School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

pennelope515

Put him in Taekwondo

jimmmer

I know this is a fitness site but I really need some opinions. My 6-year-old son was pushed, tripped, sworn at and had his hood from his winter coat thrown away by a couple of 8-year-olds from the same school. They also punched other little kids and caused another boy from his class to bleed. This happened over the three recess breaks they have during the school. From what I could gather from my son...it has happened before and will continue. I am of course livid and I called the school and left a message on their voicemail as the school was closed by the time I got home and found out what had happened. The kids don't have school tomorrow but I will be going to the school first thing Monday morning. I would love nothing more than to confront these kids and give them a piece of my mind. I will be speaking to the school Principal and with my son's teacher as well as these kids' teacher.

Have you ever had to deal with bullies picking on your children at school? What did you do and what was the outcome? I want this solved now and I do not want my son to be scared to go to school because of them. You hear so many tragic stories of bullies making their victim's life hell to the point where they have to change schools to escape.....or something a lot worse. I do not want it to get to that point.

Thanks in advance for listening and any advice you can give me as I have never had a problem like this before.

When I was at primary school, I was being beaten up by 2 kids everyday. I went to my Dad and told him about it (through floods of tears, I might add). His response: "It'll keep happening until you stand up to them".

I didn't stand up to them. It kept happening. One day (months later) I snapped. I told the meanest one "I'll meet you after school" the implication was clear: fight! fight! fight! The whole school turned out. In an unlikely turn of events I windmilled my arms and caught the boy in the eye. He went down. Everyone saw. A teacher came out and shooed everyone away. The next day he came in with a black eye (which he claimed his dog did by jumping up and catching him). Long story short: no one believed him, no one bothered me again. I've never let anyone walk over me since that day.

At the time I begged and pleaded with my Dad to go to the school and do something. But, he understood what needed to happen. I just needed to take the problem into my own two hands and solve it. If he would have tried to sort it out for me, he wouldn't have really solved it.

cafeaulait7

Have him get audio, or of course video is better. If that's at all possible, do it. Pursuing it with the school is great, but calmly and firmly let them know that you will pursue it if it continues. That you mean business.

I had to fend for myself because my dad told me the only solution was to punch the bully. I actually didn't appreciate that, because I knew the bully's parents and they would have straightened the kid out if my parents had made waves with them.

I did punch him, eventually. He was a big kid, and another older boy was holding my arms! But that one punch completely freaked him out and that really was the end of it. I grew up with only boys in my neighborhood, and I spent every afternoon wrestling and fighting for fun, lol. But I still don't think it was the best solution. No need for a little, polite kid to HAVE to come to real blows, imho.

JcMey3r

I don't have children but wished I learnt a martial art when I was being bullied. would have helped with not only physically but mentally as well.

Bullies only pick on people weaker than them so ensure your kids can stand up for them selves. It would help with confidence as well.

Myhaloslipped

I don't know what the rules are these days, but my mother always told me never to start something but to always finish it. So if anyone ever picked on me as a kid, I would beat the living s**t out of that kid, and if I got in trouble for it, my parents just backed me up because I was being hit first. Of course, I was pretty scrappy and scary and had quite a bit of rage. Not everyone is like that. I am so sorry your son is going through this.

RunMyOregonBunsOff

What you need to do is put your son into some type of martial arts so he can defend himself.

This! I teach martial arts and one of our biggest things is what to do about bullies.
#1. Make sure he knows to go right to a teacher or staff member and tell them what happened EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS.
#2. He needs to tell you as soon as he gets home EVERY TIME IT HAPPENS.
#3. He AND the school administration need to know that if at some point after trying to avoid the kids and telling on the kids he feels like he needs to hit back (and at our school if we have a kid that is being bullied come talk to us, we will show them exactly what to do in their case) in order to defend himself, YOU SUPPORT HIM. At least here in the US everybody has the right to defend them self legally. A lot of schools have a zero tolerance policy but what ends up happening is bullies get away with it until the bullied kid hits back and then the bullied kid gets suspended for fighting. We actually praise kids that we teach if that ends up happening to them because most bullies back down if you fight back and they might even leave other kids alone after that. Also, if there are other bullies at school a lot of times, if a kid ends up hitting (or whatever) one of them, the others leave said kid alone too. Even if it is against policy, he has the RIGHT to defend himself!

RunMyOregonBunsOff

Oh, and it doesn't matter what style of martial art you put him in. As long as it is a good school, they will have something helpful to offer.

neandermagnon

I don't have children but wished I learnt a martial art when I was being bullied. would have helped with not only physically but mentally as well.

Bullies only pick on people weaker than them so ensure your kids can stand up for them selves. It would help with confidence as well.

There are different kinds of bullying, and hitting back can make things much worse in some cases. I learned martial arts as a kid, and was still bullied, i.e. the kind of insidious exclusion/sly verbal insults kind of bullying where if you hit the bullies back, they cry, then treat the one you hit like the victim and gang up against you even more. Ditto fighting back verbally. They still side with each other against you, paint you as the mean one, and carry on bullying you. And in some cases like this nowadays, with more awareness of bullying in schools, bullies like this can use your child's attempts to stand up for themselves to go to the teachers and accuse your child of being the bully, and the teachers are more likely to believe the group, than one lone individual who it's know actually hit/said nasty things to others in front of witnesses (the teacher doesn't know all the witnesses are the bullies).

Also, in one case I (and several others) were bullied by one girl in one martial arts team. Why? she was better at it than the rest of us so attempts to fight back failed..... until we got together as a group and beat the s*** out of her as a group and then she left us alone after that. But in any case, some bullies are really good a fighting and will fight back if confronted, and a lone bullied individual can't get a gang together to beat up the bully. In my case this worked, because she had several victims and would rotate between us. But it doesn't work like that in every case.

Anyway, I wanted to say that because there are a lot of responses on this thread from people who seem to think that studying martial arts is the ultimate answer to bullying. It's not. It's just one approach that can work in some situations. You need to take a much more pro-active approach which takes into account the kind of bullying that's going on. And in some cases, leaving the group is the best option. Some people are toxic, and adults know that and have the option of leaving a toxic social group. Kids should be allowed to take that option too, if that's what the situation warrants.

neandermagnon

quoted instead of editing ooops

KANGOOJUMPS

I just went thru this, I had to pull my daughter out of that school, and into a new one, she came home crying at the old school every day,i had to walk her to school and pick her up, not only did they bully, they came out to beat her up,i know how you feel

mrdexter1

I just went thru this, I had to pull my daughter out of that school, and into a new one, she came home crying at the old school every day,i had to walk her to school and pick her up, not only did they bully, they came out to beat her up,i know how you feel

Hope she s ok now...

out of interest did this workout as when i spoke to parents who changed schools a similar patern developed which is why i chose to sort the problem keeping him in the same school.

Regan45

So sorry for your son. I think you are definitely starting in the right direction. Hopefully the school helps you out.
I support the martial arts suggestions. My son took karate during grade school and middle school. Not only was he taught physical moves, his instructor also taught safety and character building. He even had the kids do play acting. He would role play potentially dangerous situations and see how the kids would react. Martial arts also teaches self defense.
I think is it right to go through the school first. Hopefully the bully's parents are decent people that will put a stop to it once notified. I also believe that if the proper channels do not work, your son needs to be able to defend himself. I still believe if the bully won't stop, give it back in spades~!
Good luck.

j0705

What you need to do is put your son into some type of martial arts so he can defend himself.

i agree. the school can only do so much, report it to the school , see the other kids parents about it if your comfortable with that but most of all send him to a martial arts club so he learns how to deal with bullies and it keeps his confidence up x

I ended up home schooling my son after his second year in highschool, the teachers and students were bullying him (small clique towns that dont like 'outsiders') there was no alternative school to move him to. so thats 2 more options for you.

Beastmaster50

I know no women will agree but you also have to teach your kids to fight their own battles. The bullies obviously have to be addressed but kids aren't going to be able to run home to mommy every time they get their feelings hurts. Like Rocky said, "nothing hits harder than life".

myprana

Zero tolerence policies are BS, they don't stop bullying they encourage it. A bully thrives on the inaction of others. Before zero tollerence the bully had to keep other kids afraid of him/her. Now he has the weight of zero taollerence backing him up. A lot of kids would step in and defend the weaker party but now they are afraid of getting introuble themselves.
I taught my kids to Step up and Step in. They all have, two of them recieved suspensions for fighting. My youngest daughter sat in the principles office laughing because the bully was crying because he was afraid of getting in trouble. My son stopped a weaker child from being hung over a second floor stair railing.. When he got suspended, he told the principle,"No problem. I'd do it again." I'm proud of both of them.

Thank you for teaching your children to help those in need. So true about bullies losing their power when all the kids start taking action.

Kirstyw871

I wouldn't even bother with the school. They're probably useless.

I'd go straight to the parents.

CardiacKev28

Does the school that your son goes to have a SRO (School Resource Officer) if so, please bring it to their attention. That is one of the reasons they are there, to protect the welfare of the students. If not- go to the principle. I was bullied in high school so I am well aware of what can happen. D not let this go!. Good Luck

KeViN_v2pt0

I work in suicide prevention and bullying is obviously a HUGE deal. You have the right plan in place. Get to the school and talk to the principal and his teacher. There is no excuse for a school to allow this kind of behavior and my hope for you is that your school is one of the good ones that will actually do something about it. I would also encourage you to attend any kind of PTA meetings your school might have so that this can be discussed in a larger forum. Other parents might be dealing with some of the same things or might even be completely unaware that this is going on.

A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.

Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.

I wish you the best and I sincerely hope the school reacts appropriately to this news.

^^^^ This guy right here is awesome....great advice and is probably what I would do in this case.



If it was still 1983....it would be a different story, but its not. ) Good Luck!

Cranquistador

I wouldn't even bother with the school. They're probably useless.

I'd go straight to the parents.

NO.

escloflowneCHANGED

My kids will be in self defense classes as early as possible and I will have them trained into killing machines by the time they are 10.


I will also raise them to only use it as defense, calm yo selves!