School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

TheRoadDog

Wait and see what comes of calling the school. They may take care of it. It's definitely a hot subject these days. I can give no advice otherwise.

I was in grammar school over 50 years ago. I had red hair, freckles and was smaller than the other children. When I got picked on, my father told me to fight back. I did. They stopped picking on me. Of course, that is not a recommended course of action 50 years later. It's politically incorrect.

Marmitegeoff

When it happened gto my son, I taught him to punch HARD. He only had to land 1 blow and the rest of the group backed off.

Miss_Meliss86

My kids will be in self defense classes as early as possible and I will have them trained into killing machines by the time they are 10.


I will also raise them to only use it as defense, calm yo selves!

Parenting WIN. Self-Defence classes (karate, judo, etc.) provides the kid with confidence more than anything.

MyChocolateDiet

My daughter had issues at her old school and I could never really put my finger on why. She was just very awkward socially and struggled so much with her school work. I spoke to her teacher so many times about my concerns only to be brushed off. I went has high up as the school board only to be told "the year is almost over. We'll see how she does next year" Ugh! REALLY? Well at the end of the year her class had a field trip to the zoo and suddenly it clicked. The other girls in her class were snooty. No better way of putting it. My daughter was being bullied with words more than with actions (no hitting or pushing). When it came time to break off into groups she was never chosen by the girls she thought were her friends. They told her it was because she her shoes were from Walmart. Later on they were telling her that they were glad she wasn't in their group because she would have slowed them down since she can't read very well.
My heart was just breaking into pieces! With only 2 weeks left in the year I stood by my daughters side and coached her through each scenario as best I could. The school wouldn't help and her teacher refused to believe that these girls were having an effect on my daughter. I have since transferred her to another school where she is thriving! Her grades are up, she has a ton of friends, and her teacher is absolutely outstanding.
I will say this though, had I not been able to transfer I would have gone to the news paper and TV stations, whatever I had to do to draw attention to the fact that their whole anti-bully campaign was a fail. I would have also waited at the school like a stalker waiting to find the parents and confront them. We are told not to do this, but I would have if my daughter ended up having to endure another year of it. Thankfully, her life is getting much easier. Good luck to you! I hope it stops for your son.

You mean speak to them rationally and bring up your concerns right?

MyChocolateDiet

My kids will be in self defense classes as early as possible and I will have them trained into killing machines by the time they are 10.


I will also raise them to only use it as defense, calm yo selves!

Parenting WIN. Self-Defence classes (karate, judo, etc.) provides the kid with confidence more than anything.

IDK. My friend said her boss tried this with her two boys and they did not really get the point. I think it's a case by case thing. Apparently these two boys who were close in age were pulled out of those classes because they were just learning new tricks and were not understanding the discipline, and use only when necessary parts.

MyChocolateDiet

I wouldn't even bother with the school. They're probably useless.

I'd go straight to the parents.

Listen if you honestly beleive your school is "useless" it's time to change schools.

ldrosophila

I'm lucky my kids is still in a nice bully free warm environment, but I agree Mama bear. It would be very hard not to contemplate a bag of lime and a good desert summer with the parents of those bullies.

escloflowneCHANGED

My kids will be in self defense classes as early as possible and I will have them trained into killing machines by the time they are 10.


I will also raise them to only use it as defense, calm yo selves!

Parenting WIN. Self-Defence classes (karate, judo, etc.) provides the kid with confidence more than anything.

IDK. My friend said her boss tried this with her two boys and they did not really get the point. I think it's a case by case thing. Apparently these two boys who were close in age were pulled out of those classes because they were just learning new tricks and were not understanding the discipline, and use only when necessary parts.

That's where the parenting is important

MyChocolateDiet

My son had a similar issue around that age. I told him to stand up for himself. Make a fist and as hard as you can, punch him right in the nose. He wont mess with you and neither will anyone else if they know you will do something about it. Bullies pick on kids that they can. Of coarse he was young and scared and said he couldn't do that. I called his teacher, explained it to her and said you take care of it or with my blessing, my son will. She took care of it.

I have said this to both my daughter(10) and son(8). I also explained that they would not be in trouble at home as long as they told the other person to stop and/or a teacher about the problem & I would take care of any issues the school had with it.

Is there any chance the teacher would have taken care of it simply by your bringing it to her attention and not adding the extra threat of your son reacting with condoned violence back?

BillyC96

I was bullied by a neighbour when I was about 6. My dad said 'Next time he knocks you down, get up and keep fighting. If he does it again, get back up. Sooner or later, you'll beat him.' It sounds stupid now, but it worked. He knocked me down, and I got up. He knocked me down again and I got back up. Then I knocked him down. He never picked on me again.

MizTerry

Yes yes yes...

My oldest girl who was 7 at the time had a boy that kept throwing her. I put her and her sister in Taekwondo. One day he rushed her and on impulse she nailed him right in the stomach. He never messed with her again.

My middle child, due to having high functioning autism (I didn't know this at the time) began to get picked on in middle school. I worked with the school a LOT on this, but no matter what the school does, kids are sneaky and will find other means of messing with those who are weaker. Even with Taekwondo, she is a gentle spirit and wouldn't do anything. I put her in counseling which helped a LOT.

My youngest is in fourth grade now and is beginning to get picked on. I told her that until she gets angry and decides enough is enough, they will continue. I told her that where she lacks in friends, she should apply herself in school. BTW, all three of my girls are black belts in Taekwondo so they know what to do if ever cornered, but they've been taught to use it as a last resort.

Work on building up your child. Teach him that it doesn't matter WHAT other people think, what matters is what you think and how he views himself.

TattooedNici

When it happened gto my son, I taught him to punch HARD. He only had to land 1 blow and the rest of the group backed off.

I completely agree with this and feel that you did the right thing by teaching your child to defend himself. Everyone, including children, have the right to defend themselves. Period.

michelleLynette

I wouldn't even bother with the school. They're probably useless.

I'd go straight to the parents.

NO.

NO and NO..where do you think they learned this behavior? The parents will do nothing but shift the blame back to the other child..I have seen this done over and over and over again ..Bully kids usually have Bully parents..

rileamoyer

My kids will be in self defense classes as early as possible and I will have them trained into killing machines by the time they are 10.


I will also raise them to only use it as defense, calm yo selves!

Parenting WIN. Self-Defence classes (karate, judo, etc.) provides the kid with confidence more than anything.

Work with the school, and the other kids' parents. Also, work closely with you child, and heck yeah, self defense classes are a great idea. AND I still believe it is ok to tell your kid to fight back if he feels he must. We are wussifying our kids with political correctness, sometimes you just have to make a stand. I believe it is ok to teach your child that.

MyChocolateDiet

When my daughter was being bullied by another child in her class, I spoke to the teacher and then to the principal. I explained (very calmly but very firmly) that this was unacceptable and it was going to stop. I kept a record of each and every time it happened and exactly what happened. I quoted their own anti-bullying rules and pointed out that if they didn't make it stop, I would go to the media and that I was prepared to make as much noise as necessary to ensure it stopped. When they suggested peer mediation, I said that was unacceptable. My daughter did not need to make friends with this child. My daughter did not need to have anything to do with this child. They actually dealt with it fairly quickly after that and the children basically had a no-contact rule going at school. At the end of the year, I wrote a letter to the school and told them I would not stand for my daughter being placed in the same class as this child the following year.

Our situation resolved very well but either way, because I listened to my daughter and advocated for her, it gave her much more confidence and assurance in handling the situation during the time it was being settled and several years on, I think she's a much stronger kid because she knows she has someone who will stand in her corner and fight for her.

For the people advocating your kid learn to fight and stand up for themselves, I was bullied as a kid and told this by my father. I fought back like he said and beat the stuffing out of my bully. *******The only thing that happened as a result was that everyone else wanted to fight me and see if I could beat them. It truly resolved nothing. ********Now that was just my experience but it's not something I would advise for my own child (although she is currently taking a self-defence course and I see nothing wrong with a child learning to defend themselves as a very last resort).

This is what I have observed with a childhood friend's experience as well. She stepped in to help another girl on day one of freshman year. She was tiny but feisty and ruthless and "won". That set her cast for the next 4 years. She was a much sought after opponent and picked on to the end of physical violence pretty regularly after that. I only became her friend in year 3 of high school as it took that long plus a personal introduction by a mutual guy friend for me to understand that she was NOT really a fighter per se but all this was set in motion that fateful first freshman day in gym class. She confided in me she always wished she could go back and change that day once on a ditch day over Strawberry Hill and boy talk.

tedrickp

I know no women will agree but you also have to teach your kids to fight their own battles. The bullies obviously have to be addressed but kids aren't going to be able to run home to mommy every time they get their feelings hurts. Like Rocky said, "nothing hits harder than life".

LOL Multiple women in this very thread suggested it.

rduhlir

I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.

Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.

dossha

It's amazing what children are up against now. My advice, build your childs confidence. Get him involved in self defense classes with good instructors that are not teaching just self-defense, but disciplines that will equip him with knowlege of when to defend and when to walk away.

Request a conference with the parents, working together to find out the root cause of the bullying this can create a win, win for everybody. For children to be bullying other children there is something going wrong in the home. Work together, all the children need help.

tedrickp

Caught up on thread and noticed people mention the negative repercussions of fighting back.

I agree with that - it can lead to things spiralling out of control.

However, getting your child into a martial art is actually not about fighting back IMO. It is a community for your child first off. A potential safe haven. Somewhere he can go and be surrounded by a "team". It is also about confidence - learning to defend yourself isn't just about winning a fight - it is so you can carry yourself with confidence. As corny as it may seem - that matters. (may be more helpful to an older child than OPs tho)

PRMinx

Record it on video. You will need proof.

From there I'd tell the school and if they were complacent about it, I'd go to the parents. I'd record everything. Since the parents probably suck as well, this would really just be a warning shot for me. If I didn't get the results I wanted from the school or the parents, I'd take the video to the cops and the nearest news station. They are just itching for a bully story.

And I get your son enrolled in self defense, karate, martial arts, kickboxing or a similar type of activity. It will help him build confidence, make new friends and defend himself.