Has self love gone too far?

TheSlorax

Above posters were right, she's still making a point that a woman's self worth is based on her appearance.

Are you suggesting that one's appearance is not even a component of their self worth?

Because if that were the case, then no one would care about their appearance. The fashion industry, beauty aid industry, cosmetic surgery industry, and several others would be completely worthless. I don't think she is saying that beauty is the only thing that creates self-worth, but that it is a big part of creating one's self-esteem. And this is actually a good thing because if she learns to value her self-image, then in time, she will learn how to take better care of it.

Do you know why I got obese? Because I was a 5'11" and 170 lbs and my friends were all 5'6" and 120 lbs and I thought that I was supposed to look like them, and once I abandoned the thought that it was actually attainable for me, I stopped caring about appearance in general. Not because I loved and valued my body, but because I hated it.

Her public proclammation of "self-love" isn't about acceptance. Me deciding that if I couldn't be as thin as my friends, then why care, was fat acceptance.

Appearance should only be a fraction of someone's self worth. I used to be like you and put 100% of my own value into how I looked. I had a pretty vicious self loathing thing going on because I was not happy with my weight or how I looked - I ****ing detested myself. My point is that no one should feel like this. They should not feel that, as a person, because they are too fat or too thin or too ugly they are completely worthless. In my opinion, this woman is perpetuating this by saying she is beautiful even though she's fat. It should not be like that. Instead of saying "I am beautiful, smart, funny, kind and I also happen to be fat", she is sending the message that she has to fight to accept and love herself because of her weight. To me that's wrong.

First off, I don't believe acknowledging that appearance is part of how someone forms their self-worth gives any indication that I personally base all of my self-worth in my appearance. I am working on MBA with a 3.95 GPA, but I didn't go back to school until I was in my 30's because I didn't even believe I was smart enough to complete a financial loan application (that's a long story). All that I am saying is that this woman is working on improving her self-image. In this particular instance, she was working on the appearance aspect of her self-image, and did it through public visuals. She is an artist. That's what artists do. They create visuals for the public. Just because she has provided the world some insight into this singular aspect of working on her mental health, does not mean that the only value she places on her self is in her appearance. It just means that she is a visual person, and the easiest way to express her efforts in valuing herself to the world is through appearance.

I misinterpreted your original response, sorry about that. In no way did I mean that you only put value into your appearance. I only meant that I once felt this way about myself because I made a faulty connection between my own situation (eating more because I hated myself for being fat, figure that one out) and your reasons for putting on weight. (By the way, congrats on the MBA and scholarly accomplishments, impressive!)

As an artist she did her job, that's for sure. But as a person.... this is still the message she's sending (that she is only worth what her body looks like). She did this because she wanted to learn to love herself... In spite of being fat. See what I'm saying?

toutmonpossible

Above posters were right, she's still making a point that a woman's self worth is based on her appearance.

Are you suggesting that one's appearance is not even a component of their self worth?

Fine. She's playing the game and trying to change the rules. No one is convinced. Just yesterday I was reading an article in a writer said that the fact Beth Ditto poses nude doesn't mean little girls are growing up wanting to look like her.


I think there are limits to self-love and the woman in the Huffington Post article is entitled to think she's physically beautiful but I don't share her opinion.

CorvusCorax77

I find it funny that if she was skinny she'd be called a mad poser sl*t, but since she's fat she's inspirational.

It really depends on context. There is the slutwalk and I think a lot of people who find this woman's particular action profound as a mix of performance art and political action would also find slut walk to have the same exact value, even though it involves quite a few thin women dressed scantily clad and walking about in public.

I think the message is what makes it positive.

I also think the folks who say she is promoting the concept of a woman's looks as being more important.. wow. Interesting thought. In some ways I agree- she could have promoted what makes her valuable.... But I think the political intent of the action was to challenge the idea that fat isn't beautiful, not to challenge the idea that women can't be phD's or whatever.

But still, that was a great point. It kind of does buy into that.

SoDamnHungry

So no, I do not think self love has gone too far. I think that as she learns to love her body, she will decide to take better care of it, and in time, she will craft herself a healthier body.

A lot of the time, people say they love themselves as is because they don't want to put in the work or are afraid to try and become healthier. I think she'll probably never craft a healthier body because this is her way of saying "This is how I am, I've decided I'm beautiful and accept myself like this, so that I never need to do anything to change myself."

TheBitSlinger

no it hasn't. But then again, I have really short fingers.

rml_16

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

Then why was obese considered beautiful a couple hundred years ago?

We're attracted to signs of prosperity. Long ago, rich people didn't have to do any labor. It was desirable to be VERY pale and overweight because thay showed that you were rich enough not to have to labor in the sunshine every day.

Now, thin/muscular and tan show that you have reached an economic status that allows the leisure time to bask in the sunshine by the pool and exercise in a gym on a regular basis.

UsedToBeHusky

So no, I do not think self love has gone too far. I think that as she learns to love her body, she will decide to take better care of it, and in time, she will craft herself a healthier body.

A lot of the time, people say they love themselves as is because they don't want to put in the work or are afraid to try and become healthier. I think she'll probably never craft a healthier body because this is her way of saying "This is how I am, I've decided I'm beautiful and accept myself like this, so that I never need to do anything to change myself."

Well then she has failed in her attempt to love herself.

UsedToBeHusky

Above posters were right, she's still making a point that a woman's self worth is based on her appearance.

Are you suggesting that one's appearance is not even a component of their self worth?

Because if that were the case, then no one would care about their appearance. The fashion industry, beauty aid industry, cosmetic surgery industry, and several others would be completely worthless. I don't think she is saying that beauty is the only thing that creates self-worth, but that it is a big part of creating one's self-esteem. And this is actually a good thing because if she learns to value her self-image, then in time, she will learn how to take better care of it.

Do you know why I got obese? Because I was a 5'11" and 170 lbs and my friends were all 5'6" and 120 lbs and I thought that I was supposed to look like them, and once I abandoned the thought that it was actually attainable for me, I stopped caring about appearance in general. Not because I loved and valued my body, but because I hated it.

Her public proclammation of "self-love" isn't about acceptance. Me deciding that if I couldn't be as thin as my friends, then why care, was fat acceptance.

Appearance should only be a fraction of someone's self worth. I used to be like you and put 100% of my own value into how I looked. I had a pretty vicious self loathing thing going on because I was not happy with my weight or how I looked - I ****ing detested myself. My point is that no one should feel like this. They should not feel that, as a person, because they are too fat or too thin or too ugly they are completely worthless. In my opinion, this woman is perpetuating this by saying she is beautiful even though she's fat. It should not be like that. Instead of saying "I am beautiful, smart, funny, kind and I also happen to be fat", she is sending the message that she has to fight to accept and love herself because of her weight. To me that's wrong.

First off, I don't believe acknowledging that appearance is part of how someone forms their self-worth gives any indication that I personally base all of my self-worth in my appearance. I am working on MBA with a 3.95 GPA, but I didn't go back to school until I was in my 30's because I didn't even believe I was smart enough to complete a financial loan application (that's a long story). All that I am saying is that this woman is working on improving her self-image. In this particular instance, she was working on the appearance aspect of her self-image, and did it through public visuals. She is an artist. That's what artists do. They create visuals for the public. Just because she has provided the world some insight into this singular aspect of working on her mental health, does not mean that the only value she places on her self is in her appearance. It just means that she is a visual person, and the easiest way to express her efforts in valuing herself to the world is through appearance.

I misinterpreted your original response, sorry about that. In no way did I mean that you only put value into your appearance. I only meant that I once felt this way about myself because I made a faulty connection between my own situation (eating more because I hated myself for being fat, figure that one out) and your reasons for putting on weight. (By the way, congrats on the MBA and scholarly accomplishments, impressive!)

As an artist she did her job, that's for sure. But as a person.... this is still the message she's sending (that she is only worth what her body looks like). She did this because she wanted to learn to love herself... In spite of being fat. See what I'm saying?

Self-love is a journey of self-discovery. She's not in the same place that you are, that is for sure, but she has started here, because appearance was the easiest thing for her to tackle and the easiest thing for her to express.

UsedToBeHusky

Above posters were right, she's still making a point that a woman's self worth is based on her appearance.

Are you suggesting that one's appearance is not even a component of their self worth?

Fine. She's playing the game and trying to change the rules. No one is convinced. Just yesterday I was reading an article in a writer said that the fact Beth Ditto poses nude doesn't mean little girls are growing up wanting to look like her.


I think there are limits to self-love and the woman in the Huffington Post article is entitled to think she's physically beautiful but I don't share her opinion.

I think the point that everyone is missing is that she didn't do this for the world. She did this for herself. She put it out there for the world to see to make herself be brave enough to see herself as she is. Loving oneself is not about accepting it as it is. Loving oneself is about treating yourself the way you deserve to be treated. She felt like she deserved to be publicly admired, even if no one else in the world felt that way. And that is just the beginning, honestly, who knows where she will go from here.

rml_16

I think it has. This is just my opinion - I have had a hard time with the whole "fat acceptance" movement and all that it involves for several reasons. First of all I do believe we need to love ourselves and take care of ourselves. That said, I don't think at my highest weight of 382 pounds I was loving myself. I truly believe that it isn't normal to get to that weight, or 311 lbs like the woman in the article. I think there are deeper issues involved when someone is morbidly obese and by promoting acceptance I think there is a certain level of also promoting avoidance.

I have a friend who's involved in the fat acceptance stuff. She's VERY heavy and I think she's given up. And that's her business. But she has criticized me for wanting to lose weight and that's where I draw the line.

Just because you're happy with your body (though I don't think that's true in her case) doesn't mean I have to be happy with mine or that I shouldn't strive to improve it.

QuietBloom

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

Then why was obese considered beautiful a couple hundred years ago?

We're attracted to signs of prosperity. Long ago, rich people didn't have to do any labor. It was desirable to be VERY pale and overweight because thay showed that you were rich enough not to have to labor in the sunshine every day.

Now, thin/muscular and tan show that you have reached an economic status that allows the leisure time to bask in the sunshine by the pool and exercise in a gym on a regular basis.

I disagree that obese has ever been considered sexually attractive. Slightly overweight? Pleasingly plump? Displaying that you have enough fat stores to carry a baby to full term despite spotty access to food? Yes. But never morbid obesity or anything even approaching it. MHO.

rml_16

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

Then why was obese considered beautiful a couple hundred years ago?

We're attracted to signs of prosperity. Long ago, rich people didn't have to do any labor. It was desirable to be VERY pale and overweight because thay showed that you were rich enough not to have to labor in the sunshine every day.

Now, thin/muscular and tan show that you have reached an economic status that allows the leisure time to bask in the sunshine by the pool and exercise in a gym on a regular basis.

I disagree that obese has ever been considered sexually attractive. Slightly overweight? Pleasingly plump? Displaying that you have enough fat stores to carry a baby to full term despite spotty access to food? Yes. But never morbid obesity or anything even approaching it. MHO.

Have you ever heard the term "Rubenesque"?

Those women weren't 300 pounds, sure, but 200-250, definitely. And they were the ideal for a great while.

FitCanuckChick

Well I think she is brave.

Honestly, I really hate seeing people criticize someone for an action like this. I mean, honestly, when people allow themselves to become obese, it is usually (NOT ALWAYS) because on some level, they do not love themselves. And sometimes, before you can work on your body, you have to learn to love yourself. And part of learning to love yourself is accepting your body.

So no, I do not think self love has gone too far. I think that as she learns to love her body, she will decide to take better care of it, and in time, she will craft herself a healthier body.

^^Brilliant. A positive attitude beats a negative one, hands down!

Absolututely...

A few points for me to add. First of all, it is saddening me to such a level reading the negative posts. I know there are a lot of the proper words being used here, such as "healthy" and "fit", but what I read is fat is ugly, fat is disgusting. As a mom to girls, my heart is just aching to see such negativity. Secondly, I have no idea about the motives of the woman and the article, but I will say if you don't love and accept yourself fat you will never love and accept yourself thin.

leaaa92

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

^ Amen ^

dakotababy

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

Then why was obese considered beautiful a couple hundred years ago?

We're attracted to signs of prosperity. Long ago, rich people didn't have to do any labor. It was desirable to be VERY pale and overweight because thay showed that you were rich enough not to have to labor in the sunshine every day.

Now, thin/muscular and tan show that you have reached an economic status that allows the leisure time to bask in the sunshine by the pool and exercise in a gym on a regular basis.

I disagree that obese has ever been considered sexually attractive. Slightly overweight? Pleasingly plump? Displaying that you have enough fat stores to carry a baby to full term despite spotty access to food? Yes. But never morbid obesity or anything even approaching it. MHO.

Have you ever heard the term "Rubenesque"?

Those women weren't 300 pounds, sure, but 200-250, definitely. And they were the ideal for a great while.

...Its 2013.

UsedToBeHusky

There is a reason why we don't find obesity too attractive. We are biologically wired to be attracted to health. Clear skin signals health, good muscle tone suggests health, etc...

So when someone is 300lb, they are carrying weight we did not biologically evolve to carry. Human joints are not designed to be carrying that kind of load non-stop. Heart was not meant to be pumping with extra strain for 24/7. Internal organs are not meant to squashed by the internal fat... We are called to ignore those things in the name of self love. That's bull in my opinion.

Then why was obese considered beautiful a couple hundred years ago?

We're attracted to signs of prosperity. Long ago, rich people didn't have to do any labor. It was desirable to be VERY pale and overweight because thay showed that you were rich enough not to have to labor in the sunshine every day.

Now, thin/muscular and tan show that you have reached an economic status that allows the leisure time to bask in the sunshine by the pool and exercise in a gym on a regular basis.

I disagree that obese has ever been considered sexually attractive. Slightly overweight? Pleasingly plump? Displaying that you have enough fat stores to carry a baby to full term despite spotty access to food? Yes. But never morbid obesity or anything even approaching it. MHO.

Have you ever heard the term "Rubenesque"?

Those women weren't 300 pounds, sure, but 200-250, definitely. And they were the ideal for a great while.

...Its 2013.

The point was that thin has not always been considered attractive by society.

LumpySpacePrincess1

I don't understand what people are arguing about.
Do you think this woman's body is attractive?

UsedToBeHusky

I don't understand what people are arguing about.
Do you think this woman's body is attractive?

What is attractive about her is that she was brave enough to expose herself to public ridicule.

BlueBombers

To each their own I say. It's a free country.

MaiLinna

If she was 200, that'd be cool. If you're a 300lb woman you are morbidly obese and need to lay off the god damned cheeseburgers, not parade around naked telling everyone you're beautiful. You're sick and need help mentally and physically if you let yourself get that far out of control.