School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

PRMinx

A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.

Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.

I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.

I don't think that sticking up for your child, and sitting them down and explaining things to them leads to entitlement issues. Especially when the OP stated her child was 6.

Talking to your child is one thing, and yes I read the OP. Protecting/being loud/making waves is another in my opinion.

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

highervibes

A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.

Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.

I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.

He's, what... 6? I hardly think getting loud about his SAFETY and emotional well being in a place he spends most of his awake time is going to foster entitlement issues lol.

paleojoe

I also agree with the martial arts not because it will teach him to fight but because he will learn self respect. He will learn how to defend himself if he needs to but more importantly the bullies will learn that he is not a victim. They will move on to a weaker target.

It will also give your son confidence and security with himself. At the end of the day he will not be afraid.

ArroganceInStep

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

paleojoe

One thing I do know for certain is that if you want your kid to get beat-up then go to the principal. The bully will most definately take out any punishment he receives on your son. Right now the bully has many victims but give him a reason and your son will become his #1 target.

I feel sorry for the parent of the child that decides bully my son... because we are going to have a problem.

PRMinx

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

I agree that life doesn't get easier. I handled my bullies myself. This stuff going online though is very troublesome because it's permanent. Some poor girl (especially girls, although I understand it happens to boys too) gets a nude shot posted online and that's enough to follow her for the rest of her life.

highervibes

My son didn't deal with chronic bullying but he did have an issue with a kid who was pushing him and being mean. I hummed and hawed at what I "should" do (which is address it with the teacher) but instead I told him that if someone was hurting him it was okay to defend himself by hurting them back. I may be in the minority here, but the kid doesn't bother my son anymore and they're young enough that the brat didn't take it personally and make a vendetta out of it.

highervibes

I feel sorry for the parent of the child that decides bully my son... because we are going to have a problem.

word.

Rothwilder

My son had a similar issue around that age. I told him to stand up for himself. Make a fist and as hard as you can, punch him right in the nose. He wont mess with you and neither will anyone else if they know you will do something about it. Bullies pick on kids that they can. Of coarse he was young and scared and said he couldn't do that. I called his teacher, explained it to her and said you take care of it or with my blessing, my son will. She took care of it.

So much this. The bigger problems come when kids can't learn to face their fears. Bullies are drawn to what they percieve to be weak. Take away that perception and they will move on to other things. Kids are cruel, and social media gives them even more ways to show it. Better to even the playing field even if the kid has to take a few licks, and end the problem.

paleojoe

My son didn't deal with chronic bullying but he did have an issue with a kid who was pushing him and being mean. I hummed and hawed at what I "should" do (which is adress it with the teacher) but instead I told him that if someone was hurting him it was okay to defend himself by hurting them back. I may be in the minority here, but the kid doesn't bother my son anymore and they're young enough that the brat didn't take it personally and make a vendetta out of it.

All the way...

Serah87

Several years ago my youngest son was being bully by a kid in his class, one day my son got tired of it and beat the crap out of him, needless to say he no longer had anymore problems with this kid. :happy:

dextersgramps

let your child know that you don't condone bullying or fighting but if they`re in a situation where they have no alternative they may have to physically defend themselves.next try to find out the kids names from your child and go see the school and let them know whats going on and that they need to take the proper steps,contact the parents and put a stop to this.if they try to kind of fluff it off let them know the next step you will contact the police and also the news media as other parents need to know the situation with this school

ArroganceInStep

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

I agree that life doesn't get easier. I handled my bullies myself. This stuff going online though is very troublesome because it's permanent. Some poor girl (especially girls, although I understand it happens to boys too) gets a nude shot posted online and that's enough to follow her for the rest of her life.

That sort of thing is terrible, no doubt. I'm not trying to diminish the impact that could have on someone, both emotionally and (potentially) professionally. But again those dangers don't diminish with age. The best you can do, in my opinion, is teach your child to protect herself. Much easier said than done, but it's really the only possible option.

I feel sorry for the parent of the child that decides bully my son... because we are going to have a problem.

Threatening the parent of a child you have issue with isn't exactly helpful either.

paleojoe

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

I agree that life doesn't get easier. I handled my bullies myself. This stuff going online though is very troublesome because it's permanent. Some poor girl (especially girls, although I understand it happens to boys too) gets a nude shot posted online and that's enough to follow her for the rest of her life.

That sort of thing is terrible, no doubt. I'm not trying to diminish the impact that could have on someone, both emotionally and (potentially) professionally. But again those dangers don't diminish with age. The best you can do, in my opinion, is teach your child to protect herself. Much easier said than done, but it's really the only possible option.

I feel sorry for the parent of the child that decides bully my son... because we are going to have a problem.

Threatening the parent of a child you have issue with isn't exactly helpful either.

I'm not waiting around for things to escalate and then wonder what I could have done...

ironanimal

Several years ago my youngest son was being bully by a kid in his class, one day my son got tired of it and beat the crap out of him, needless to say he no longer had anymore problems with this kid. :happy:

That was my solution to the bullies that chose to make me their victim, too. Once you give a couple a fat lip, the rest tend to leave you alone.

highervibes

it's sad when parents have to get involved..........my mom didn't know anything about the kids that bullied me......until each time I came home and told her I knocked each one of them out.

geez, people seriously?

are we still kissing boo boos too?

Some kids are afraid to knock them out though. And those are the ones the bullies pick on the most because they certainly don't pick a fight they aren't sure they can win.

paleojoe

Several years ago my youngest son was being bully by a kid in his class, one day my son got tired of it and beat the crap out of him, needless to say he no longer had anymore problems with this kid. :happy:

That was my solution to the bullies that chose to make me their victim, too. Once you give a couple a fat lip, the rest tend to leave you alone.

Yes!

ldrosophila

Question for the lawyers in the bunch:

If the bullying got so severe and your child had to have counseling would there be any legal recourse to seek financial compensation from the parents of the bullies? Is there any precedence for pain and suffering compensation? I understand you are talking about minors, but what would be the responsibility of the bullies' guardians? Or could you involve the schools if you could prove they did not take action into the manner?

I'd assume you would have to prove that they had directly harmed your child and as a result suffered from damaged property, absentee days, and/or lowered grades.

Just curious if there would be anyway to get the courts involved if it came to that?

ArroganceInStep

So then, when do you jump in?

When name calling becomes shoving?
When shoving becomes punching?
How about when the harassment starts online?
What about this new trend of snapping nude shots in the locker room and posting on Facebook? Do you step in then?
Do you step in when it's guys on girl?

Seriously, where do you draw the line? At what point do you intervene? I think it's probably better to intervene when they are young so that lessons are learned before it gets way out of hand and things end up online...

You jump in early, and teach your kid to protect himself or herself (once again, that doesn't necessarily mean fighting).

The world doesn't suddenly get safer once they graduate from highschool. In fact quite the opposite. Learning when and how to protect yourself at a young age is a good thing.

I agree that life doesn't get easier. I handled my bullies myself. This stuff going online though is very troublesome because it's permanent. Some poor girl (especially girls, although I understand it happens to boys too) gets a nude shot posted online and that's enough to follow her for the rest of her life.

That sort of thing is terrible, no doubt. I'm not trying to diminish the impact that could have on someone, both emotionally and (potentially) professionally. But again those dangers don't diminish with age. The best you can do, in my opinion, is teach your child to protect herself. Much easier said than done, but it's really the only possible option.

I feel sorry for the parent of the child that decides bully my son... because we are going to have a problem.

Threatening the parent of a child you have issue with isn't exactly helpful either.

I'm not waiting around for things to escalate and then wonder what I could have done...

And if that kid's parent is better at fighting than you? Or has a gun?

Or what happens if it gets physical with you and the parent and you win, and kick the crap out of the person? What do you think his/her child is going to do to your kid then?

Teaching your kid to protect himself or herself is the best possible thing you can do.

Some kids are afraid to knock them out though. And those are the ones the bullies pick on the most because they certainly don't pick a fight they aren't sure they can win.

It's not just about fighting. There are a variety of ways to protect yourself. In all cases it's up to the parent (again, in my opinion) to teach their child those tactics.

PRMinx

That sort of thing is terrible, no doubt. I'm not trying to diminish the impact that could have on someone, both emotionally and (potentially) professionally. But again those dangers don't diminish with age. The best you can do, in my opinion, is teach your child to protect herself. Much easier said than done, but it's really the only possible option.

Good discussion. It's really a hard issue for parents.

Things happen so fast though. I remember when I was around 13, I developed more quickly then the other girls. Locker rooms were a nightmare. I didn't know at the time I needed a bra yet and the teasing was relentless. They stole my clothes one time and I didn't get them back until a gym teacher realized I was missing. It was mortifying. And, nowadays? That would have ended up on YouTube. What would I have done? Fend off 5 girls wearing a hand towel?

I'm not sure I know how that moment could have prevented. I was the new kid in town, so I hadn't established myself early on. I left and went to boarding school the following year.