Child support- what do you think?

rml_16

From my viewpoint, she was just pointing out that the woman had choices as well, countering all of the women saying that HE should have worn a condom while ignoring the woman's responsibility in the matter.

They're equally responsible. She's the only one taking responsibility, though.

They both made a choice that resulted in a child's birth. They both need to take care of that child.

AprilMae1975

My ex-husband actually told me that he couldn't buy new shoes or food for his family because he had to pay a whopping $325 a month for TWO kids, not $325 each but total!!!! I told him he could keep his money. I am lucky that I am married to a man who will provide for kids that are not biologically his. I haven't gotten child support in four years. I could have taken him to court and had his pay garnished, license taken away and his tax returns taken but why???? I have the best part of the deal....my kids

So, you didn't file for child support because another man is taking care of his kids? Or was it a combination of you feeling sorry for him and deciding not to go after him since your kids are being supported by your new husband? The answer to your question about why you should have filed is because it's his responsibility. I've done payroll and unless the laws are a bit different in your state, they can only take out so much. Don't feel so sorry for him.

And, don't forget about other things that they can be forced to pay w child support, like medical care. Why would anyone want to take on these responsibilities by themselves??? I'd tell this friend that I would stop helping her if she didn't file for child support. It's nice of you to help when she needs it every now and then, but she has the opportunity to get child support fro the guy who got her pregnant. She just refuses to. Let her deal with that on her own.

I honestly don't want his money....I didn't do it because I feel sorry for him, I honesty have no respect for him. The fact that my current husband takes care of my kids is a plus but I could do it on my own if needed. If it meant we had to live a conservative life then so be it. I would rather him keep his stupid $325 than to put up with him.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. I chose this because it's what works for me and my kids. They are happy and have everything they need......without his money.

whierd

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

You missed my sarcasm directed at the poster I quoted.

Yeah, while it happens occasionally, my lingering faith in humanity requires me to believe it is an outlier situation. :laugh:

JewelsinBigD

He needs to pay support. The child should not live in poverty because the father is a creep.

BinaryPulsar

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.

I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

Collier78

Child Support has always been a touchy subject...more often than not one party feels slighted or like they shouldn't be held responsible. Or one party feels as though they are supporting more than just the child. There are bad examples on both sides of the fence. The worst part is in the end it is only the child that suffers. In Illinois, we too, have to fill out an income and expenses form, but it rarely changes the amount paid by the non custodial parent. I believe the reasoning behind this is due to the fact that the custodial parent bears the majority of the child rearing responsibility. Unless both parties are very mature and agreeable inevitably one parent spends more time with the child than the other. Now I know that time shouldn't be a factor, but when one parent is only a "weekend warrior" and the other is full time front and center it can make a difference. My ex doesn't even ask about her grades...she is an honor roll student in advanced classes. He shows absolutely no interest in her or her activities what so ever, and often uses her on his weekends to babysit his younger children from his second marriage while he goes out.

She turned 13 on Wednesday and I couldn't be more proud of the young lady she is becoming, but she is becoming that young lady because of me and my husband..not her bio dad. He's already told her it will only be a few more years before he stops paying so she better try for scholarships...She will never receive more from him than the check he writes every month and once she is 18 she won't receive that. Is the system perfect, no...but there are just as many deadbeat dads as there are free money moms..not all of us are that way, and a 50/50 system for just cost of raising leaves the child with less options sometimes.

teamAmelia

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

This!

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.


I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

I didn't miss that. I don't see how it changes anything. He should still pay.

verymissk

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.

I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

This fact has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not the single mother should file for support. This fact was put out there specifically to paint the man in a particular light to evoke a desired response from the forum.

junejadesky

My ex-husband actually told me that he couldn't buy new shoes or food for his family because he had to pay a whopping $325 a month for TWO kids, not $325 each but total!!!! I told him he could keep his money. I am lucky that I am married to a man who will provide for kids that are not biologically his. I haven't gotten child support in four years. I could have taken him to court and had his pay garnished, license taken away and his tax returns taken but why???? I have the best part of the deal....my kids

So, you didn't file for child support because another man is taking care of his kids? Or was it a combination of you feeling sorry for him and deciding not to go after him since your kids are being supported by your new husband? The answer to your question about why you should have filed is because it's his responsibility. I've done payroll and unless the laws are a bit different in your state, they can only take out so much. Don't feel so sorry for him.

And, don't forget about other things that they can be forced to pay w child support, like medical care. Why would anyone want to take on these responsibilities by themselves??? I'd tell this friend that I would stop helping her if she didn't file for child support. It's nice of you to help when she needs it every now and then, but she has the opportunity to get child support fro the guy who got her pregnant. She just refuses to. Let her deal with that on her own.

I honestly don't want his money....I didn't do it because I feel sorry for him, I honesty have no respect for him. The fact that my current husband takes care of my kids is a plus but I could do it on my own if needed. If it meant we had to live a conservative life then so be it. I would rather him keep his stupid $325 than to put up with him.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. I chose this because it's what works for me and my kids. They are happy and have everything they need......without his money.

You say "I" don't want his money... and "I" have no respect for him.... and "I" would rather him keep the $325 than deal with him. Well hate to break it to you, but it's not about YOU. It's about your KIDS and what they are ENTITLED to.

$325 a month for 18 years is $70,200, That is $35,100 for each of the kids. That could be saved and used towards THEIR education. But good think you don't want to deal with it because I'm sure they couldn't use that money in the future at all.

JewelsinBigD

My ex-husband actually told me that he couldn't buy new shoes or food for his family because he had to pay a whopping $325 a month for TWO kids, not $325 each but total!!!! I told him he could keep his money. I am lucky that I am married to a man who will provide for kids that are not biologically his. I haven't gotten child support in four years. I could have taken him to court and had his pay garnished, license taken away and his tax returns taken but why???? I have the best part of the deal....my kids

So, you didn't file for child support because another man is taking care of his kids? Or was it a combination of you feeling sorry for him and deciding not to go after him since your kids are being supported by your new husband? The answer to your question about why you should have filed is because it's his responsibility. I've done payroll and unless the laws are a bit different in your state, they can only take out so much. Don't feel so sorry for him.

And, don't forget about other things that they can be forced to pay w child support, like medical care. Why would anyone want to take on these responsibilities by themselves??? I'd tell this friend that I would stop helping her if she didn't file for child support. It's nice of you to help when she needs it every now and then, but she has the opportunity to get child support fro the guy who got her pregnant. She just refuses to. Let her deal with that on her own.

I honestly don't want his money....I didn't do it because I feel sorry for him, I honesty have no respect for him. The fact that my current husband takes care of my kids is a plus but I could do it on my own if needed. If it meant we had to live a conservative life then so be it. I would rather him keep his stupid $325 than to put up with him.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. I chose this because it's what works for me and my kids. They are happy and have everything they need......without his money.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this - you are rewarding his bad behavior by letting him keep his money - money that you could be putting in a college fund for the kids if you don't need or want it. This is NOT YOUR MONEY. This is YOUR KIDS MONEY. Take the money put it in a college fund for the kids. If you are prepared to pay every cent for their college then let them use it as a down payment on their first house, their wedding, a senior trip...ANYTHING THEY WANT. THIS IS NOT YOUR MONEY IT IS THEIRS.

BinaryPulsar

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.

I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

This fact has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not the single mother should file for support. This fact was put out there specifically to paint the man in a particular light to evoke a desired response from the forum.

:huh: :laugh:

UsedToBeHusky

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.

she's offered it to him already. it's still an option that he has refused to take and just do nothing about. so that is why i feel he can help take care of the child.

If she is struggling WHY would she offer for him to sign over his parental rights? Then he has no legal claim to the child and would not ever have to pay support.

She needs to do what is best for the child and GO FILE WITH THE STATE FOR SUPPORT. It's not about her and the father; it's about what is in the best interest of the child.

Legally, the state will not allow him to sign over her rights unless she is married to someone who wants to adopt the child.

TheSlorax

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

"tricked him"? there was clearly a failure of birth control on behalf of both parties. they are equally at fault. I like how every time this question comes up, the fault has to lie solely on the man or the woman and that there cannot be equal responsibility. never ceases to amaze me.

You missed my sarcasm directed at the poster I quoted.

Yeah, while it happens occasionally, my lingering faith in humanity requires me to believe it is an outlier situation. :laugh:

just pretend like I was agreeing with rml in that she did not trick anyone into knocking her up.

MelRC117

I didn't read every comment but as a stepmom that has my stepson with full placement and barely sees his mom who pays us $0 here are two thoughts:
1. She could try to settle out of court and they agree on a payment. This would only work if they work together. Seeing as how he just took off this is an unlikely option but could benefit both since he could be subject to automatic child support calculated out based on his income and her income. He may though want more time with the child since that could mean less he would have to pay. Unfortunately the money could be a motivator for him.

2. She may not be able to get assistance anyways if she isn't receiving child support and didn't try to file for any. The dad should be helping pay the expenses for the child so they will want him to contribute before the taxpayers which I think is reasonable. Of course there are probably people that do this or I'm sure its not the same in every state.

junejadesky

My ex-husband actually told me that he couldn't buy new shoes or food for his family because he had to pay a whopping $325 a month for TWO kids, not $325 each but total!!!! I told him he could keep his money. I am lucky that I am married to a man who will provide for kids that are not biologically his. I haven't gotten child support in four years. I could have taken him to court and had his pay garnished, license taken away and his tax returns taken but why???? I have the best part of the deal....my kids

So, you didn't file for child support because another man is taking care of his kids? Or was it a combination of you feeling sorry for him and deciding not to go after him since your kids are being supported by your new husband? The answer to your question about why you should have filed is because it's his responsibility. I've done payroll and unless the laws are a bit different in your state, they can only take out so much. Don't feel so sorry for him.

And, don't forget about other things that they can be forced to pay w child support, like medical care. Why would anyone want to take on these responsibilities by themselves??? I'd tell this friend that I would stop helping her if she didn't file for child support. It's nice of you to help when she needs it every now and then, but she has the opportunity to get child support fro the guy who got her pregnant. She just refuses to. Let her deal with that on her own.

I honestly don't want his money....I didn't do it because I feel sorry for him, I honesty have no respect for him. The fact that my current husband takes care of my kids is a plus but I could do it on my own if needed. If it meant we had to live a conservative life then so be it. I would rather him keep his stupid $325 than to put up with him.

I wouldn't advise anyone to do this. I chose this because it's what works for me and my kids. They are happy and have everything they need......without his money.

I am sorry but I totally disagree with this - you are rewarding his bad behavior by letting him keep his money - money that you could be putting in a college fund for the kids if you don't need or want it. This is NOT YOUR MONEY. This is YOUR KIDS MONEY. Take the money put it in a college fund for the kids. If you are prepared to pay every cent for their college then let them use it as a down payment on their first house, their wedding, a senior trip...ANYTHING THEY WANT. THIS IS NOT YOUR MONEY IT IS THEIRS.

Oh Jewles I am right there with you. It's just plain silly and selfish!

BinaryPulsar

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

This!

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.


I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

I didn't miss that. I don't see how it changes anything. He should still pay.

Yes, I agree that he should pay. I'm talking about the people that are saying things about how she tricked him or how the system is skewed in favor of women...

And he has the money to pay, if he didn't he just wouldn't pay it. It's not actually enforced. They don't actually make a person pay what they don't have.

whierd

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

This!

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.


I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

I didn't miss that. I don't see how it changes anything. He should still pay.

Yes, I agree that he should pay. I'm talking about the people that are saying things about how she tricked him or how the system is skewed in favor of women...

The tricking part was sarcasm. And it is skewed.

whierd

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

This!

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.


I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

I didn't miss that. I don't see how it changes anything. He should still pay.

Yes, I agree that he should pay. I'm talking about the people that are saying things about how she tricked him or how the system is skewed in favor of women...

And he has the money to pay, if he didn't he just wouldn't pay it. It's not actually enforced. They don't actually make a person pay what they don't have.

In CA it can be up to 50% of your income.

BinaryPulsar

Listen, we only know half of half of the story

We know two grown adults had consensual sex and a child was born. What else do you need to know?

This!

She found out after her child was born that he was married with kids! His family lived in a different state! They had dated almost a year and he always "traveled" for his job.


I think a lot of you missed this part (as well as most of the content of the actual OP).

I didn't miss that. I don't see how it changes anything. He should still pay.

Yes, I agree that he should pay. I'm talking about the people that are saying things about how she tricked him or how the system is skewed in favor of women...

The tricking part was sarcasm. And it is skewed.

And he has the money to pay, if he didn't he just wouldn't pay it. It's not actually enforced. They don't actually make a person pay what they don't have. When I was in college I did mediation in the courts watching case after case of people coming in saying they were not being paid, and the judge said, "Oh, well, if he won't pay he won't pay. There's nothing I can do about that."

Mischievous_Rascal

her pride is too high to get on state assistance although she could use some of it (kudos to her for trying to do it on her own!) She is an excellent mother and a great example for her child!

She is considering it but she feels that there would be some kind of society backlash or judgement if she files.

There comes a point when pride can be too much, and if she's worried about "society" judging her, she needs to get over herself. Seriously, it's pretty selfish to be thinking about what other people think of her (which is pretty much nil) and have her kid suffer the financial consequenses. That kid deserves to be at least supported financially by its father, and to have a mom who can swallow her pride for the betterment of her family.

(And I was a single mom for a very long time. I'm proud too, and I didn't ask for one penny from my ex (or the government) for myself, but you can be sure my son's dad has made every single child support payment and I applied for every government deduction I was entitled to. My kid deserves that, and so does hers.)