Is he hitting on me??

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  • tjthegreatone
    tjthegreatone Posts: 324
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    Two things come to mind.

    One is first, always go with your instinct. Unless you're a complete narcissist, if you feel that something about his interactions is 'off' you are most likely to be correct (well that's my take anyway).

    Secondly, in the interests of your marriage I would recommend a couple of strategies.

    One is to back away from the friendship (examples would include - stop spending time with him away from your husband, don't send him humourous / jokey texts in reply to his - just write plain matter of fact replies that ignore his innuendo-laden comments.

    Two would be to send him a formal document (like an email) or even just speak to him in person, explaining that his recent behaviour is making you feel uncomfortable and awkward, and could he stop please. If you're feeling nice ask him if things are okay with him.

    The third would be to completely remove yourself from his life - ignore all communication with him. Especially if strategies one and two fail. (Depends on how strongly you feel about the friendship, but despite you having your husband's complete trust, I've seen that these kinds of situations in the long run are toxic to relationships).
  • ryry_
    ryry_ Posts: 4,966 Member
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    He's trying to push the limits and see how you respond. He's doing it in a way where he can deny it though, making it hard to call him out. Sticky situation you got there Molly...

    Pretty much agree...He is testing the waters. And your husband is a very understanding person.

    Also, when I would get drunk and say something stupid, and someone asked me if I was drunk, 100% of the time my answer is "i'm not drunk, I've like 1 beer...k 2 beers (read 30)"
  • GardeningZombie
    GardeningZombie Posts: 55 Member
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    Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

    Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


    Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

    You must be a writer.

    Aww, that's the third nicest compliment I have received on this board, from an English teacher no less! I'll over look that your from the "state up north" :bigsmile:

    --Native Ohioan :wink:
  • nikilis
    nikilis Posts: 2,305 Member
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    he's a man, so yes.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
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    Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

    Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


    Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

    You must be a writer.

    snortlaugh
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    He's trying to push the limits and see how you respond. He's doing it in a way where he can deny it though, making it hard to call him out. Sticky situation you got there Molly...

    Pretty much agree...He is testing the waters. And your husband is a very understanding person.

    Also, when I would get drunk and say something stupid, and someone asked me if I was drunk, 100% of the time my answer is "i'm not drunk, I've like 1 beer...k 2 beers (read 30)"

    It's like we're one mind Ryry! Lol, but this is common. I am notorious for claiming I am not drunk when I am clearly being a stumbling assclown. I also do the "let me just close my eyes for 5 minutes," and it turns into 2 hours.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    He wants to clap dem cheeks.
  • Shaky44
    Shaky44 Posts: 214 Member
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    (I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)

    You don't know if this is relevant? Really?

    Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"

    I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    Well, that is a detailed backstory. No doubt many people will tell you their opinions. Most importantly, what is his thoughts on the manner? Bring a metaphorical flashlight to the issue. Then the scary thing in the corner may just be a horribly misinterpreted puppy, a cockroach which realized "wow, I am way off base here" and will scuttle away, or something that knows its intentions, and tries to press it. Knowing his thoughts on the matter you will then know whether to laugh at the situation, be a little weirded out but know that the issue has been exterminated, or ready to stand and fight.

    Nefarious doings HATE the light, so if it is anything that isn't on the up and up, then you will see it run away.


    Also, a plausible situation: He is lonely, or otherwise going through some stuff, and is trying to gain intimacy the only way he knows, because he needs a friend.

    You must be a writer.

    Aww, that's the third nicest compliment I have received on this board, from an English teacher no less! I'll over look that your from the "state up north" :bigsmile:

    --Native Ohioan :wink:

    :smile: I actually am a transplant from Georgia.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(

    You lack conviction. Polaroids were available back then.
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
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    That drunken night that didn't mean anything to you... Changed his life.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Hitting on you, trying to get you to bone him one more time to see if you're as good as he remembers before he convinces you to leave your husband....
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(

    You lack conviction. Polaroids were available back then.

    That would have made an interesting scrapbook, which is a paradox in and of itself.
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(

    You lack conviction. Polaroids were available back then.

    That would have made an interesting scrapbook, which is a paradox in and of itself.

    Where is the paradox?
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(



    hahaha pagers. you're hilarious. what are pagers?
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    Options
    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(



    hahaha pagers. you're hilarious. what are pagers?

    They were like cellphones that you couldn't answer so all you had were a bunch of missed calls that you had to return. :laugh:
  • GardeningZombie
    GardeningZombie Posts: 55 Member
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    Native Georgian? Well then no worries!
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
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    I remember when stuff like this happened in high school. I liked high school. High school was fun. I could do whatever I wanted.

    You asked for pictures of married women's lady parts in high school? :wink:

    You didn't?

    We didn't have cell phones when I was in high school, just pagers. So I didn't really have the technology for it. :(



    hahaha pagers. you're hilarious. what are pagers?

    pager-beeper.jpg

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