what is the worst thing you have been called?

garrisonwife

Wow! First, let me just say...I don't know a single person in this thread...but I love all of you. Those of us who have been verbally abused can take heart in the fact that we are ALL HERE...trying to better ourselves...for OURSELVES! I have my own story...but first, I must admit that halfway through reading this thread...I sent texts to a couple of my close friends. I happen to be a VERY outspoken person, and I asked them if I had ever said anything to them that hurt their feelings or stuck with them. I needed a reality check, because honestly...I have probably said things to people thinking it was "helping" when in fact, it could have been hurting them. Thankfully, those people (who took entirely TOO long to think about it, and had me panicking!!! Ha!) told me that, no, nothing came to mind. My story is a long one, and I tend to pull TL;DR comments, but I'll try to make it short:

Sheltered my entire life...until high school, I went to the same school system with the same people. I was friends with just about everyone. Then, in the middle of my freshman year of high school, my mother moved in with my (now ex-) stepdad. He lived in Austin, Texas...and I had grown up in the suburbs of Birmingham, Alabama. Yeah...culture shock, much?! Again, I was sheltered and spoiled rotten. I went to a private school. Dated the most popular guy that went to that school. Yada yada yada. Anyway, no one really made fun of anyone there...everyone kind of got along. (I know...weird for a high school, but anyway.) Then, during my junior year of high school, the oh-so-popular boyfriend had gone off to college, and I started hanging out with some people that didn't go to my school. I was 16 when I met "tall, handsome, 19 year old, who had his own apartment". Needless to say, the summer between my junior and senior years in high school, I lost my virginity to this man-boy. He had me convinced that we could run off together and live a wonderful life. So...that's what I did. He took me all the way to Michigan right before I turned 17. (At the time, 17 was "legal age" in Michigan.) He took me as far away from everything and everyone I knew as he could. He kept me isolated. The physical and sexual abuse was bad enough...BUT...the verbal abuse was the hardest to get over. It was easy for him to practically brainwash me. Here I was...a sheltered 16 year old...away from anyone who could tell me anything different than what he told me. He spent close to a year convincing me that I was worthless...I was crazy...no one would EVER love a piece of *kitten* like me...blah blah blah. He got me pregnant, and the day before my 17th birthday...I was almost 5 months pregnant...he beat my daughter straight out of me. He told me that I should have taken better care of myself. I believed him. ANYWAY...this went on for a couple of years until I finally got away from him right when I turned 19. I literally had to "re-learn" how to be ME. I had to learn to drive...(he never "allowed" me to get a driver's license)...I had to learn how to trust people. It was awful. I spent that first year away from him drinking myself into oblivion every single day. Then...a light switch went off. I realized that all I was doing was allowing him to still have power over me. To this day...(I will be 33 in a couple of days)...he has kept "tabs" on me. He knows exactly where I live, even though I live in Alabama again (with my AMAZING husband! *smile*)...and he lives in Texas. He still tries to "get" to me...and guess what! I don't let him. Ever. It took years for me to not flinch when someone near me raised their hand really quickly. It took me years to believe that I could actually be loved for who I am. It took me years to finally figure OUT who I really am.

The thing is...it would be easy for me to play "victim". He did some unthinkable things to me. However, when I look back on it...it's almost like I'm watching a movie of someone else's life. I am SO blessed that I had so many people who loved me through it. I know a lot of people don't. I just had to get to the point where I could say, "The past is going to remain where it belongs...in the past." I had to make a choice...either let him win...or take my power back. So...I took my power back. I have the usual self esteem issues like most women...but nothing like before. Plus, I finally married a man who tells me 20 times a day (no lie) that I am amazing and beautiful EXACTLY the way I am, and that he feels like the luckiest man alive to call me his wife. :-)

I'm so proud of all of you for stepping up and saying what people have said to you in your lives that affected you. I encourage all of you to make a choice TODAY to not let those nasty people any more power over you. I know...it's much easier said than done...but you are ALL worthy of love...no matter WHAT size, shape, color, ethnicity, religion or anything else!

Sending hugs to each of you! :-)

ETA: I should've mentioned...along the way, a lot of people told me I should get my GED since I left school before I graduated...but once I knew I could do ANYTHING I set my mind to, I went to school at night and got my highschool diploma...plus some college. :-) Take that, jerk! :-)

Wow! you are an awesome woman, just because you were able to get away from the abuser. I've met a few ladies who were letting their boyfriends beat on them, and would wear long sleeves and makeup and whatever else to hide the bruises they received. Whenever anyone told them to get out of that relationship, they would say something like, "Why, the next guy I get with will do the same?" No they won't! If my husband ever struck me I would divorce him in a heartbeat. My husband, like yours tells me multiple times a day how much he loves me, is always complimenting me, and encouraging me. He always brings a smile to my face even on the most stressful days.

My story is lot different, but still similar in the fact I was abused in almost every way possible. To sum up, my parents were horrible and never stuck up for me. My mom was nice and she was very book smart and would help with schoolwork whenever I asked. She also had severe mood swings, she was a thrower and I had to duck and dodge to avoid the dishes or whatever she flung my way. She once threw me up against a metal file cabinet, and dented it with my body, another time, she beat me with a blow drier until my back was so bruised and bloody I couldn't sit up in my desk chair at school for about a week. My dad abused me emotionally, by telling me daily how worthless I was and I should be more like my 'perfect' older brother (we are 18 months apart), he played sports and was active in youth group. My parents also always yelled at each other, and I remember crying myself to sleep at night wishing they'd stop, and just get a divorce like my friends parents did. My brother and I fought so much we had to go to separate schools, they paid for him to go to private school, while I stayed in public school. I was bullied and made fun of at school from K-12 on a regular basis, I only had a few friends and was never popular. Oh, when I was 8 years old I had a slumber party with 12 girl friends at my house, plus my 14 year old neighbor to 'watch' us, so my folks didn't have too. Well my neighbor she molested every single one of us girls that night. Nothing was done about it. I told my parents, they talked to the teen and her parents, whom denied everything. I was yelled at and grounded for making up stories about the 'nice' neighbors. My parents got pregnant again when I was 9, my brother 10, so in 4th grade I became my baby brothers babysitter. I had no choice in the matter, they never made my older brother help. I love my baby brother, but I feel more like a mother than a sister to him. I was so used to being mistreated my entire life, that I was depressed and very suicidal, I had made 3 failed attempts by the age of 16. I became overweight in high school because food was my comfort, and I did not do any extracurricular activities, because I thought whats the point I will just be horrible at it, because nothing I do is good or right. Everything changed when I was 17, I met a good looking boy from a different high school, he was 18 and he talked to me and wanted to get to know me and treated me with respect, kindness, and I didn't know how to cope because he was a true gentleman and I had never met one of those before. He even asked permission to hug me the 1st time, because he "didn't want to overstep boundaries or get kicked in the balls." lol now ain't that sweet. Well long story short we got married 2 years later, he has helped me gain self-esteem, confidence, find my voice, and the list goes on and on. I truly believe If I didn't meet him when I did, I would be dead. So yes, words hurt and can destroy peoples life's. It destroyed mine until I reclaimed it with my help of my wonderful husband.

Thank you so much for your kind words!! I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through as a kid. Sometimes, the emotional abuse can leave a much deeper scar than the physical abuse...at least...that's how it was with me. I was also molested as a child by a neighbor. I was in third grade...and he was a young teenager. I never told a single person about it. Also, my parents divorced when I was four...and I was an only child until I turned 10, and then my father and stepmother had my little sister. I visited my father every other weekend until I was 10. For years, he constantly lied to me about things having to do with my mother...very long story, but basically, he would tell me not to call my mother all weekend, then he would tell HER that I didn't WANT to speak to her. Anyway, he would always tell me to never tell my mom anything that he said, and of course, being a little kid...I trusted my dad...so, it wasn't until my stepmom got pregnant with my sister that I learned the truth. I came home from his house that weekend, and he had told me not to tell my mom that my stepmom was pregnant. As soon as I got home, he called my mom saying that I didn't want to tell her. I'll never forget that day. Mom came into my room, crying, asking me why I wouldn't want to tell her. I finally just broke. I told her the truth about everything, and finally found out that my dad had been lying to me for years. I had to start seeing a child therapist, and soon after my little sister was born, I made the decision that I didn't want to see my dad every other weekend anymore. I remember picking up the phone and calling him and telling him myself. A 10 year old...telling her father that she didn't want to see him anymore because he was a liar. Ugh. But...it was the best decision. Now, I'm 33 years old, and my father and I have just NOW reconnected in the past year or so. It's true that it's more difficult when someone very close to you is being mean to you. But...I've learned so much...especially in the last few years. My sweet mom died three years ago, the day before she turned 50, from Stage Four breast cancer. She was my very best friend...and it was so tough. Anyway...I'm getting into an even LONGER story...but basically, I've learned so much about forgiveness, and living each day to the fullest, and loving yourself enough to get rid of negative people...etc, etc.

I'm so happy that you now have such a wonderful husband who treats you like you should be treated!!! Lucky for them (ha!), when they got us...they also got a lot of baggage. Ha ha!!! But lucky for US, they're willing to take that baggage and help us carry the load! Big hugs coming your way, girl!! We are worth loving!!!!! ALL of us are worth loving!!

psicocat

Carol the Barrel, ahhh the memories lol

garrisonwife

When I was young my dad would call me "little idiot" or "little fool." He's say things like, "Little idiot, can't you do anything right?" Once, when I was about seven, we all went fishing. When we were done, we were walking back up the bank. I was in front, my dad was behind me, and my mom was last. Anyway, I slipped on some mud and fell. I started to stand back up when my dad suddenly shoved me back in the mud with his foot and said, "Little idiot, why couldn't you have been a boy?" That really bothered me for years.

Big hugs to you!! I'm so sorry you had to experience that. Not only are you a beautiful person on the outside...but you are a ROCKSTAR for getting healthy while facing such a scary health issue! Those of us who have to overcome obstacles with our health...in ORDER to get healthy...well, we kick butt!! :-) I'm rooting for you!! You've come so far, and I know you can get to your goal, and you can be the healthiest you've ever been!! That doesn't sound like something a "little idiot" would do!!! Love, hugs and lots of prayers coming your way!! :-)

garrisonwife

Carol the Barrel, ahhh the memories lol

You most certainly don't look like a barrel, now!! Take THAT, mean people!! ;-)

ICANDOIT1957

Well, talking back to my father would have only got me a punch in the eye. He trained us well with abuse to fear him. He is old school. Rule with fear. I could write horror stories about growing up....but some things are better off as just accepted they happened and file it away. At this time...I feel sadness for my father knowing he was abused as a child/young man and he just didn't know any better.

ThePlight

When I was young my dad would call me "little idiot" or "little fool." He's say things like, "Little idiot, can't you do anything right?" Once, when I was about seven, we all went fishing. When we were done, we were walking back up the bank. I was in front, my dad was behind me, and my mom was last. Anyway, I slipped on some mud and fell. I started to stand back up when my dad suddenly shoved me back in the mud with his foot and said, "Little idiot, why couldn't you have been a boy?" That really bothered me for years.

You should have told him that it was his fault.
Big hug to you. My mom tried to be abusive like that, but it got to the point where I knew what she was trying to do and started insulting back. Not healthy, no. But it would have killed me had I listened to any more of her childish antics.

CaraRahl

I've been called a disappointing waste of space by my family...apparently because I'm not my younger sister...and then they have the nerve to act surprised when I was found by a doctor to be underweight (at 5'7" I was 105 lbs and losing fast) because there was no way that someone my size could possibly be underweight...I still have a hard time keeping myself in a healthy weight range because there's still the feeling that if I was smaller then I'd be prettier like my sister and they'd love me too. Lucky my fiance loves me the way I am and is constantly making sure I'm eating enough and staying healthy

NK1984

At school I was classed as obese and got the usual fat comments but it didn't really bother me and because I knew I was overweight I joked about it myself making it harder for people to bully me. The only comment I can think of that has upset me is one someone said about 18months after leaving school I had lost a lot of weight and met up with some old school mate and they where talking about how unrecognizable I was, and someone came out with "yeah but he's still fatter than most people". The fact I had lost so much weight and was proud of my new self made it hurt a lot.

Diane4life

All my life I was made to feel worthless. The most hurtful comment I can recall was as a teenager my sister and I were at the beach sunbathing. Some teenage boys walked by and loudly declared "Look a beached whale." That comment still hurts today.

Cher_bearr

this sounds just like my parents, since I was little they have always been on me about my weight, telling me what I can and can't eat.. At dinner they would tell me "okay you have had enough". They were mean, and so hurtful. My grandpa too, he would say things like, you know I love you but how will anyone else love you like that? And he always said I just don't want the other kids teasing you, but my family were the only ones teasing me. I use to cry myself to sleep almost every night, as I got older it just got worse. They would bribe me to lose weight, and tell me to skip meals. Now I don't talk to my family anymore and I have moved out.

vampirequeen1959

My ex would say 'oh you're not eating again are you' in a tone of total exasperation even though it might have been the first thing I had eaten all day.

My mum told me that if the pill had been available in the fifties I wouldn't even have been conceived.

Fat, greedy, pig, cow, stupid, lazy and all the other nasty words people feel free to say when you're overweight.

And finally this one which I'm not sure is a compliment or an insult:
"Have you lost weight?"
"I don't know."
"Well it's just that your bum seems to take up less of the corridor than it used to."

You have to laugh don't you or you'd spend your life crying.

Coyotebrother

Had it only happened once I suspect I would have shrugged it off. It would be several years before the term disappeared, though the pain didn't.

1two3four

I've been called just about everything in the book. People are mean. No one thinks about what their words might do to someone in the long run.

I try not to hyperfocus on what I have been called; it took me years (still struggle, not going to lie) on what people teased me about or called me because I just get sad thinking about it.

^THIS AND ^THIS AND ^THIS SOME MORE!

I've been called names, I've been kicked, pushed, tripped and knocked down. I've been spit on, I've been tricked and my stuff has been stolen and vandalized. For reasons relating to my weight and other things that make me who I am. From the time I was 7 until recent times, this all courtesy of my peers and people of all ages. I used to get sucked into thinking about all of the horrible things that people have done to me but it can't be like that, it has to stop. It makes me too sad, as well.

Ophidion

*kitten*, Nig..r lips, (I'm blessed with full lips). mother fuc..... gay. Pervert. God hater.... you name it. The usual for gays.

Have been called all of these except the N word...I'm not gay but that is not the issue. Small minds my friend small minds indeed.

fishlimbs

Serial killer. No idea why either, I would never harm anyone, beyond that, I'm that ridiculous guy who carries bugs outside because I don't want to kill them. Oh well, not really even sure why the observation stuck so long, maybe it did strike a nerve somehow, but not going to fret over it.

I did, however, carefully note where the person who called me this lives, and I keep detailed notes about his habits and where he goes, along with photographs I have taken of him surreptitiously over the last four years. Soon... soon...

awww bb haha:laugh:

Dalnurse

Wow, that's terribly sad!:/

When I was in high school, I was walking into school and a huge group of guys were talking about how fat I was.
"She's like a f*cking whale."
"Damn, that's a big *kitten* b*tch"

That was a great way to start off my day!

I remember being made fun of in school, (even though I was a great athlete) because I had a big bum and couldn't fit into those stupid eighties Pierre Cardin & Seafarers... I wore good old fashioned Levis.... Then I got a little older and "junk in the trunk" was the hot thing... Funny how that happens... Eh?

Humperstinker

Parents much as we love them do the worst damage psychologically with weight gain.
I have been in the same shoes they fit many x

MudDancer

It's a toss up between 2 situations

I used to work in a public school and there was a group of grade 7/8 boys that would moo whenever I walked past

I used to live in a house that had been converted into 2 apartments, you could hear all the movements that anyone made. When ever I walked down the stairs, the guy that lived downstairs would yell 'here comes the ****ing whale"

hicksang121

Exercise related? About 16 years ago I was crossing the street on a run and since it was hot I was dripping with sweat and only wearing a sports bra and my shorts. These guys drove by and yelled "Yuck!" And sometimes when I wear headphones I turn them down low or don't have music on which gives me the liberty to ignore who and what I choose to. Anyhow, I ran past this guy and his daughter who was in the baby stroller (mind you I'm passing them) and the baby says "Daddy, she's running?" The dad says, "No she's jogging." :huh: Should have kicked him in his knee as I passed. :laugh:

candifrontczak

Hi, I am encouraged just seeing your progress & hope you are still doing great!