School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

CMB1979

Brass Knuckles and an air tight alibi. Will do the trick

Plus a secret place to stash the brass knuckles when you're done with them. They're considered a "deadly weapon" in most states and will get your kid 1+ years in juvie lockup.

Sparkle_Princess

My son is almost 14 and has been bullied for the last 4 years. He is smaller than all of his peers and sdespite the school saying they will fix the issue nothing was done except counselling for my son. Useless I tell you!!

It all came to a head earlier this year in PE class when the bully attacked my son, he stole his ball and tormented him. My son asked nicely for his ball and was ignored so he went to grab it back. The bully grabbed hold of him and pinned him to the ground and my son punched him to get him off of him and threw a fist back into the bully's face, resulting in him punching my son twice in the face.

The school were more worried about my son punching the bully than what actually happened. We took it to the police as this was the last straw for us. Police were happy to speak to the bully and his parents at home, and told them he could be charged with assault.

My son hasnt had a problem with this jerk since!!

What schools need to understand is that a child can only be pushed so far and then they will react. Noone should have to sit back and cop that ****. They need to stop micromanaging the victim and deal with the bully!!

paintlisapurple

The school SHOULD have adopted a zero tolerance policy as was mentioned in an above post. Speak with the principal and the assistant principal. If you don't make any headway with them (which you should, but just in case) tell them that you will have to complain to the authorities. Even though these are children, it is still considered harrassment which needs to be dealt with right away.
Good luck.

King_Of_Juicy

I hate bullies....Ima keep my mouth shut before I get in trouble.

But by all means neccisary...protect your child. ALL MEANS

MinMin97

That's terrible, so sorry! My first thought would be to work through the authority of the school. They will likely take this very, very seriously and would be prepared to deal with the children and their parents. Another question I have is...is your son having any trouble submitting to the authority of you and your husband? Like, is he struggling with his attitude at home, or with obedience?

Madame_Goldbricker

As others have said previously. The schools aren't always ready to step up to the plate on action. I can remember in my daughters junior school a bullying issue stemming from one particular girl. It turned out her mum was a school governor so that made them pretty reluctant to do anything. Plus talking to the parents can sometimes be a total waste of time. They either don't give a toss, or think their little darling would never bully.

hajenkatt

My daughter had an issue with another 2nd grade girl physically hurting her at school--pinching, sctratching, trying to cut her clothes off with scissors. The teacher was aware and dealing with it, but sometimes results don't come fast enough. I told my daughter to use a capoeira (martial arts) block on the girl the next time she tried to lay a hand on her. Sure enough, the next day that girl went after my daughter three different times in class, and my kid blocked her each and every time. The result was my daughter felt more confident knowing she had a strategy in place if this girl messed with her. The bullying girl quickly learned that my daughter was no longer going to put up with her nonesense, and after that my daughter never had a physical issue again. I hope this isn't something we will need to deal with again, but now we have strategies in place and both my kids know I back them 100% in protecting themselves. Good luck with this, and I hope you get it resolved. Bad timing for a Pro-D day, tho. I know it's hard to wait all weekend.

CookNLift

i agree with most of the points and speaking to the principal or telling your son to stick up for himself....even if he kicks them in the nuts he's still sticking up for himself. ''Otherwise, have you tried contacting the kids parents directly? sometimes they have no idea how much of an *kitten* their kids really are

pawnstarNate

Whoop em momma bear! Just make sure you video and post it in YouTube so it can go viral. That way you get your 15 minutes of fame via Skype on good morning America

Clameater

I got picked on in 6th grade pretty badly. I solved the problem by hitting the bully with a baseball bat in the back, and smashing his face into the asphalt a few times. I never got picked on again after that

DudeistPriest

The school SHOULD have adopted a zero tolerance policy as was mentioned in an above post. Speak with the principal and the assistant principal. If you don't make any headway with them (which you should, but just in case) tell them that you will have to complain to the authorities. Even though these are children, it is still considered harrassment which needs to be dealt with right away.
Good luck.

Zero tolerence policies are BS, they don't stop bullying they encourage it. A bully thrives on the inaction of others. Before zero tollerence the bully had to keep other kids afraid of him/her. Now he has the weight of zero taollerence backing him up. A lot of kids would step in and defend the weaker party but now they are afraid of getting introuble themselves.
I taught my kids to Step up and Step in. They all have, two of them recieved suspensions for fighting. My youngest daughter sat in the principles office laughing because the bully was crying because he was afraid of getting in trouble. My son stopped a weaker child from being hung over a second floor stair railing.. When he got suspended, he told the principle,"No problem. I'd do it again." I'm proud of both of them.

EDesq

It is AMAZING how Bullies thrive in today's culture. HUMMM, wonder why? Because of the Adults, they emulate ADULT behavior, IRL or on the Internet. ALWAYS first look to Adults when you see a BAD kid! Do what you can to protect your child; I am NOT a big fan of teachers in general because they 'encourage' bullying by looking the other way AND also by 'choosing' favorites or out-casting 'different' kids. Unfortunately, with Kids, it IS dog eat dog...

When I was a kid, you always saw big brothers or big sisters 'handle' these kinds of things until the younger one could fin for themself. Kinda kid on kid action. I guess you will have to intervene with the ADULTS...I would NOT suggest that you deal with the other kids...then YOU will come off as a Bully; and as you know, Parents do not like that.

Warchortle

Let me start off with.. I was bullied and hazing was ended once my grade became upper classmen. It really has to do with the types of people you're dealing with. Some people are discouraged by being reprimanded, but sometimes that makes it worse. There should be groups of friends, teachers, adults, that your son feels safe with and if you take the proper steps like having a parent conference and the problem still doesn't work out then you can go onto more extreme solutions.

There is some truth to the fact that if your son doesn't learn how to stick up for himself he will always need someone to stand up for him. It's a difficult line to dance, but I think if you come across this like...

"I know you're getting bullied and it sucks. I can ****ing rip their faces if you want me to, but that's only if you want that."

Nicolee_2014

I'm a mother bear taking care of her cubs....no one messes with my kids

My 3yo is going to what is called 'occasional care' so it is at a kindy for 3 hrs on a Friday - they get mixed with the kindergarten kids - well it has come to light that 1 of the boys hit her in the face. I've got 2 minds to slap the kid in the face myself, as he has been seen doing this before. No good talking to his mother because they don't speak a scrap of English. Helps! So now my daughter doesn't want to go to something that she used to enjoy.

It has been mentioned to the people who run the place who seem to brush it off.

I hope you find a solution to your situation. Bullies aren't fun, especially when you are a child

ninerbuff

For me I became the bully to the bullies..............................I donned an orange reflective vest and became a yard duty monitor that volunteers for the school. No kids ever talk back to me. They're skeered if whistle them down!

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

paul7799

I got picked on in 6th grade pretty badly. I solved the problem by hitting the bully with a baseball bat in the back, and smashing his face into the asphalt a few times. I never got picked on again after that

He had it coming. If you keep pushing someone they will break and hit you with a baseball bat. Anyway . . .

Most of us here are adults I imagine. Did you get picked on? I sure as hell did. When I was 5-12 your Mom and or Dad talking to the teacher about the bullying pretty much meant it would continue and get a whole lot worse. Is it still like that in our gluten free lets all hug it out society?

There were times when I'd outsmart them. This wasn't too hard since they were the kind of people who peaked in high school and now cry at home. Once I figured out how to lock them out of the building. That pissed them off. One of my favorites was when these two big guys who used to play keep-away with my hat tried to take it I threw it on the ground and stepped on it, then put it back on. Then never bothered me after that since they thought I was nuts.

When I was very young I cried and wanted to stay home because other kids told me I was fat and ugly or would hit me because I was quiet and then too "skinny". I started hitting them back. I didn't always win but I gave a couple of black eyes and made a couple of them cry too.

It's all a part of growing up. We all have to learn to stand up for ourselves. That's the one productive thing bullies do, force us to cowboy up. Because those *kitten* grow up too and you have to deal with them in your job and stand up to them in a different way.

DMK710

No one will protect your child like you will. I would do what your doing by going through the school...but i would report to the police and file assult charges (wouldn't hurt to see where it gets you, it could at least scare the bullies). With all that is in news these days....Bullies are out of control and law enforcement should be notified.

This is usually the beginning of bad behavior when it starts so young.


Good luck!
Go get'em mom! ( i was exactly the same when my children were small)

neandermagnon

My daughter had issues at her old school and I could never really put my finger on why. She was just very awkward socially and struggled so much with her school work. I spoke to her teacher so many times about my concerns only to be brushed off. I went has high up as the school board only to be told "the year is almost over. We'll see how she does next year" Ugh! REALLY? Well at the end of the year her class had a field trip to the zoo and suddenly it clicked. The other girls in her class were snooty. No better way of putting it. My daughter was being bullied with words more than with actions (no hitting or pushing). When it came time to break off into groups she was never chosen by the girls she thought were her friends. They told her it was because she her shoes were from Walmart. Later on they were telling her that they were glad she wasn't in their group because she would have slowed them down since she can't read very well.
My heart was just breaking into pieces! With only 2 weeks left in the year I stood by my daughters side and coached her through each scenario as best I could. The school wouldn't help and her teacher refused to believe that these girls were having an effect on my daughter. I have since transferred her to another school where she is thriving! Her grades are up, she has a ton of friends, and her teacher is absolutely outstanding.
I will say this though, had I not been able to transfer I would have gone to the news paper and TV stations, whatever I had to do to draw attention to the fact that their whole anti-bully campaign was a fail. I would have also waited at the school like a stalker waiting to find the parents and confront them. We are told not to do this, but I would have if my daughter ended up having to endure another year of it. Thankfully, her life is getting much easier. Good luck to you! I hope it stops for your son.

you did the right thing and I'm really glad your daughter's doing much better in the new school. I had to deal with a lot of this kind of bullying for many years in school, starting when I was too young to realise that it wasn't right for me to be treated this way, so it had a huge and very negative impact on my self-esteem, self-image and mental health that stayed with me for years.

Also, and this is important for all those saying "do martial arts" or "punch the kid in the face" - that does NOT work for this kind of bullying. I've always been strong, physically confident and able to fight, and used to fight with the boys (and win) and would spend most of my time at school playing with the boys because the girls all hated me. But the boys didn't fully accept me either as I was a girl, so I was still a social outcast. This kind of subtle, insidious bullying, i.e. by exclusion and constant subtle verbal slights, fighting back does not work. If you fight back (verbally or physically) then you make the bully cry, and all her friends rally around her, comfort her, and they all hate you even more, treat you even worse and you're painted as the evil one no matter what you do. These days, with more emphasis on stamping out bullying in schools, kids facing this kind of bullying who try to fight back, especially if physically, are more likely to end up being accused of being the bully, first by the same kids who are bullying them, and then by the teacher, because there are several of the very good kids in the class who are accusing your child (and it's usually the well behaved kids who engage in this kind of bullying) and just your child saying that she's the one being bullied, but there's no evidence for it, and it's hard for her to even describe what they're doing, because it's all based on social exclusion and extremely subtle slights, and as you put it, snobbery.

The best way to deal with this kind of bullying is to get away from the people who are doing it, which means leaving the social group where it's going on. Adults can find a new job if their co-workers are doing stuff like this to them.... but kids simply do not have that option to be asked to be transferred to another class or school, and teachers almost never spot this kind of bullying. It can be dealt with in a classroom situation if a teacher who is totally aware of what's going on is very insistent, and refuses to listen to the pleas, excuses and cover-up tactics of the bullies, but as I said, it's usually the well behaved kids in the class who do that, the ones the teachers consider trustworthy. If the teacher can get the message to them that a) I know what you have been doing and it's totally wrong, b) make them understand just how much pain and suffering they're causing by their behaviour and c) get all the kids involved discussing WHY they are doing it, then it may stop. However it's often the case that they'll stop doing this to the one child and turn to another child. It generally happens when there's one child in the class who is the ringleader, very manipulative and vindictive, and who has a psychological need to rally the other kids around her/him to pick on a victim. the mentality is very similar to that of other bullies, what's different is the tactics they're using. Generally in cases like this the bully knows that they would be in very big trouble for direct acts of physical or verbal violence, so they find other, much more subtle ways to attack their victim, and social exclusion is a very big part of this because it's so hard for a teacher to tell if a child is working alone out of choice, or because everyone else is refusing to work with them, and giving them evil looks, talking about them behind their back, only talking to them to make cleverly veiled insults, and generally treating them like *kitten* on their shoe. And usually the child won't tell the teacher what's going on, because it's all too subtle, they have no evidence, they know the others will all back each other up, the teacher will probably dismiss it as nothing serious or them being over-sensitive because it's like death by 1000000 small cuts rather than any one serious injury, and a teacher will dismiss someone complaining about any small thing, without understanding that this is a constant, ongoing thing that no adult would put up with for any length of time (but then adults are able to just leave the situation....)

Getting out of the situation is the best option for the child who's being victimised like this, because frequently if this kind of bullying stops, it's because it's moved on to another child, so the child feels compelled to move from victim to accomplice, out of fear of being the victim all over again. Either way it's pernicious. And many of the children who join in with this kind of bullying do so out of fear of becoming the next victim. So even if you manage to stop your child being the target, you're probably putting them in a situation where they're learning that they need to hurt others to avoid being hurt themselves, which is not what you want.

Anyway, basically some people are highly toxic, and everyone can do without toxic people in their lives... especially kids, who often don't have the emotional maturity and life experience to fully reaslise what's going on in situations like this.

traceyjj

My eldest got bullied (verbally) intermittently throughout his junior school. When he went to secondary school, that turned physical. School wouldnt do anything about it. I enrolled all 4 of my kids into a jujitsu class where they learned how to defend themselves. I then informed the school that IF my son hit anyone, it was only self defense, and he would not be sitting any detention. They knew my son well enough by then to know he would not pick a fight. He never had to use it at school. Whether that was because his confidence grew because he knew he could take them down, I dont know.
Now roll forward 2 years, the same kids that used to bully my eldest, on the first week my twins started the secondary school, tried it on with one of them. The bully did not stay standing. He was taken down so quickly, without a punch being hit. He was so humiliated, he never said a word to anyone, nor did he try it again with anyone around my family.
My kids are grown, only my daughter left for her final year at school. 3 of them still train at jujitsu (all 3 are black belts and above) and all 3 now teach it to the younger kids that are having issues that they had.

mrdexter1

Had and solved this problem last year...

jujitsu trained to junior blackbelt, fortunately my 11 year old listened to his master and didnt use it at school bar defence the odd time or two and there s no way we were going to leave him going to school with that on his mind every day ...

We knew other parents who had moved their kids to other schools after failing to solve the problem and having listened to what they had to say it became obvious why and we took a different approach...Turning up to school angry and demanding results certainly wasnt the way foreward !

We did our research, learned new anti bullying guidelines were soon to be put in place in schools and having been in sales, learned body language and how to close I made an appointment with the head so I could sell her the idea of wanting to help us and preparing herself for the new guidelines in advance by successfully working this problem out and having a strategy to do so in the future. We parted with her thanking me for bringing things to her attention and her agreeing it would be nice for us to cross paths at a later date with the problem resolved and I actually felt she wanted to solve the problem as we left - sold to that head teacher !

My son came home from school the next day saying the whole school had had a talking to at assembly, all the bullies had been rounded up and spoken to by the head and letters sent to their parents... and he had had no problems.

He s never been bullied since, now a year on and the worst bit for us as parents was when two weeks after it was sorted the worst bully called at our house to play with him and we had to let him in whilst both of us wanting to cuff him around the earhole !

we made a point of thanking the head and know since four kids left last year no other parents have had to do so this year.