own argument.

An urban legend that's been debunked a thousand times and has no scientific backing whatsoever.

So ... You're probably not stupid, but you may need to work on critical thinking skills. That is not people here being mean or "the MFP police."

And, put the way that you just did, I may have listened much sooner. I have never claimed to be an expert in any way on that topic. Also, I do not know the credible sites to go look for on that particular subject. Nor, do I have the time to look for them.

It was the tone that everyone was using towards the poster and the subsequent people that dared to post on that subject that got my hackles up. People with knowledge do not have to be rude to get their points across. Or, use sarcasm to cut people down. If they are trying to be helpful...be helpful without the attitudes.

Well, first of all, long before you started posting in that thread, several people pointed out that it was an OLD urban legend that had been around for many years and was not true. So it had been said several times already.

And if you don't know about the subject, why were you so insistent that it *could* be true when so many people were giving credible evidence, pointing to studies and making logical arguments against it? Were we supposed to just let something stand as fact that was a lie?

It seems like your issue is you felt stupid because you tried to make an argument about something you admittedly knew nothing about. My advice is don't post in a thread about a subject you don't know about.

*gasp*

Bully!

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm the "friend" to whom the OP referred in her "I deleted a 'friend'" post, so guilty as charged?

I do complain on my wall because it's better than saying those things in people's threads. I have little patience for a complete lack of common sense. Call it a character flaw. I own it.

If anyone else wants to delete me, feel free 'cause I ain't changin'. I grew up on Monty Python, Fawlty Towers and Firesign Theatre. Sarcasm is second nature.

It's K, I like you.

I agree, would she rather you vent on your wall or go and start calling people dumb *kitten* on the forums? Seems like if anything she's appreciate your discretion. But then, the OP and I couldn't be friends, because I am the holder of mean images and sarcastic words.

whierd

I am super stoked that you cared enough to take the time to write up this awesome post!

I am positive that this will put them all in their place after reading it.

Aren't you in the Village People?

Yes, but I am actually the guy in the leather chaps.

da_bears10089

Did your doctor suggest having a negative net daily calorie goal? Or confirm starvation mode?



And you are right, anyone who says any type of exercise is required for weight loss is an idiot.

i planned to go into his diary to see what his goal was, but failed. I remember seeing posts in the past about eating under 1200 calories. sounds like a fantastic plan

nena49659

Ta Ta

rml_16

I agree, would she rather you vent on your wall or go and start calling people dumb *kitten* on the forums? Seems like if anything she's appreciate your discretion. But then, the OP and I couldn't be friends, because I am the holder of mean images and sarcastic words.

And that is why I adores ya.

SadFaerie

BeachIron

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

Oh, I'm as sarcastic to someones face as I am online. You wouldn't like me.

The average work email from a busy boss or a busy client for me is far more "mean" than anything I've ever read here. I don't get the hypersensitivity, and I know that I'm also more aggressive when working. On MFP I'm all cuddly like a teddy bear and ****, because frankly I know the people here are more sensitive and I'm trying to help. So, yes, this is me wrapped in rainbows and unicorn farts.

PhearlessPhreaks

I deleted a "friend" on here recently. This person would complain about the "idiots" that were on here who were asking for help and misguided. I deleted this person because misguided people are not idiots. In America today there is a whole lot more incorrect and unhealthy information on losing weight and becoming healthy than there is correct information. People tend to dive into what the fad is or whatever worked for someone else and then, it doesn't work. They proceed to ask for help because they are trying and they get made fun of or people are rude to them etc. I saw it first hand with the person I just referred too.

1. Help - the genuine positive supportive kind of help - is a GREAT thing.

2. Thinking that you are better than someone because you have had success and thus treating people like you are better than them is what I am talking about. These are the MFP police. The people who think that they are better than everyone else.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, that is awesome. You have not run into one yet. And, I hope that you do not have to.

I think a big part of the problem is people often don't understand (or don't care) that it's very often not *what* the information being delivered is, but *how* it is disseminated. Along the adage of "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", it doesn't matter much how phenomenal the information or knowledge being presented, if the way in which it is presented turns off the intended target. If how I present my knowledge turns you off, what I'm trying to tell you (presumably to help you) becomes moot and I've wasted my time. Unfortunately, the [offensive] people to whom you refer likely do not care about how their message comes across... which I find silly. Perhaps they like wasting their time, or just like reading their own words and reveling in their wittiness. Regardless, it's a shame.

JenRunTriHappyGirl

I'm starting to see a cycle here....at MFP.

You have the knowledgeable people who have been in fitness for years, have credentials, and have the experience answer all the questions on the boards. Their answers get shorter as the questions get repeated and they continuously get challenged by people giving bad advice because that's what the OP wants....encouragement, not really advice.

The knowledgeable people drop off, which I'm noticing and getting close to becoming one of, to be replaced by a new core....only to be chased off the boards in a few months because their answers challenge what the OP wants to hear.

BTW, I didn't join here because I was Fat, Out of Shape, or didn't know what I'm doing (I had been in fitness for over 12 years before joining, as your OP states everyone did). It's a great tool to log what you take in for the day and control your macros.

I apologize for making an assumption about everyone.... I should have said majority and that is my bad. I have always appreciated advice..... there are a lot of people on here who do not want the truth and when they get it they do not like it. Giving someone honest advice is a very awesome thing to do. And the people who are not willing to accept the truth and just want the magic trick are not going to succeed thus punishing themselves. The reason why I have been successful is because of people giving me honest advice and opinions.

People like you do know more than I do. My husband is a PT, MMA fighter, fitness guru guy. He knows more than I do. He does not treat me like he knows more than I do. He does not answer questions in a way that he puts me down for not knowing. He does not make fun of me for not knowing or doing something wrong.

This post was referring to people who do make fun of others and treat others poorly because they know more. You are obviously successful with whatever you do with fitness which tells me that you are not one of those people. I can only imagine how frustrating it is when someone asks for advice and doesn't want the honest answer. Obviously you are passionate about what you do or it wouldn't frustrate you.

I apologize for the confusion.

Achrya

I deleted a "friend" on here recently. This person would complain about the "idiots" that were on here who were asking for help and misguided. I deleted this person because misguided people are not idiots. In America today there is a whole lot more incorrect and unhealthy information on losing weight and becoming healthy than there is correct information. People tend to dive into what the fad is or whatever worked for someone else and then, it doesn't work. They proceed to ask for help because they are trying and they get made fun of or people are rude to them etc. I saw it first hand with the person I just referred too.

1. Help - the genuine positive supportive kind of help - is a GREAT thing.

2. Thinking that you are better than someone because you have had success and thus treating people like you are better than them is what I am talking about. These are the MFP police. The people who think that they are better than everyone else.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, that is awesome. You have not run into one yet. And, I hope that you do not have to.

I think a big part of the problem is people often don't understand (or don't care) that it's very often not *what* the information being delivered is, but *how* it is disseminated. Along the adage of "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", it doesn't matter much how phenomenal the information or knowledge being presented, if the way in which it is presented turns off the intended target. If how I present my knowledge turns you off, what I'm trying to tell you (presumably to help you) becomes moot and I've wasted my time. Unfortunately, the [offensive] people to whom you refer likely do not care about how their message comes across... which I find silly. Perhaps they like wasting their time, or just like reading their own words and reveling in their wittiness. Regardless, it's a shame.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=thank+you+mean+people

Or maybe they know people who are ready to accept the advice will take it, and only those who aren't ready will huff and puff about delivery.

Mean people changed me for the better. I was that 'I'm hungry, what do" woman, and the answer was "Eat." I was netting under a thousand calories a day and was weak and tired and the solution was "Gee, stop starving yourself idiot." and I would binge on candy "Maybe if you stopped trying to eat food you don't like, you'd stop shoving candy in your face?" and I wanted to know how I could get into lifting 'Here's some books, start reading. Do the work, get results."

I didn't need my hand held and glitter tossed at me, I needed simple to the point truth. Eat the food, read the books, do the damn work; anything else is just meaningless fluff to keep someone's butt from being hurt.

ANGTFT

kns6374

Thank you so much, OP. I needed to see this today

Territravel

Thanks for making it real!

Donald_Dozier_50

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

Oh, I'm as sarcastic to someones face as I am online. You wouldn't like me.

I am certain you are right.

healthy4life4mykids

I've posted in the forums a few times. This is what I've found so far. Just like in non-internet life, there are jerks and nice people, some people take things for what they are, some take them the wrong way. Some want support, others just want a chance to voice their opinion, often and loudly. Lots of personalities on here and sometimes they clash. My advice if its hard for some to deal with these interactions is to stay off the forums and talk to those on your friends list that you know you can tolerate. Or choose topics that you are likely not to get offended by the responses of. Ex. I don't post on the "spank, smack" whatever threads, because there might be an opportunity to feel bad about myself and I will feel bad for others as well. So I don't post there. And I keep in mind that its a lot easier for some people to be mean through virtual communication.

Spartan_1_1_7

I think I love you for this post!!


Oh I want to add my confession -

I wait until the end of the day when I know I'm not going to eat anything else - then I work out how many squares of chocolate I could eat with the remaining calories I have left and sometimes .... just sometimes, I eat that chocolate goddammit! :happy:

Are you my twin ????

BeachIron

I am super stoked that you cared enough to take the time to write up this awesome post!

I am positive that this will put them all in their place after reading it.

Aren't you in the Village People?

Yes, but I am actually the guy in the leather chaps.

Dude, I'm pretty certain that everyone here is waiting for pics.

*taps fingers*

dbmata

You know what would be awesome? A big ol slice of dark chocolate and bacon cake with a caramel ganache on top.

ryry_

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

My buddy just had a new born. He showed me a picture and it was crying so I said "Well at least now we know its yours, hes crying just like his daddy." He punched me in the stomach. This was at work.

I guess we aren't meant to be friends with everyone.

I honestly would like some excerpts of what is bullying. I can sometimes be sarcastic (okay alot of times) but i enjoy helping and making people laugh equally. There are a few I think are a little overbearing but still geuinely try to help.

And sorry, but do you realize the irony of calling people cowards who hide behind keyboards is an insult towards another person...and insult you typed...ya know, from a keyboard

rml_16

Also, for the record, I have posted very helpful things to people and have never actually been mean to anyone for asking a question. I have had issues with people insisting that "only water can count as water" and such nonsense.

And I have my own personal "derp" moments and I am as "mean" to myself as anyone. If I say or post something really stupid, I expect someone to point it out to me and set me straight. And IRL, when I say or do something stupid, I laugh as hard at myself as anyone else laughs at me. And my friends will not hesitate to laugh at me. I've never been bothered by it. I own my screw ups as much as my sarcastic personality.

kyleekay10

It's not the help that most resent...it's their tone. I've been called stupid more here in the last two days than ever in my life. Starting to wonder how I ever became valedictorian of my class.

I remember a specific thread you were in and no one called you stupid, but they did question your attitude about something based on an urban legend someone copied and pasted from Facebook that you were using as the basis for your own argument.

An urban legend that's been debunked a thousand times and has no scientific backing whatsoever.

So ... You're probably not stupid, but you may need to work on critical thinking skills. That is not people here being mean or "the MFP police."

And, put the way that you just did, I may have listened much sooner. I have never claimed to be an expert in any way on that topic. Also, I do not know the credible sites to go look for on that particular subject. Nor, do I have the time to look for them.

It was the tone that everyone was using towards the poster and the subsequent people that dared to post on that subject that got my hackles up. People with knowledge do not have to be rude to get their points across. Or, use sarcasm to cut people down. If they are trying to be helpful...be helpful without the attitudes.

Tone is hard to interpret via text. Maybe try focusing on what is being said versus imagining how it is being said?

Just always assume that I am being condescending and snarky. Because that is how I mean it.

Oh, Whierd. I think we could be friends IRL.

PhearlessPhreaks

I deleted a "friend" on here recently. This person would complain about the "idiots" that were on here who were asking for help and misguided. I deleted this person because misguided people are not idiots. In America today there is a whole lot more incorrect and unhealthy information on losing weight and becoming healthy than there is correct information. People tend to dive into what the fad is or whatever worked for someone else and then, it doesn't work. They proceed to ask for help because they are trying and they get made fun of or people are rude to them etc. I saw it first hand with the person I just referred too.

1. Help - the genuine positive supportive kind of help - is a GREAT thing.

2. Thinking that you are better than someone because you have had success and thus treating people like you are better than them is what I am talking about. These are the MFP police. The people who think that they are better than everyone else.

If you have no idea what I am talking about, that is awesome. You have not run into one yet. And, I hope that you do not have to.

I think a big part of the problem is people often don't understand (or don't care) that it's very often not *what* the information being delivered is, but *how* it is disseminated. Along the adage of "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar", it doesn't matter much how phenomenal the information or knowledge being presented, if the way in which it is presented turns off the intended target. If how I present my knowledge turns you off, what I'm trying to tell you (presumably to help you) becomes moot and I've wasted my time. Unfortunately, the [offensive] people to whom you refer likely do not care about how their message comes across... which I find silly. Perhaps they like wasting their time, or just like reading their own words and reveling in their wittiness. Regardless, it's a shame.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1088600-dear-mean-people-of-mfp?hl=thank+you+mean+people

Or maybe they know people who are ready to accept the advice will take it, and only those who aren't ready will huff and puff about delivery.

Mean people changed me for the better. I was that 'I'm hungry, what do" woman, and the answer was "Eat." I was netting under a thousand calories a day and was weak and tired and the solution was "Gee, stop starving yourself idiot." and I would binge on candy "Maybe if you stopped trying to eat food you don't like, you'd stop shoving candy in your face?" and I wanted to know how I could get into lifting 'Here's some books, start reading. Do the work, get results."

I didn't need my hand held and glitter tossed at me, I needed simple to the point truth. Eat the food, read the books, do the damn work; anything else is just meaningless fluff to keep someone's butt from being hurt.

ANGTFT

No need to be defensive! I was just pointing out that I think sometimes when we give advice or 'food for thought' (so to speak), it can be more conducive to *not* be an *kitten*... But hey, if that works for you (and others) that's great. I personally would find it a waste of time to bestow what I believe to be wonderful advice in such a manner as to render it ignored.

Cheers! :drinker:

PikaKnight

That doesn't make that someone a bully.

You are correct. At least a "bully" has the nerve to say something personally to someone's face. It would make these people cowards instead.

My buddy just had a new born. He showed me a picture and it was crying so I said "Well at least now we know its yours, hes crying just like his daddy." He punched me in the stomach. This was at work.

I guess we aren't meant to be friends with everyone.

I honestly would like some excerpts of what is bullying. I can sometimes be sarcastic (okay alot of times) but i enjoy helping and making people laugh equally. There are a few I think are a little overbearing but still geuinely try to help.

And sorry, but do you realize the irony of calling people cowards who hide behind keyboards is an insult towards another person...and insult you typed...ya know, from a keyboard

Heather_RT

Yay!! I love this post!! Thanks for telling it like it is!

So now, I may even try to friend you. If you will have me. I will understand if you're just maxed on friend, though. Cheers!!