Bridezilla, weight loss sabotage? Or common sense.

Grace215lbs

Don't stop your fitness goals at all!
My eldest sister hinted at this to me too, but openly came out and said "you cant be skinnier than me on my wedding".
It is just me and my middle sister (who is already married and wasn't a bridezilla at all! ) who are the bridesmaids, and a 10 year old as a flower girl. My sister bought her wedding dress online at a great price! its really big and beautiful. She had decided then that me and my sister had to also wear a big (pink) dress down the wedding as she didn't want to look like "a disco ball with two pencils beside her" :S
We've agreed to everything as its her wedding, and i'd go down in a bin bag if it made her happy, but then she said she didn't want the combined amount for the bridesmaids dresses to be more than her dress (neither was the grooms suit etc) which is ridiculous as she got her dress extremely cheaply online, yet ours as it was for two of us was coming from a shop, which is always more expensive, plus we are paying for it ourselves anyway. she also had ridiculous budgets for everything for example £50 for a photographer £30 for 150 invites etc and gave us the jobs to do it. I openly said to her that she was being a bit of a bridezilla, and making the whole situation unnecessarily stressful. That we can get things done for her but with realistic budgets and timeframes. (she told us she was getting married in June (i think) and said the wedding is in Oct, Its now in march luckily.) and that she doesn't even like pink so is she sure she wants us in pink and to be reasonable with the dresses as we have to order them or we wont have any.. she let us buy ourselves the dresses in the end !

Basically,, just cause its her wedding doesn't mean she can turn into a b**ch so speak up, and don't stop your fitness goals!

Edited as i posted without typing haha. She sounds a bit like my sister. Mine called me up and demanded i take work off to make her invites. I told her i need the money to pay for her wedding so she said i had to come in on my 1 day off. Her fiance was like whattt??? Just get some made online and send them over. He picked them they were almost the same as the ones she wanted only like half the price and i didnt have to make them.

Doctorpurple

This is an entertaining thread. As an almost graduating medical student doing a psych rotation I can pretty much tell that your sister has a narcissistic personality disorder. This behavior is not going to end with the wedding unfortunately. This is worse than other psych issues since she thinks she is perfectly ok and whatever happens is everyone fault not hers. If I were you, I will start distancing myself from this person whether she is your sister or not. She is toxic and dangerous. Attend the wedding but that's that. Try to limit your encounters with her and learn to be more independent of her demands. As for the wedding, I got married last year and this story makes me feel like a saint. I pretty much handled the whole wedding by myself. I don't really need help with planning and I want a simple wedding. I allowed my bridesmaid wear whatever dress they want as long as it is the same color and they can have whatever hair style they want. I paid for mani and pedi and gave they tokens for being such great bridesmaids. If I were you I would get myself out of the wedding. If you are avoiding trouble it's impossible. She will dislike you whether you stay or leave. She will always find something wrong to complain about. Once the wedding approaches, it will get worse. Trust me. Wedding planning is hectic towards the end. She will stress you out of your mind. Leave now with your sanity intact

MyJourney1960

Soo for those of you who know my anniversary with BF ended with him proposing my sister said i can't wear my engagement ring because it's not my wedding and bridesmaids apparently traditionally don't wear any jewlery because it takes focus away from the bride. Sany of you know if this is true? my mother says shes puling it out her backside. I told her its fine as i'll tie some roe on my finger since thats not really jewlery. This standing up for myself is pretty fun.

My fiance sadly for me is no longer attending on account, in his words " I don't want to celebrate your sociopath sisters, i tricked a guy into marrying me so f**k all of you day". Haha he's a silly one, though now im facing this wedding hell alone, so wish me luck and lets hope she doesnt decide her weddingneeds a human sacrifice

sweetheart, i am just now seeing this thread and skimmed through it.

I think you should listen to your mom and listen to your fiance because they sound like very sound, smart, down to earth people. I think you should very kindly and sweetly step out of being a bridesmaid and if that means that your sister will have no attendents then so be it - she brought this entirely upon herself. did you stop to think about *why* you are the only one left? and if she throws a fit and tells you not to bother coming to the wedding - well, so be it.

If anybody in my life would tell me to stop taking care of my health (which, in your case, would mean to revert to my previous unhealthy status), for any reason, that would be the last time they talked to me, unless they seriously got help and seriously apologized (not in "i'm sorry you are mad at me" but "i truly understand why you were so hurt and i will take great measures to make sure i never hurt you again"). It is not only unreasonable but downright stupid to tell a sibling to stop looking after their health. just to fit into some stupid dress. it's ludicrous.

michellemybelll

.....
And, you know, RUN!

^^ QFT!

your sister's a ****ing psycho *****.

Vex3521

Oh dear! Your sister really has gone way overboard in this and I hope she can see the light before alienating folks even further, but, my guess is she hasn't hit that "rock bottom" yet. Like others have said she sounds toxic and so miserable that she has to bring you lower to make herself feel better (think high school) and for that I pity her. I would stop letting it upset you and just be honest that it's too much to handle alone and back out. You don't need the negativity with so much going well for you!

You're doing a good thing for yourself and never, ever put that off for anyone or anything else. If it was something like "why can't you just eat "whatever" for a day and go back to counting tomorrow" for a sit-down meal that otherwise was going to be substitution city.... then, well, I'd have that side. But cutting or dye work to hair? yeah....

If nothing else watching her example has given you a clear guide of exactly what NOT to do while planning your wedding! Big huge congrats to you!!!

MyJourney1960

When my mother asked why she picked a dress which didn't suit any of our body types, she busted out at my mother yelling " I don't want their tits hangin out!! It's my day!!!" Not that the first dress even showed much cleavage, we didn't even pick the dress...

This is why i've been so calm with her. I'm just telling myself she wants to look good on her day. It's hard to be supportive when she's trying to make you her B****.

OK, wait, i am going thru the thread now and how to respond again. look I don't know you and you don't know me but that's what you get for throwing out your question on a free forum:laugh:

first of all - you aren't being CALM with her - you are being incredibly passive (and dare i say "doormatty"). this is probably just the pattern you two have always held but it has nothing to do with being calm. you are handing over control to your life/health/money to your sister. which brings me to the second point you raise - "she just wants to look good on her day" and again - no. she wants to make sure that NOBODY ELSE looks good. she is being utterly ridiculous, petty, and mean. I was at a wedding a while ago where the bride told her friends and flower girls that they could wear whatever they want as long as it's "in the wedding colors". that's it. and everyone looked beautiful and the bride of course outshone everyone because she is beautiful INSIDE AND OUT. your sister is so insecure that she has to make sure that everyone around her is covered up so that they don't outshine her.

nena49659

IF there are no bridesmaids there, her goal would have been accomplished. She'll be the prettiest one up there.

By the way, I have this pet peeve. Why do a lot of women say, "This is MY day."? Is it, or is it not, THEIR day? The bride AND the groom? I mean, really. Self-centered much?

Grace215lbs

I bet the bachelorette party is gonna be a blast

The bachelorette party consists of me, my mother and my sister. The grooms side don't want to attend. His sister in law however, who has not met my sister yet has said she's considering attending and might bring a friend. So that will be 5-6 people tops 2-3 who don't know anyone and a mother and her 2 daughters unless she invites her fiancés 2 sons girl friends. I think 1 is 21 and the other is 22. Either way...It's going to be soooooooooo awkward. Though she still wants us to pay for it. And she want's it at the most expensive hotel/casino in our city.. *Sigh* I'm actually most likely going to miss this one out and say. I don't go to casinos for a new found religious reason... Hahahaaa

Grace215lbs

This is an entertaining thread. As an almost graduating medical student doing a psych rotation I can pretty much tell that your sister has a narcissistic personality disorder. This behavior is not going to end with the wedding unfortunately. This is worse than other psych issues since she thinks she is perfectly ok and whatever happens is everyone fault not hers. If I were you, I will start distancing myself from this person whether she is your sister or not. She is toxic and dangerous. Attend the wedding but that's that. Try to limit your encounters with her and learn to be more independent of her demands. As for the wedding, I got married last year and this story makes me feel like a saint. I pretty much handled the whole wedding by myself. I don't really need help with planning and I want a simple wedding. I allowed my bridesmaid wear whatever dress they want as long as it is the same color and they can have whatever hair style they want. I paid for mani and pedi and gave they tokens for being such great bridesmaids. If I were you I would get myself out of the wedding. If you are avoiding trouble it's impossible. She will dislike you whether you stay or leave. She will always find something wrong to complain about. Once the wedding approaches, it will get worse. Trust me. Wedding planning is hectic towards the end. She will stress you out of your mind. Leave now with your sanity intact

I had a look into narcissistic personality disorders.. It's some scary stuff. I don't see her socially. She only comes to me when she wants something or needs help. And I've stoped giving her the time so she doesn't come to me for help anymore. Just to drive me nutts with this wedding stuff... Which is now just over FB in messages as I refuse to see her until closer to the date. I will try to keep my distance. My mother how ever, isn't very... how can I say this.. She gets conned by people very easily. So I don't think she will be weary of my sister and how she behaives. My sister is still trying to make her pay a few thousand for her wedding (when her and her fiancé earn a good 150-200grand a year) And my mothers a pensioner and thinks this is okay still as her fiancé is paying child support to his ex wife and is in debt, my sister is also in debt... Though she did see me a few days ago and said that my sister has become a very nasty, jealous hateful women. Maybe she's a lot wiser than i had thought. I will keep my eye on her now and try to help my mother. Thank you for your post!!!

zacksnana

I bet the bachelorette party is gonna be a blast

The bachelorette party consists of me, my mother and my sister. The grooms side don't want to attend. His sister in law however, who has not met my sister yet has said she's considering attending and might bring a friend. So that will be 5-6 people tops 2-3 who don't know anyone and a mother and her 2 daughters unless she invites her fiancés 2 sons girl friends. I think 1 is 21 and the other is 22. Either way...It's going to be soooooooooo awkward. Though she still wants us to pay for it. And she want's it at the most expensive hotel/casino in our city.. *Sigh* I'm actually most likely going to miss this one out and say. I don't go to casinos for a new found religious reason... Hahahaaa

Grace it is mind boggling reading through your replies. So far you say :
You HOPE she changes her mind and lets you alter the dress
You cannot wear your engagement ring
You have to do your hair like she wants
You did not HAVE to leave work and do her invitations
She wants you to pay for party at very expensive venue. You MIGHT say you do not do casinos any more.

Why not just say "NO. YOU WANT IT YOU PAY". After all the responses you have received, do you still doubt that your sister is WAY OFF BASE AND WRONG? Or are you scared of her? If so i suggest moving 10000 miles away from her or decide to be happy being her doormat. Sigh.
Edit to add: i would tell her if you want me in your wedding:
1. I do my hair and makeup as i choose
2. I am in charge of my own dress
3. I am in charge of my jewelry
4. I am not paying for any parties or doing your wedding chores. Hire a planner if need be. It is YOUR day, remember?
5. Don't like my conditions? Get a new attendant. None of this is negotiable.

Then MAYBE she will stop pushing you around when she sees you grew a pair.

kealey1318

IMHO, your sister is jealous... She doesn't like that you are doing so well and she is absolutely trying to sabotage you. It's easy for me to say, as I don't have a dog in this fight, but I would tell her you aren't interested in participating in her wedding if she's going to act this way. Oh, and if she's going to ask you to pay for your own bridesmaid's dresses, then she has to be flexible too. If she wants HER way, she needs to pay for everything.

I'm sad that someone would choose to be that rude and obnoxious just to feel better about themselves.

You should be SOOOOOO proud of yourself for losing the weigh and I urge you to continue your path to success!

desolate_angel

I'd wear the engagement ring. I'd probably alter the neckline of the dress when the rest of the alterations were done, too. And I'd change into it last minute. Not much bridezilla could do about it right before she walks down the aisle.

fierydeluge

Stand up for yourself! Don't be a doormat! Makes me wonder what the groom sees in her.

Wish you luck on the upcoming wedding!