Body Image and Relationships

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  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    So if 'this person' is so good, why are they wasting their time with you? Seeing as they think you are so ghastly.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol

    Misery loves company, right? :frown:
  • keef1972
    keef1972 Posts: 411 Member
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    6 words for you:


    Dude: time to find another girl.......
  • fatfudgery
    fatfudgery Posts: 449 Member
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    We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol

    Wait, so you sleep together, but you're not boning and he thinks you look disgusting?

    DUDE, WTF ARE YOU STILL DOING EVEN TALKING TO THIS PERSON?!?!?!?!?!?! :noway:
  • daybehavior
    daybehavior Posts: 1,319 Member
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.

    bingo
  • daybehavior
    daybehavior Posts: 1,319 Member
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    pfft figures. Yeah you could totally do better.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.


    Good observation! I can't believe it took this long for someone to ask... everyone just assumed it was a girl.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.

    bingo

    Why the hell are you still with him?? Do you like abuse?
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    So you're his cuddle buddy that he finds too unattractive to do the dirty with? Is that what you want to be? I truly don't get it. What are you waiting and hoping for - that he'll wake up some day and decide he's attracted to you? I mean, you have to know by now that it's going nowhere. At this point you're just a glutton for punishment. It's not like he isn't showing and telling you everything you need to know to make an informed decision about your relationship. I give up.

    Edited to change gender. Everything else applies.
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    So you're her cuddle buddy that she finds too unattractive to do the dirty with? Is that what you want to be? I truly don't get it. What are you waiting and hoping for - that she'll wake up some day and decide she's attracted to you? I mean, you have to know by now that it's going nowhere. At this point you're just a glutton for punishment. It's not like she isn't showing and telling you everything you need to know to make an informed decision about your relationship. I give up.

    Edited to reflect that you acknowledged gender change... other than that, yeah... "glutton for punishment" is what I was thinking. Harsh? Maybe. But everyone told OP to get out of that situation a month ago. And nothing has changed.
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.


    Good observation! I can't believe it took this long for someone to ask... everyone just assumed it was a girl.

    I was going to but I didn't know how to ask without making it awkward or making it sound like it was a big issue...But many times I wanted to say this is something a guy would pull.
  • littlenature
    littlenature Posts: 46
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    Sounds like you both have self esteem issues. I'd understand your reluctance to leave if this was like a ten year relationship but it's only been a matter of months and you haven't even had sex. I don't know why you're staying. One of the most joyous things in the early stages of a relationship is the intense physical attraction, the anticipation and the excitement at the thought of finally sealing the deal. You guys are cuddling and talking with the insensitive frankness of an old married couple. That's depressing. You both deserve more.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
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    Wow thats jacked up on so many levels, if she doesnt like you the way you are than the relationship is doomed for failure. Leave, go find someone who will care for you the way you deserve!
  • Sylvitryinghard
    Sylvitryinghard Posts: 549 Member
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    seriously thats not nice. cick her *kitten* to the curb....you deserve someone better
  • mentalfruit
    mentalfruit Posts: 6 Member
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    You guys obviously have an emotional attachment to each other...but from my experience, that happens naturally whether or not there is love involved, because of the time spent. You get sort of used to each other, and trick yourself into feeling dependent on each other. It becomes an unhealthy addiction.

    Maybe both of you have commitment issues, so you're with each other to avoid a real, deep and connected relationship.

    This person is obviously abusing you. So many people hit the nail on the hit when they said that he probably has major self esteem issues that he is trying to project onto you.

    You obviously feel you can't do any better.

    This relationship is not going to evolve. I can understand why you hope it might, but i think it will just further degrade, and in the end you'll end up feeling so bad about yourself, stupid for letting yourself waste time, and used by this guy. It's not a healthy friendship.

    What you are doing is preventing yourself from meeting another awesome person. You're emotionally involved with someone who is not available to you.

    We need sex in our relationships. It's important. Real sex. You are not teenagers. This cuddle buddy relationship is holding you back, and creating major self esteem issues that will scar.

    You need to untangle yourself from this trap. You are not a teddy bear. No amount of talking and reasoning, understanding, weight loss, or surgery is going to change this relationship. Just because you guys can talk about your issues, doesn't mean it's going to get better. Even if you end up having sex with this guy, he's going to hurt you.

    You need to get out of this relationship completely. Use the 30 day no contact rule, no friendship, no cuddle nights, no more talking. No facebook, no texting. Nothing. Cut yourself off for a month. This guy needs to get his **** together, and you need to get a grip on your priorities.

    This guy is manipulating you, and will boot you out of his bed the moment he meets someone he does want to ****.

    It's not your problem this guy isn't physically attracted to you. Really, it's not. You are attractive. You are sweet. You're communicative. Dedicated. Obviously into physical health...Loose skin, being overweight, being the ugliest person in the world does not stop anybody from being in a loving, sexual, romantic relationship. Love is love. Romantic love needs sexiness. This guy is not allowing you to be sexy. You should not have to beg anyone for sex. This type of relationship can happen to the best looking people in the world. It comes down to self respect. You are not ugly.

    I was griping about my body once to my boyfriend, who is in awesome shape. He said to me "it's the body of my girlfriend, and i love it."

    The man told you he's not attracted to you. No pheromones, whatever. That's his loss. It's not your body. It's his own issues. Maybe he has sex issues...whatever. He needs to go to a therapist and work them out by himself. You cannot help him. He is not going to love you even if you were his ideal body composition. Not real love, anyway. This dude is shallow. He doesn't love you as a lover. You are wasting your time. maybe you need to go to a therapist too, to find out why you are letting yourself be used this way.

    Extract yourself from his power trip. Deal with sleeping alone. It's lonely, but it's better than feeling like **** trying to be loved by someone who's like a toxic vampire.

    Get yourself back to a healthy state of mind, and then go be with someone who wants to **** your brains out (and talk and cuddle, and treat you like gold).
  • itsjustdawn
    itsjustdawn Posts: 1,073 Member
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    You guys obviously have an emotional attachment to each other...but from my experience, that happens naturally whether or not there is love involved, because of the time spent. You get sort of used to each other, and trick yourself into feeling dependent on each other. It becomes an unhealthy addiction.

    Maybe both of you have commitment issues, so you're with each other to avoid a real, deep and connected relationship.

    This person is obviously abusing you. So many people hit the nail on the hit when they said that he probably has major self esteem issues, he is trying to project onto you.

    You obviously feel you can't do any better.

    Your relationship is not going to evolve. I can understand why you hope it might, but i think it will just further degrade, and in the end you'll end up feeling so bad about yourself and stupid for letting yourself waste your time and get used by this guy.

    What you are doing is preventing yourself from meeting another awesome person, because you're emotionally involved who is not available for you.

    We need sex in our relationships. It's important. Real sex. You are not teenagers. This cuddle buddy relationship is holding you back, and creating self esteem issues. Major self esteem issues that will scar.

    You need to untangle yourself from this mess. You are not a teddy bear. No amount of talking and reasoning and or understanding, or weight loss, or surgery is going to change this relationship. Just because you guys can talk about your issues, doesn't mean it's going to get better.

    You need to get out of this relationship completely. Just completely use the 30 day no contact rule, no friendship, no cuddle nights, no more talking. Nothing. Cut yourself off for three months. This guy needs to get his **** together, and you need to get a grip on your priorities.

    This guy is manipulating you, and will boot you out of his bed the moment he meets someone he does want to ****.

    It's not your problem this guy isn't physically attracted to you. Really, it's not. You are attractive. You are sweet. You're communicative. Dedicated. Obviously into physical health...

    I was griping about my body once to my boyfriend, who is in awesome shape. I am very floppy. He said to me "it's the body of my girlfriend, and i love it."

    The man told you he's not attracted to you. No pheromones, whatever. That's his loss. It's not your body. It's his own issues. Maybe he has sex issues...whatever. He needs to go to a therapist and work them out by himself. You cannot help him. He is not going to love you even if you were his ideal body composition. Not real love, anyway. This dude is shallow. He doesn't love you as a lover. You are wasting your time.

    Extract yourself from his power trip. Deal with sleeping alone. It's lonely, but it's better than feeling like **** trying to be loved by someone who's like a vampire.

    Get yourself back to a healthy state of mind, and then go be with someone who wants to **** your brains out (and talk and cuddle, and treat you like gold).

    THISTHISTHIS!!!
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
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    Epic first post, Driven. Hit the nail right on the head.
  • KMiYong
    KMiYong Posts: 130 Member
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    leave her. you deserve better. comments like that shouldn't even be made! after your hard work you deserve some real love and compliments. I bet you will find a girl much better than your current one, one who will love you and appreciate you and support you.
  • mentalfruit
    mentalfruit Posts: 6 Member
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    also...i understand that using words like "abusive, toxic, vampire, needs to see a therapist, manipulative, etc" is not a very nice way to describe someone who you consider a friend/lover.

    Just remember no matter how great this person may be despite everything, you guys are obviously not sexually compatible, and your best interest and health is not important to him.

    You had the strength and will power to get yourself into the best shape of your life. You can use the same strength and self respect to recognise when you need to leave a relationship.

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