Work birthday - I'm a jerk for not eating pizza and cake

jules1984

I politely say no thank you.

Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.

I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.

Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.

I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.

jwdieter

Was it your birthday?

celtbell3

Yeah, some people don't get it. Plus, they want motivation for their own poor eating habits. Justification via the healthy person.

jules1984

Not my birthday, my boss's.

Why can't "no thank you" be enough? Twelve people in the room want to stand and discuss why the girl who brings healthy lunch every day doesn't want pizza and ice cream. It's embarrassing.

I've clearly lost a lot of weight over the last four months. About 20 lbs. Many people have commented. Why is it so crazy that I don't want pizza?

knitapeace

I completely understand. Tomorrow and Wednesday we are having two, yes TWO, work meals for Thanksgiving in which everyone is supposed to bring in something to share. Why on earth people think this is a great idea when some of us have to cook again on Thursday is beyond me. Anyway, the next two days will be full of "Did you try So-and-so's delicious _____?" fill in the blank with high calorie treat type food. And if you say no, you get The Look. "Oh. Well you could have just tasted it. Just a bite won't hurt." Etc, etc. It's born out of guilt and jealousy. And all the advice I can give you is to stay calm and logical, stick to your guns, NO is a complete sentence, and know you aren't alone.

My birthday is this time of year and I want a piece of cake. I love Thanksgiving and my husband's cooking so I want to enjoy THAT meal, not the ones at work. So I'm just saying no thanks and that's it.

csmullins78

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

jules1984

I completely understand. Tomorrow and Wednesday we are having two, yes TWO, work meals for Thanksgiving in which everyone is supposed to bring in something to share. Why on earth people think this is a great idea when some of us have to cook again on Thursday is beyond me. Anyway, the next two days will be full of "Did you try So-and-so's delicious _____?" fill in the blank with high calorie treat type food. And if you say no, you get The Look. "Oh. Well you could have just tasted it. Just a bite won't hurt." Etc, etc. It's born out of guilt and jealousy. And all the advice I can give you is to stay calm and logical, stick to your guns, NO is a complete sentence, and know you aren't alone.

My birthday is this time of year and I want a piece of cake. I love Thanksgiving and my husband's cooking so I want to enjoy THAT meal, not the ones at work. So I'm just saying no thanks and that's it.

Exactly! Somehow food is this weird bonding experience and you're a jerk if you have other needs and ideas.

I'm not perfect. I have lots of weaknesses and some of them are food. But pizza has never been my favorite food. I'm not missing anything or depriving myself. I had good food and way too much wine this weekend, actually! I will choose my own treats and they will be food I like!

jules1984

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

Rocbola

People feel guilty for their poor eating habits, and the presence of someone who eats healthy makes them uncomfortable. I see this a lot, ESPECIALLY on this site. It's their problem, not yours.

knitapeace

I'm not perfect. I have lots of weaknesses and some of them are food. But pizza has never been my favorite food.

In my experience, people's reactions to a situation are often just projections of themselves. So when people think you're trying to be "perfect" or "better than" everyone else, they are projecting their own insecurity about their choices. Doesn't matter if they're thin, heavy, fit, whatever. As members of a society where there is more food than ever in history, we all have WEIRD issues with food and how we use it. They tell themselves "She thinks she's better than us" when what they're really thinking is "*I* think she's better than us and it makes me uncomfortable to believe that, so I have to take it out on something."

Just feel sorry for them until they can get a grip on their own insecurities.

peaky151

Knitapeace....I love it when you say that "NO" is a complete sentence. That is wonderful. We just have to stick to our guns. I am finally losing weight the healthy way for the first time in my life. I am 50 years old. No one can really see it yet. But me and my scale can. I have told a few people. One person said, "yeah I remember when you would eat so healthy....well try to stay with it". Geeh, thanks for the encouragement. I have lost 10 pounds so far. You just have to "show" them what you are talking about. I will be successful, even though I have already injured my knee. I am still losing. It can still happen. Stay encouraged.

csmullins78

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

When someone loses weight and makes big changes, people around him/her notice. It sounds like you work in a small office (12 people?) and in those types of environments, people really notice the big changes others make. Having a co-worker say you're a healthy eater may have made you feel uncomfortable because it focused the spotlight on you, but saying someone is a healthy eater is really not insulting or rude. Nor is it (IMO) discussing someone's private business. You were at a work party where food was provided. You did not want to eat it. (All fine). When people started asking you about it (probably because they felt bad they didn't get something you could eat), someone spoke up that you're a healthy eater. Really, what's the problem with that? How is that sacred, private business?

Holly_Roman_Empire

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

I get this, as I am a private person too. Any kind of attention my way makes me flush with color, and not in a good way. I usually end up eating my food in my cube alone just so I won't have to endure possible criticism or praise. Yep, I don't want praise either. I just want any comments about my food choices to be kept to yourselves!

jules1984

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

When someone loses weight and makes big changes, people around him/her notice. It sounds like you work in a small office (12 people?) and in those types of environments, people really notice the big changes others make. Having a co-worker say you're a healthy eater may have made you feel uncomfortable because it focused the spotlight on you, but saying someone is a healthy eater is really not insulting or rude. Nor is it (IMO) discussing someone's private business. You were at a work party where food was provided. You did not want to eat it. (All fine). When people started asking you about it (probably because they felt bad they didn't get something you could eat), someone spoke up that you're a healthy eater. Really, what's the problem with that? How is that sacred, private business?

Sorry I didn't mean to come across as defensive, but I knew it wasn't a compliment by their tone of voice. It wasn't a nice compliment they way they said it. And no one was being outwardly mean, but it made me feel bad anyway. I don't handle teasing or attention well.

They did want to discuss it and I said I'm watching what I eat, so someone else said something along the lines of "and I guess we're all just a bunch of pigs then, huh?"

None of it felt nice.

It WAS nice that the person offered to get something else, but part of the problem is I don't WANT someone to get me something else. It is really nice to offer, but my allergies and diet make eating out from pizza/hoagie places difficult and not a treat. I would really really rather just eat the food I picked out, planned out, and packed for myself that morning.

jules1984

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

I get this, as I am a private person too. Any kind of attention my way makes me flush with color, and not in a good way. I usually end up eating my food in my cube alone just so I won't have to endure possible criticism or praise. Yep, I don't want praise either. I just want any comments about my food choices to be kept to yourselves!

Thank you! I don't want attention about something so private! One of the admins thought they were being super nice when I clearly had lost a large bunch of weight and started calling me slim or skinny every time they saw me. They really REALLY meant to make me feel good. In private, it would have felt nice. But around others the attention was embarrassing and had the opposite effect. I didn't want everyone to notice that NOW I'm skinny and I was fat before.

simsburyjet

Where I work food always comes in around 2pm.. Everyone has already had one lunch but the bigger people
for the first time all day sprint to free food.. They ask me why I am not joining in . I say because I have eaten lunch
and I am not a community food eater.

jennybennypenny

I feel this way a lot, especially when most social gatherings center around food. I think it's probably not rude to comment that you're a healthy eater, but I hate having the spotlight on me, and I get defensive when people make comments about what I eat. I've thought about it a lot, and a lot of it is that I'm self conscious and nervous that I can't keep up my healthy habits, and having people ask you about them makes you feel like you're not normal, or being a jerk, or can't sustain this...basically it calls to mind all my self-doubt.

I keep reminding myself that I can say no, and I don't have to justify it to anyone except myself. I'm with others on this thread--I treat myself, but if I'm eating something super high calorie, I better actually want it. Not crappy workplace pizza just because it's there.

PaulaRicco

In my own experience, people tend to project their own insecurities onto others. Stay strong, it sounds like you're working really hard to do what's best for YOU - not anyone else. Hang in there!

SkinnyFatAlbert

So why don't you eat cake? You didn't go over that one.

TX_Rhon

Pizza w/o cheese is not pizza - agreed with you there. Honestly, if they knew you ate healthy they could have consulted you before ordering instead of making you feel like a jerk. I'm not a big fan of office get togethers anyway - bday or not bday. You did what was best for you - no regrets needed. :flowerforyou:

Brige2269

I'm right there with you. When I do partake in the pot lucks at lunch, I see everyone scanning my plate to see what the "healthy eater" is eating. LOL.

When they open my office door and announce there are donuts in the hall, I just say "okay, thank you!" If they come back by and say, did you get your donut yet, I just say not yet. I'm tired of the banter, so I just don't discuss it anymore.

Runningcircuits

I am struggling with this a little, too. I agree with Knit that "No, thank you" should be all that is needed. With the people in my family it's all about having a beer in hand at all times and we have certainly had a lot of fun over the years that way, but I am "changing who I am" by not wanting to drink and treat myself. If we all said yes to every opportunity to treat ourselves, every day would be a treat.

I guess all we can do is keep smiling and say "no thank you" over and over and over and over.....

sjohnny

Just tell them you don't eat that crap because you don't want to be fat like them.

MyChocolateDiet

repeat after me "I wish I werent' allergic to dairy because I tried pizza with no cheese and it was yuck". Two birds with one stone.

Then as for the cake. Just take a half slice. Then take two bites and leave the plate somewhere while no one is looking. "Hey look what's that!" while pointing out the window is a good distraction. OR sneeze on the entire cake during the song next time. "If I can't have cake...no one can!"

I think after that, your usual shenanigans will be welcomed.

janicebinva

I really dislike the whole food culture that happens in most offices. It makes it difficult to maintain control when there are often brownies or such in the break room, or groups expecting you to partake in their food habits. It's true that a few bites of cake won't blow my diet by themselves. But I always say something to the effect of "If I eat a little, I'll eat five or six pieces later". That usually gets people to stop offering. If they think I have problems if I can't handle a little bit of cake, that's okay with me.

MyChocolateDiet

Not my birthday, my boss's.

Why can't "no thank you" be enough? Twelve people in the room want to stand and discuss why the girl who brings healthy lunch every day doesn't want pizza and ice cream. It's embarrassing.

I've clearly lost a lot of weight over the last four months. About 20 lbs. Many people have commented. Why is it so crazy that I don't want pizza?

when will google get an MFP translator? in the meantime....may i?

TL;DR?

"They're just jealous."

sjohnny

repeat after me "I wish I werent' allergic to dairy because I tried pizza with no cheese and it was yuck". Two birds with one stone.

Then as for the cake. Just take a half slice. Then take two bites and leave the plate somewhere while no one is looking. "Hey look what's that!" while pointing out the window is a good distraction. OR sneeze on the entire cake during the song next time. "If I can't have cake...no one can!"

I think after that, your usual shenanigans will be welcomed.

"Accidentally" flipping over the table that has the cake and pizza on it is a time honored technique for dealing with this stuff. Similar to sneezing on the cake.

BrainyBurro

I politely say no thank you.

Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.

I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.

Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.

I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.

what's it like to be *that* person at every work function or birthday party?

MyChocolateDiet

Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.

It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.

next they're gonna follow you into the bathroom to see if what you're producing is up to par. now THAT's private.

MyChocolateDiet

People feel guilty for their poor eating habits, and the presence of someone who eats healthy makes them uncomfortable. I see this a lot, ESPECIALLY on this site. It's their problem, not yours.

one more time for the Jealous! can I get a "haterz"?

MyChocolateDiet

repeat after me "I wish I werent' allergic to dairy because I tried pizza with no cheese and it was yuck". Two birds with one stone.

Then as for the cake. Just take a half slice. Then take two bites and leave the plate somewhere while no one is looking. "Hey look what's that!" while pointing out the window is a good distraction. OR sneeze on the entire cake during the song next time. "If I can't have cake...no one can!"

I think after that, your usual shenanigans will be welcomed.

"Accidentally" flipping over the table that has the cake and pizza on it is a time honored technique for dealing with this stuff. Similar to sneezing on the cake.

i see what you did there. LOL.