Horrible experience in the gym tonight

edinat

get a gym with women area, you wont have these issues, i enjoy my gym a lot because they have separate women area and never have these issues.

BeachIron

Ah yes. MFP. If you can't be assertive enough to ask to cut in or get some space then join Planet Fitness, or give up altogether. I seriously doubt that your troubles begin and end at the gym.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.

If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.

Leaving weights on the floor and hogging the equipment is tantamount to assault. Obviously.

brraanndi

....
I agree that it's unfortunate that many women feel they have no option but to view every man with suspicion, and very unfair on the many men who do not pose a risk. That said, we live in a society where victim-blaming is rife, and where disbelief is institutionalised and utilised against victims of rape and physical attack on an endemic level. Until females are given the same respect and intrinsic value as a male, on every level, and in every society, as absolute standard, and the opposite is an aberration rather than a distressingly-common norm, it's understandable, though distressing, that many women run on a permanent level of alert and risk-analysis.

YES, this is right spot on. As a woman I'd feel stupid doing anything else other than risk analysis on my daily walks ( during day and night ). And trust me if I wasn't doing everything I could to make sure I was making safe decisions and something did happen to me, I don't doubt for one second that somehow part of the blame would be sent my way.
I've seen it happen to other women before and it's horrifying.

jillianbeeee

I had a similar experience when I was going to the gym (finally just got the equipment I liked at yard sales and set up an area at home, not because I disliked the gym but just found I do more when I don't have to get in the car, drive 5 miles and get frustrated at people for equipment and music tastes) My problem wasn't with the men, it with the women! Many would hog the same piece of equipment for hours. Treadmill was their favorite. They would be walking at an extremely low pace, texting or talking on their phones, which is really annoying if your lucky enough to get an open treadmill! Especially if they are talking loudly and laughing. The weightlifting area was next to the treadmills and my god, there wasn't a women in there that did not stare at you (from the safety of their beloved treadmills) if you were lifting. Not that I cared but it was really annoying. The men seemed to encourage you when they saw you lifting weights....its kinda a guy thing. I just got in the habit of making small talk with the men and they would usually clear out a space for me since I was using the lighter weights anyhow. Maybe just mention that the women are hogging the treadmills and you really just feel like lifting anyhow. Humor always works. Asking advice can change their attitudes as well. These guys LOVE to share what they know! And hey, you might make some friends at the gym that way too! Be careful with non verbals. Guys seem to read these very well. Your frustration is probably showing in your facial expressions and remember men are more forward with what they want, they will respect you more if you just outright say, "hey dude, you done with that?"

eileen0515

Outside the nutjobs you see on the evening news, the meanest, nastiest people I have known are women. I would rather face a room of bro's in a weight room, than a group of high heeled chickies. Nasty creatures at times, my gender.

PhearlessPhreaks

I've never been to a gym that's not like this. I hear there are fabled places that are different, but I assume they are on Mars.

I train in my basement because I have zero time for dude bros.

I live on Mars. Seriously though, I guess I'm really fortunate that I have a gym (actually a recreation center that has outdone itself) that is huge, has tons of equipment, and pretty awesome people. I've been going there 10 months and have yet to encounter anything other than people minding their own business and going about their workouts. I think maybe the worst thing I've encountered is being there in the evening and having to stretch while waiting for a machine to open up. But I don't do machines anymore, so I don't worry about it.

OP: Were it me, I would have gone over to those guys, politely confronted them and asked for use of the bar. Assert yourself- you have every right to be there and use the equipment! If it's too uncomfortable for you, maybe another gym is a better option?

but is an outright confrontation the best way to resolve it?
confronting just seems a bit aggressive for the situation especially since how are they supposed to know she wanted to use the equipment?confrontation usually implies that you've gone beyond he level of politely asking which the OP clearly hasnt done besides the eye daggers which really dont mean anything in real life communication

Perhaps there was a better word to use than 'confront'; although 'confrontation' has a bad connotation, it is not exclusively a negative thing. One can confront a situation without being aggressive or rude. But my premise remains; to go over and say "hey, are you using that bar/do you mind if i use that bar" or something to that effect, without being rude (hence my use of the word polite) would likely have been sufficient.

SezxyStef

Oh, boy! I have experienced this at my gym too. I was eyeballing a weight machine for my arms and two guys were taking turns doing sets on it and hogging it up. Thankfully, they finally got their tails up and moved to the free weights once I made my way to it, but I did not think they were ever going to release the machine to the public. There are not many people at my gym which is a good thing and most of the guys stick to the free weights and dumbbells side, while the ladies usually stick to the weight machines. But I understand what you mean to the fullest extent! I would complain or go over the trainer's head.

Is there like a set time that one is permitted to use a machine while not being a jerk? Because when I am doing, oh let's say, squat day, I have to do two sets of five, on set of three, one set of five, one set of three, one set to failure, then five sets of ten, all at different weights with rest in between. It takes time. If people working out constitutes "hogging" equipment, then everyone at the gym is hogging equipment. Also, these two guys were working sets in, each using while the other rests- which means they were maximizing use of the machine for the time they had.

wow.

i'm glad I don't have y'all's mentality about working out. I don't view myself as at odds with other folks. I view us as all being there for the same damned thing.

I am so with you here....I mean really sounds like the OP is "uncomfortable" at the gym and projecting that into "imagined" negative behaviour...trust me the men don't care you are there....they just want to lift and get done and go home....

FredSetToGetFit

In fact, men work better with an audience, so women equal very heavy lifting:laugh: Maybe the guy hogged the equipment in the hope you will come an ask for it so he can chat with you? I:drinker: f you don't ask, you won't know.

SezxyStef

HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.

If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.

God knows and to be frank most men I know are in awe of woman in the gym lifting heavy and are intimidated themselves because well she might lift more....

This sounds like projection to me.....or PMS.

pavrg

I had a similar experience when I was going to the gym (finally just got the equipment I liked at yard sales and set up an area at home, not because I disliked the gym but just found I do more when I don't have to get in the car, drive 5 miles and get frustrated at people for equipment and music tastes) My problem wasn't with the men, it with the women! Many would hog the same piece of equipment for hours. Treadmill was their favorite. They would be walking at an extremely low pace, texting or talking on their phones, which is really annoying if your lucky enough to get an open treadmill! Especially if they are talking loudly and laughing. The weightlifting area was next to the treadmills and my god, there wasn't a women in there that did not stare at you (from the safety of their beloved treadmills) if you were lifting.

This.

Very easy to rotate out doing lifting sets when you need to take 90-120 second rests between 30 second sets. Not so easy to rotate off of a treadmill or elliptical which would get a lot more useage at a female-only gym.

Also, the exact situation that you describe just happened to my wife. She got ogled by two women who were using the gym as a shoot-the-**** session instead of a real workout session to the point she asked me when we left 'why were those women staring at me like I had something wrong with me?'

(Don't worry, there are men who go to the gym and are more intent on flexing in the mirror and making loud obnoxious grunts than getting a good workout, too).

This isn't a man/woman issue. This is a 'someone is using a piece of equipment that I want to use, I got impatient, and was too timid to ask to share' issue. Most men will follow proper etiquitte and you'll either get a 'sure, go ahead' or a 'I have one more set', the latter is implying that spending 2 minutes re-racking the weights isn't worth the 30 seconds you'll save by waiting for him to finish.

FrnkLft

HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.

If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.

God knows and to be frank most men I know are in awe of woman in the gym lifting heavy and are intimidated themselves because well she might lift more....

This sounds like projection to me.....or PMS.

Holy ****... yeah EVERY man I know is excited about women working out in the men's section, we think it's really great.

jofjltncb6

I'm curious the age of the "men" in question. Perhaps they were teenagers, which would make this easier for me to understand.

Ophidion

Myhaloslipped

^ This.

dbmata

So tonight .....

Is this a story from a gym at a high school?

Just ask for what you need and get over yourself. If they give you flak, then there IS an issue.

dbmata

Holy ****... yeah EVERY man I know is excited about women working out in the men's section, we think it's really great.

Come to my gym bro, the free weight area has a wall of windows that look onto the pool.

hddeuce1966

HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.

If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.

God knows and to be frank most men I know are in awe of woman in the gym lifting heavy and are intimidated themselves because well she might lift more....

This sounds like projection to me.....or PMS.

Holy ****... yeah EVERY man I know is excited about women working out in the men's section, we think it's really great.

Oh my god! Just because there are weights doesn't make it the "men's section". People like you are the problem the OP was having to start with.

QuietBloom

Speak to the management and give them a chance to rectify the situation.

dbmata

Oh my god! Just because there are weights doesn't make it the "men's section". People like you are the problem the OP was having to start with.

We don't take kindly to folks who don't take kindly in these parts.