School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??
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I was bullied for 5 years in elementary school and what I did was fight them. They bullied me I fought them over and over. Sometimes if you can't get respect you got to take it. If a teacher see him fighting it will give him a chance to tell the teachers whats is going on and also the parents of the bullies if he gets in trouble. Then the teachers will check up on him and the bullies to make sure he is alright.
Once I got to high school none of my bullies messed with me anymore lol and I am now friends with some of them. Life is weird but he needs to stay strong.0 -
Question for the lawyers in the bunch:
If the bullying got so severe and your child had to have counseling would there be any legal recourse to seek financial compensation from the parents of the bullies? Is there any precedence for pain and suffering compensation? I understand you are talking about minors, but what would be the responsibility of the bullies' guardians? Or could you involve the schools if you could prove they did not take action into the manner?
I'd assume you would have to prove that they had directly harmed your child and as a result suffered from damaged property, absentee days, and/or lowered grades.
Just curious if there would be anyway to get the courts involved if it came to that?
I don't know about the US but here in Canada bullying at the primary level is treated like it's a JOKE. My neighbor's kid was constantly being bullied by a kid at school and he would tell ME (a neighbour!) all about it any chance he could get. His parents involved the police and it still went on. Apparently they tried talking to the kid's parents and they were marginally more advanced than apes. How schools deal with it (from my experience as a 3rd party and even when I was in high school) was a JOKE. I used to get bullied in high school till I knocked the dumb b!tch out. <- My only regret was that I let if go on for so long until I did.
It's treated like a joke here as well. We actually had a middle school student take her life at the bus stop last year. The mom had been on the news several times about how the school did nothing despite her constantly trying to get them to intervene. Our schools have a zero tolerance for fighting, my cousin was suspended from school after a bully punched him down a flight of stairs. The policy is all parties are punished regardless of guilt.
Personally, I would take my kid out of school before letting them get punished for that.0 -
"Defending yourself" and punching someone are different things (though sometimes defending yourself may include punching).When it happened gto my son, I taught him to punch HARD. He only had to land 1 blow and the rest of the group backed off.
I completely agree with this and feel that you did the right thing by teaching your child to defend himself. Everyone, including children, have the right to defend themselves. Period.
Sentiments like the above are little more than restated bullying. We buy into the fanstasy because we've been taught to feel good when the little guy wins and the bad guy gets his comeuppance. We eat that up, fueled by our passion as parents. But I think it's lazy.
It was 30 years ago, before a lot of the conflict resolution schemes came into existence. It gave him a lot of confidence that has stood him in good stead for the rest of his, so far, life. If there had been self defence classes they would also have had this effect. But 1 good retaliatory blow did the job.0 -
My 6-year-old son was pushed, tripped, sworn at and had his hood from his winter coat thrown away by a couple of 8-year-olds from the same school. They also punched other little kids and caused another boy from his class to bleed. This happened over the three recess breaks they have during the school.
Ah yes, character building experiences. That sucks. Teach him to defend himself. Also remind him that superior numbers can defeat a more powerful opponent. Moreover, a reminder that it helps to teach a bully that it is too costly to bully someone by meeting them with overwhelming strength, numbers, and threat.
Teach him the soft spots of a man that an 8 year old doesn't quite know how to defend yet.
OR, neuter him and tell him to tell the teachers. Then he'll never be prepared for the business world.
*SHRUG*
Your call, too bad he's so young getting a lesson in what the world really is. Just homeschool him.0 -
I don't see why any child who is being told by their parents to not behave that way, would still do it.
I'd love to live in your world.0 -
Our schools have a zero tolerance for fighting, my cousin was suspended from school after a bully punched him down a flight of stairs. The policy is all parties are punished regardless of guilt.
How the hell do parents stand for such a retarded policy?0 -
Our schools have a zero tolerance for fighting, my cousin was suspended from school after a bully punched him down a flight of stairs. The policy is all parties are punished regardless of guilt.
How the hell do parents stand for such a retarded policy?
I believe it is just the schools solution to covering their backside without dealing with a problem.. But that is only when the kids get caught, which is very rare.0 -
Our schools have a zero tolerance for fighting, my cousin was suspended from school after a bully punched him down a flight of stairs. The policy is all parties are punished regardless of guilt.
How the hell do parents stand for such a retarded policy?
I believe it is just the schools solution to covering their backside without dealing with a problem.. But that is only when the kids get caught, which is very rare.
Imagine this, someone mugs you.
You and the mugger are arrested, and both end up going to jail.
This is reasonable how?0 -
you need to speak to the school board, principle, teacher and the parents. that is not acceptable. put your foot down and keep pushing until the kids either receive services to help with their anger or they are suspended or disciplined, and the parents need to take responsibility as well.0
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and teach your son to stick up for himself and to defend himself. there will always be bullys no matter how young or old, and he needs to learn this at a young age so he can fend for himself as he gets older0
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In the 4th grade my nephew got fed up with a bully who had been picking on all of the other kids in his class and he decided to take things into his own hands.
One day he grabbed a tube of quick-dry epoxy out of his garage and, after recess he emptied the full tube onto the bullies seat just before he sat down. His whole class had a hell of a laugh at the bullies expense when he tried to get up to go to lunch and his pants were glued to his seat. My nephew says the kid was so embarrassed that he ended up crying in front of the whole class of kids that he had been picking on all year.
It eventually got back to the teacher that my nephew was the one who pulled the prank and my sister and her husband were called to the principal's office for a conference.
When grilled as to why he did that to the other kid, my nephew replied back to the principal, and in front of both of his parents:
"That kid's an *kitten*, I don't have ANY remorse".
My brother-in-law told me that it took all of the restraint in the world not to give his kid a high-five right there in the principal's office that afternoon.0 -
and teach your son to stick up for himself and to defend himself. there will always be bullys no matter how young or old, and he needs to learn this at a young age so he can fend for himself as he gets older
My mom did basically that.
I was getting roughed up by a few kids a year ahead of me when I was in 3rd grade, being the new kid in school.
Mom advised the principal that she would be putting me in martial arts, and advising me to end any situation any of those kids starts.
I had to stick it out a few times, but when it ended up that they learned they would be taking the harder end of a get together, even when they had numbers on their side, they left me alone.
There was blood, there was pain. There was character building, but the school didn't get into it, surprisingly. It's like the teachers knew to leave those kids alone and to let them do their thing to whomever they wanted.
That has helped me immensely in business, both as a business owner, and when working in multi-functional, international teams on enormous projects.0 -
In the 4th grade my nephew got fed up with a bully who had been picking on all of the other kids in his class and he decided to take things into his own hands.
Smart kid. I would have high fived him had it been my kid.
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My son went through this. I went to the Principle, and made sure they were not in any classes together. Luckily for me, they gave the boy one warning, the next time anything happened his parents would be called in and he would be suspended.
He left my son alone from then on. I did try to get my son into martial arts, but he had zero interest in that.
I hope it gets better! Be that mother bear!0 -
I have worked in schools for twenty years and I still substitute. Yes talking to the teachers and the administrator is the first step. Unfortunately if your son tries the hitting back approach he will get into trouble,plus these students are older and he might end up more seriously hurt. Since it happened on the bus request he have a seat near the driver. Also many districts now have camera on the bus to catch this behavior. Having an adult bus aide also can help. Part of anti- bullying is also encouraging bystanders to stand up against bullies too. Perhaps your child could be paired with a student the other students respect and will leave him alone.
It is my observation that bullies pick on those they consider weaker and younger that themselves. Creating situations where the bully is held accountable sometimes helps. Sometimes it helps to give the bully responsibilities that helps him/her realize how much his actions hurt. What often happens to students who bully is the other students either isolate him/her because of their behavior or they befriend him/her out of fear (not a very healthy friendship).
For the students who react to the child who tries to get then into trouble by teasing them in inappropriate ways. I tell them just because you see the hook does not mean you have to bite. Those students who are teasing you are trying to take your power. Don't let them. Let them be the ones to get into trouble not you.
I also compliment students who do not react to bullies. The bully does not get the attention they seek.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SON IS WRONG AND THE ADULTS NEED TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO HELP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Our schools have a zero tolerance for fighting, my cousin was suspended from school after a bully punched him down a flight of stairs. The policy is all parties are punished regardless of guilt.
How the hell do parents stand for such a retarded policy?
I believe it is just the schools solution to covering their backside without dealing with a problem.. But that is only when the kids get caught, which is very rare.
Imagine this, someone mugs you.
You and the mugger are arrested, and both end up going to jail.
This is reasonable how?
It's reasonable because schools want to teach young people that they can't win in life.0 -
Sign him up for karate classes. Make sure you find a good school. Within 6 months, no one will be picking on him!0
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On a side note maybe 10 years ago when Friends reunited was popular, I actually paid to join it...I contacted 3 of the girls that bullied me at school.
I contacted each of them and told them how they had made my life hell and not just me but my friends, at that time also.
None of the girls even remembered my name but they all apologised for what they had put me through. They all said if they could take it back they would. One of girls (women) was now working as a youth counsellor!
Sadly, it is going to continue to happen, it is just life. All you can do is speak to the teachers and if you know the parents of the children involved then speak to them also.0 -
Im a big fan of self defense.. and im a bigger fan of Jui Jitsiu teach him to defend if necessary... he doesn't need to start the fight, but he shouldn't be attacked cuz he is perceived as weak.0
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Some of the talk of having a 6-year-old learn to deal with 'life' by standing up to bullies makes me pause. I understand the general idea of it, but young kids often don't know enough yet to make good decisions.
I have a really embarrassing second chapter of my punched-my-bully story. The punch worked well, but of course I ran into other power-based situations with unsupervised kids. One neighborhood older boy was being a complete PITA. There was a group of about 3 of them, really, and they were 14 and 15, and my sister and I were like 6.5 and 7. They liked trying to run us over with their mountain bikes and playing some serious chicken. So the most obnoxious of the kids wouldn't let me ride in peace and I got the bright idea of taking a big kitchen knife with me to protect myself! Hey, who wouldn't be scared of a big knife, right? Jaysus, everyone completely freaked over that. Who knew? It was for self-defense only!
So sometimes it's not the best idea to leave a young kid to figure out tough (particularly violent) situations on their own. I swear I wasn't a psycho... just, you know, 6 or 7
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simple. let the bullies parents take the heat. let them know you willing to file assault charges and file a police report. that will get child protective services involved. they'll remove the kids from the parents household while they sort it out. the parents will be out a few hundred thousand in legal fees before they know what hit them.
or they can fix it.fast.0 -
simple. let the bullies parents take the heat. let them know you willing to file assault charges and file a police report. that will get child protective services involved. they'll remove the kids from the parents household while they sort it out. the parents will be out a few hundred thousand in legal fees before they know what hit them.
or they can fix it.fast.
I like the way that you think. That's what I would do.0 -
Have someone beat the sh1t out if the parents. That'll make them parent better. Hopefully.0
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try speaking to the school, the other kids parents and as advised a martial arts club would teach your son to deal with the situations by defending himself and help his confidence which im sure has taken a few knock downs.
changing schools and home schooling is an option too.0 -
A question...
How would you handle it if we worked together, and I would call you (indefinite BTW) fat cow or stupid, I'd post things about you on face book talking about what an idiot you were and how much I hated working with you, I'd take pictures of you and post them on FB with horrible captions about what a slut or D-bag you were, and then what if I started to harm you I'd do things like erase all you documents, put salt in your food, or walk up behind you and slap you in the head?
How would you handle that? Would you punch me even though I would file assault charges? Would you involve HR and the higher uppers?
What would you do if an adult was bullying you in the work place? Is it different than school place bullying? Can you get away with violence and retaliation in the adult world or does it only apply to the school yard? And how do you teach children to draw the line between what children need to do and what adults need to do?0 -
simple. let the bullies parents take the heat. let them know you willing to file assault charges and file a police report. that will get child protective services involved. they'll remove the kids from the parents household while they sort it out. the parents will be out a few hundred thousand in legal fees before they know what hit them.
or they can fix it.fast.
I like the way that you think. That's what I would do.
and that's exactly what I would do after my initial thought of homicide passed0 -
** I did not read any of the other responses**
I would say that taking it up with the school principal and school counselor is a good place to start.
If it were me, I would talk to the boys too. I wouldn't be able to help myself. But, I wouldn't just "give them a piece of my mind." I would talk to them logically and explain to them that their behavior is wrong.
If the three previous options provided no results, I would do everything in my power to come upon the contact information of the children's parents and talk to them!
Bullying is such a terrible thing! Do not hold back, do not let it go. You may be protecting some other child by standing up!
Only a couple months ago there was 13yr old girl here in our town that committed suicide because of bullying. She left a letter, not to her parents or friends but addressed to the public and requested her family share it with anyone they felt needed her message. Her family had it printed in the local paper and her father spoke at all the high schools in the area.
Dont let it continue. You have the power to help!0 -
A question...
How would you handle it if we worked together, and I would call you (indefinite BTW) fat cow or stupid, I'd post things about you on face book talking about what an idiot you were and how much I hated working with you, I'd take pictures of you and post them on FB with horrible captions about what a slut or D-bag you were, and then what if I started to harm you I'd do things like erase all you documents, put salt in your food, or walk up behind you and slap you in the head?
How would you handle that? Would you punch me even though I would file assault charges? Would you involve HR and the higher uppers?
What would you do if an adult was bullying you in the work place? Is it different than school place bullying? Can you get away with violence and retaliation in the adult world or does it only apply to the school yard? And how do you teach children to draw the line between what children need to do and what adults need to do?
if that was me online or in the work place depending on the severity id have the police at your door lol purely because if i did anything back the police would be at my door im sure.
when it comes to children i dont think the police should be involved unless its a severe case of bullying and the kids are teenagers. even though in the uk kids from 10 yr old can be charged for this sort of thing, i think it unfare for them to have a police record from such an early age.0 -
My daughter had issues at her old school and I could never really put my finger on why. She was just very awkward socially and struggled so much with her school work. I spoke to her teacher so many times about my concerns only to be brushed off. I went has high up as the school board only to be told "the year is almost over. We'll see how she does next year" Ugh! REALLY? Well at the end of the year her class had a field trip to the zoo and suddenly it clicked. The other girls in her class were snooty. No better way of putting it. My daughter was being bullied with words more than with actions (no hitting or pushing). When it came time to break off into groups she was never chosen by the girls she thought were her friends. They told her it was because she her shoes were from Walmart. Later on they were telling her that they were glad she wasn't in their group because she would have slowed them down since she can't read very well.
My heart was just breaking into pieces! With only 2 weeks left in the year I stood by my daughters side and coached her through each scenario as best I could. The school wouldn't help and her teacher refused to believe that these girls were having an effect on my daughter. I have since transferred her to another school where she is thriving! Her grades are up, she has a ton of friends, and her teacher is absolutely outstanding.
I will say this though, had I not been able to transfer I would have gone to the news paper and TV stations, whatever I had to do to draw attention to the fact that their whole anti-bully campaign was a fail. I would have also waited at the school like a stalker waiting to find the parents and confront them. We are told not to do this, but I would have if my daughter ended up having to endure another year of it. Thankfully, her life is getting much easier. Good luck to you! I hope it stops for your son.
you did the right thing and I'm really glad your daughter's doing much better in the new school. I had to deal with a lot of this kind of bullying for many years in school, starting when I was too young to realise that it wasn't right for me to be treated this way, so it had a huge and very negative impact on my self-esteem, self-image and mental health that stayed with me for years.
Also, and this is important for all those saying "do martial arts" or "punch the kid in the face" - that does NOT work for this kind of bullying. I've always been strong, physically confident and able to fight, and used to fight with the boys (and win) and would spend most of my time at school playing with the boys because the girls all hated me. But the boys didn't fully accept me either as I was a girl, so I was still a social outcast. This kind of subtle, insidious bullying, i.e. by exclusion and constant subtle verbal slights, fighting back does not work. If you fight back (verbally or physically) then you make the bully cry, and all her friends rally around her, comfort her, and they all hate you even more, treat you even worse and you're painted as the evil one no matter what you do. These days, with more emphasis on stamping out bullying in schools, kids facing this kind of bullying who try to fight back, especially if physically, are more likely to end up being accused of being the bully, first by the same kids who are bullying them, and then by the teacher, because there are several of the very good kids in the class who are accusing your child (and it's usually the well behaved kids who engage in this kind of bullying) and just your child saying that she's the one being bullied, but there's no evidence for it, and it's hard for her to even describe what they're doing, because it's all based on social exclusion and extremely subtle slights, and as you put it, snobbery.
The best way to deal with this kind of bullying is to get away from the people who are doing it, which means leaving the social group where it's going on. Adults can find a new job if their co-workers are doing stuff like this to them.... but kids simply do not have that option to be asked to be transferred to another class or school, and teachers almost never spot this kind of bullying. It can be dealt with in a classroom situation if a teacher who is totally aware of what's going on is very insistent, and refuses to listen to the pleas, excuses and cover-up tactics of the bullies, but as I said, it's usually the well behaved kids in the class who do that, the ones the teachers consider trustworthy. If the teacher can get the message to them that a) I know what you have been doing and it's totally wrong, b) make them understand just how much pain and suffering they're causing by their behaviour and c) get all the kids involved discussing WHY they are doing it, then it may stop. However it's often the case that they'll stop doing this to the one child and turn to another child. It generally happens when there's one child in the class who is the ringleader, very manipulative and vindictive, and who has a psychological need to rally the other kids around her/him to pick on a victim. the mentality is very similar to that of other bullies, what's different is the tactics they're using. Generally in cases like this the bully knows that they would be in very big trouble for direct acts of physical or verbal violence, so they find other, much more subtle ways to attack their victim, and social exclusion is a very big part of this because it's so hard for a teacher to tell if a child is working alone out of choice, or because everyone else is refusing to work with them, and giving them evil looks, talking about them behind their back, only talking to them to make cleverly veiled insults, and generally treating them like *kitten* on their shoe. And usually the child won't tell the teacher what's going on, because it's all too subtle, they have no evidence, they know the others will all back each other up, the teacher will probably dismiss it as nothing serious or them being over-sensitive because it's like death by 1000000 small cuts rather than any one serious injury, and a teacher will dismiss someone complaining about any small thing, without understanding that this is a constant, ongoing thing that no adult would put up with for any length of time (but then adults are able to just leave the situation....)
Getting out of the situation is the best option for the child who's being victimised like this, because frequently if this kind of bullying stops, it's because it's moved on to another child, so the child feels compelled to move from victim to accomplice, out of fear of being the victim all over again. Either way it's pernicious. And many of the children who join in with this kind of bullying do so out of fear of becoming the next victim. So even if you manage to stop your child being the target, you're probably putting them in a situation where they're learning that they need to hurt others to avoid being hurt themselves, which is not what you want.
Anyway, basically some people are highly toxic, and everyone can do without toxic people in their lives... especially kids, who often don't have the emotional maturity and life experience to fully reaslise what's going on in situations like this.
Wow! Very well said. This sounds like my son`s entire fourth grade year. He ended up depressed, angry, explosive, and was beginning to make suicidal type statements. It took a psychologist, group therapy, and several thousand dollars to "fix" him. Because it was a private school, we took him out and found another school for the next year, and he has been thriving ever since. I called the principal of the first school back the next year (I needed some closure, and was still very angry because the teacher had done nothing about the situation, and the counselor just said we needed to ""build up" his self esteem so the bullying wouldnt bother him). It was just as you described above.). The principal told me that the group had already moved on to harrassing another child, again just as you described. But this time because of the waves I had made at the end of the previous school year, the principal stepped in and addressed the situation. I take some of the blame myself for my sons situation for not going to the principal sooner. I was believing all the s*** that everyone tells you about ""make your kid tougher, telling the principal will just make it worse, he brings it on himself, etc.
Please don`t blame the victim people. It is the bully who is wrong. OP you should do your mama bear thing! I wish I had done it sooner.0
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