School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

PurpleBeauty02

Teach him not to let other kids walk all over him. Of course speak with the Adminstration at the school but also let him know he needs to start hitting these kids back.

MyChocolateDiet

As others have said previously. The schools aren't always ready to step up to the plate on action. I can remember in my daughters junior school a bullying issue stemming from one particular girl. It turned out her mum was a school governor so that made them pretty reluctant to do anything. Plus talking to the parents can sometimes be a total waste of time. They either don't give a toss, or think their little darling would never bully.

At my childs former school I was invited to many meetings that did not particularly pertain to me for a reason I won't go into detail here. At one of those meetings the sudden and unrelated topic of bullying came up spontaneously. One of the mothers after hearing about 5 parents go on at length about the bullying their children were enduring and listening intently spoke up..... " I have listened to see if any of you were talking about my child. It seems as though none of you are since you all mentioned your child's bully specifically." She went on to say that she sadly considered her child a bully and the steps she took to correct her child. It was very sad to see someone admit that. It took every fiber in my being not to crawl across the table and take her in my arms and hug her. I felt very sad that when I asked if she beleived it was learned behavior she misunderstood that to mean that I was inferring from her household. I corrected myself to make it clear i meant did she beleive he learned it from other children. After her talk many mothers in that room seem releived. One or two of them resolved to talk to the school and not feel so alienated or adversarial with the parents in their cases. They also seemed to develop an understanding of the child doing the bad things. Finally, this meeting was facilitated by a counselor who was supposed to be doing another topic for these ladies but on this topic instructed as follows. Now that she knew there was a perceived problem by multiple parents she would bring up to admin she can have time alloted for that. In the interim she provided all of us in that room with a tool where she claimed that studies show that the simple act of standing alongside a bullied child, (not even saying or doing anything, just standing) is usually enough to get the bully to back off. I have since tried this technique with my child as he tends to go off too far sometimes and I can't tell you how many times it has appeared from a distance something was "up" and when I stand near and it's obvious we are together they leave. His true friends never run off when I step up. New friends with no ill intent either. Only the ones up to no good do it. Make sense?

ETA: I had already known the mother who admitted that previously as a very sweet, generous, kind, humble, and classy lady. It was a shocker! After that we became closer and some commiserating on other topics helped inform my decision to ultimately leave the school.

fannyfrost

OK schools have a no tolerance to bullying. you can't let it be known though that you reported it. Your son can't be known as the one it is happening to. Most schools have ways of dealing with it these days. Bullying in dangerous and must be reported.

Read up on the internet, look up information on how to handle it going forward, what to do if it escalates or continues. Once you report if the school does nothing they can get in a lot of trouble. You can escalate all the way to the school board if needed. Try not to, but Bullying is serious. the thing is that if your kid is known to have told, he will get picked on more. So do your best to be discreet.

I did not read the entire thread to see if anything happened since you first wrote, but know that it is NOT OK.

Tropicalfirestorm

The teacher's aren't going to do squat. As a kid who was bullied I can promise you this.


The best thing to do is ACT NICE AND NOT MAD. As the principle, nicely, (don't sound like a raving lunatic who will hurt children or who is deeply upset or try to blame the school, that will just offend them. And no offense sweetie but what you described isn't a big deal for the average kid to deal with. Source: I went to three different schools. and I'm female.) if you can request a meeting with the children who were bullying your son (get specific names) and their parents.


During that meeting talk to the parents and make them aware of what happened (don't sound accusing. sound like the nice, hurt and confused, party that is defending your son, but who is not pointing fingers but just wants this resolved), and ask what can be done to resolve this situation.

After the meeting take the principle aside where you won't be heard and ask if disciplinary action such as short term suspension will happen if these actions continue. Don't do it in front of the parents. THEY ARE ALREADY AWARE OF THIS.

This is your best bet for getting physical violence resolved.

Name calling will still happen. It's part of socialization.

edit: spitting counts as physical harm.

edit: to be honest I am surprised you are so shocked at this. Bullying is a part of life. Focus on teaching your kid not to care about it and to believe in himself and not get down on the haters. Don't make him feel bad for coming to you- that was good and right... but give him the tools he needs so that if something light happens like name calling he can ignore it and stand up for himself rather than coming to his mom. You don't want him to become one of those kids who is incapable of standing up for themselves and is all angsty and claims they will commit suicide if anyone is ever mean to them. People are mean in life- teach HIM how to react to that.

mariahk35

I work for a school district so I see it the best advise I can give you is this. Get involved talk to the principal, recess ladies, teacher etc.. Make them all aware of what is happening. Have your son go to them as soon as something happens. Many times the teachers, bus driver etc have no idea what is going on. But if you make them aware they can watch for it, or punish the kids if it happens again. But be firm and keep going in if you have to, remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease!

fbmandy55

I feel your pain. My son is in kindergarten and has been having accidents recently. NEVER in his life has he had an accident before starting school. We were talking to him and trying to find out that cause. I did learn that the accidents are just due to his bad aim when peeing but I also learned that there is a group of kids that knock him down constantly at recess. It's daily.

I never would have expected my son to get picked on, he is the most outgoing kid in the world, but these bullies look at him like they are too cool and he is a weirdo for being outgoing and friendly. When he told me about the recess issue, I cried and I wanted to find those kids and string them up by their toes.

I talked to his teacher and she assured me she would let the recess monitor know so she could keep an eye on them. I can't believe this is a problem in kindergarten!

MyChocolateDiet

I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.

Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.

Hey guys I don't want to come of as mean or a bully but y'all are driving me crazy. It's "nipped it in the bud" as in not allowing the budding flower to blossom. I tried to ignore it but it's continuing and seeming like some of you might be learning it in this thread. It's gonna make my eye twitch if it continues so yeah.

http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/nip+in+the+bud

Tropicalfirestorm

I work for a school district so I see it the best advise I can give you is this. Get involved talk to the principal, recess ladies, teacher etc.. Make them all aware of what is happening. Have your son go to them as soon as something happens. Many times the teachers, bus driver etc have no idea what is going on. But if you make them aware they can watch for it, or punish the kids if it happens again. But be firm and keep going in if you have to, remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease!

If you talk to all those people the kid will be known as a pansy and be picked on harder than ever.

He doesn't need his mommy to protect him from everyone, just to stop the physical violence.

MyChocolateDiet

I feel your pain. My son is in kindergarten and has been having accidents recently. NEVER in his life has he had an accident before starting school. We were talking to him and trying to find out that cause. I did learn that the accidents are just due to his bad aim when peeing but I also learned that there is a group of kids that knock him down constantly at recess. It's daily.

I never would have expected my son to get picked on, he is the most outgoing kid in the world, but these bullies look at him like they are too cool and he is a weirdo for being outgoing and friendly. When he told me about the recess issue, I cried and I wanted to find those kids and string them up by their toes.

I talked to his teacher and she assured me she would let the recess monitor know so she could keep an eye on them. I can't believe this is a problem in kindergarten!

you mean you wanted to find them and have a nice long talk with them and show them other ways to deal with their feelings, right?

and sadly yes it is a problem in kindergarten. so so so sad. I'm sorry you went through this, just know you aren't the only one. :flowerforyou:

fbmandy55

I feel your pain. My son is in kindergarten and has been having accidents recently. NEVER in his life has he had an accident before starting school. We were talking to him and trying to find out that cause. I did learn that the accidents are just due to his bad aim when peeing but I also learned that there is a group of kids that knock him down constantly at recess. It's daily.

I never would have expected my son to get picked on, he is the most outgoing kid in the world, but these bullies look at him like they are too cool and he is a weirdo for being outgoing and friendly. When he told me about the recess issue, I cried and I wanted to find those kids and string them up by their toes.

I talked to his teacher and she assured me she would let the recess monitor know so she could keep an eye on them. I can't believe this is a problem in kindergarten!

you mean you wanted to find them and have a nice long talk with them and show them other ways to deal with their feelings, right?

and sadly yes it is a problem in kindergarten. so so so sad. I'm sorry you went through this, just know you aren't the only one. :flowerforyou:

God forbid we have to get the parents of the kids involved too, they are just about worthless. The school principle actually had to send out a newsletter on appropriate parental behavior at school and home. Parents were cussing, smoking, fighting on school property and it's clear many do not supervise their kids at home, as inappropriate movies/tv, language are a problem there as well. Then again, that;s the city schools for you. You don't see many parents walking around school in the country, which is where we intended to start our son in school...

kennethmgreen

When it happened gto my son, I taught him to punch HARD. He only had to land 1 blow and the rest of the group backed off.

I completely agree with this and feel that you did the right thing by teaching your child to defend himself. Everyone, including children, have the right to defend themselves. Period.

"Defending yourself" and punching someone are different things (though sometimes defending yourself may include punching).

Sentiments like the above are little more than restated bullying. We buy into the fanstasy because we've been taught to feel good when the little guy wins and the bad guy gets his comeuppance. We eat that up, fueled by our passion as parents. But I think it's lazy.

Truth is, conflict resolution is hard stuff. Most adults struggle with it. Teaching it to children is arduous and nuanced. Much easier to tell to hit back.

I'm sure there are people that will jump to the "should I just let my child get bullied???!?!?" approach. And of course the answer is no. But far too often I see parents (in real life and in conversations like this these online) immediately jump to the hit back/self-defense answer. And it's usually stated like the above, which is basically the movie fantasy.

I don't take anything away from self-defense classes, or teaching kids martial arts. They can be great for kids to bolster confidence, increase discipline and help with confidence. But if you are throwing your kid into martial arts class solely because he/she was bullied, I wonder what other options you've actually explored.

Yes, my kids have been bullied. And we resolved it. Punching back did not come up. Maybe it would have eventually. But I suspect I would have change schools before that.

When it comes to bullying, I think if we're really being honest as parents, we'll admit to wanting more than just having the behavior stop. We want revenge. And I don't think that's healthy.

DebbieLyn63

To fully deal with school bullies, the school MUST have a ZERO tolerance for bullying. As parents, there is little you can do without the support of the teachers and admins.
Work WITH the teachers and admins, helping to provide solutions, rather than just yelling and accusing. Cooperation goes a long way with getting help for your child.
If you encounter teachers or admins that have the old-school attitude of blowing it off, and thinking the victim just needs to 'toughen-up', then by all means go above their heads til you find someone who is willing to put a stop to the bullying atmosphere.

Bullies continue their behavior because they get away with it. Bullied kids are afraid to speak out, and this fear allows the bullies to continue. Most bullies are often bullied at home by their own parents or older siblings, so it is learned behavior. You will seldom get anywhere confronting their parents, because they will automatically defend their kid, and will most often have the attitude that it is normal child behavior, and the victims deserve it because they are weak.

The world has changed since the days where kids just duked it out in the schoolyard. The 'survival of the fittest' days are over.
No longer do the big and strong kids rule the school while the Math geeks get beat up. But not everyone has received the memo.

PRMinx

I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.

Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.

Your sister in law threatened to call the cops on a child over "web based teasing" and you are PROUD of it.


WHAT KIND OF ****ING DISGUSTING MONSTER ARE YOU.

Is there an ignore button on this site? Be assured, if there is I am putting you on it immediately.

edit: you are on my ignore list. Do not try to respond to this, it won't work.

Considering that we have teenagers jumping off of buildings, hanging themselves, etc. because of web-based bullying, I don't find this to be that outrageous.

If this were happening to my child, and the parents/school did nothing, I have NO problems contacting the authorities. There has to be consequences at some point.

MyChocolateDiet

No one will protect your child like you will. I would do what your doing by going through the school...but i would report to the police and file assult charges (wouldn't hurt to see where it gets you, it could at least scare the bullies). With all that is in news these days....Bullies are out of control and law enforcement should be notified.

This is usually the beginning of bad behavior when it starts so young.


Good luck!
Go get'em mom! ( i was exactly the same when my children were small)

I'm not sure how scared the bullies will be though if the officers don't take it seriously. Which is a very strong possibility. This may make the child feel less protected and make the bullies feel more at liberty to do as they please. It might be best not to do a "cry wolf" situation and reserve this option for times when you know it's going to be taken seriously. I can't imagine telling a 911 operator to please come in hurry because of a child's hood. (yes, something similar happened to me too actually, but for some reason calling the police was not on my list of things that occured to me to do about it.) Walking near the boys and saying, don't touch or pull on his hood that's "not safe" to quote terms used by the teachers and staff seemed to do the trick. At some ages kids are just doing whatever pops into their little heads and seems fun or funny for whatever reason and considering themselves "friends" they are touchy and grabby. This worked in the moment, but admittedly OP's situation is different so may require informing the school but calling the police...IDK?

ldrosophila

if you cant get help from the school admins can you go over their head to the superintendent or school board?

Cranquistador

I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.

Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.

Your sister in law threatened to call the cops on a child over "web based teasing" and you are PROUD of it.


WHAT KIND OF ****ING DISGUSTING MONSTER ARE YOU.

Is there an ignore button on this site? Be assured, if there is I am putting you on it immediately.

edit: you are on my ignore list. Do not try to respond to this, it won't work.

what the?

oldmanstauf

As someone who works in school admin, talking to the school teacher and principal is the first step. If you feel you're not getting anywhere take it up with Elementary Instruction at the higher levels.

netsirk12

Letting him and the bus company know is good but if you want to see changes you need to go to the superintendent and to the school board. Maybe contact the kids parents yourself it continues but sadly it is a learned behavior.

ironanimal

Mixed Martial Arts lessons.

paleojoe

A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.

Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.

This ^^^ all the way!