Work birthday - I'm a jerk for not eating pizza and cake
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Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...0
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Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...
It's not the calories. She's allergic to dairy.0 -
For the record I totally explained why I didn't eat cake.
I don't like sweets much, don't have a soft spot for cake, AND ICING IS DAIRY DAIRY DAIRY.
I'm not perfect. Want to watch me act like a pig? Offer me bread, pasta, or booze.
It was marble cake with a huge layer of frosting. Store bought - didn't look all that great.
Oh, and if I ate it to "appease" people I would have had severe "gastrointestinal distress" the kind that has you running to the very public bathroom nearly in tears. Not happening.
I get that you're not fond of cake, and I'm not trying to convince you to eat any, really. I usually don't eat store cakes because the majority taste nasty. But there is the possibility of taking a piece - maybe have a nibble of the cake avoiding the icing, maybe not - and then toss it at the end of the party.
Also, FYI, there are many different types of icing. Some of the most popular have zero dairy. One of the most common store icings is just shortening and powdered sugar (no, I wouldn't eat it, myself, but if you had some it wouldn't cause you an issue). Seven minute frosting is just egg whites and sugar (plus flavorings/cream of tartar), but you're not likely to see that on a store cake.0 -
Same thing happened at my previous job, a girl who had been trying to lose weight (and was succeeding) passed on birthday cake and one jerk commented on her "not being a part of the group" despite the fact that she participated in every part of the celebration, except eating cake. I do not think the guy's intent was to be insensitive or hurtful, but she was hurt and embarrassed.
When that same girl's birthday rolled around - she said she did not want cake. Because she had been there to help celebrate every other employee's birthday and to be sure her special day was recognized too, instead of cake we had one of our local restaurants prepare one large tray of cookies & brownies and a second tray of fresh fruit. She was moved to tears that we had been so considerate and supportive of her healthy lifestyle. She opened up to everyone that she had struggled since childhood with her weight and had struggled with self-confidence issues as a result. From that day on, we always included a small tray of fresh fruit when we celebrated a birthday so that everyone could participate and feel included.
I think it is important to be supportive of everyone's choices - you never know what drives them.0 -
This thread delivers
The OP's problem has never been one for me despite having spent years and years on a very restrictve diet. I go to the office lunches and so on. "No thanks, I have food allergies that make me really sick - I came along for the company and the celebration, not for the food. I'll order an iced tea (or have a cup of that soda, or this bottle of water) so I can sit and chat." That with a pleasant smile usually ends the topic. Because everyone knows these events are not ABOUT the food; it's just a prop for the companionship. If anyone acts like a jerk after that, he's the jerk, not me, and it's obvious to onlookers.0 -
Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...
It's not the calories. She's allergic to dairy.
Right you are. Substitute the word pizza for cake in that case. Eat the darn cake woman. she can't be allergic to everything.0 -
i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Yep. If you want to get anywhere in any organization, you need to get along. That means making compromises for the sake of being a "team player".
Doing otherwise doesn't make someone a hero, it makes them unemployable.
Not eating food that makes you physically ill makes you unemployable?0 -
Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...
It's not the calories. She's allergic to dairy.
Right you are. Substitute the word pizza for cake in that case. Eat the darn cake woman. she can't be allergic to everything.
My daughter is allergic to dairy. When her first birthday came around, baking her cake was a NIGHTMARE of epic proportions because dairy is in 99.9% of icing and cake recipes. I imagine op doesn't want to explode the contents of her bum all over her place of business. I know I wouldn't.0 -
I feel ya. I was "donut shamed" yesterday. I don't eat dairy as I have an intolerance. I was offered a chocolate cream filled donut and I replied that I don't eat donuts much anymore and that I can't have dairy. I was told that intolerance was a myth and that I was entitled to a treat. I am aware, but this isn't the treat that I want. And as far as that myth goes, I will eat that donut with the dairy and in about 20 minutes we can sit in a closed room together alone. You will never want me to eat dairy again lol!0
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I had pretty much the same thing happen to me today. The social committee at work does a once a month take out day that you can pay 5$ and the social committee will arrange pizza, or subs, or whatever. Today was Pizza day and I declined. I treat myself on the weekends so during the week I'm not going to blow it on something that I really don't crave or feel the need to have. As I was walking my laps in the shop people were commenting on the fact that I wasn't participating, and shouldn't I have some pizza because I'll walk it off. UHM....NO. The walking is for the RUM I intend to drink on the weekend! :drinker:0
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I just saw this quote and thought it was applicable (sorry I don't know who said it): "When good manners make people uncomfortable, they're no longer good manners. Etiquette is not a club you beat people with." I think once you've declined, it is rude on the other person's part to persist. An exception would be someone playfully saying, "Oh come on, you can have a little". I've had friends say this that I know are very supportive of my healthy lifestyle and it's obvious they don't mean any harm. They genuinely want to make sure I'm not being too hard on myself. But if someone starts belittling you for not partaking of the offered food, I think it then qualifies as rudeness on their part.0
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This thread delivers
The OP's problem has never been one for me despite having spent years and years on a very restrictve diet. I go to the office lunches and so on. "No thanks, I have food allergies that make me really sick - I came along for the company and the celebration, not for the food. I'll order an iced tea (or have a cup of that soda, or this bottle of water) so I can sit and chat." That with a pleasant smile usually ends the topic. Because everyone knows these events are not ABOUT the food; it's just a prop for the companionship. If anyone acts like a jerk after that, he's the jerk, not me, and it's obvious to onlookers.
That's a great way! I think as long as you still seem happy enough about the party and involved with the people, that's the key thing to be polite. I recommended bringing a tray of something like fruit to eat and share if others want it (or not), but it doesn't even have to go that far. Just let them know you enjoy them (or fake it, since it's work!).0 -
Today my company ordered pizza for everyone before we left for Thanksgiving. I'd packed my own lunch as I do every day, and another employee says "maybe we can even entice ____(me) to have some pizza!", I said "no thank you, I brought my lunch". We all get to the lunchroom and as I'm having my lunch, all I'm getting are death stares from everyone else as they wolfed down their pizza. Someone else said "oh yeah I forgot you eat like a bird". Thanks!!!! I eat 5 small meals a day, 3 of those meals are eaten at work. Obviously they see me eating all day! I don't get it either...0
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I have noticed at work when I am preparing my lunch of salad (I make super tasty salad by the way), I always get someone commenting "That looks healthy" or "What a healthy lunch you are having".
And I am like "Yes".
I mean I don't mind it, but when I have heard that comment for the 100th time it gets a bit old.0 -
Hmm, you're not a jerk but I would have participated in the lunch with my colleagues and adjusted my evening calories accordingly. One or two slices wouldn't have hurt blown the calorie budget. In future they may just not invite you if you're just going to stand there nibbling lettuce...
It's not the calories. She's allergic to dairy.
Right you are. Substitute the word pizza for cake in that case. Eat the darn cake woman. she can't be allergic to everything.
Having once been friends with someone with a severe allergy to dairy there are a lot of things they can't eat.
I also had a friend allergic to so many things she could only eat rice, vegetables and fish. All else was risky business.0 -
I know EXACTLY how you feel!
I don't eat dairy, refined sugar, nor grains.
People around me always complain about my "special diet." This is especially true around the holidays, when rich foods are in abundance.
First of all, it's not a diet. It's my lifestyle!
Second, there's nothing wrong with taking care of myself with wholesome food.
And yes, there is such a thing as treating myself whilst eating healthy foods.0 -
I politely say no thank you.
Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.
I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.
Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.
I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.
Yeah I had the same treatment also but now my very overweight co-workers check me out silently when I wear my tight jeans and I know they're a little bit jealous! But hey, I put in the hard work, said no to foods that were unhealthy for me, and displayed discipline and consistency.
All that is available to them too but they choose not to do it. Well, that's not my problem. Nobody can make me feel bad without my permission.0 -
I love this. I think that sharing food is so vitally important to building community. I think when people point out when someone isn't eating like them it's not just because they are jealous, it's because they want everyone present to be a part of the gathering. It's really difficult to spread positive habits, because eating cake is easier, but perhaps bringing in healthy foods (fruit platters or veggie trays) to give to co-workers on their birthdays could be a solution. This way you can show that you want to participate socially, but just in a different way. And that might motivate others to try to eat healthier too, and your whole office could come together in a different.
The biggest thing is that you have to want to get to know your co-workers and they have to want to get to know you. It's only when you interact on a human level that you will grow to understand each other. If it seems that's not an option in the work place, then maybe evaluate if there isn't a different place you could work where you might be able to relate to your co-workers in this way.0 -
i dont think you're being a jerk per se, but as other have pointed out the food is more about community building than eating.
with that said, i also have food allergies and i just bring stuff i can eat OR i ask the person ordering to show me the menu so i can pick what i can eat.0 -
Urgh.
The last place I worked went out for a team lunch each Thursday. Not a catered for/company paid for thing, just everyone expected to go out and pay for their lunch and eat it together at the same place.
The local options were never that great (pub food, burger joints, greasy food court style Chinese food, etc) and regardless of why you might want to pass on joining them, even if it was just ONCE!!, the guilting, the shaming, the sulking.
Didn't matter if they (the bosses) were the ones pushing you to meet a deadline and you needed that extra hour to yourself that day, or if you were trying to save money, or if you didn't want to spend your money at the place the majority voted for, or (whole point of thread) trying to eat well.
Hated that place so much. The only female working in an office run by two mates from high school who considered themselves 'trendsetters' and thought they were 'so progressive' by letting you leave the office in the afternoon for a 10 minute walk if you needed it. (better end rant, going off topic!)
tl;dr - It's nice if you do get along with colleagues, but ultimately you get paid to do your job, so f*** them if they have a problem with you not being "one of the gang".0 -
There was a good post about this just now on "Nerd Fitness" http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/11/27/how-to-avoid-holiday-confrontation-while-living-healthy/
The take-home (as many have said above : it's your business if you want to be different, but don't draw unnecessary attention to it, because that can either cause concern, or look like a put-down.
Also the point that(whether it is Thanksgiving or other festival meal, or a shared meal at work) part of the point of it is to spend time together: best if no one spoils that for the sake of the food!0 -
Cake over here in the UK is made using butter. Butter is made from cream/milk and is therefore unsuitable for people suffering from dairy allergies. Regardless of the icing.
Your company will want you to be on top form and to take minimal sickness during the year to help maximise their returns. Being pressured into eating something to make yourself sick doesn't benefit anyone.
I find, like another poster above, that it works best to turn the subject matter around in a way which positively puts the attention back on the person commenting. I too do the "oh I have food allergies" brush off followed quickly with "I'm here for a chat not for the food, I over heard X saying you'd really made progress with Y" with that tell-me-more-about-it expression. This has never failed yet to get someone off of the topic of commenting on my diet and putting the attention back on them. Nothing stops a person commenting on someone else like the chance to talk all about themselves!0
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