Child support- what do you think?

rml_16

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.

she's offered it to him already. it's still an option that he has refused to take and just do nothing about. so that is why i feel he can help take care of the child.

Gotcha. Well, he should pay up then. The child deserves that.

Collier78

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

so she tricked him.. wow, I'm her best friend and wasn't there for the rodeo. Glad to know you were there! if she tricked him she would have file a long time ago for child support in my opinion and not be struggling right now.. wow, great observance on your part

I don't think they were saying she tricked him...they were saying that the father shouldn't be able to say she tricked him to get out of child support.

TheSlorax

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

rml_16

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

Pardon me? I didn't realize having a different opinion on how adults should handle their responsibilities made me a hateful person.

It's putting ALL the responsibility on the woman as if the man just hapened to cross the street at the wrong time that makes you a horrible person.

I'm certainly not some militant feminist, but I do know it takes two people to make a baby and unless the woman held him down and raped him, he owes child support. Period. End of story.

Even if she lied about being on the pill, he is an adult and should be taking responsibility for his own sperm. He made a baby. She didn't do it alone.

Your attitude is disgusting.

paulylovesme

He needs to pay or surrender his rights period! If he wanted her to have an abortion and she didnt but he signed over his rights then it is all on her. But he wont so he needs to help some how. Especially with his job. My hubby pays support for a kid that is not even biologically his. This guy needs to man up!

rml_16

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

You missed my sarcasm directed at the poster I quoted.

nena49659

Not sure what planet you all live on...Anyone that I know has not gotten even close to one half of what it takes to raise a child from the other parent. Not when the FOC was involved anyway. Possibly because I live in an impoverished area where most live below the poverty line?

There is a formula that the FOC uses that determines how much each parent is expected to contribute. My stepdaughter's child's father was expected to pay a whole $52 per month. And then only because that's the least amount that they were legally able to set it at!

Bottom line is, he helped to make this child. And, under fall pretenses to boot. Regardless of how the mother feels about appearances, this child deserves to have it's father help with it's support.

junejadesky

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.

she's offered it to him already. it's still an option that he has refused to take and just do nothing about. so that is why i feel he can help take care of the child.

If she is struggling WHY would she offer for him to sign over his parental rights? Then he has no legal claim to the child and would not ever have to pay support.

She needs to do what is best for the child and GO FILE WITH THE STATE FOR SUPPORT. It's not about her and the father; it's about what is in the best interest of the child.

verymissk

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

You, me, and everyone else can and should help people who need it. Maybe people would make better choices - men and women - if there were more community involvement in the growth of the community.

TheSlorax

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

You missed my sarcasm directed at the poster I quoted.

I just realized that, ha. I still stand by what I said though.

junejadesky

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

You missed my sarcasm directed at the poster I quoted.

I don't think anyone but me got your sarcasm..... geez.

BrandNewFabulousMe

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

so she tricked him.. wow, I'm her best friend and wasn't there for the rodeo. Glad to know you were there! if she tricked him she would have file a long time ago for child support in my opinion and not be struggling right now.. wow, great observance on your part

I don't think they were saying she tricked him...they were saying that the father shouldn't be able to say she tricked him to get out of child support.

oh, well my fault for getting that mixed up. Please ignore that previous comment I wrote LOL

BondBomb

I guess some of you were missing during sex ed. so let me break it down for you.

When you have sex with someone of the opposite sex, pregnancy is always a possibility.
If you can't understand this concept...then don't have sex. Make the choice there and you don't have to make the choice at Planned Parenthood.
If you choose to have sex, you equally deal with any consequences of said sex.
How difficult is that?

To the OP. Personally your friend sounds just as selfish by putting the way this situation makes her feel over the welfare of the child.
And to the person that said they would rather see the state pay? Are you serious? I pay to raise my child. I don't want to pay to raise other people's children just because they decide they don't want to.

What the hell happened to personal responsibility?

teamAmelia

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

so she tricked him.. wow, I'm her best friend and wasn't there for the rodeo. Glad to know you were there! if she tricked him she would have file a long time ago for child support in my opinion and not be struggling right now.. wow, great observance on your part

I think that she's being sarcastic. She doesn't see why she (taxpayer) should be forced to take care of someone else's kid. She's not saying that she tricked him. I think that she's saying that's the only logical reason that he should be able to get out of paying child support.

whierd

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

That is hilarious and could not be further from the truth. She has been very outspoken in the past here about women being catty with each other and tearing each other down.

She's said over and over in this thread that it was the woman's responsibility to not get pregnant, the man has no responsibility for it and the mother shouldn't even ask him for help because she "let him" have inprotected sex. He, clearly, had no responsibility for that at all.

That's a very misogynistic attitude, regardless of anything this person has ever said in the past.

I think the argument is mostly academic since the law doesn't even recognize it. From my viewpoint, she was just pointing out that the woman had choices as well, countering all of the women saying that HE should have worn a condom while ignoring the woman's responsibility in the matter. And from an academic standpoint, yes, the options do favor the woman. If they have sex for pleasure and no protection is used by either, making them equally responsible, the woman then has the option for keeping it, abortion, or giving the baby up for adoption (though I think this requires the fathers consent). The father is at the mercy of his partner's decision. He cannot prevent her from aborting if he wants the child because the woman has sovereignty over her body, and if he doesn't want it and she decides to keep it, the woman can legally obligate him to pay child support.

My personal feelings on the matter are to man up and take care of your kid being as you knew it was possible before engaging in sex.

verymissk

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

Pardon me? I didn't realize having a different opinion on how adults should handle their responsibilities made me a hateful person.

It's putting ALL the responsibility on the woman as if the man just hapened to cross the street at the wrong time that makes you a horrible person.

I'm certainly not some militant feminist, but I do know it takes two people to make a baby and unless the woman held him down and raped him, he owes child support. Period. End of story.

Even if she lied about being on the pill, he is an adult and should be taking responsibility for his own sperm. He made a baby. She didn't do it alone.

Your attitude is disgusting.

You're incredibly abrasive. I have yet to be rude or condescending to you or anyone else.... I'd appreciate the same from you.


Listen, we only know half of half of the story - we can all speculate and get all high and mighty about what we think other people should do, but when it all boils down to it, we don't know who this woman is, we will never know who this woman is, and you are taking this very random and completely not-important-to-any-of-us debate awfully personally. I have every right to my opinions, and being told I'm a horrible person for those opinions is an awfully childish way to act.

rml_16

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

You, me, and everyone else can and should help people who need it. Maybe people would make better choices - men and women - if there were more community involvement in the growth of the community.

Sure. But why does the other person responsible for the situation get out of actually taking responsibility for it?

He has a job. He can and should pay child support. There is no other correct answer to this question. The ONLY way I would say not to go after it is if he's likely to harm the mother or child, but that doesn't appear to be the case.

I did not make that child. I made the one I have and I took responsibility for her. I don't want to pay for someone else's child when the kid's father makes double my own income! I can't afford it. He can.

I cannot even imagine the thought process of, "Don't make the dad pay -- make the taxpayers pay!" That is NOT what TANF is for.

rml_16

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

Dam right I'm abrasive about this.

erickirb

Not sure what planet you all live on...Anyone that I know has not gotten even close to one half of what it takes to raise a child from the other parent. Not when the FOC was involved anyway. Possibly because I live in an impoverished area where most live below the poverty line?

There is a formula that the FOC uses that determines how much each parent is expected to contribute. My stepdaughter's child's father was expected to pay a whole $52 per month. And then only because that's the least amount that they were legally able to set it at!

Bottom line is, he helped to make this child. And, under fall pretenses to boot. Regardless of how the mother feels about appearances, this child deserves to have it's father help with it's support.

Wow, that is low ($52), mine is more than 10 times that/month. Here we have to pay about 15-18% of take home pay per month (some strange formula based on province and income, etc.) + proportional (based on gross income) of other expenses such as daycare, sports, activities, camps, ect. Since daycare up here is so expensive, my ex gets about 30% of my take home pay for child support and "extras" for my son.

erickirb

double post, oops