Relationship advice please!

abickford82

Um...you are dating a 38 year old man (I use that word loosely) that lives with mommy and daddy. If this doesn't tell you everything you need to know about the relationship, you are beyond help. Have fun with that.

hahaha This lol

Going to say the same thing. I know the economy is rough and all, but...5 years, almost 40 years old? Something ain't right.

amylouize2012

Sorry hun but I think you need to kick him to the kerb.

You say you don't want children? That's because you already have one! It sounds like dating when I was a teenager. If a guy still lives at home with his mammy after the age of 21/22 that is just a non-runner for me. I would expect him to own his own place by the age of 27/28 at the very latest or I wouldn't bother with him.

Maybe I'm being too hard but as someone who moved out of home at 17 and had bought my own place by the time I was 21 I couldn't even begin to comprehend the idea of putting up with a 38 yr old living with his momma.

It's a non-runner, end of...

The not saying I love you thing should be your answer. He sounds like the kind of guy who will lead someone on for years and then suddenly he will meet some chick in her mid 20's and be shacked up and married within 6 months.

If you were the one, he would know. And he does know by now, he must do. So if he he is not telling you he loves you it's because he doesn't. Stop wasting your time on him hun, he sounds like he is waiting on the next best thing. You are too good to be just someones fall back option.

Tell him to sling his hook. You could only do better. He on the other hand will spend his life looking but he is never gonna meet someone half as good as you again, who the heck would put up with him?

Sorry I know it's not what you want to hear and I know it will be hard. I dumped a guy I had been with for 10 years. We were 5 years engaged and the wedding was booked and paid for and was to be just under 3 months away from the day I broke up with him.

It was the hradest thing I ever did in my life. I loved him completely but he was making me miserable. It took me two whole years to get over him. Now I am happily married and have no regrets.

I wish you lots of luck. Drop me a line anytime xx

BlackStarlight

:flowerforyou:
hey sweetheart,
In my opinion it's already ruined your relationship it plays on your mind and you don't want to bring it up because you know what he'd say. He also won't tell you he loves you. End of for me. He's not willing to commit to the one thing you want from him afrer years of being with him?
Time to move on.
You can do so much better. I know it's hard relationships always are, especially when you've been with some one for years. but it's making you miserable and no one deserves that. But really in your heart you already know the answer. You knew the answer 18 months ago.
You deserve to be happy with the person you're with.
A friend of mine was with someone for 13 years they had a house together but she was miserable. She finally made the decision to break it off.
Now she's with some one insanely happy and engaged. Sometimes although the break is the hardest thing happier things come out of it.
Time to make a change. In the end though what you do is up to you and I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make. But make the one that's right for you.
Drop me a line any time I'll listen.
:flowerforyou:
xx

Dr_Gains

Y do women date these types of dingle berries?? I see it all the time. just blows my mind. Is it self confidence issues?? always leaves me shaking my head. Anyways insert foot into *kitten* and find a man worth a damn

TamTastic

Y do women date these types of dingle berries?? I see it all the time. just blows my mind. Is it self confidence issues?? always leaves me shaking my head. Anyways insert foot into *kitten* and find a man worth a damn

Agree with this. Though, show us the way to him Obi Wan! :laugh:

ekz13

Y do women date these types of dingle berries?? I see it all the time. just blows my mind. Is it self confidence issues?? always leaves me shaking my head. Anyways insert foot into *kitten* and find a man worth a damn

it's the "I can change him in the the man I want and make him better" syndrome. Some people (not all women), see that broken lost puppy and see it as a project they HAVE to make better and try to fix and then they think that they will have that piece of broken clay molded EXACTLY the way they want and it'll be perfect.. imo

but ... I agree... see it all the time.

Pookylou

I have friends in a very similar situation (similar ages he is about 40 and she is about 30), they did live together, for the whole six months of their rental contract, and then he moved about home, where he still lives........... They've been together for about 5 years now, and I honestly don't get why they stay together.

I get not wanting to have kids, or get married (though I do want to!), but to not even want to live together and share your lives...... It was a deal breaker in my last relationship and it should be in yours too.

judilockwood

Dump him, he's free loading from his parents and if anything happens to them then he would probs free load off you. get a man who'll love and respect you, he just isn't worth the heartbreak xx

donthesitate

Pretty sure this is a movie....failure to launch.

My older sister was in a similar situation and I told her shed be better off with a man and not a boy, they parted ways and shes doing so much better.

jenilla1

Yikes! If your relationship problems are "eating away" at you, it sounds like a bad deal to me. There's something not quite normal about this guy. It's one thing not to want to marry or have kids, but another to refuse to even live together. Most guys would jump at the chance to leave Mommy's house and move in with their long-time sweetie. You've been together for 5 years and he hasn't said he loves you yet? Don't count on it ever happening. He's broken. Man, I'd have been out of there long, long ago... You don't have to settle. I'm a big believer that if you are in a good relationship you should feel safe, secure and loved. Do you feel that way, OP?

skcardiog

' Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You ' -- Homer Simpson

38 year old ' boy ' needs to be set free, you need to move on.

Quick, clean and to the point .

Life is way too short, experience it .

PJ64

-38
- Lives with Mom & Dad
- Doesn't Pay Bills

NOT A MAN

joyfuljoy65

Ye Gods, this has made me remember 7 years of my life I tried to forget. After getting divorced I spent 7 years with a man who didn't want a relationship, didn't know what love was, didn't want marriage or kids - at first that was great as I was still hurting and the companionship was enough - it was safe. After 7 years - when I tried to move it on and he also said almost the same words as your man has said to you, I woke up and realised I wanted more.

today I am celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary to a man who I met two weeks after walking away from that safe companionship.

Your current companion is not the only man in the world, you are not going to be alone if you leave, you want more from a relationship and yes, compromise is good, but when it is just one person doing the compromising then it will eat away at your happiness until all you have is resentment.

My advice is to be honest with yourself and if you really do not want the compromises you are having to make, do not make them. Either insist that things change for the better for you both, and if he will not budge, walk away.

Corinne_Howland

This post has been going on and on with the same message. A "man" who still lives with his parents at age 38, is not a man. He wants his cake, wants to be able to eat it, when he wants, how he wants it. For free!!!

You have to wonder what parent still wants to have their children live with them at age 38. Our job as parents is to raise our children to the point they can be self sufficient, accepted in society, etc.

I remember all too well, when my son, at age 20 told him he wasn't coming home for his summer off from college. He had decided to get his own place. I had a melt down. I wasn't ready to have my "BABY" be grown and on his own. While sobbing into the phone, like a fool......I told him how I felt. His answer to me was so simple, it made me laugh. He said" Mom, do you want me to live in your basement until I'm 40? You and dad gave me the tools to make it on my own, it's the normal thing for me to do, I'll be fine"
And he is fine. And I'm a better mother for it.
Bottom line. This man been brought up by enablers. He's taking full advantage of his living conditions. You don't want this for the rest of your life. And he can't tell you he loves you? Honey, there is no age at which we have to settle for anything. You're better off being by yourself than you be with someone who will never grow up. Good luck.

rhoule76

I was in the same situation, spent 12 years with the guy (who at 32 still lived with his parents), he did move in with me but he put in the bare minimum (half the rent...that's it). I ended it with him and he was surprised by this. Anyway, long story short, I met a great guy 8 months later and we are now married. I'd ditch him.

artelyn

Are you kidding me? What is going on in your head to stay with a man that hasnt even told you he loves you? You deserve better then that and honestly if your that caught up on him not wanting to live with you OVER him not telling you he loves you i think your priorites are a bit out of whack. Why would you think someone who cant say he loves you would want to live with you? Babydoll move ON! He is NOT the one. :flowerforyou:

Thank you!!! I kept wondering how long it was going to take before someone got to this point of the whole question.

Something is wrong if you are more upset about him not living with you than him not saying he loves you. I also think that if moving in together is THAT important, you may want to revisit your ideas on marriage. If you are living together you are living as a "married" couple without the paperwork or the ceremony. There is still compromise, adjusting to each others habits, COMMUNITCATION, which you seem to have issues with, etc.. You need to be able to talk about anything and everything in a relationship whether married or not. Without open honest communication, it all is doomed to fail at some point.

You shouldn't have to live like you are living. I don't mean to sound harsh, but sweetie, you don't have a boyfriend. You have a friend with benefits. and he is the one reaping all the benefits. It's hard to move on, but you must. For your own good!

Good luck! :flowerforyou:

Monkey_Business

ok....couple of things here:

1. You have a friend with benefits
2. You saw all the 'red flags' way before this
3. He does not love you

You have 2 choices:
1. Deal with it and understand that this is the best it is going to get.
2. Chaulk it up to experience and move on.

Best of luck.......

LuLuChick78

It is obvious that you have never been in a great relationship before, or you would not be settling for this.

If you aren't willing to waste the rest of your life exactly the way you are now, then why waste another minute?

I am speaking from experience btw. My ex (insert lots of nasty adjectives) husband was unbearable (for way too many reasons to get into...) and after almost 10 years I left. It was a big decision as we had/have 2 small children, but I know it was the best decision for all of us. I now have an incredible boyfriend whom I cannot imagine being without. He is kind, considerate, loving, affectionate, mature, responsible, hilarious, sexy, has his own place and is just as naughty as I am (too far?...).

My point is that you should not settle for such an uneven relationship. You may be willing to compromise...but he is not (and most likely never will).

But who the hell are we to tell you what to do. As the Hodge Twins say, "Do whatever the f**k you wanna do" :flowerforyou:

ETA: the part about having his own place - bonus points to him after reading the OP's post.

tattygun

A 38 year old who lives with his mum? Sorry but ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Get rid of the boy and find yourself a man.

randomtai

ok....couple of things here:

1. You have a friend with benefits
2. You saw all the 'red flags' way before this
3. He does not love you

You have 2 choices:
1. Deal with it and understand that this is the best it is going to get.
2. Chaulk it up to experience and move on.

Best of luck.......

This!!!!!!