Child support- what do you think?
Options
Replies
-
Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.0 -
There is a baseline... and it's based on how much money you make. Sure, hypothetically it may only cost 300.00 a month to raise a child but if the one parent makes 150K a year and gets to live a cushy lifestyle why should your child have to scrape by with the bare minimum, while the other parent does all the work ensuring their needs/well being is met.
Sensitive subject for me, I believe whole heartedly that the father should pay what is EXPECTED of him to pay...The guilt will go away, it takes time, she just has to realize it's for their child to have the best possible life under the given circumstances.. Good luck to your friend.
If the childs needs are met, that is all that really matters. Why should a man making 150k a year support a lifestyle upgrade for mom just because he has a child with her. If he wants to do more FOR THE CHILD, that is on him. But writing a bigger check means supporting moms lifestyle. And that is not dads responsibility.
And it is a sensitive subject for a lot of women. They don't want to give up that free money.
Yup. Basic needs should be 50/50. Any extras should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties and not lawfully obligated.0 -
Personally, while I can appreciate the concept of "doing it on your own," the fact of the matter is she is NOT doing it on her own. She has a child with her that has to bear every burden, every deprivation, and every struggle. Being "too proud" for assistance or being afraid of "societal backlash" just means that there is that much less that her child can have. And I'm sorry but pride and independence doesn't make you a good mother if it means that your kids will have to do without when he/she doesn't have to. Your friend's attitude towards this is really kind of selfish. Her pride is more important to her than the quality of life she is providing for her child.
That's just my personal opinion. I'm raising two on my own myself. When I qualified for assistance, I got assistance. As for child support, I used every tool at my disposal to get a support order and to enforce the support order. Because he would never have done a thing if I hadn't.
Getting and enforcing a child support order will take time, but it is worth it in the long run. Because the kid is worth it!0 -
you know what I agree with that. It should be based on the cost of raising a child rather than income, but in some cases like this she's making probably less than 18k a year and he's making 90k a year. His other kids probably have a college fund I feel that her child should get the same treatment as the others. I commend you for taking care of your kids. You don't hear of too many single dads in the area I live in. People like you could def make a difference in some of the dead beat dads out there
The fact that she makes very little and he makes a lot doesn't change it. No, the kid shouldn't "have the same treatment as the others" unless he chooses to make it so. The only things he should ever be on the hook for is 1/2 the cost of raising the kid. She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
/\ /\ This again...I COMPLETELY agree that just because she makes crap money doesn't mean he should pay more. That goes along with the whole "I can't raise my family on minimum wage so raise it to $15". You want more you have to work for it. If you need more you need to work hard. And if you won't make more than I guess you've found your place in life...0 -
Personal bias admittance: I am a single dad. However, I am not paying child support. I am raising my children. They visit their mom, and I have never sought child support from her.
The whole child support system is skewed. I know how much money I would have to pay if I did not have custody of my kids, and the amount that actually cost is a small fraction of that. What child support then equates to is ex wife/ex gf/ex mistress/ex whatever support. Because it is way above and beyond what is actually needed to help raise kids, assuming the dad has a decent job.
I am of the firm belief that if child support were more in line with 1/2 the actual cost of raising kids (two parents, each should pay 1/2 the cost), you would see more people willingly stepping up to take care of it. There is no reason that child support should be based on salary, because the cost of raising the child is not changed by how much dad earns. No guy wants to be saddled paying a ton of money, of which only a fraction is actually needed to raise the kids. The end result is they are supporting a child AND the childs mother. It is immoral to expect a man to financially support a woman for 18+ years because he had a child with her. The child, yes. The woman, no.
There should be a baseline cost for raising kids, with locality adjustments. When child support is to be paid, the paying parent pays 1/2 that amount. It doesn't matter how much you make, you are equally responsible to support the child. And it should be adjusted to account for visitation. If the dad has the kids 30% of the time, his payment should be reduced to reflect that he is feeding, clothing, and sheltering the child 30% of the time.
I agree with this!0 -
I raised five children alone and never claimed a penny, the system is biased towards mothers to the extent that when I separated and had custody of our children the CSA visited making threatening noises regarding maintenance. They left with their tails between their legs when I trooped out the children, fairs fair and each parent should contribute it takes two to tango, but the law needs to treat both parties fairly not instantly assuming that one is wrong!0
-
you know what I agree with that. It should be based on the cost of raising a child rather than income, but in some cases like this she's making probably less than 18k a year and he's making 90k a year. His other kids probably have a college fund I feel that her child should get the same treatment as the others. I commend you for taking care of your kids. You don't hear of too many single dads in the area I live in. People like you could def make a difference in some of the dead beat dads out there
The fact that she makes very little and he makes a lot doesn't change it. No, the kid shouldn't "have the same treatment as the others" unless he chooses to make it so. The only things he should ever be on the hook for is 1/2 the cost of raising the kid. She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
HE should also have been more careful about having kids if HE wasn't ready for the responsibility.
Yes, your friend should file for child support. Half of daycare, a portion of rent, half of food, medical care, ext.
Yes, he should have been. And since he wasn't, he should pay 1/2 the actual cost of raising the child.0 -
There is a baseline... and it's based on how much money you make. Sure, hypothetically it may only cost 300.00 a month to raise a child but if the one parent makes 150K a year and gets to live a cushy lifestyle why should your child have to scrape by with the bare minimum, while the other parent does all the work ensuring their needs/well being is met.
Sensitive subject for me, I believe whole heartedly that the father should pay what is EXPECTED of him to pay...The guilt will go away, it takes time, she just has to realize it's for their child to have the best possible life under the given circumstances.. Good luck to your friend.
If the childs needs are met, that is all that really matters. Why should a man making 150k a year support a lifestyle upgrade for mom just because he has a child with her. If he wants to do more FOR THE CHILD, that is on him. But writing a bigger check means supporting moms lifestyle. And that is not dads responsibility.
And it is a sensitive subject for a lot of women. They don't want to give up that free money.
Yup. Basic needs should be 50/50. Any extras should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties and not lawfully obligated.
Some people don't discuss... they yell, scream, and thow around obscenities.0 -
I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TOLERATE DEAD BEAT DADS!
GET WHAT YOU RIGHTFULLY DESERVE!
it takes 2 to make that baby.
PAY UP!
*kitten*!
This is the problem..YOU don't rightfully deserve anything...the CHILD rightfully does. And the system should be setup so each parent is equally responsible financially for that child.0 -
He's not writing a cheque for the mother. He's writing a cheque or in most unpaid child support cases having his wages garnished so that HIS child's needs/well being/wants are met. The reality of the situation is it works both ways, there are dead beat mothers out there too. AND!!! If you have joint custody with equal shared access, it's not full support its't he difference between both parties' income and proportionate to income daycare/medical/misc expenses.... Don't make it seem like the dad's are so hard done by... they're not.0
-
Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.0 -
She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
[/quote]
^^^^^ why would you say that? if thats the case he should have been more careful about having an affair without protection then getting a good paying job.. just saying! if he was in the child's life actually being a dad, filing for child support would not even be an option. Heck, she could qualify for welfare if she wanted to but instead she's possibly deciding to make him stand up and be a man and help take care of his child point blank. if she was on welfare we'd be having a whole discussion on how ridiculous she is for using the system. People make mistakes and I am proud of her for owning up to hers! her child is a blessing and regardless if he wants to be a dad or not, he needs to help take care of his child.0 -
The system isn't flawed anymore than your logic on this topic. I can only imagine what the arrears would be on 3 years of unpaid child support.
The money isn't for the "EX _____" it's for the child; and if there is a surplus after all the necessities are met it should go towards that child's future education. Now, I'm aware a lot of people don't do this but that's the purpose behind it.
My logic on the topic is spot on. Generally, the people that benefit from the current system would love it.0 -
She does not want to look bad? Ugh. She can't take care of herself right now, so she needs to quit worrying about her pride and think about her kid. It annoys me when single moms say that they don't need a man, blah blah blah. They're only hurting their kids. She should file ASAP. I'm not really for public assistance, but I know that some ppl fall on hard times. This is one reason that I'm against it. There are lots of single moms who choose not to file child support. There should be a law that the ppl who file for govt assistance should have tried to pursue child support. When there's another working parent out there that can support their own child, they should go in that parent's pockets first, not every other American's! :mad:0
-
Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.
1. he should have been using protection if he did not want children
2. so a single mom with lower income should get an abortion rather than work hard to provide a living for their child
3. it takes 2 to tango and guess what? she's the only one dancing right now because he is no where in sight
4. would you be happier with her living off of the state or making him pay?
5. if he does not want to be a father, he should sign over his rights. until then, he should be held accountable and help provide0 -
He's not writing a cheque for the mother. He's writing a cheque or in most unpaid child support cases having his wages garnished so that HIS child's needs/well being/wants are met. The reality of the situation is it works both ways, there are dead beat mothers out there too. AND!!! If you have joint custody with equal shared access, it's not full support its't he difference between both parties' income and proportionate to income daycare/medical/misc expenses.... Don't make it seem like the dad's are so hard done by... they're not.
You have never been a dad in the system. I am betting by your posts that you have been a mom in the system. If so, it's only natural that you would love it. It is set up entirely in your favor.0 -
Birth Control and Condoms are a lot cheaper....0
-
I think that parents should have to financially support their children. However, the system is heavily skewed towards women and decisions are often made on emotion. And the payments are often ridiculously high.
I dont think it takes 10,000 a month to raise a child but heck, the cost of living, food, rent, etc when there are no other sources of income than a part-time job isn't enough. I'd say that a fair amount should be paid.
If the parent with custody cannot afford half the costs of raising a child, then other custody arrangements should be looked at.0 -
She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
and he should have been more careful about having an affair without protection then getting a good paying job.. just saying! if he was in the child's life actually being a dad, filing for child support would not even be an option. Heck, she could qualify for welfare if she wanted to but instead she's possibly deciding to make him stand up and be a man and help take care of his child point blank. if she was on welfare we'd be having a whole discussion on how ridiculous she is for using the system. People make mistakes and I am proud of her for owning up to hers! her child is a blessing and regardless if he wants to be a dad or not, he needs to help take care of his child.
As I already said, he should have been more careful. And as such, he should be required to pay 1/2 the cost of raising the child. Him having a well paying job is not relevant in any way.0 -
The PARENTS should both equally support the child. The income level of both should be considered. If one of the parents is living at an upper middle class level, the child should be supported to the same, and yes, that means also paying for the parent with which the child lives most of the time to live in an upper middle class house. No, it doesn't mean buying clothes or personal items for the other parent, but it should include clothes, food and housing for the child. I see where it gets touchy. How do we know the parent receiving the support is using the money for the child and not for themselves? That question, I can't answer. These things would be much easier if both parents could behave like friends and adults but I know that rarely happens.
Sometimes the mother makes more. Sometimes the father gets the majority of the custody. Sometimes the mother has to pay child support. Sometimes it comes out even.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 390 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 922 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions