Do not eat sandwiches
Replies
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I am a little ashamed, because I want to say that the funniest thing in this whole thread was the original post. But, to be honest, I cannot decide which is the funniest:
1. The original post and replies in kind,
2. The outraged, "Sandwiches are wonderful!" and helpful, "But if you make them at home with high-quality organic ingredients you will be fine!" whooosh-posts, or
3. The serious "THE PERSON WHO STARTED THIS THREAD IS A MORON" posts.
aha i'm just finding the whole thing funny considering it all started with a complaint that they keep treating their food with.... water!0 -
There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.
You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.
ENABLERS!!!0 -
Now I want a sandwich!! :grumble:0
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Sandwich Corp has released its latest product. They claim it will improve the customer experience and enhance nutritional efficiency.
Judge for yourself:
I say robot sandwiches are a secret mecha-tronic army that will rise up to enslave us all.
A. Hippy0 -
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There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.
You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.
ENABLERS!!!
Berry you need to be strong. Don't look at the sandwich, look at me. Look in to my eyes and you will see the pain of years of sandwich abuse. Do you want this berry?? Do you know what this is like? I have seen the face of the devil, Berry. And that face looks like a pastrami and Swiss on rye.0 -
A clear example of the hallucinogenic effects of sandwiches0 -
hmmm- i- want- the Waitrose brie and grape sandwich...sounds yummy.....0
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Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.
I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.
In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.
The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.
It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone
What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?0 -
They have slumped to a new low, Elton John released a remake of Candle in the Wind, which was Goodbye Norma Jean for maryln Monroe, then He made it Goodby English Rose for Diana, NOW it is GOODBYE CUCUMBER SANDWICH! They're Playing on people's Heart Strings and WTH!! Can't Elton Write Anymore?? I mean C'mon man make something new
Oh and they released a commemorative sandwich
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There's a Waitrose brie and grape sandwich sitting on my desk winking at me. Until half an hour ago I hadn't bought a sandwich in months. This thread was the trigger.
You've got 20 minutes to stage an intervention or I'll be suing for the cost of rehab.
ENABLERS!!!
Berry you need to be strong. Don't look at the sandwich, look at me. Look in to my eyes and you will see the pain of years of sandwich abuse. Do you want this berry?? Do you know what this is like? I have seen the face of the devil, Berry. And that face looks like a pastrami and Swiss on rye.
Could it be, perhaps, maybe, that you are . . . . SATAN? And that YOU are using YOUR evil powers to sway the people away from the only good and true source of proper nutrition that can be eaten while walking? I think so.
Sincerely,
Rep from Sandwich Corp0 -
Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.
I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.
In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.
The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.
It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone
What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?
What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy0 -
Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.
I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.
In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.
The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.
It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone
What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?
What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy
WE MEET AGAIN, SANDWICHCORP.
To my fellow scientists, I wish to inform you that due to my sister hiding her guinea pig from me again I am lacking in test subjects for this metamorphosed sandwich. For that reason I will sample it myself and document the effects myself.
Do not be concerned. I am of good constitution and will also take a multivitamin0 -
:laugh: I actually live in Sandwich ......0
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Guys I have come across some disarming information in my studies.
I have been conducting a series of scientific trials in my basement.... Underground science lab on SandwichCorps products.
In my most recent tests I have attempted to apply heat to sandwiches for a long period of time. I hypothesised that this may effectively kill the sandwich and cause it to become harmless. I could not have been more wrong.
The sandwich has formed a thick, hard armour causing it to become nearly indestructible. It's insides have become more fluid, increasing its malleability and potential surface area, presumably so that it can absorb more chemicals to deliver to the host.
It is also emitting an intoxicating smell which a summise to be some form of pheromone
What are your theories on this previously undiscovered genus?
What you have stumbled across is what we here at Sandwich Corp lovingly call - YUMMY! Enjoy
WE MEET AGAIN, SANDWICHCORP.
To my fellow scientists, I wish to inform you that due to my sister hiding her guinea pig from me again I am lacking in test subjects for this metamorphosed sandwich. For that reason I will sample it myself and document the effects myself.
Do not be concerned. I am of good constitution and will also take a multivitamin
*INSERT BUDDY COP MOVIE LINES*
NO MUTANT! Let me do it Kid, You got your whole life ahead of you. I'm just an old Sarge witha bad back and a pension split between 3 ex wives. Let me DO THIS KID!!!0 -
It's too late PJ.
I have sampled the subject. At this time I feel no ill affects. The product is of course delicious but that is further proof that Sandwich Corp employs wizards.0 -
I have decided that in the interest of science I should imbibe a second sample.0
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It's too late PJ.
I have sampled the subject. At this time I feel no ill affects. The product is of course delicious but that is further proof that Sandwich Corp employs wizards.
You're tops in my book kiddo!0 -
In fact it is probably best that I consume the thing in its entirety in order to observe if they're are equal concentrations of perfection....evil sandwich magic. Through the entire subject0
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Hello?
This is prof Mutants assistant.
I came into the lab and found her acting crazy! She was making entire platefuls of sandwiches and destroying them!
I have enclosed her in a sterile room and taken some photographs. Will these affects wear off? I'm only a junior I don't know how to help her!
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NO!!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT!!! you'll regret it in the morning....
.... this post is probably too late.....
ETA: turns out it was too late......0 -
To Mutant's lab assistant.... whatever you do, don't unlock the door. She will scream and try to beat the door down demanding bread and associated fillings.... no matter what, DO NOT GIVE THEM TO HER. No matter what threats she makes. Just make sure there's nothing in the room with which she could threaten to harm herself or anyone else, in an attempt to blackmail you into giving her sandwich ingredients and paraphernalia0
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Buuut....I made pot roast on Monday and want a sammich!! :sad:0
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To Mutant's lab assistant.... whatever you do, don't unlock the door. She will scream and try to beat the door down demanding bread and associated fillings.... no matter what, DO NOT GIVE THEM TO HER. No matter what threats she makes. Just make sure there's nothing in the room with which she could threaten to harm herself or anyone else, in an attempt to blackmail you into giving her sandwich ingredients and paraphernalia
All is well fellow Internet human. All is well. I am the Mutant/host and I have escaped my prison.
The Mutant/host is fine and would like to remind the Neanderthal/Potential host to eat a delicious sandwich today.
Intact all fellow Internet humans/Potential hosts you should all eat a delicious sandwich today. There is no harm in the sandwich. The sandwich is love.0 -
Have you been converted by Sandwich Corp ? ... who will save us now, i fear the worse is yet to come.0
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Do not worry Mumbles. SandwichCorp is your friend0
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Snap out of it Mutant !!! ... there is still time0
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To Mutant's lab assistant.... whatever you do, don't unlock the door. She will scream and try to beat the door down demanding bread and associated fillings.... no matter what, DO NOT GIVE THEM TO HER. No matter what threats she makes. Just make sure there's nothing in the room with which she could threaten to harm herself or anyone else, in an attempt to blackmail you into giving her sandwich ingredients and paraphernalia
All is well fellow Internet human. All is well. I am the Mutant/host and I have escaped my prison.
The Mutant/host is fine and would like to remind the Neanderthal/Potential host to eat a delicious sandwich today.
Intact all fellow Internet humans/Potential hosts you should all eat a delicious sandwich today. There is no harm in the sandwich. The sandwich is love.
*grasps head in hand and drops to knees*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
we intervened too late..... all is lost.....
*must resist urge to go to Lebanese takeaway over the road*
This is disturbing. The Sandwich Corp seem to be attacking from remote geographic locations simultaneously.
*mmmmmm shawarma wrap*
They seem to be projecting their ideas into our thoughts somehow.....
*delicious spicy shawarma wrapped in freshly baked Lebanese flat bread, cooked in a traditional oven*
Must figure out how to stop this before.... before.... they completely..... take over... my.... mind....0 -
Help me Mutant. You’re my only hope. I have information that leads me to believe that Big Sandwich Corp has infiltrated our educational system and is compromising our students' reading comprehension ability!
*hologram fades in and out*
Help me Mutant. You’re my only hope. I have information that leads me to believe that Big Sandwich Corp has infiltrated our educational system and is compromising our students' reading comprehension ability!
*hologram fades in and out*
LOL0 -
To Mutant's lab assistant.... whatever you do, don't unlock the door. She will scream and try to beat the door down demanding bread and associated fillings.... no matter what, DO NOT GIVE THEM TO HER. No matter what threats she makes. Just make sure there's nothing in the room with which she could threaten to harm herself or anyone else, in an attempt to blackmail you into giving her sandwich ingredients and paraphernalia
All is well fellow Internet human. All is well. I am the Mutant/host and I have escaped my prison.
The Mutant/host is fine and would like to remind the Neanderthal/Potential host to eat a delicious sandwich today.
Intact all fellow Internet humans/Potential hosts you should all eat a delicious sandwich today. There is no harm in the sandwich. The sandwich is love.
*grasps head in hand and drops to knees*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
we intervened too late..... all is lost.....
*must resist urge to go to Lebanese takeaway over the road*
This is disturbing. The Sandwich Corp seem to be attacking from remote geographic locations simultaneously.
*mmmmmm shawarma wrap*
They seem to be projecting their ideas into our thoughts somehow.....
*delicious spicy shawarma wrapped in freshly baked Lebanese flat bread, cooked in a traditional oven*
Must figure out how to stop this before.... before.... they completely..... take over... my.... mind....
Embrace the sandwich, future host. The sandwich loves you. You love the sandwich. Chthulu R'yleh Waga N'Hahl Ftagn0
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