Work birthday - I'm a jerk for not eating pizza and cake
Replies
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It is our culture to celebrate with food. Think about it - every holiday, every special occasion, every memorable event - the first thing we plan is the menu. The wedding cake...the cookout...the holiday meal...the birthday cake. If they look at you funny, its because you are bucking tradition, stepping outside of the comfort zone, making it ok to say no, making them think perhaps they should have been strong enough to do that to.
You are not a jerk, so ignore it and walk away. Do what you have to do and don't worry about it. Don't take things so personally. Get over yourself.
It sounds to me as though the person it bothers the most is YOU. Everyone else has already forgotten. I guarantee that they won't remember it again...until next time.
I disagree. They are not looking at her funny because they feel bad about what they are eating. I've seen that statement a bunch of times in this thread and judging people for their food choices is just wrong, whether they are eating healthy or not. They are looking at her funny because she is breaking the social contract by not participating, and in essence feel like she is rejecting them. It's not like holidays, birthdays, and celebrations come of out nowhere and you're completely blindsided. If eating healthy is important to you, bring something healthy to contribute to the celebration for everyone to share. That way people feel like you are actually participating in the group and not just showing up out of obligation. It's really not difficult.
^ the elephant in the middle of the thread.
i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Why in the world should someone eat something they don't want to? Ever? And just to appease co-workers fragile feelings?? No. Just no.0 -
Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.0
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Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.
potlucks aren't crappy here, actually. again, i'm really lucky. we have a wide variety of foods contributed from people from a wide variety of backgrounds so it's always interesting and delicious.
also, we drink at our office parties.
y'all don't hate! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't understand why the op's allergy needs to be severe for it to be ok that she doesn't eat food she doesn't want. My daughter is allergic to dairy and gets a rash head to toe any time it accidentally ends up in her food. Not sure how OPs allergy presents itself but a bite of cake to appease the office certainly doesn't sound worth a rash or the digestive problems often present with lactose intolerance or allergies.0
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Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.
Yes, indeed. What we all need in addition to a dose of political correctness is the health and diet police to kill what little fun may be left.
Seriously - did you actually read what you wrote?0 -
Boy, that escalated quickly
I get the impression there are a lot of unemployable people hanging out here.
Thirty seconds to type one-liners means we're all on welfare! You caught us!
Please send us cake and/or pizza, OP. We need jobs!
I'm thinking the people typing one-liners have no problem staying employed. Just sayin'.0 -
potlucks aren't crappy here, actually. again, i'm really lucky. we have a wide variety of foods contributed from people from a wide variety of backgrounds so it's always interesting and delicious.
also, we drink at our office parties.
y'all don't hate! :flowerforyou:
I have worked primarily for large corporations and the government – no legal / HR department in their right minds would allow company sponsored drinking, there is just too much litigiousness and no one wants to get sued over some office party nonsense.
And I don’t hate – have fun at your party!0 -
Yes, indeed. What we all need in addition to a dose of political correctness is the health and diet police to kill what little fun may be left.
Seriously - did you actually read what you wrote?
I have no interest in “policing” you or any of your coworkers that stuff your face at the office with grease, butter, and sugar, like it is the 1950s (but without the common sense of portion control). If you find “adapt the eating to something healthier” offensive, what is your purpose for being on this website, to sneer at people trying to improve their eating habits?0 -
potlucks aren't crappy here, actually. again, i'm really lucky. we have a wide variety of foods contributed from people from a wide variety of backgrounds so it's always interesting and delicious.
also, we drink at our office parties.
y'all don't hate! :flowerforyou:
I have worked primarily for large corporations and the government – no legal / HR department in their right minds would allow company sponsored drinking, there is just too much litigiousness and no one wants to get sued over some office party nonsense.
And I don’t hate – have fun at your party!
Gov't agency but is allowed to serve liquor (we have the i's dotted and t's crossed)
Strange, but true.
And awesome.
and thanks.0 -
i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Yep. If you want to get anywhere in any organization, you need to get along. That means making compromises for the sake of being a "team player".
Doing otherwise doesn't make someone a hero, it makes them unemployable.0 -
i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Yep. If you want to get anywhere in any organization, you need to get along. That means making compromises for the sake of being a "team player".
Doing otherwise doesn't make someone a hero, it makes them unemployable.
I hope that's sarcasm.0 -
So why don't you eat cake? You didn't go over that one.
i was wondering that to...0 -
i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Yep. If you want to get anywhere in any organization, you need to get along. That means making compromises for the sake of being a "team player".
Doing otherwise doesn't make someone a hero, it makes them unemployable.
Doesn't make an employee a 'hero' here, just someone who makes his or her own decisions.
I guess it depends on what people in the organization value. We can be social without being bullied. Probably part of the reason we actually CHOOSE to socialize with one another.
edited for agreement.0 -
I politely say no thank you.
Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.
I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.
Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.
I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.
I hate it when people try to force me to eat unhealthy. I don't judge them for their choice to eat 3 cupcakes, so don't judge me for my choice to eat none. :grumble:
OP, I think that you were acting perfectly fine and that some of the coworkers were simply being jerks. You had every right to refuse the food and it wasn't rude of you to do so at all in my opinion, because, as you said, it wasn't your birthday. The food was for someone else's birthday.
However, if it would have been YOUR birthday and your coworkers had gone out of their way to buy a bunch of food and sweets for YOU to celebrate YOUR day...then yes, I think it would have been very rude not to have ANY of it. In that case, the right thing to do would be to simply have a teeny tiny slice of cake or something, just to be polite. But again, since it wasn't your birthday and it wasn't all done for you, it wasn't rude of you at all to refuse. It was only rude of your coworkers to persist and then mock you for your eating habits.0 -
Not my birthday, my boss's.
Why can't "no thank you" be enough? Twelve people in the room want to stand and discuss why the girl who brings healthy lunch every day doesn't want pizza and ice cream. It's embarrassing.
I've clearly lost a lot of weight over the last four months. About 20 lbs. Many people have commented. Why is it so crazy that I don't want pizza?
I COMPLETELY understand. Being both gluten and dairy allergic at work really bites. I get the same thing - I can't eat the pizza party food or the cakes, cookies and whatnot that people bring in and get comments and teasing. I just plain have learned not to care. I feel better NOT having it and they aren't the ones who pay the price of that sort of "indulgence". It is safer and wiser to leave it alone and just let the comments go over my head. You are always going to have SOME people that you couldn't please even standing on your head and doing what they ask, so just let the comments fly by you. Ignore them and know you are doing what you need to in order to remain healthy.0 -
Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.
I'm confused by this post and your IIFYM ticker. Carry on! :drinker:0 -
So it is ok to judge the eating habits of the op's co-workers, but they were out of line for judging hers?
That's extra special right there...smh0 -
Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.
Yes, indeed. What we all need in addition to a dose of political correctness is the health and diet police to kill what little fun may be left.
Seriously - did you actually read what you wrote?
I have no interest in “policing” you or any of your coworkers that stuff your face at the office with grease, butter, and sugar, like it is the 1950s (but without the common sense of portion control). If you find “adapt the eating to something healthier” offensive, what is your purpose for being on this website, to sneer at people trying to improve their eating habits?
Where the hell did you get that I was sneering at anyone's effort to improve their eating habits? I'm sneering at the notion that bringing in 'healthier' food would somehow improve the office party.
You don't see the parallel of the imposition of artificial standards (political correctness/'healthier' food) making an office party worse?
Besides, whose notion of 'healthier' should we follow? Yours? Mine? Lustig's? Atkin's? The USDA's? Please. There's no food you could possibly pick that wouldn't have someone's panties in a twist. Just eat what you want, don't eat what you don't, and bring something for yourself if you feel like it. Simple solution.
When it's your turn to bring the food, then you can pick what you'd like to bring and a different set of people will get to say "Ooh, I don't like/am allergic to/might be poisoned if I eat that!"
ETA: fixing quotes0 -
For the record I totally explained why I didn't eat cake.
I don't like sweets much, don't have a soft spot for cake, AND ICING IS DAIRY DAIRY DAIRY.
I'm not perfect. Want to watch me act like a pig? Offer me bread, pasta, or booze.
It was marble cake with a huge layer of frosting. Store bought - didn't look all that great.
Oh, and if I ate it to "appease" people I would have had severe "gastrointestinal distress" the kind that has you running to the very public bathroom nearly in tears. Not happening.0 -
If it was for your boss' party especially, I do think you should have brought in a nice plate of something you could eat and that others could share. Or maybe some awesome coffee! That would work for me
It's a party for your boss. Back in the day, you'd have to buy him an expensive bottle of scotch, lol.
OTOH, if there is just crappy food down the hall that someone brought in, no worries at all.
It was rude of your coworkers to pester you, but I do think your extremely private demeanor probably throws them off, too. Hey, it happens. It's all good Don't assume the worst about them, though. They may be fairly obnoxious, but so are most people in an office 
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Perhaps you're being too sensitive. It was kind of the co-worker who said he would have purchased something dairy-free for you. And, it's doubtful people saw you as a jerk for eating healthy. It might have simply been a compliment.
It wasn't a compliment. I am too sensitive but it's also because I'm a very private person. I don't like discussing dieting in front of a room full of people. What happened in the room was rude and made me feel bad and I don't know why people think that its okay to discuss other people's private business.
When someone loses weight and makes big changes, people around him/her notice. It sounds like you work in a small office (12 people?) and in those types of environments, people really notice the big changes others make. Having a co-worker say you're a healthy eater may have made you feel uncomfortable because it focused the spotlight on you, but saying someone is a healthy eater is really not insulting or rude. Nor is it (IMO) discussing someone's private business. You were at a work party where food was provided. You did not want to eat it. (All fine). When people started asking you about it (probably because they felt bad they didn't get something you could eat), someone spoke up that you're a healthy eater. Really, what's the problem with that? How is that sacred, private business?
It's rude to try to talk someone into eating something that they have declined, to force them to defend their choices to accept or decline certain foods, to draw other people's attention to someone's food choices, or to make someone feel uncomfortable about their food choices (with exceptions for family, close friends, and medical personnel that have an informed basis for being concerned about the individual's health, or if the individual brings the issue up and solicits comment).0 -
Oh wow, so sorry your coworkers made you feel like this. My last office job they were huge on the birthdays thing and did the same thing and I was doing some serious running then and eating right. I Always got grief but our local vegetarian and vegan were getting it along with me so it was more like "us" vs "them" so I had a little strength with me. I'm hopeful that they'll get a "safe" list from you ahead of any other party situations that makes it less awkward.
Ours changed after one of the gals in HR went on a diet and really saw firsthand what we were going through. She thought my vegetarian friend was being too sensitive. So the reality of it had to hit home vs the perception of "Oh that won't hurt".0 -
As a girl, I think it's easier. Especially if you're working with guys. Just tell them you're watching your figure, they usually don't argue.
I know my boyfriend is constantly pressured to eat unhealthy things at his job though. He's already thin, so they just don't understand. But he's thin because he doesn't eat a bunch of junk!
Basically, it's your body. Don't get defensive, just say no thanks and that you're watching your figure. End of convo. And don't worry about what other people think.0 -
Political correctness has killed the traditional office party, which consisted of eating decent food, downing cocktails, and having interesting conversations, so all we really have left is crappy potlucks, ordering pizza and cake, and mindless chatter about the weather or reality TV. The least we could do is adapt the eating to something healthier. I usually just take as little of the food I don’t want as possible, excuse myself like I need to make a call, get rid of the stuff, and come back 10 minutes later.
What's healthier than pizza? Pizza has all three macros and as many micros as you care to add!0 -
potlucks aren't crappy here, actually. again, i'm really lucky. we have a wide variety of foods contributed from people from a wide variety of backgrounds so it's always interesting and delicious.
also, we drink at our office parties.
y'all don't hate! :flowerforyou:
I have worked primarily for large corporations and the government – no legal / HR department in their right minds would allow company sponsored drinking, there is just too much litigiousness and no one wants to get sued over some office party nonsense.
And I don’t hate – have fun at your party!
I work for a multi-national corporation, and we recently had an event called "Beers with Bill." (Bill is the the CEO) They *did* send out an email reminder that people should not be returning to work intoxicated, but they had lots of different beers, mixed nuts, popcorn, and cookies.0 -
I was very diligent when I first started counting my calories and I really had to limit myself but my coworkers noticed and were very polite about it ("you're so good at this!", etc.) When I actually fell off the wagon they were like "oh, you're having a donut?" and then I had to nod and tell them that I've been bad. Back on track now but I'm thankful my office wasn't judging of me. 0
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Unless eating things is part of the job description, then actually consuming the food - or not - at an office party does not affect one's employability. And since it was an office PARTY, it's a social event, and one is free to skip all the food should they not want to or be unable to eat it.i don't understand why people feel the need to make a scene about not eating cake or pizza or whatever at work. just take a bite. show your appreciation. stop being a martyr. it's not hard to figure out... one bite never hurt anybody. unless you are risking going into anaphalactic shock (such as with a severe peanut allergy), it's only one bite to show your appreciation and participation.
Yep. If you want to get anywhere in any organization, you need to get along. That means making compromises for the sake of being a "team player".
Doing otherwise doesn't make someone a hero, it makes them unemployable.0 -
I politely say no thank you.
Then after more why why why I have to explain (AGAIN) that I can't eat dairy. Then whoever orders stuff says they feel bad they would have ordered me some without cheese.
I say thank you, but I'm not a pizza eater much anyway. No really it's okay.
Someone blurts out that I always eat HEALTHY - and suddenly everyone wants to know why I don't TREAT MYSELF. Then suddenly I'm a jerk and think I'm better than everyone.
I treated myself all weekend thank you and crappy cheese pizza without cheese is not all that good! The lunch I brought is way better.
Sometimes you just have to shrug and let them think whatever they think.0 -
It was marble cake with a huge layer of frosting. Store bought - didn't look all that great.
TY! :flowerforyou:0 -
it does not matter what your co- worker think or say. I understand you are a private person . Just stick to your bounderys and be proud that you did. Most people are jealous and more insure, when someone has the courage to do what is best for their own health. If you feel good about yourself and your choices don't let others try to bring you down. as it is up to you how you respond to this situation. I do know how you feel ,as where I work it is just a few of us early mornings the bring in donuts, cake, and candy I always politely say no. As not only am I trying to lose weight ,l am also diabetic. JUST BE TRUE TO YOURSELF. THEY WILL EVENTUALLY LEAVE IT ALONE. YOU CHOOSE HOW TO RESPOND!!!!!!0
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