Has self love gone too far?

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  • sinistras
    sinistras Posts: 244 Member
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    Did anyone watch the video clip from the page OP listed? The woman herself doesn't seem convinced that she is beautiful. She sounds pretty insecure and unsatisfied with the personal outcome of her project. Turns out she wasn't as liberated as she may have looked in some photographs.

    Maybe the project helped her love herself, all 311 pounds, and realize that some of those pounds need to go to physically/mentally feel better about herself!
  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
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    Did anyone watch the video clip from the page OP listed? The woman herself doesn't seem convinced that she is beautiful. She sounds pretty insecure and unsatisfied with the personal outcome of her project. Turns out she wasn't as liberated as she may have looked in some photographs.

    Maybe the project helped her love herself, all 311 pounds, and realize that some of those pounds need to go to physically/mentally feel better about herself!

    If you don't love yourself to begin with, taking pictures of yourself mostly naked in public probably isn't going to just make it magically go away. Her weight is obviously the source of her insecurity. But instead of doing something about it, she is trying to validate it.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    I disagree that obese has ever been considered sexually attractive. Slightly overweight? Pleasingly plump? Displaying that you have enough fat stores to carry a baby to full term despite spotty access to food? Yes. But never morbid obesity or anything even approaching it. MHO.
    Have you ever heard the term "Rubenesque"?
    Those women weren't 300 pounds, sure, but 200-250, definitely. And they were the ideal for a great while.
    ...Its 2013.


    An ideal woman was plump enough to carry a baby through hard times and still fit enough to work in the fields if you were an average person. My grandfather said you pick a wife that's big and strong enough to carry 2 5 gallon pails of water without spilling any! The Reubenesque woman was the rich mans ideal of a pampered woman. In Africa it's still considered a sign of prosperity to have a fat wife, not sure it's considered beautiful, just a sign that you can feed her well and she doesn't need to work.


    Actually the women Sir Peter Paul Rubens were much smaller, no where near 200 pounds.
  • KellyKAG
    KellyKAG Posts: 418
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    I read the article yesterday. I was shocked by her bravery. At my thinnest (a size 10) I wouldnt have had the balls & self confidence this woman has. She is not promoting obesity she is promoting self love. That doesnt mean she is happy to be obese it means that she is happy to be the person that she is living in the skin that she is in. I hope one day before I die I can feel that comfortable being me and not trying to hide whenever someone takes out a camera cause God forbid you can see my muffin top or double chin in the picture.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Did anyone watch the video clip from the page OP listed? The woman herself doesn't seem convinced that she is beautiful. She sounds pretty insecure and unsatisfied with the personal outcome of her project. Turns out she wasn't as liberated as she may have looked in some photographs.

    Maybe the project helped her love herself, all 311 pounds, and realize that some of those pounds need to go to physically/mentally feel better about herself!

    If you don't love yourself to begin with, taking pictures of yourself mostly naked in public probably isn't going to just make it magically go away. Her weight is obviously the source of her insecurity. But instead of doing something about it, she is trying to validate it.

    Yes, and she failed. Self-awareness is usally the beginning to the path of "self-love". For all you know, by this time next year, she will have dropped 60 lbs.

    I always thought I was comfortable with myself and my body. Until I realized that I wasn't. I didn't need to parade around naked in public to get there... but maybe this woman did. We all have our aha-moments and stories, and I'm willing to bet no one's is the same as anyone else's on this site.
  • shell_mc
    shell_mc Posts: 109 Member
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    I think this is such an interesting discussion. I feel like we're talking about more than one thing..

    1 - Loving yourself despite (or maybe because of) all of your glorious imperfections.

    This is saying, 'hey, I might have a problem with my [insert issue here], but I'm a pretty freaking great person. Yay me!'

    2 - Physical attraction

    I don't find morbid obesity attractive in either sex. I'm sorry, I just don't. It doesn't mean that I judge, don't accept, or wouldn't be friends with people who are morbidly obese. Hardly. (similarly, I don't find mustaches attractive either, but if you want to have one, go for it!). It just means if I was single and ready to mingle, I would likely be drawn to men who are more physically fit (without a mustache!) than those were aren't. It's a personal preference. There are plenty of people (men and women) that are physically attracted to those who are heavier set. More power to them. I couldn't care less.

    Luckily for me, my husband doesn't expect me to be a size 2. We would have been divorced a looooong time ago!

    3 - What is healthy?

    I agree that someone who is over 300 pounds might have physical aspects within a 'healthy range' (e.g. Blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.), and that weight itself isn't an indicator that these things are in an unhealthy range.

    BUT, it is proven science that obesity is a risk factor for a number of health problems. Yeah, just because I'm fat doesn't mean I'll GET [breast cancer, diabetes, heart disease, alzheimer's...pick your disease], but it certainly increases the likelihood that I will. And honestly, from my own experience, I feel better when I get regular exercise and eat better food. Surely the way I feel is an indicator of my overall health.

    At the end of the day, I hate the term 'fat acceptance'. I believe in people acceptance. Fat or thin, gay or straight, black, white, or any beautiful shade in between, we need to learn to love our fellow humans for exactly who they are. We may not agree with decisions people make or how they live their lives, but, at the end of the day, it's really no one's business but our own.
  • etoiles_argentees
    etoiles_argentees Posts: 2,827 Member
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    And this is how we define bravery now?

    2013-09-17-tumblr_inline_mt8dyxLwqO1qkifb8.jpg
  • polarsjewel
    polarsjewel Posts: 1,726 Member
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    Well I think she is brave.

    Honestly, I really hate seeing people criticize someone for an action like this. I mean, honestly, when people allow themselves to become obese, it is usually (NOT ALWAYS) because on some level, they do not love themselves. And sometimes, before you can work on your body, you have to learn to love yourself. And part of learning to love yourself is accepting your body.

    So no, I do not think self love has gone too far. I think that as she learns to love her body, she will decide to take better care of it, and in time, she will craft herself a healthier body.

    QFT!!
  • LumpySpacePrincess1
    LumpySpacePrincess1 Posts: 388 Member
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    And this is how we define bravery now?

    2013-09-17-tumblr_inline_mt8dyxLwqO1qkifb8.jpg
    Look at her shoes though. Fancy.
    (They won't let me be me in here and make a joke about The Wizard of Oz).
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    And this is how we define bravery now?

    2013-09-17-tumblr_inline_mt8dyxLwqO1qkifb8.jpg

    She was brave enough to act out this form of self-expression knowing that she would likely be publicly ridiculed, but she did it to force herself to see herself as she truly is, and it was what she needed to do for herself. If she can recognize that she had to put aside some of her internalized fears to see herself as she really is, then she is one step closer to loving herself, and treating her body as it needs to be treated.
  • shell_mc
    shell_mc Posts: 109 Member
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    Sorry that post was so long winded. It didn't seem to be when I was thinking about it and typing it out!

    Not new to MFP, but new to the message boards. Looking forward to the discussions!
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    Look at her shoes though. Fancy.
    (They won't let me be me in here and make a joke about The Wizard of Oz).

    They are nice shoes.
  • Isakizza
    Isakizza Posts: 754 Member
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    Sometimes I do think it has gone a bit too far, or really just misunderstood.
    But I do totally agree that we shouldn't hate ourselves, ever.

    To respect and love yourself does not mean to accept an unhealthy body or unhealthy lifestyle. We should still try to be the best "Me" we can, for our own good. At least that's how I see it.

    21525558.png
  • LumpySpacePrincess1
    LumpySpacePrincess1 Posts: 388 Member
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    Are Americans like Brits in the way that even if a panda began salsa dancing they'd pretend not to notice?
    Look at all those dudes, like it's just another Friday night.
  • gangsterfurious
    gangsterfurious Posts: 56
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    When I look at her I don't see beauty and I do not see somebody that really loves herself. It's one thing to accept where you are at but another thing to actually love yourself and treat yourself accordingly. When you love yourself and your body, you don't treat it like a garbage disposal. When I look at her and all of her extra weight I see the damage she is doing to her joints, her spine, and her nerves. When I see her cellulite I see years of her abusing her body with the wrong foods and the toxic buildup she has created that is now hanging out on her thighs. When I look at her stomach I see her heart and her organs struggling.
  • Ladydrake12
    Ladydrake12 Posts: 45 Member
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    If she is happy, I guess that is all that matters but I do tend to think going out into public and making "statements" like this is a cry for attention and a way of screaming to the world that she loves herself despite her flaws even if that is not really the case. Sort of a "maybe if I scream the exact opposite of my true feelings, it will suddenly be true" situation.

    Some people see their flaws and work to get rid of them, some people see their flaws and try to accept them, others want to get rid of them but don't have the mental fortitude to do so.
  • Bobbie8786
    Bobbie8786 Posts: 202 Member
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    Exhibitionism comes in all shapes and sizes. In my opinion writing all over yourself and going out in public in your underwear has nothing to do with "loving yourself," it has to do with a burning desire to be noticed at any cost. Besides, she is focusing on outward "beauty" herself and so is still pushing the idea that outward appearance is vitally important to our self-worth. In my ever so humble opinion we would all be better off to stop being so freakishly obsessed with looks and place higher value on being decent human beings.
  • torie079
    torie079 Posts: 179 Member
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    Why would any of you encourage her to not be comfortable in her skin as she is? I find it disgusting that other people want to dictate how she should feel about herself... Chances are her doc has talked to her about the health risks but there is absolutely nothing wrong with her striving to be comfortable with her image as she is in her skin NOW. No one should be made to hate themselves just because some lunks want to make themselves feel better...ugh
  • Ladydrake12
    Ladydrake12 Posts: 45 Member
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    Are Americans like Brits in the way that even if a panda began salsa dancing they'd pretend not to notice?
    Look at all those dudes, like it's just another Friday night.

    Pretty much unless they are Redditors. Then they will take pictures and post them on the Internet later about "what they saw on the way home" to get Karma.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    If she is happy, I guess that is all that matters but I do tend to think going out into public and making "statements" like this is a cry for attention and a way of screaming to the world that she loves herself despite her flaws even if that is not really the case. Sort of a "maybe if I scream the exact opposite of my true feelings, it will suddenly be true" situation.

    If she is not convincing you, do you think she actually convinced herself?
    Some people see their flaws and work to get rid of them, some people see their flaws and try to accept them, others want to get rid of them but don't have the mental fortitude to do so.

    People change and mature with time. She could fit in anyone of those categories at any time. And an action like this is sure to inspire her to change her views, which was her intention in the first place.

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