Is he hitting on me??

AlongCame_Molly

Ok., so I've been "out of the game" for a while, now and maybe I'm picking up things that aren't there, but I'm not sure. Can you guys weigh in?

I've got a friend I've known for about 7 years. We used to work together, he was my supervisor. We've always had a chill, laid back friendship. There's never been anything between us, except ONE time about 6 years ago I got trashy white girl-wasted and slept with him. We both agreed it was a stupid mistake and we decided to forget it and act as though it never happened. (I don't remember much of it, anyway-GAWD I was a skank :embarassed: ) It has never caused weirdness or awkwardness between us.

Now I've been married for three years, and he's still single. My husband knows everything about us, and is cool with it. He knows I never wanted it to happen in the first place, and knows there's no chance at all of anything ever happening again, especially since now I am a teetotaler for deeply religious reasons.

Occasionally the friend will come over to our house and have dinner with me and my husband, because he lives just down the street from us. They get along well. Sometimes the friend and I will go on neighborhood runs together, as we both like to stay in shape to do 5ks. So there's your back story.

About a month ago this friend texted me from a night out at a casino. We were messaging back and forth when when said

"Send me a pic, mamas? Miss you"

This is NOT how he usually speaks to me. He's never sent a text like that. We do not have pet names for each other, and I do not send him pics. I feel that to be super inappropriate and I save things like that for my husband. I didn't want to tell him off though, on the off chance that he didn't mean that text for me, and I sound like a crazy person. SO i just replied something like,

"Lol, how drunk are you? " and he said

"not drunk at all, I'm driving".

I ended up not answering that one, and it never came up in conversation. Whether he was forgot about it or was embarrassed, or it was meant for someone else, I couldn't say.

(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)

Flash forward to tonight, where he texts me:

"hey I got invited to a burlesque show with some coworkers tonight, you wanna go?"

I told him I couldn't as I have school early the next morning, and if I was tired my workout was going to suffer. His response:

"OK got a smoking hot blonde to go with me! Damn guess I have to stay up late lol"

:huh: :huh: :huh:

What....the hell? Did he just ask me out on a date? WHY would he ask a MARRIED, honest woman to go to a STRIP SHOW, b e f o r e asking a "smoking hot blonde" to go with him?

I have mentioned in passing before that I enjoy having the complete trust of my husband, and I'm glad he's so chill with who I hang out with...could the friend possibly take that to mean that my husband doesn't mind "sharing"? Cuz he is NOT down with that, lol.

What is going on?? Is he putting out feelers to make a pass at me, am I just being paranoid? Am I sending him mixed signals? I have been careful not to, I have zero feelings for him, NONE, but maybe I need to reel it in even more?? Wtf? He's never acted like this before. I'm totally confused.

Feedback would be welcome.

ThePlight

No advice, sadly. But.. I'd feel awkward as hell if this was happening to me o.o
I kind of ...Make distance if I don't want a guy around me. Although, when I was younger, I'd just beat them up so they'd stop following me around like puppydogs. (Back when I was like, 6? 8? The good ol' boy hatin' days).

fivethreeone

.

Shelgirl001

That's a tough one there, but to me it sounds like he may be just a bit pushing the limits to test what you're thinking of him. He is definitely not thinking of you as one of the guys at the very least. A man will always be aware that a female is a female, but maybe he's been noticing you as being in better shape lately, and finding himself more attracted?

Just my thoughts. I'm not all that good at this thing either. lol

whierd

It means you were really good at sex that one time even though you've forgotten about it.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

ThePlight

..but maybe he's been noticing you as being in better shape lately, and finding himself more attracted?

Just my thoughts. I'm not all that good at this thing either. lol

I think you may have just hit the nail on the head, quite honestly. lol.

Naomi0504

Yes, I think he's putting out feelers. And it will continue until you are blunt with him, most likely.

links_slayer

The text asking for pics of your goods was inappropriate. There is no doubt in my mind he meant to send that to you instead of someone else. Not cool - but maybe I'm in the minority here.

Why did he need to give you a ride home after your run if he lives "just down the street" from you??

Something's not adding up here. It sounds like he's trying to see how far you are willing to go.

AJ_G

He's trying to push the limits and see how you respond. He's doing it in a way where he can deny it though, making it hard to call him out. Sticky situation you got there Molly...

Myhaloslipped

He is definitely interested and trying to see how far you are willing to let it go. I would politely but firmly make your boundaries crystal clear.

GardeningZombie

Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

bubbles1212

It is kind of odd! Are you guys really good friends to the point he would normally ask you to go to something with him?? He could just be testing you to see what you would do and how far you would go. If you are uncomfortable, you need to put some space between you. I have a neighbor who is bi. He prefers men, but will choose a woman if no men are around. We have been hanging out some and I noticed his hand was "accidently" rubbing against my butt when walk around stores. Then he made the comment... "Should we just *kitten* and get it over with?".... I am very HAPPILY married to my best friend. I told him there was no way in hell and my husband would kill him. This weekend he asked me to go swimming with him, when I ignored him, he asked me to go on a date with him, his treat. Needless to say, I have been ignoring him ever since. If you are uncomfortable, make space or jokingly confront him if you are not sure.

whierd

He sounds like he is on drugs.

shell_mc

Sounds like he's always had a candle burning, and something lately is making him push it further. Are you sure that you're not putting out that vibe, or still having those feelings in the back of your mind? Sometimes that stuff can creep up on us when we least expect it..

I'd just pull back a bit. Don't do any impromptu stops by his place or seek out opportunities to hang out. He'll get the hint. If he doesn't, you will have to be more firm in your response.

Myhaloslipped

Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

You must be a writer.

Matt24442

I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

Myhaloslipped

He sounds like he is on drugs.

Lol this sounds like something my best friend would say if I had this issue. It gave me a chuckle.

ThePlight

He sounds like he is on drugs.

LOL.

meeper123

I would shut this down quick like stop hanging out with him alone. Your married with kids if he can't respect that then move on.

GardeningZombie

The more I think about it, the more I suggest do NOT pull back with no apparent reason to him. Ever heard the phrase "absences makes the heart grow fonder"? He will wonder what he can do to win you over, if that is his intention. If he is trying to reach out in any way, then this will reject him and cause more unhealthy thoughts in his mind. Ambiguity is what caused this situation to develop, don't add more uncertainty onto it!

Myhaloslipped

I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school?

tjthegreatone

Two things come to mind.

One is first, always go with your instinct. Unless you're a complete narcissist, if you feel that something about his interactions is 'off' you are most likely to be correct (well that's my take anyway).

Secondly, in the interests of your marriage I would recommend a couple of strategies.

One is to back away from the friendship (examples would include - stop spending time with him away from your husband, don't send him humourous / jokey texts in reply to his - just write plain matter of fact replies that ignore his innuendo-laden comments.

Two would be to send him a formal document (like an email) or even just speak to him in person, explaining that his recent behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and awkward, and could he stop please. If you're feeling nice ask him if things are okay with him.

The third would be to completely remove yourself from his life - ignore all communication with him. Especially if strategies one and two fail. (Depends on how strongly you feel about the friendship, but despite you having your husband's complete trust, I've seen that these kinds of situations in the long run are toxic to relationships).

ryry_

He's trying to push the limits and see how you respond. He's doing it in a way where he can deny it though, making it hard to call him out. Sticky situation you got there Molly...

Pretty much agree...He is testing the waters. And your husband is a very understanding person.

Also, when I would get drunk and say something stupid, and someone asked me if I was drunk, 100% of the time my answer is "i'm not drunk, I've like 1 beer...k 2 beers (read 30)"

GardeningZombie

Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

You must be a writer.

Aww, that's the third nicest compliment I have received on this board, from an English teacher no less! I'll over look that your from the "state up north" :bigsmile:

--Native Ohioan

nikilis

he's a man, so yes.

whierd

I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school?

You didn't?

fivethreeone

Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

You must be a writer.

snortlaugh

Myhaloslipped

He's trying to push the limits and see how you respond. He's doing it in a way where he can deny it though, making it hard to call him out. Sticky situation you got there Molly...

Pretty much agree...He is testing the waters. And your husband is a very understanding person.

Also, when I would get drunk and say something stupid, and someone asked me if I was drunk, 100% of the time my answer is "i'm not drunk, I've like 1 beer...k 2 beers (read 30)"

It's like we're one mind Ryry! Lol, but this is common. I am notorious for claiming I am not drunk when I am clearly being a stumbling assclown. I also do the "let me just close my eyes for 5 minutes," and it turns into 2 hours.

Myhaloslipped

I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school?

You didn't?

We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it.

randomtai

He wants to clap dem cheeks.

Shaky44

(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)

You don't know if this is relevant? Really?

Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"

I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.