School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

PRMinx

Okay, fine, that's different - but not all cases are going to be that.

I agree, but it is happening. I'm saying, if you can step in and correct the behavior at 6, will that prevent this nonsense at 12?

I honestly don't know...it's a good discussion.

ArroganceInStep

it's sad when parents have to get involved..........my mom didn't know anything about the kids that bullied me......until each time I came home and told her I knocked each one of them out.

geez, people seriously?

are we still kissing boo boos too?
sometimes the problem is your fist are your weapons but what is there weapon.you give them a slap and they pull a knife or even worse.its also the cyber bullying .its not like it was 25 years ago when someone would bully you ,you thump them and they suddenly decided to try to be friends with you

Cyber bullying is NOT worse than having a knife pulled on you.

lorigem

I know no women will agree but you also have to teach your kids to fight their own battles. The bullies obviously have to be addressed but kids aren't going to be able to run home to mommy every time they get their feelings hurts. Like Rocky said, "nothing hits harder than life".

Yup! I'm so glad my parents allowed me the opportunity to stand up for myself. My mom was livid I came home crying every day because of this stupid bully. But she told me to fight back. And I did. It shaped who I am today. I'm not a pushover...I'm a fighter

ArroganceInStep

Nothing really, But I always wondered that if the bullies had been stopped earlier, say when they were 6, the world would have been a better place. I'm sure the ring leader of that psycho barbie brigade is living a pathetic life somewhere.

I will say that I believe in fending for oneself. BUT, if this happened today and ended up online, I would certainly press charges (or threaten to press charges).

It's a question of control. I think the level of control that would be required to stop all kids from being mean would be both impractical and stifling to the growth of any kind of resilience in the children. I don't think you can stop people from being mean, all you can do is teach your kids to deal with that reality and to protect themselves as best they can.

PRMinx

Edit: And I'm not really talking about the non-consent photos here. What about those cases that are not those 'some cases' you describe?

Sexting gone public.

ilovedeadlifts

I'd definitely speak with the principal/teachers/bus drivers first to try to resolve the situation.
Then I'd try to get in touch with the parents.

If all else fails,well actually regardless of the outcome, teach your kid to take up for himself. If he fights back, you've got it on record that you spoke with administrators about the issue and they failed to resolve it. After a bully catches one in the nose, he typically stops.

highervibes

After a bully catches one in the nose, he typically stops.

This has been my exerience also.

lorigem

The teacher's aren't going to do squat. As a kid who was bullied I can promise you this.

Your teacher sucked then. On another occasion with a bully, I (only 8 years old at the time) went to my teacher and told her about the bully and if she didn't do anything, I would. She sat both of us down and asked the bully why she picked on me so much. We talked it out. She actually said she picked on me because I was smarter than her. Ha! But that teacher DID DO something. The thing is, my mommy didn't go fight my battle for me. I did the work. I made it stop.

BlueBombers

Thanks everyone for all your words of wisdom, it has helped me so much! :flowerforyou:

I have told my two boys in the past (although I don't encourage them to fight) that if someone is pounding the crap out of you do not be afraid to defend yourself and fight back. My oldest was in Karate but he DID NOT like it and I could not keep him in it. I am going to see if my little guy would like to go. He's the toughest of the two and I can see him holding his own once he gets a little bigger.

I myself got bullied as a kid, mostly in Elementary school so I know how horrible it is....to the point I did not want to go to school. My mom was the best as she would confront the bully and give them an earful to the point that she would make them cry and they left me alone after that. I was a very standoffish child and very shy so I would not stand up for myself, I would just go cry in the corner. Luckily I'm not like that anymore!

I am not taking this lightly that's for sure and if I have to make a scene, so be it. I know that it will continue if I don't. I will let you know how it goes on Monday!

Denjo060

I know this is an unconventional approach but you have to realize this was 20 years ago My odest son at the time was 5 a kid in our developement was picking on him severly at the bus stop. We lived in an apt building that had two floor so I saw him in the building one day and got a hold of him where no one was around and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and lifted him up and put him against the wall and told him if he EVER touched my son again I would beat the crap out of him It was just him and I there were no witnesses so I told him if he said anything I would deny everything . Guess what it worked he never picked on him again HAHAHAH I was like a mother lioness when my kids were young protecting her cubs

lilRicki

My son constantly gets bullied. We have made the teachers, principle and coaches (yes even his football team picks on him) aware of what's going on. They have talked to the children and informed the parents, but we also know that we have to teach our wee one how to deal with it appropriately. We tell him that sometimes it's hard to walk away, and a LOT of the times it's because the bullies don't feel good about themselves so they have to take it out on someone. We teach him what to say "I don't like how you're treating me" or "You aren't acting like a Charger". We have taught him steps on how to deal with someone that isn't listening to his wishes. Tell the child twice that you aren't happy, go to the teacher and tell them, and if that doesn't work then come to me. We have gotten to the point where we threatened the parents to call the cops if their kid didn't stop beating the p*ss out of ours every time he went to the park. I even got in a screaming match in the parking lot with one of the parents of the kid who would choke our kid every time the little brat saw him. I told her that if it happens one more time, the police will be involved and I will be charging her little angel with assault. I was pretty proud of our little linebacker the other day, one kid on his team was teasing him incessantly, even after being talked to by the coaches, and mine turned around and said "I'm not scared of you, you can stop your crap talking now" and it worked. I know it's tough, and yours is really young (mine is 11) but we've been dealing with this since mine was 6 as well. It doesn't get easier, it just gets scarier (guns, knives, bigger fists), but if you take control, make sure your child has a ton of self esteem and confidence to stick up for himself, and threaten the cops involvement, hopefully your wee one will get past this. And yes, we did tell our kid that if he's getting physically beat up, to throw punches like he's in the MMA and we won't get mad that he got in a fight.

Prettypedalpower

This is rather unconventional advice..and I add instantly it was my final straw. My beautiful daughter was hit by a car and her face was scarred not awfully but quite badly and her nose and leg were broken. When she returned to school she was teased horrendously about being an ugly scar face etc etc. when she finally told me after floods of tears and bed wetting I went to her school. I was told it would be dealt with. It wasn't. My daughter stopped eating, lost weight and said she would rather die than return to school. She was 8.. I went back again to be told girls could be cruel. My daughter needed to toughen up... My daughter showed me which little (******} were doing it. I punched the first one's mother straight on the nose.. Told her everytime her child bullied mine i'd come and bully her.. I don't condone violence. But I was beyond desperate. If school don't solve it. The education
Authority will do something if you write they have too... There's always my method as a final straw

ronit_rai

send ur son to the kick boxing classes ....problem solved.

Andreaviolet89

I have studied bullying and know a lot of people who work on the school board. Unfortunatly, if teachers don't actually witness the bullying going on, there isn't much that they can do unless the bully admits to his/her actions. And even then they usually just get sent home to their parents who might take their kids side and not address that some issues need to be handled. I dont think bullying will ever really stop. I think by showing up at the school you might embarrass your son. Im sorry to say that, but you might actually make things worse when kids see that mom had to come fight his battles. I think that by calling the school, you brought it to their attention. Thats great, see what they do now. Then, I saw someone mention that putting your child into self defense or martial arts would be good. I agree, not to teach him to fight but to give him confidence and not be afraid of these bullies, should the teachers not handle it. Good luck to you and your kid, sorry he is having to deal with this.

ArroganceInStep

This is rather unconventional advice..and I add instantly it was my final straw. My beautiful daughter was hit by a car and her face was scarred not awfully but quite badly and her nose and leg were broken. When she returned to school she was teased horrendously about being an ugly scar face etc etc. when she finally told me after floods of tears and bed wetting I went to her school. I was told it would be dealt with. It wasn't. My daughter stopped eating, lost weight and said she would rather die than return to school. She was 8.. I went back again to be told girls could be cruel. My daughter needed to toughen up... My daughter showed me which little (******} were doing it. I punched the first one's mother straight on the nose.. Told her everytime her child bullied mine i'd come and bully her.. I don't condone violence. But I was beyond desperate. If school don't solve it. The education
Authority will do something if you write they have too... There's always my method as a final straw

You could be thrown in jail on assault charges for what you did. Then your daughter would be dealing with this while having her parent in lock up over it.

highervibes

The teacher's aren't going to do squat. As a kid who was bullied I can promise you this.

Your teacher sucked then. On another occasion with a bully, I (only 8 years old at the time) went to my teacher and told her about the bully and if she didn't do anything, I would. She sat both of us down and asked the bully why she picked on me so much. We talked it out. She actually said she picked on me because I was smarter than her. Ha! But that teacher DID DO something. The thing is, my mommy didn't go fight my battle for me. I did the work. I made it stop.

My teacher and principal did the same thing with my bully, didn't stop the bullying. What did was a category 5 beat down. No one wants their kid to have to fight, but I don't want my kid to be a punching bag, emotionally or physically.

carlalovescake

My eldest got beaten black and blue at primary school over a period of thirteen months... we tried working with the school, meetings, you name it we tried it... I have now been home schooling my son for two years and don't regret it for a second.

My son lost all confidence in himself and its taken those two years to get him back tbh. Its worked for us as a family

rotts1

I have to use the advice that was given to me as a child and then I passed on to my two sons. If you are being bullied, especially by a group, pick out the biggest one and punch him as hard as you possibly can right in the nose. That kid will be instantly stunned and it will be difficult for him to see. The others, most likely, will be shocked that the biggest one got punch like that and may back off. I'm not saying that it always works, but it's better to give your child a fighting chance than to let him go thru life afraid. I told my sons that if they got in a fight because they were being picked on or because they were defending someone else that was being picked on, they would not get in any trouble at home and I would do everything I could to minimize the amount of trouble they got into with the school. However, I told them that if they started the fight or if they were the one who was doing the bullying, they would be severely punished and they would regret being a bully.

My oldest son, while in middle school and during class, was being bullied. The kid behind him had been picking on him for weeks and kept kicking his chair, telling him that he was going to beat him up. When the kid behind my son started talking bad about my son's Mom and his little brother, my son stood up in, turned around and punched the kid square in the nose. Bloody nose, shock, awe, but no more bullying. That kid stopped right then and never bothered my son again. The teacher sent my son to the principle and I got a phone call. When I talked to the principle, the teacher had explained what had happend and my son was sent home for the day. I told the principle that if my son is bullied at school, I expect him to respond the same way again. That let the teacher and school know that I will back my son. I did talk to my son afterwards and found out everything that had been going on. I explained to him that while I don't want him beating people up, it is good that he stood up for himself.

This may not work for every situation, but I would rather have my sons learn to stand up for themselves and have some pride than have them learn to cower in fear. Teaching a child to stand up for themselves early on will help them later in life.

Wow! This turned out much longer than I expected it too. Hope it helps!

sloth3toes

I skipped about 4 pages of replies, so if this has been said already, I'm just saying it again.

There seem to be some underlying themes to the replies.

Here's my 2 cents ( Canadian )

In BC, we have had some very high profile cases of bullying recently, which have had tragic results.

First, I don't disagree with all the posters that have said, he should stick up for himself, learn martial arts, etc.... Having more self-confidence and knowing that he can defend himself, would be great. The posters that say, he should fight back, might be missing that he's 6, and he's being picked on by multiple 8 year olds. Unless your son is Chuck Norris, I highly doubt he can take on multiple 8 year olds. If he decided to fight back, I'd back him 100%, and like others have said, I would never back down or allow him to accept any punishment for fighting back.

However, you're looking for a resolution on Monday. Here is just my humble opinion.

The whole 'anti-bullying ' campaign that schools try to project, may or may not be effective, and much of it may just be lip service. I've heard from other parents that they've followed the 'program' and it's been completely ineffective. That said, I have no first hand knowledge of it, and every school is likely different.

So, I think what I'd do if I was in your position, is....

Make an action plan
Go to the school Monday, and be 100% firm, but try not to be confrontational... ( I would fail at this )
List what has been happening, and what you expect to be done.
Given their response, decide if you need to list what you will do, if things aren't fixed, immediately, or wait to do this.
If things move in a timely manner, and the school deals with the bullies and the parents, and things get better... no need for further, immediate action
If things do not improve immediately, give the school notice of your next actions. Contacting the media is probably an excellent choice. Explaining to them that if your son retaliates, that you have documented all the episodes that led up to that, and that you'll also contact the police.

I would not contact the parents directly, unless you know them.... at least not at first, I'd let the school do it. There is at least a 50% chance that the parents are @$$holes, too.... and regardless are very likely to be defensive about their kids.

I also would never ( very difficult to hold back, I know.... ) try to deal with the bullies myself, directly. An adult trying to discipline someone else's kids, in any way, is never going to turn out well.... this will almost surely turn the entire situation into your fault, and would take turn the situation into something criminal for you, and the bullies would become the victims, and your son would suffer worse for it.

IMHO, bullying is a far more difficult issue to solve, than the schools and media make it out to be. Simply 'adopting a No Bullying Policy,' doesn't really DO anything for your son, does it? They need to realize that this is a HUGE deal for you and your son, and that you will be relentless in dealing with it.

As for martial arts... if your son is interested, by all means, it seems to do wonders for self-confidence.... but that isn't going to solve your problem by Monday. If your son is capable of defending himself against the bullies, I certainly wouldn't stop him from doing so. But, I'd advise the school beforehand, that your son is the victim, not the aggressor, and that any altercations are NOT his fault, and that he won't be doing any 'time' for them.

alishacupcake

I just wanted to offer two cents. As a child I was bullied because I was overweight and big for my age. Very early when I was about 6 I was being verbally bullied be a smaller kid so I got angry and fought back. Then I was reprimanded for physically hurting a smaller child. That kid didn't bully me any more but it taught me not to stand up for myself. I told my parents once I was being bullied soon after that and my parents just told me to stand up for myself which I got in trouble for doing previously so out of a need to please adults I never told anyone else that I was being bullied. So I was fair game for all bullies after that. I said all that to say this, becareful what you say to your kids and what you punish them for.

It's so funny because I look back on pics of myself at 6 when I was being bullied for being "fat" and I wasn't. But I became fat and still am.

neutralhills

We went through a bullying situation over a year and a half ago. I would not advocate having your kid strike the other kids back UNLESS it is in self-defence. Otherwise, you are simply putting them at risk of being disciplined by the school as well.

One thing that worked for us over the long haul was documentation. Document EVERYTHING that happens. Who, what, where, when, and why if you're able to. Make sure you take notes about who saw what if there are witnesses. If you can, get statements or save screen captures of texts or private messages if you're forced to resort to them to prove your side. This is what saved us in the end and got a bad staff member moved out of our school. Once we had enough proof, there was no question on the part of administration that they were required to act.

Hope this helps.

teamAmelia

Be prepared with Plan B if you are not pleased with the school and the way they handle it.

I know that we all wish that bullies didn't exist, but the commercial says that you can't use Plan B for an existing pregnancy. I'm assuming they mean a child that has been born, too. Just saying. :laugh:

OP, I'd report it to the school and made sure that I got the parents' info. If it continued, I'd put pressure on the school to handle it bc it's their responsibility (some schools have zero tolerance policies) and I'd also put pressure on the parents. If they caused any damage to my child or his property, I'd call the cops and sue for damages. Anything to make them get the point that the behavior from their child won't be tolerated. That will hopefully make them put the pressure on their child. I don't see why any child who is being told by their parents to not behave that way, would still do it. If their child is bullying and they don't condone it, they need to send the child to counseling.

leannerae40

I was bullied (Canada) and my Dad was a RCMP (police officer). With many transfers to new towns/cities I was always the "new kid" and had to put up with bullies trying things on the new kid most of the places we went to. Mostly, if I ignored them it went away and I made new friends fast. I can guaranty you that bullying is EVERYWHERE - small towns and big cities. Finally, in Grade 7, a couple of girls just went too far and things culminated (they threw rocks at me hard enough that I had to shower to wash the blood out of my hair). I went home and told my Dad. He wouldn't do a THING except to coach me in what he thought was appropriate (which was defending myself). At the time, I was flabbergasted, he was my hero and should go and arrest them or something shouldn't he? Wasn't this assault? I couldn't possibly handle them myself? These girls lived on my STREET! He did show me a few ways to defend myself, (as did my brothers) and told me that he would back me a 100% if I had to lose my temper in order to not be physically hurt. Mentally hurt was something that happened in life, and he told me that regardless of what they said, I was the one who could choose to believe it or not but was never to react physically to that.
Now I realize that he did exactly the right thing. I felt empowered to handle it myself. There is no better way to teach a bully a lesson than to take their power away by defending yourself. The following day, they called me a name during class and were asked to leave the room. When class was dismissed, they were waiting in the hall for their "punishment" and called me another name, loudly, while I was at the other end of the hall. I dropped my books and took a dead run at their little group and literally straightarmed one girl so hard that she flipped right over. The other one I sat on top of and pounded until my arms couldn't hit anymore. The other one hid in a locker and started crying at my apparent leave of sanity.
When a teacher finally hauled me off, the whole hallway erupted into APPLAUSE. Many of the other students had been bullied by these girls and I understand that several teachers "took their time" coming to the bullies rescue. I was never bothered again (word gets around when you lose it) and those girls never bothered anyone else either.
That story felt good to tell, and I feel that until bullies get a feel of what happens, and what it actually feels like, from SOMEONE their OWN AGE, they will continue. Self defence is the best policy my Dad ever taught me.
Side note: A year later, one of the "bullies" vandalized a car on our street and was caught. How was she caught? She vandalized my Dad's ghost car (police vehicle) and he followed her tracks through the snow right to her front door. Her Dad tried to play it off as not her, right up until he saw my Dad's badge. Best scene ever was her showing up at my front door, balling from the lickin she'd just received from her own Dad and having to apologize to my family and complete the police report with my Dad.
Karma can really be a mean girl too!

Timshel_

My 6-year-old son was pushed, tripped, sworn at and had his hood from his winter coat thrown away by a couple of 8-year-olds from the same school. They also punched other little kids and caused another boy from his class to bleed. This happened over the three recess breaks they have during the school.

Our school would have taken action right there, and we are lucky with that.

However, both of my boys have had instances of bullying in other situations. I always find out who is responsible and I find the parents first. We haven't had to escalate beyond that yet. We do have a kid in our neighborhood that is always starting stuff with my one son, and even talking with his non-parenting parents does nothing to dissuade him from it. Last night the kid and another boy started throwing rocks at my youngest and he went to confront them, they twisted his arm. As the story goes, my son ended up with one of them in a head lock though. My fear isn't that my son CAN'T fend for himself. My fear with this particular boy is the reason why he picks on my son is that he feels inferior and jealous of him, and if I let my son take the low road and just beat the crap out of him, that feeling inferior would escalate and this kid is just dumb enough to get a knife or gun. And again, his parents wouldn't even know or care.

Really, I am working on the next step myself. It will be something between turning the other cheek and standing up for himself.

teamAmelia

My 6-year-old son was pushed, tripped, sworn at and had his hood from his winter coat thrown away by a couple of 8-year-olds from the same school. They also punched other little kids and caused another boy from his class to bleed. This happened over the three recess breaks they have during the school.

Our school would have taken action right there, and we are lucky with that.

However, both of my boys have had instances of bullying in other situations. I always find out who is responsible and I find the parents first. We haven't had to escalate beyond that yet. We do have a kid in our neighborhood that is always starting stuff with my one son, and even talking with his non-parenting parents does nothing to dissuade him from it. Last night the kid and another boy started throwing rocks at my youngest and he went to confront them, they twisted his arm. As the story goes, my son ended up with one of them in a head lock though. My fear isn't that my son CAN'T fend for himself. My fear with this particular boy is the reason why he picks on my son is that he feels inferior and jealous of him, and if I let my son take the low road and just beat the crap out of him, that feeling inferior would escalate and this kid is just dumb enough to get a knife or gun. And again, his parents wouldn't even know or care.

Really, I am working on the next step myself. It will be something between turning the other cheek and standing up for himself.

Throwing rocks? Twisting his arms AND his parents don't care? Noo. I'd definitely get the cops involved. Who would let their kid do that to another person? There's something going on there. Who knows what else he'll do to your kid or someone else. I'm really not the type of person to just put up with stuff from people. I'm all about teaching people lessons so that they don't do it again. Turning the other cheek is just giving them the okay that the behavior is acceptable.

SailorKnightWing

I like how everyone assumes that if their kid fights back, he will win the fight and stop the bully forever. As if a child who physically stands up for himself could never lose that fight. Or that the bully would never try again.

nebjennison

my dad used to tell me this when i was builed
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you're hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life

ArroganceInStep

my dad used to tell me this when i was builed
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you're hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life

your dad huh

sloth3toes

my dad used to tell me this when i was builed
Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you're hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life

your dad huh

Was this your Dad?

michelleLynette

Im soooo glad my 16 year old son is a boxer..I fear for the kids that ever mess with him. He stands up for the ones being picked on too..Last month on the school bus some boy was picking on a girl My son told him to shut his mouth and leave her alone. The boy was like..dude Im kidding around..my son told him to shut up again..Guess what ..HE did and he never messed with that girl again!