What's going on with the MFP bad attitudes? :(
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silly stuff . . . time for a beer0
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You are right, I didn't know that.
Regardless, even if she, or anyone else, had always been slim, I still consider paying attention to diet and fitness as "busting your *kitten*".
My intention was not to call this group out or denigrate them or anything. It was only to show that there is (at least a perceived) communication disconnect between the season folks and the newbies. You may not see it, as you are also seasoned and "among friends", but new people will often feel it. They come here alone, and having a bunch of people pile on their questions who all seem to be friends with each other can sometimes feel hostile.
Especially if they aren't familiar with Internet forums in general.
This is what I found sensible in your original assertion. The apparent disconnect between noob and more experienced hand. Yes, people on here tend to treat the person seeking advice as if they are the same person asking the same question 1,000 times rather than 1,000 different people. I find the phenomenon interesting...
I am not sure what you mean by "seasoned". Are you referring to my forum post count or my training experience? Or as a gentleman of a certain age?!
Please also tell me what you mean by "among friends". I have a tiny FL and, to my knowledge, no one upon it has commented in this thread. Actually, most people on my FL don't really use the forums much and most of my advice is normally ignored when I try to help people...0 -
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Lolwut?
She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.
So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?
Cool.
However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.
"Lolwut" right back. I didn't mean any of that.
To be honest: I didn't know people regularly reset tickers. I stand corrected.
I am NOT saying that one person's opinion is more valid than another's based on external circumstances. I'm not sure where you got that from.
I am confused as what exactly you are saying. I've read that post a number of times and I am not quite sure what the point is. I was leaning towards what Otter thought.
*i am not trying to be mean. Your post definitely caught my attention and I genuinely trying to understand what you are saying.
Okay. What I mean is, how a post is read can vary greatly depending on circumstances. If you have been here a long time and you have a lot of friends and feel at home, you're not going to be as sensitive to sarcasm or criticism. You're just not. To you, this is a safe place, you know the rules, you have more information regarding nutrition and fitness in general and you have seen all the posts before, sometimes 1000s of times.
If you are new here, you are often alone. You may not know much yet and this place does not feel safe yet.
When these new people ask questions, that the old people are going to find tiresome by this point, the new person may read the blunt and to the point answers of the old people as hostile, especially if they are piled on. The old people won't see it this way, they already feel safe here and are "just talking".
The only reason I pointed out the similarities of what I see as the old group (of which I may have been mistaken) is to show that they are used to people like them with similar experience, and this can cause it to be more difficult to empathize with the fear and uncertainty of someone who is new.
That clarifies it better. I don't necessarily agree there is one particular group that is to blame for this but I understand that you are saying.
There are a lot of older posters here who don't fit that group either and interact the same way. I dare say they (or we because there I guess I could be grouped in there) aren't the only ones who are comfortable here.0 -
It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:
haha, I love this!
It's ok to not be over sensitive. It's not a sign of meanness. 
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Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Lolwut?
She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.
So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?
Cool.
However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.
"Lolwut" right back. I didn't mean any of that.
To be honest: I didn't know people regularly reset tickers. I stand corrected.
I am NOT saying that one person's opinion is more valid than another's based on external circumstances. I'm not sure where you got that from.
I am confused as what exactly you are saying. I've read that post a number of times and I am not quite sure what the point is. I was leaning towards what Otter thought.
*i am not trying to be mean. Your post definitely caught my attention and I genuinely trying to understand what you are saying.
Okay. What I mean is, how a post is read can vary greatly depending on circumstances. If you have been here a long time and you have a lot of friends and feel at home, you're not going to be as sensitive to sarcasm or criticism. You're just not. To you, this is a safe place, you know the rules, you have more information regarding nutrition and fitness in general and you have seen all the posts before, sometimes 1000s of times.
If you are new here, you are often alone. You may not know much yet and this place does not feel safe yet.
When these new people ask questions, that the old people are going to find tiresome by this point, the new person may read the blunt and to the point answers of the old people as hostile, especially if they are piled on. The old people won't see it this way, they already feel safe here and are "just talking".
The only reason I pointed out the similarities of what I see as the old group (of which I may have been mistaken) is to show that they are used to people like them with similar experience, and this can cause it to be more difficult to empathize with the fear and uncertainty of someone who is new.
That clarifies it better. I don't necessarily agree there is one particular group that is to blame for this but I understand that you are saying.
There are a lot of older posters here who don't fit that group either and interact the same way. I dare say they (or we because there I guess I could be grouped in there) aren't the only ones who are comfortable here.
I get that, you all aren't actually a monolith. And, I'm not saying either side is wrong.
Most of these issues arrive from simple misunderstanding.
Though there are some bullies.
And there are some people who are overly sensitive.
It's not the norm.
Which is why I post
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I see I'm being discussed - how nice :ohwell:0
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silly stuff . . . time for a beer
To quote the great George Constanza.
BeachIron is back and I'm loving every minute of it!0 -
Tough love is the best motivation for some of us.
The delicate flowers can continue ignore us and group hug each other into their goals.0 -
I love positivity and you're right, this is why I don't post very much at all. Glad to see there are others like me and if any of you would like extra support or to network, be sure to add me. Hold me accountable but let us build each other up.0
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You are right, I didn't know that.
Regardless, even if she, or anyone else, had always been slim, I still consider paying attention to diet and fitness as "busting your *kitten*".
My intention was not to call this group out or denigrate them or anything. It was only to show that there is (at least a perceived) communication disconnect between the season folks and the newbies. You may not see it, as you are also seasoned and "among friends", but new people will often feel it. They come here alone, and having a bunch of people pile on their questions who all seem to be friends with each other can sometimes feel hostile.
Especially if they aren't familiar with Internet forums in general.
This is what I found sensible in your original assertion. The apparent disconnect between noob and more experienced hand. Yes, people on here tend to treat the person seeking advice as if they are the same person asking the same question 1,000 times rather than 1,000 different people. I find the phenomenon interesting...
I am not sure what you mean by "seasoned". Are you referring to my forum post count or my training experience? Or as a gentleman of a certain age?!
Please also tell me what you mean by "among friends". I have a tiny FL and, to my knowledge, no one upon it has commented in this thread. Actually, most people on my FL don't really use the forums much and most of my advice is normally ignored when I try to help people...
Lol, when I said "you", I didn't mean you specifically. I just meant "seasoned people".
Chalk that one up to bad grammar/lack of clarification.
By seasoned people, I mean people who have been here for a long time and are active on the messaging boards.
And by "friends" I don't mean the friends list either. I really haven't checked that, except for in this thread the one time. What I mean is, they seem to know and like each other.0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Sorry my age appears to be an issue for you :ohwell:
I have more than 6 friends - and I don't pick them by age or activities.
I do lft heavy but I also run and bike - I'm planning on doing a tri next year. I like a balance.
I didn't have only 11lbs to lose - I reset my ticker - that's just my current goal.
Everyone should be tired of stupid fad diets.
And if you have received lots of good advice from this group - I don't really see what your issue is.
Oh and I have 1000's of posts as I like to try to help people - not just whine and moan and create mean people threads. But people and threads like this make me wonder why I bother.
Oh and you add the tone to the posts you read - think about it.0 -
Has anyone else ever perused really old threads? I have. If you ever do, look at the dynamics back then. It's the same discussions with the same interplay...except that the names are different. You also have the same "victims", only different names.
People who say that this is a new development don't remember their MFP history accurately. This is further exacerbated by an inability to provide links to examples of this so-called recent phenomenon.0 -
I love positivity and you're right, this is why I don't post very much at all. Glad to see there are others like me and if any of you would like extra support or to network, be sure to add me. Hold me accountable but let us build each other up.
Me too, and I think I am "positive" that I do not want this to turn into a place where people are afraid to inform me of the truth and sometimes beat me over the head with it, lest I become stubborn in my zeal to reach goal and unwilling to listen to reason as I've seen so many people do and have sometimes done myself. There needs to remain some level of "I can handle a grown up conversation" on a site meant for the 18 and over whereby real adults from various walks of life and styles of speak can get their points across to one another in a manner different peoples can understand, accept, and assimilate. For this reason I don't appreciate the threads that call up the behavior of "groups" undescribed and then vaguely refer to them as mean.0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Sorry my age appears to be an issue for you :ohwell:
I have more than 6 friends - and I don't pick them by age or activities.
I do lft heavy but I also run and bike - I'm planning on doing a tri next year. I like a balance.
I didn't have only 11lbs to lose - I reset my ticker - that's just my current goal.
Everyone should be tired of stupid fad diets.
And if you have received lots of good advice from this group - I don't really see what your issue is.
Oh and I have 1000's of posts as I like to try to help people - not just whine and moan and create mean people threads. But people and threads like this make me wonder why I bother.
Oh and you add the tone to the posts you read - think about it.
Well, here is an example.
Besides having received helpful advice. I didn't mean any of that.
You "fixed" my post. That seemed snarky. I know you might not mean it that way.
This is exactly my point. I posted an opinion, you "corrected" it. I used you as an example as what *I* as a new person have encountered. You took what I said out of context. Probably thinking I was snarking on you, which I get.
This all creates for an environment that can seem hostile.
This is not my intention. I promise.0 -
Has anyone else ever perused really old threads? I have. If you ever do, look at the dynamics back then. It's the same discussions with the same interplay...except that the names are different. You also have the same "victims", only different names.
People who say that this is a new development don't remember their MFP history accurately. This is further exacerbated by an inability to provide links to examples of this so-called recent phenomenon.
Ah, the good old days when everything was happy and innocent.
Now, all we need is for someone to say "get off my lawn."0 -
Has anyone else ever perused really old threads? I have. If you ever do, look at the dynamics back then. It's the same discussions with the same interplay...except that the names are different. You also have the same "victims", only different names.
People who say that this is a new development don't remember their MFP history accurately. This is further exacerbated by an inability to provide links to examples of this so-called recent phenomenon.
Ah, the good old days when everything was happy and innocent.
Now, all we need is for someone to say "get off my lawn."
(Ironically, that's often *my* line.)0 -
You don't like that people post negative things on the forum, so you go to the "motivation and support" forum and post the most negative thing you can think of.So I have been on and off of this site for a few years now. Just started my 3rd round, and I'm determined to accomplish my goals this time! But with the huge growth of this site, I have also noticed some changes.
Has anyone else noticed that the "attitude" of MFP seems to not be as it was before? It gets more and more hostile each time I read post. Don't get me wrong, all of my friends are GREAT - they always have awesome posts on my feed that I can get inspiration from. I'm talking about the message boards, specifically the "Motivation and Support" category.
I read posts from people who are reaching out for help (on whatever subject it may be) by posting on the message boards. What they get in return is people making fun of grammar, spelling, usage, or giving sarcastic remarks back. This is not a rare occasion, either. I'd say it's what happens the majority of the time. It really hurts my heart to see those people, who may not have the same education as everyone else, get shot down over minor details. People seem to have lost sight of what this website is for. We are all here for the same reason - to get/stay healthy.
I posted on the motivation and support category during the last time I tried to lose weight (my 2nd attempt) and decided quickly that I will no longer ask for help on message boards. It was a post about my unsupportive boyfriend, and I admit, it was "ranty." But almost all of the responses that I received were rude, judgmental, or sarcastic.
It's too bad that we all have to say hurtful or mean things to each other when this is such a wonderful site that can be so helpful to people. Until I see I change, I think I'll stick to posting questions on my status or use Google.
*End Rant*
Sounds legit.0 -
I'm so glad that you posted this. I don't post at all because of the sarcastic, rude people on here. People come here for advice and motivation. I honestly don't think they would ask questions if they knew the answers. What they get is rude commentary from people who think everyone must think the same way they do. At first I enjoyed reading posts in the community. Now I rarely read because of this very thing.
Mama must not have taught them the same thing mama taught me.... if you can't say something nice... you know the rest...0 -
By seasoned people, I mean people who have been here for a long time and are active on the messaging boards.
And by "friends" I don't mean the friends list either. I really haven't checked that, except for in this thread the one time. What I mean is, they seem to know and like each other.
Sooooooooo people who have been here a while - who get to know each other as they are active on the boards - who may or may not become friends shouldn't comment as we forget what it's like to be noobs?
Sooooooooo only people who haven't been here long enough to realise that a HUGE amount of the ideas on weight loss are fads or just really bad ideas or unnecessary should be the only ones to reply - in case someone else doesn't like the "tone" of their post?
I find it interesting that the people who agree with the MFP "bullies" are the ones who have only been here a short while or are the current white knight in residence.
Oh and for the record - I type exactly how I talk - I say what I mean and don't cover it in glitter and rainbows. Don't like it - don't listen to it or send me a friend request.
The the internet is just like real life you won't get on / like everyone. Just move on, put them on ignore if you have to but stop whining about it. (yes I would say that to your face)
:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm so glad that you posted this. I don't post at all because of the sarcastic, rude people on here. People come here for advice and motivation. I honestly don't think they would ask questions if they knew the answers. What they get is rude commentary from people who think everyone must think the same way they do. At first I enjoyed reading posts in the community. Now I rarely read because of this very thing.
Mama must not have taught them the same thing mama taught me.... if you can't say something nice... you know the rest...
....Don't worry about or try to change and ask everyone to support you in your right to be mean?0
This discussion has been closed.
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