"Why are you single?"

Ed98043
Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member
in Chit-Chat
On a recent episode of Tough Love they had speed dates - they were given literally one minute to talk and most of the people asked the other "Why are you single?'". I kind of liked the one guy's answer: "Because I'm a *kitten*." But the rest just squirmed and lied and minimized...one guy uncomfortably admitted to a couple of women that it was because he'd cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, but isn't that kind of TMI for a 1-minute speed date?

So how do you answer that question when you get it? Do you answer with the stock "I just haven't found the right person"? I mean, it would take some serious gut-purging (not to mention a full review of all my past relationships) to explain why I'm single, but that's not something I'm going to do with anyone but close friends or family, or a therapist if I had one.

For those that ask that question on the first date - and I know you're out there - don't you think that's a pretty rude question to ask someone you barely know?
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Replies

  • Topsking2010
    Topsking2010 Posts: 2,245 Member
    Being a King I am very picky!!!!
  • susieoj
    susieoj Posts: 181
    Lol I have no idea how I would answer that question, how would you answer that question? I think I would tend toward... I fell in love with the wrong people more than once lol... But isn't that how everyone ends up single unless they really are "*kitten*"
  • marcimlarson
    marcimlarson Posts: 54
    Thats a question that could be looked at from another perspective: "Why are you with someone?" I look at some peoples relationships, and i just dont get it.
  • likearadiowave
    likearadiowave Posts: 445 Member
    Speed dating just seems like speed rejection to me.

    I'm single because i'm focusing on my school/work life and don't have time for a relationship.
  • julie2407
    julie2407 Posts: 44 Member
    I'm single because I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on, or played with ;)
  • asimmons221
    asimmons221 Posts: 294 Member
    On a recent episode of Tough Love they had speed dates - they were given literally one minute to talk and most of the people asked the other "Why are you single?'". I kind of liked the one guy's answer: "Because I'm a *kitten*." But the rest just squirmed and lied and minimized...one guy uncomfortably admitted to a couple of women that it was because he'd cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, but isn't that kind of TMI for a 1-minute speed date?

    So how do you answer that question when you get it? Do you answer with the stock "I just haven't found the right person"? I mean, it would take some serious gut-purging (not to mention a full review of all my past relationships) to explain why I'm single, but that's not something I'm going to do with anyone but close friends or family, or a therapist if I had one.

    For those that ask that question on the first date - and I know you're out there - don't you think that's a pretty rude question to ask someone you barely know?

    Not single, but I don't see how that question is rude. It's gonna come up eventually anyways, when it comes up is irrelevant. If the answer is damaging to the possibility of a future relationship it's not going to get better with time. If it's not damaging to the relationship then what's the argument?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
    I also think it's kinda rude. why does it matter why I'm single? what if, up until the point of going on the date, I had decided to be without a relationship? every time I've been asked that I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. same with when I'm asked why my last relationship ended -- how and why is this relevant?? personally I think it's also kind of pointless because, as you said, the repeat offenders just dodged the question and lied anyway. there are other ways to recognize red flags if you are aware of them and not ignoring gut feelings.

    eta: briefly mentioning how a previous relationship ended is fine, but talking about past relationships too quickly is such a red flag. it is SO annoying to hear about your ***** ex girlfriend over and over again. I really don't care and don't want to know. seriously.
  • becsnz1
    becsnz1 Posts: 85 Member
    I'm single because I choose to be. I am happy being single and don't feel that I am missing anything. My 14 year old daughter is my priority and in all honesty I don't have time for a relationship. I work, I study, I have my own fitness goals to achieve and I will get there.
    Must admit I have questioned myself a few times as to why I am so independent and don't feel the need to be involved in a relationship. Could be to do with how I saw relationships when I was growing up. My father was a nasty controlling man and my mum had a very unhappy marriage up until I was 15 then they split. I got married at 23 and looking back I was like my mum, introverted, my opinions didn't matter, he had his own agenda (just like my dad). So probably a lot of why I am happy being alone is to do with my past.

    And yes I agree with marcimlarson about looking at some peoples relationships and I just don't get it. :noway:
  • Ed98043
    Ed98043 Posts: 1,333 Member

    Not single, but I don't see how that question is rude. It's gonna come up eventually anyways, when it comes up is irrelevant. If the answer is damaging to the possibility of a future relationship it's not going to get better with time. If it's not damaging to the relationship then what's the argument?

    Because maybe the person you're asking isn't comfortable giving a glib, one-line "because I'm awesome" response. Because maybe it's NOYDB. I just think conversation should be light in the beginning, not straight to the gut shot.
  • kallibrae
    kallibrae Posts: 209 Member
    I'm single because my standards are wayyy too high and I'm a pretty busy person.
  • Naomi0504
    Naomi0504 Posts: 964 Member
    Thats a question that could be looked at from another perspective: "Why are you with someone?" I look at some peoples relationships, and i just dont get it.

    I agree with this!

    Eta, but to answer the question, I would also give the "high standards" reason a pp mentioned.
  • SJackson50
    SJackson50 Posts: 282 Member
    I always say that "I haven't met that ONE special person, who I would like torture for the rest of his life" :-)
  • Stump_Likker
    Stump_Likker Posts: 2,059 Member
    Because guys have way too much drama.
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    Never really thought about it... just figured when the right one and I find each other we will know
    No reason to force relationships
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    I am quirky and blunt. I break ice using a very dry, wretched sense of humor and it backfires. I also do not go around pretending to be a hot shot, even though I am.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    Because guys have way too much drama.

    But I only cried when it was my period!
  • holly1283
    holly1283 Posts: 741 Member
    Whatever comment you want to apply to the question, my only answer, and not a happy one, my husband died. Next time put more thought into a question.
  • cygnetpro
    cygnetpro Posts: 419 Member
    I know that I'm waaaay too picky. My friends get frustrated with me that I don't find a lot of guys that attractive. But luckily, I don't mind being alone, so I'm still going to hold out for someone terrific.

    And I totally agree with the other person about turning the question around and asking why you are with someone. I think another reason I'm single is that I watch my friends' relationships and think, "Good lord, that does NOT look fun!"
  • snazzyjazzy21
    snazzyjazzy21 Posts: 1,298 Member
    Because being alone is better?
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    I got asked "why, are at your age, have you never been married". I replied "Marriage offers no benefits to the male species." Yea, she was mad LOL
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    Whatever comment you want to apply to the question, my only answer, and not a happy one, my husband died. Next time put more thought into a question.

    Its a perfectly fine question. Sorry for your loss.
  • NYChick84
    NYChick84 Posts: 331 Member
    I seem to attract the wrong guys. This time around, I'm being super picky in whom I choose to date. I guess I didn't have high enough standards for myself. I'm fun, outgoing, energetic, educated, intelligent, have a good job, an amazing family, optimistic, well traveled.....Why can't I seem to find someone who is of the same caliber as me??
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    its just better to be able to throw that D*** everywhere I want to

    oh, and cuz Im too picky(seems to be the common reason here)...
  • EmilyJackCO
    EmilyJackCO Posts: 621 Member
    On a recent episode of Tough Love they had speed dates - they were given literally one minute to talk and most of the people asked the other "Why are you single?'". I kind of liked the one guy's answer: "Because I'm a *kitten*." But the rest just squirmed and lied and minimized...one guy uncomfortably admitted to a couple of women that it was because he'd cheated on every girlfriend he ever had, but isn't that kind of TMI for a 1-minute speed date?

    So how do you answer that question when you get it? Do you answer with the stock "I just haven't found the right person"? I mean, it would take some serious gut-purging (not to mention a full review of all my past relationships) to explain why I'm single, but that's not something I'm going to do with anyone but close friends or family, or a therapist if I had one.

    For those that ask that question on the first date - and I know you're out there - don't you think that's a pretty rude question to ask someone you barely know?

    A) Because I have issues that can't be solved overnight or with champagne, roses and chocolate. I've come many many miles from where I was, and continue to make progress (backward or forward, it's still progress!) and grow. Or if I'm feeling particularly snarky, 'because I have don't play well with others.'

    B) I think that it is a pretty invasive question for a first date. But I haven't been on a first date in..... well, I won't admit for how long. Having watched the evolution of society along with the growth of the media and Internet culture, though - I can see how many would not think it rude to ask. We overshare everything with strangers, so it seems perfectly normal to ask. However, it sets the stage for prejudgment as well, and that's not a good place to start from.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,303 Member
    Because others are picky.
  • SadFaerie
    SadFaerie Posts: 243 Member
    Not single, but I don't see how that question is rude. It's gonna come up eventually anyways, when it comes up is irrelevant. If the answer is damaging to the possibility of a future relationship it's not going to get better with time. If it's not damaging to the relationship then what's the argument?
    It's kinda rude as most of the time it's like asking "What's wrong with you, why nobody wants you?" It's an awkward question for a first date, speed or not.

    Oh, and I think I'll start answering "Cause I'm a *kitten*", like question, like answer. Me likes.
  • Mobilemuscle
    Mobilemuscle Posts: 945 Member
    well at least it gets you str8 to the point...lol
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    I'm single because I'm too pretty to be lied to, cheated on, or played with ;)

    Haha same here! I finally found a good one though. :)
  • Aviendha_RJ
    Aviendha_RJ Posts: 600 Member
    My reply is usually... "Because I realized after two years in my last relationship that I didn't know whether he loved me. And I deserve way better than that. I don't want to settle in my life."

    A) it's true
    B) it's brief
    C) it's not TMI
    D) it subtly lets the other person know that you won't let them walk all over you.
  • anemoneprose
    anemoneprose Posts: 1,805 Member
    Not dating right now, so I haven't been asked that question by anyone other than annoying older distant relatives. I'm happy single for now -- am busy with my own stuff in life -- and would rather die alone than spend my life in a miserable marriage. I just tell people the first part (because most of them are in miserable marriages).

    Is it a rude question on a date? Idk, depends how it's asked, whether the person asking has also been through [divorce, abuse, etc] and can share in understanding around that. Ultimately people want to know if you're damaged goods. I guess it's a fair question, probably rude, yes.

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