What's going on with the MFP bad attitudes? :(

MrsBingley

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread

I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.

Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.

It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

FIFY

Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.

I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".

I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.

As with so many posts, you are right on. For someone new, who is not used to this board, or other internet forums (we all don't participate), the boards can be a rude awakening. And it can feel very negative. That is not over-sensitivity, it is the nature of this beast. What insensitivity there is, can be shared all the way around.

I had no idea that our history was so closely scrutinized before deciding if our information is valid or not.

Are you sayin people who fit this profile shouldn't be participating in the forums? I, myself, have learned a lot from people who fit this Profile. (and even the person quoted her admits the same). I've also learned a lot from people who don't.


Are you also implying these people are the rude or negative?

None of this. I said, specifically, that I have found information from this group as valuable. It can just seem...impatient.. sometimes. Please reread, I'm really not trying to pick a fight here.

3dogsrunning

None of this. I said, specifically, that I have found information from this group as valuable. It can just seem...impatient.. sometimes. Please reread, I'm really not trying to pick a fight here.

I was referring to the person who quoted you. Although he seemed to interpret your post much the same way a few others did. I followed up with a post directly to you asking for clarification on your post.

MyChocolateDiet

Well, being as my 11 lbs on my ticker are only what I have lost....and not how close I am to goal, perhaps my opinions as posted can stand. Sorry for all you skinny folks out there whose arguments are invalid. May I suggest steel toe shoes and removing your bra the next time you weigh in? Might get you over that pesky 11 lbs to lose mark and thus justify your participation. :flowerforyou:

Kevalicious99

Haha! "Grab a snickers - you're not you when you're hungry!!!" :laugh:

^^^^ Totally this.

ryry_

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

I think you raise some valid points. Myself, after personally investing when someone asks a question, spending hours helping people and answering their questions, and then to have turn around and start a water fast. It kind of makes you check out.

For that reason I typically put a poster through an internal vetting process that is arbitrary and known only to me at that moment in time. Depending on which side of coin it falls I will take the time personally invest myself and offer advice.

Honestly its exhausting and I much prefer to use the site for logging my foods, my workouts, and other stuff.

And I majorly disagree with you about the people that are supposedly mean (not saying you said that). To say they already were someway is a major slap in the face to those that have busted *kitten* and made great transformations. Mainly through being willing to listen, take a little criticism and run with it.

brower47

It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:

haha, I love this!

It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness.

ryry_

It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:

haha, I love this!

It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

I used to hate these threads...But now I'm starting to look forward to them. 4 in about 2 days is not bad.

A friend of mine once said to ingore the haterz and good luck on journey!

It wasn't always this way


There was a time when posters were kind
When their tone was soft
And their words encouraging
There was a time when carbs were fine
And MFP was a song
And MFP friends were inviting
Then it all…went…wrong

I dreamed a dream in bandwidth gone by
When motivation was high
And logging on worth doing
I dreamed the MFP site would never die
I dreamed the Mods would be forgiving
Then I was a noob and unafraid
And strikes were made and used and wasted
There was no reason to be made

No post untrolled
No joke unwasted
But the bullies come at night
With their mean words soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And turn your gurney to shame
MFP filled my days with endless distraction
It took my productivity in real life
But it was gone when I deactivate
And still I dream I’ll recreate
That we’ll live our days online
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are threads we cannot weather
I had a dream my MFP experience would be
So different from this hell I’m logging
So different now from what it seemed
Now your thread has killed
The dream I dreamed

Please. I am on my knees. Marry me.

Hildy_J

The irony is that the two things that irk this small group the most are:

1. the people who refuse to take their advice on board
2. the people who are sensitive to criticism

They won't contemplate criticism of their behaviour, no matter how many times it's raised by the group as a whole, nor how positive and constructive it is. They get defensive and personally offended REALLY quickly.

How long do people need to be told they're out of order, before they begin to see it. Reminds me of that saying: 'Would the Lord the giftee gi'us to see ourselves as others see us'.

MrsBingley

Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.

I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".

I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.

Lolwut?

She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.

So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?

Cool.

However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.

"Lolwut" right back. I didn't mean any of that.

To be honest: I didn't know people regularly reset tickers. I stand corrected.

I am NOT saying that one person's opinion is more valid than another's based on external circumstances. I'm not sure where you got that from.

I am confused as what exactly you are saying. I've read that post a number of times and I am not quite sure what the point is. I was leaning towards what Otter thought.


*i am not trying to be mean. Your post definitely caught my attention and I genuinely trying to understand what you are saying.

Okay. What I mean is, how a post is read can vary greatly depending on circumstances. If you have been here a long time and you have a lot of friends and feel at home, you're not going to be as sensitive to sarcasm or criticism. You're just not. To you, this is a safe place, you know the rules, you have more information regarding nutrition and fitness in general and you have seen all the posts before, sometimes 1000s of times.

If you are new here, you are often alone. You may not know much yet and this place does not feel safe yet.

When these new people ask questions, that the old people are going to find tiresome by this point, the new person may read the blunt and to the point answers of the old people as hostile, especially if they are piled on. The old people won't see it this way, they already feel safe here and are "just talking".

The only reason I pointed out the similarities of what I see as the old group (of which I may have been mistaken) is to show that they are used to people like them with similar experience, and this can cause it to be more difficult to empathize with the fear and uncertainty of someone who is new.

jofjltncb6

Well, being as my 11 lbs on my ticker are only what I have lost....and not how close I am to goal, perhaps my opinions as posted can stand. Sorry for all you skinny folks out there whose arguments are invalid. May I suggest steel toe shoes and removing your bra the next time you weigh in? Might get you over that pesky 11 lbs to lose mark and thus justify your participation. :flowerforyou:

I had no idea my advice was completely invalid because of my current weight/goal.

Guess I'll grab my coat and hat and show myself out.

Best of luck, everyone, on your health and fitness goals. :flowerforyou:

BeachIron

It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:

haha, I love this!

It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness.

jofjltncb6

The irony is that the two things that irk this small group the most is:

1. the people who refuse to take their advice on board
2. the people who are sensitive to criticism

They won't contemplate criticism of their behaviour, no matter how many times it's raised by the group as a whole, nor how positive and constructive it is. They get defensive and personally offended REALLY quickly.

How long do people need to be told they're out of order, before they begin to see it. Reminds me of that saying: 'Would the Lord the giftee gi'us to see ourselves as others see us'.

What small group? Could you please post (or PM) a list of these people so I can more closely watch for their egregious behavio(u)r?

Who is this "group as a whole"? The entirety of the MFP membership? That seems...broad...and ambitious...to appease all of them.

ETA: Someone else will have to take it from here...

...since I've shown myself out already.

sunglasses_and_ocean_waves

I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.

Link?

I posted a link. P4 I think. This chick's lying.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1118784-can-t-get-a-date

jofjltncb6

I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.

That's horrible. It's best to report the rude posts to the mods then put them on 'ignore'.

They'll all get banned, eventually.

I'm curious...how many strikes do you have now?

ETA: Someone should quote this for me so she can see it...since she probably has me on ignore.

Mother_Superior

It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:

haha, I love this!

It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness.

MrsBingley

There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.

I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.

It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.

Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.

The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.

Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.

I think you raise some valid points. Myself, after personally investing when someone asks a question, spending hours helping people and answering their questions, and then to have turn around and start a water fast. It kind of makes you check out.

For that reason I typically put a poster through an internal vetting process that is arbitrary and known only to me at that moment in time. Depending on which side of coin it falls I will take the time personally invest myself and offer advice.

Honestly its exhausting and I much prefer to use the site for logging my foods, my workouts, and other stuff.

And I majorly disagree with you about the people that are supposedly mean (not saying you said that). To say they already were someway is a major slap in the face to those that have busted *kitten* and made great transformations. Mainly through being willing to listen, take a little criticism and run with it.

Regardless of history, I think most people here are busting their *kitten*. I did not mean to imply otherwise.

mortuseon

It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:

haha, I love this!

It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness.

Haha, I do get this. But...shades of grey, right? Where I've seen threads where the reaction has been completely overblown to some harmless comments, I also think that some people justify their rudeness by labelling others as oversensitive. BUT I suppose it's easy to misrepresent yourself or misinterpret someone else over t'interwebs.

3dogsrunning

I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.

Link?

I posted a link. P4 I think. This chick's lying.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1118784-can-t-get-a-date

Holy crap. That read a whole lot different than the poster explained it. This is why I ask for examples when people make these claims.

ryry_

The irony is that the two things that irk this small group the most are:

1. the people who refuse to take their advice on board
2. the people who are sensitive to criticism

They won't contemplate criticism of their behaviour, no matter how many times it's raised by the group as a whole, nor how positive and constructive it is. They get defensive and personally offended REALLY quickly.

How long do people need to be told they're out of order, before they begin to see it. Reminds me of that saying: 'Would the Lord the giftee gi'us to see ourselves as others see us'.

Bolded for emphasis