Child support- what do you think?

Jennloella

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

rml_16

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

verymissk

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

eliseofthejungle

The PARENTS should both equally support the child. The income level of both should be considered. If one of the parents is living at an upper middle class level, the child should be supported to the same, and yes, that means also paying for the parent with which the child lives most of the time to live in an upper middle class house. No, it doesn't mean buying clothes or personal items for the other parent, but it should include clothes, food and housing for the child. I see where it gets touchy. How do we know the parent receiving the support is using the money for the child and not for themselves? That question, I can't answer. These things would be much easier if both parents could behave like friends and adults but I know that rarely happens.

Sometimes the mother makes more. Sometimes the father gets the majority of the custody. Sometimes the mother has to pay child support. Sometimes it comes out even.

Screwing someone with an upper middle class lifestyle does not make a woman deserving of an upper middle class lifestyle. A child deserves to have it's needs met. Period.

A father with an upper middle class lifestyle should WANT his children to have at least the same level of lifestyle even if it means temporarily elevating the life of their mother. Socioeconomic status in childhood has a significant effect on education success (in fact, it is the most important factor of academic achievement), adult romantic relationships, life satisfaction, and income levels in adulthood. If you are denying your children the best start in life they could possibly have just to prove a point to some woman you have issues.

lilRicki

Personal bias admittance: I am a single dad. However, I am not paying child support. I am raising my children. They visit their mom, and I have never sought child support from her.

The whole child support system is skewed. I know how much money I would have to pay if I did not have custody of my kids, and the amount that actually cost is a small fraction of that. What child support then equates to is ex wife/ex gf/ex mistress/ex whatever support. Because it is way above and beyond what is actually needed to help raise kids, assuming the dad has a decent job.

I am of the firm belief that if child support were more in line with 1/2 the actual cost of raising kids (two parents, each should pay 1/2 the cost), you would see more people willingly stepping up to take care of it. There is no reason that child support should be based on salary, because the cost of raising the child is not changed by how much dad earns. No guy wants to be saddled paying a ton of money, of which only a fraction is actually needed to raise the kids. The end result is they are supporting a child AND the childs mother. It is immoral to expect a man to financially support a woman for 18+ years because he had a child with her. The child, yes. The woman, no.

There should be a baseline cost for raising kids, with locality adjustments. When child support is to be paid, the paying parent pays 1/2 that amount. It doesn't matter how much you make, you are equally responsible to support the child. And it should be adjusted to account for visitation. If the dad has the kids 30% of the time, his payment should be reduced to reflect that he is feeding, clothing, and sheltering the child 30% of the time.

I agree with this...I am marrying a single father, and we didn't ask squat from the bio-mom. She had him about once every two months (when she felt the need to call) and lavish him with trips to the mall and all he can eat junk food. But I would take the absent father for child support if I was your friend. We are double income, we didn't need bio-mom's support. We just wanted her to have a decent relationship with her son. Your friend is a single mother, he's obviously a douche bag and owes his child a decent life. Take him for what you can.

whierd

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

That is hilarious and could not be further from the truth. She has been very outspoken in the past here about women being catty with each other and tearing each other down.

BrandNewFabulousMe

Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?


I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.

Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.

I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.

1. he should have been using protection if he did not want children
2. so a single mom with lower income should get an abortion rather than work hard to provide a living for their child
3. it takes 2 to tango and guess what? she's the only one dancing right now because he is no where in sight
4. would you be happier with her living off of the state or making him pay?
5. if he does not want to be a father, he should sign over his rights. until then, he should be held accountable and help provide

1. As should she have. Furthermore, she had control of the options once pregnant.
2. Who said that? Non sequitor
3. That has been her choice thus far.
4. He should pay.
5. Agreed.

Once again, she is not even wanting to file for child support, I am the one letting her know that it's in the best interest of her child if she did. Regardless of birth control or anything else, he could have used a condom or not had sex with her at all knowing what the consequence would be. No one is asking for him to pay a billion bucks a year, but half the cost of food, rent, etc is fair. Daycare alone in Iowa where I live, at least what I am paying for my son is almost 550 bucks per month. Here she is finding sitters and working overnights so she can work to save money and not pay it b/c she can't afford it. No it should not be based off of income but a child deserves a good life. Anything more than what they are getting right now would help. Maybe I should tell her to file for food stamps instead of child support and some of these ridiculous comments would go away smh

Why did she allow him to put it in her without a condom? Men aren't the only ones responsible for whether or not they use one. At this point, I almost see her even more 'at fault' (if you can call it that) for allowing an unprotected member in her baby maker.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe she hasn't filed for support because she knows she made all of these choices that led to her being a single mom on her own volition, and she doesn't necessarily feel the man is as at fault? Because given this additional information, that's how I'm feeling.

You are entitled to your own opinion. I don't know the circumstance. I was not there. All that I know regardless of anything else is that a baby was born and has grown into a child. I don't see anything wrong with her asking him for help and when he does not help then child support should be in order. Period. I don't care if it's 100 bucks a month but show some effort or sign over your rights.

rml_16

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

teamAmelia

Why did she allow him to put it in her without a condom? Men aren't the only ones responsible for whether or not they use one. At this point, I almost see her even more 'at fault' (if you can call it that) for allowing an unprotected member in her baby maker.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe she hasn't filed for support because she knows she made all of these choices that led to her being a single mom on her own volition, and she doesn't necessarily feel the man is as at fault? Because given this additional information, that's how I'm feeling.

:huh: You can still get pregnant with a condom, with birth control....Technically, every female who voluntarily has sex w someone and gets pregnant does so by her own volition. So, should they not file for child support since it was their "fault" that they got pregnant. We're just going in circles, but I know that I'm right , so I'll just say for the last time that no matter what your gender is or how much you make it clear to the other person that you don't want to have kids, if you sleep w that person and a pregnancy occurs, it's your responsibility....I saw an episode of some court tv show years ago. Some creepy woman got sperm from the guy's used condom after they had sex or something, and she got pregnant. He still had to pay child support. I actually felt bad for the guy, but it was kind of funny.

BrandNewFabulousMe

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

rml_16

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

That is hilarious and could not be further from the truth. She has been very outspoken in the past here about women being catty with each other and tearing each other down.

She's said over and over in this thread that it was the woman's responsibility to not get pregnant, the man has no responsibility for it and the mother shouldn't even ask him for help because she "let him" have unprotected sex. He, clearly, had no responsibility for that at all.

That's a very misogynistic attitude, regardless of anything this person has ever said in the past.

junejadesky

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

RIGHT??!! Why should I have to pay for the child because it's a "better option" than going to the State and applying for child support which the child is entitled to?

rml_16

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.

BrandNewFabulousMe

And actually, I'd rather see her file for TANF support - then she would be given assistance to get better child care, job assistance - training, interview training, resume assistance. She can't stay on it forever, and if she's got a good head, she'll use the resources provided to her to improve her position. That's exactly the sort of situation TANF is there for.

So I, who has never had sex with this woman, should pay for her child. But the father, who did have sex with this woman, shouldn't have to because she somehow tricked him into getting her pregnent?

so she tricked him.. wow, I'm her best friend and wasn't there for the rodeo. Glad to know you were there! if she tricked him she would have file a long time ago for child support in my opinion and not be struggling right now.. wow, great observance on your part

verymissk

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

Pardon me? I didn't realize having a different opinion on how adults should handle their responsibilities made me a hateful person.

BinaryPulsar

That guy is a.....:explode:

junejadesky

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

Yeah, this seems totally fair to the child involved.

sizzle74

you know what I agree with that. It should be based on the cost of raising a child rather than income, but in some cases like this she's making probably less than 18k a year and he's making 90k a year. His other kids probably have a college fund I feel that her child should get the same treatment as the others. I commend you for taking care of your kids. You don't hear of too many single dads in the area I live in. People like you could def make a difference in some of the dead beat dads out there

The fact that she makes very little and he makes a lot doesn't change it. No, the kid shouldn't "have the same treatment as the others" unless he chooses to make it so. The only things he should ever be on the hook for is 1/2 the cost of raising the kid. She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.

SHE shoud have been more careful? Poor married guy leading two lives guy got raped by her I'm sure. SMH.

She needs to file. Period.

BrandNewFabulousMe

what I've always found interesting is a woman can get an abortion with out the Dad's consent if she doesn't want it. She doesn't even have to tell him. She has all the control. So if a guy does not want a kid, gives up his rights, asks her to terminate, why should he have to pay up the rest of his life? It does indeed take two to tango, and if a woman puts herself in a position to get knocked up by a man she doesn't know too well and is not married to....well then....it's the bed you made.

He's free to sign over his rights

He can't just sign over rights and get out of paying support. The mother has to agree to that.

she's offered it to him already. it's still an option that he has refused to take and just do nothing about. so that is why i feel he can help take care of the child.

BusyRaeNOTBusty

I apologize to all the men. I assumed Lovesdenvergirl (couldn't see the whole name) was a man. She's just another woman-hating woman.

That is hilarious and could not be further from the truth. She has been very outspoken in the past here about women being catty with each other and tearing each other down.

You've got her all wrong. She doesn't hate women.... She just hates kids.


:laugh:

I Lovesdenvergirl. I can understand her point of view, and I can understand that naked cowboy's point of view even if they differ from mine.