What's going on with the MFP bad attitudes? :(

MakePeasNotWar

I think there is merit on both sides (hear me out before you start yelling!). There are people who post really bad weight loss ideas, ask for people's opinions, and get butthurt when people tell them they are wrong and their plan is a terrible one. I have limited sympathy for these people. if you ask what people think of your idea, expect to find out what they think about your idea.

But there does seem to be a contingent on here (and every forum, I am so not singling out MFP) that is itching for a chance to put someone down or hurt their feelings. Ad hominem attacks, intentionally taking things way out of context, and spiteful attitudes are not "truth" and they are not effective ways to argue.

I admit to finding some of the sarcastic remarks clever, even when they are directed at me, but most are just mean and extremely arrogant. It doesn't feel like an attempt at humour, just a venting of bile. Maybe if you asked yourself what would happen if you said this to someone in real life, you would know if you should say it online. If the person would be somewhat embarrassed, and say "touche", it's probably pithy. If they would run off crying and not come back, or punch you in the face, perhaps you should keep it to yourself.

Otterluv

Lots and lots of sarcasm on here and not funny sarcasm. I have noticed it and I've only been on here one month. IMO, people who are mean must be miserable with themselves on the inside.

You're not funny, you're just plain mean. Karma can be a b**ch, watch out

and her next post is:

Seriously?? I think you need some babysitting.

Interesting.

Cheechos

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

I really like this post. I think it explains the current culture climate of the forums and how to handle it very well. It sucks that quite a few folks no longer feel safe to post questions or concerns on this website, but unless things change that'll be the case. As can be seen by examples in this thread, the thought of changing the status quo triggers some defensive responses. It's all mostly the same general message that involves the phrases "thicker skin," "rainbows and unicorns," "special snowflake," and "sense of humor." It's almost like some kind of awful endless feedback loop: someone posts a question that dozens of other people have posted, people retaliate with snark, the snark ends up being the subject of a thread like this, we get the "it's just the Internet" spiel, and then it's over...except it really isn't, because three more threads with the initial repetitive questions just popped up.

Self research is best research. Use Google, ask trusted friends, call a nutritionist, etc. Do whatever you can to stay out of the MFP loop.

MaiLinna

When the people asking for help are 15 year olds wearing a size 2 trying to get into a size 0 and weigh less that 100lbs at the same height I am, I get *****y.

Children should stay off this site.

cmriverside

If you feel people are being harsh, it is a reflection of your inner dialog.

Otterluv

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread

I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.

Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.

It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

FIFY

Wow that is a well done fix. I like it a lot. Both sides are shown with compassion and insight. Nice.

10/10 would read again

3dogsrunning

I think there is merit on both sides (hear me out before you start yelling!). There are people who post really bad weight loss ideas, ask for people's opinions, and get butthurt when people tell them they are wrong and their plan is a terrible one. I have limited sympathy for these people. if you ask what people think of your idea, expect to find out what they think about your idea.

But there does seem to be a contingent on here (and every forum, I am so not singling out MFP) that is itching for a chance to put someone down or hurt their feelings. Ad hominem attacks, intentionally taking things way out of context, and spiteful attitudes are not "truth" and they are not effective ways to argue.

I admit to finding some of the sarcastic remarks clever, even when they are directed at me, but most are just mean and extremely arrogant. It doesn't feel like an attempt at humour, just a venting of bile. Maybe if you asked yourself what would happen if you said this to someone in real life, you would know if you should say it online. If the person would be somewhat embarrassed, and say "touche", it's probably pithy. If they would run off crying and not come back, or punch you in the face, perhaps you should keep it to yourself.

Am I on the same forum? I often see reference to these kind of posts and groups of people but I never see links to examples of it and I haven't seen it myself. I do see the odd rude remark but it is usually from an account with few posts and the generic avatar. Plus people tend to call them out, like people have done on this thread.

OP - I don't understand. If this is the post you are talking about, I see tons of supportive nice posts. There are some that say things you may not want to hear but I don't see the rude judgemental posts.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/964885-okay-i-m-a-big-baby


FTR - if you aren't looking for feedback, rants don't usually go over well here. People will give you feedback if posted on the forums. If that's not what you are looking for, maybe the blog feature might be a better option.

golfmonk

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

Nicely stated!

mortuseon

If you feel people are being harsh, it is a reflection of your inner dialog.

I don't necessarily think this is always true. I can understand critique is useful (and I would welcome it), but so frequently there are people here who are willing to offer it with very little tact and a more than healthy dose of sarcasm. It just seems unnecessary to be so 'snarky' when the majority of the time, all people are looking for is support. If the OP is incredibly preachy, of course, circumstances can be a little different.

Mistymaam

Ignore the *****y comments! There will always be the folks who feel the need to say what's on their mind, despite it being rude and deconstructive. These people need to work on their own insecurities before they "open their mouths." I also feel there are people who are "no-it-alls" who don't get enough praise or have any locus of control. You almost have to feel sorry for these people because they can't spread happiness.

Otterluv

If you feel people are being harsh, it is a reflection of your inner dialog.

I don't necessarily think this is always true. I can understand critique is useful (and I would welcome it), but so frequently there are people here who are willing to offer it with very little tact and a more than healthy dose of sarcasm. It just seems unnecessary to be so 'snarky' when the majority of the time, all people are looking for is support. If the OP is incredibly preachy, of course, circumstances can be a little different.

Problem is, some of us find snark and sarcasm to BE supportive. Which, is probably said in every.single.one. of the zillion or so "everybody is so MEAN!!!" threads that pop up on one of the tamest forums on the internets.

brower47

This is not a baby sitting service, if you post something that does not make one ounce of sense, people and myself included are not going to lay down and play dead.

Seriously?? I think you need some babysitting.

Definitely, not, because I do not take offense to what is said. I realize that this is the Internet and people have opinions which are not similar to mine, and do not get hurt by their opinions. In fact I welcome other opinions, and use it as a learning tool.

If you are hurt by comments, grow an extra skin, because things are not going to change on the Internet.

Really? who died and gave you the right to tell me and everyone else to grow a thicker skin? You have no right to tell anyone that just so you can defend your insensitive nature. Good for you that it doesn't bother you, however some of us still have feelings. But, that's just my opinion.

Really? Who died and gave you the right to tell me and everyone else to be nicer and more pandering? You have no right to tell anyone that just so you can defend you sensitive nature. It's a shame that it bothers you, however; some of us have feelings that aren't dependent on Internet strangers. But that's just my opinion.

MrsBingley

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread

I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.

Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.

It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

FIFY

Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.

I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".

I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.

BeachIron

If you feel people are being harsh, it is a reflection of your inner dialog.

I don't necessarily think this is always true. I can understand critique is useful (and I would welcome it), but so frequently there are people here who are willing to offer it with very little tact and a more than healthy dose of sarcasm. It just seems unnecessary to be so 'snarky' when the majority of the time, all people are looking for is support. If the OP is incredibly preachy, of course, circumstances can be a little different.

Problem is, some of us find snark and sarcasm to BE supportive. Which, is probably said in every.single.one. of the zillion or so "everybody is so MEAN!!!" threads that pop up on one of the tamest forums on the internets.

^ Every bit of that. There seems to be a split between those who get snark and sarcasm (and like it), and those that need constant validation in the very nicest of terms to survive this terrible jungle of MFP-land. Suck it up. Or don't. But don't expect everyone to be like you. Or to like you. And no. We are not all here for the same reason.

Me? I'm here for the pictures . . . lol

featherbrained

Guess we all need to fart rainbows and ride unicorns around you, and forget keeping it REAL. Life isn't easy, even on the internet.

I guess if you do not agree with what people tell you it would be considered rude and judgmental and that they have a bad attitude.

Good point here, life isn't easy. And particularly not for a lot of the folks posting here. So wouldn't we be the bigger people (no pun intended!) if we actually extended some kindness where needed, rather than thinly veiled sarcasm?

I am not easily offended, but the "jocks" (male and female) on this site have taken over like schoolyard bullies.

I was here when MFP was in it's infancy, and I had a great group of friends. And they were the rule, not the exception.

No one is asking you to change who you are. Unless you're a twerp, in which case, yeah, I want you to change who you are! Most people grow up as they get older.

IRL we behave according to the situation... for instance, we don't fart at funerals, we don't scream racial slurs in Walmart, we don't belch in front of Gramma, and we're total pigs with our friends. Why is that different in a public forum? Think about what would be kind to the poster in question, behave accordingly, and go be an idiot in a "slap,bang hug" thread.

Just saying

mortuseon

If you feel people are being harsh, it is a reflection of your inner dialog.

I don't necessarily think this is always true. I can understand critique is useful (and I would welcome it), but so frequently there are people here who are willing to offer it with very little tact and a more than healthy dose of sarcasm. It just seems unnecessary to be so 'snarky' when the majority of the time, all people are looking for is support. If the OP is incredibly preachy, of course, circumstances can be a little different.

Problem is, some of us find snark and sarcasm to BE supportive. Which, is probably said in every.single.one. of the zillion or so "everybody is so MEAN!!!" threads that pop up on one of the tamest forums on the internets.

I agree that the whole 'what's the deal with all this NEGATIVITY?!' attitude is often a reflection of people who are unwilling to respond to any criticism, but I believe that there's a line between friendly joking and simply being rude. Maybe it's just me, but I would hope that (unless I had posted something in the same tone prior to their post) people would respond to my queries in a courteous way.

edit: Actually, my main problem is people who say things on the internet that would be considered rude and offensive if they said them in real life. There's a level of subjective judgement here but that's probably my benchmark...?

golfmonk

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

I really like this post. I think it explains the current culture climate of the forums and how to handle it very well. It sucks that quite a few folks no longer feel safe to post questions or concerns on this website, but unless things change that'll be the case. As can be seen by examples in this thread, the thought of changing the status quo triggers some defensive responses. It's all mostly the same general message that involves the phrases "thicker skin," "rainbows and unicorns," "special snowflake," and "sense of humor." It's almost like some kind of awful endless feedback loop: someone posts a question that dozens of other people have posted, people retaliate with snark, the snark ends up being the subject of a thread like this, we get the "it's just the Internet" spiel, and then it's over...except it really isn't, because three more threads with the initial repetitive questions just popped up.

Self research is best research. Use Google, ask trusted friends, call a nutritionist, etc. Do whatever you can to stay out of the MFP loop.

Well, this current culture climate could probably go back all the way to the UseNet days (kind of dating myself here). Also, I love the comment about the phrases "thicker skin," "rainbows and unicorns," "special snowflake," and "sense of humor.", etc; it seems like people regurgitate those phases by consulting some sort of special Magic 8-ball.

In the end, it is probably better to lurk here for a while to get a sense of who are the Neanderthals and who are the people that are genuinely helpful and to ignore the former and to embrace the latter. And if you have a specific question you think might get hammered here in the MFP forums, use the advice given above (Use Google, ask trusted friends, call a nutritionist, etc)

2dare2dream

Once again someone has noticed the negativity generated across general boards, i have only been a member for a few weeks but i have to be honest and say that in general i don't ask, i try to find the answers myself either in books or internet. This too comes with much confusion as there are so many varying opinions out there.
The reason i rarely ask is that often i feel the answers some people get are filled with negativity and ridicule. I find this concept strange as most of us here have had weight issues which have not been short term, most have suffered from some kind of bias due to their size, maybe name calling etc. Thick skinned or thin skinned at some point most people have been hurt by someones comment in their life,. Now they decide to take control in their lives and tackle the weight issue that has been a burden for them and they find What They Think .. will be a supportive community only to be made to feel fat, stupid or both.
I wonder how many negative comments one person can take before they crash.. give up hope and give in.. Personally i don't want to be the type of person that makes that someone reach that point, id rather encourage and if possible advise based on my experience.
very few things in life are free .. but good manners still are .. maybe we should all try to remember that one more negative comment on a really bad day for someone can have long term effect .. lets try to be supportive .. without the sarcasm or just plain rudeness. Lets try to make sure we support and maybe .. if you really disagree and think their comment is "stupid"[not that it necessarily is", then sit back and exercise the right to say nothing at all.

jimmmer

Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.

I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".

I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.

You were doing pretty well, but you failed to read her profile correctly: she reset her ticker. So you can't really draw an inference from what it says.

There ARE plenty of people on this site who have worked hard (with heavy lifting) to get themselves into shape. They should be justifiably proud of that. I wouldn't assume they were born greek gods and goddesses - I think it safer to assume most people have busted their *kitten* to get in the kind of shape you see from the group you are talking about.

MyChocolateDiet

I think there is merit on both sides (hear me out before you start yelling!). There are people who post really bad weight loss ideas, ask for people's opinions, and get butthurt when people tell them they are wrong and their plan is a terrible one. I have limited sympathy for these people. if you ask what people think of your idea, expect to find out what they think about your idea.

But there does seem to be a contingent on here (and every forum, I am so not singling out MFP) that is itching for a chance to put someone down or hurt their feelings. Ad hominem attacks, intentionally taking things way out of context, and spiteful attitudes are not "truth" and they are not effective ways to argue.

I admit to finding some of the sarcastic remarks clever, even when they are directed at me, but most are just mean and extremely arrogant. It doesn't feel like an attempt at humour, just a venting of bile. Maybe if you asked yourself what would happen if you said this to someone in real life, you would know if you should say it online. If the person would be somewhat embarrassed, and say "touche", it's probably pithy. If they would run off crying and not come back, or punch you in the face, perhaps you should keep it to yourself.

Am I on the same forum? I often see reference to these kind of posts and groups of people but I never see links to examples of it and I haven't seen it myself. I do see the odd rude remark but it is usually from an account with few posts and the generic avatar. Plus people tend to call them out, like people have done on this thread.

OP - I don't understand. If this is the post you are talking about, I see tons of supportive nice posts. There are some that say things you may not want to hear but I don't see the rude judgemental posts.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/964885-okay-i-m-a-big-baby


FTR - if you aren't looking for feedback, rants don't usually go over well here. People will give you feedback if posted on the forums. If that's not what you are looking for, maybe the blog feature might be a better option.

MAN, that's an old thread. I just like how the OP ends as /rant thus describing itself as a rant and contains a reference to another rant. That saved me time in looking up whether this OP was a ranty type person.