A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
Replies
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I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.
The guy is a cheating, lying douche.
Dump him, move on.
Problem solved.
The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.0 -
I think this peson was questioning why the OP was blaming the "other woman."I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.
The guy is a cheating, lying douche.
Dump him, move on.
Problem solved.
The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
sure they can. like anything else, they have to want to change. they don't have to change. some people don't change that, but many do.
you don't have to believe me. that's okay. i don't want to hijack the thread.0 -
I think cheaters can change, just not for the person they cheated on. They obviously don't value that relationship, so why would they change. There may be rare exceptions but a 5 month relationship may seem long to the OP but really it is just a fling in the grande scheme of things. Also she has already stated she most likely is calling it off, which I believe would be the best thing to do also.
:flowerforyou: to the OP for having to deal with this, please remember there are many great guys out there.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.0 -
I think this peson was questioning why the OP was blaming the "other woman."I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.
The guy is a cheating, lying douche.
Dump him, move on.
Problem solved.
The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.
Yes, I wasn't clear there, but yes, the "other woman".0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.
not through life…through childhood0 -
i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.
in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."
in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.
this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.
so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.
(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)
WOW! We should all get on pain meds then b/c that was an amazingly astute response. In this thread OP has made herself less someone to reject others for by kicking the man in question out during arguments. You hit the nail right on the head...so glad you're on my FL.
me too :-)0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.
not through life…through childhood
People can change. But they usually don't without the right motivation, just like in childhood. But as adults, they have to suffer a much greater loss.0 -
Be glad it is over. And make sure to keep it that way. Exes are exes for a reason.
I also don't know all the details, but if that girl was single, she has every right to go after who she sees fit. Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships. In fact, many of the best quality women are never truly single, so guys have it harder. Many jump directly from one guy to another. When things are on the wane with one guy, they start dating around, pick the best option, and break up with the old bf once they have secured a new guy. Some aren't as deliberate as that, but often have a line waiting for them once they become available and might be on the market for less than a month. This is why when a guy hears "I have a boyfriend", it is utterly meaningless. In theory, we need to dig deeper and see if you are really happy with things. I'm not one usually to pursue someone who says this, because even if they have a boyfriend, she should make it known that she is making herself available to me.
OP-I looked at your profile pic. You seem to be a pretty woman who should have no trouble finding a man if you have the right mindset and attitude. But you should not tolerate what that guy did to you, and have no contact with him or that girl. They are out of your life now and you are better for it.
Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships ?
Sure you have the right - but the men in the relationship with the woman you are after also has right to show you in a nice, non violent way, how that is wrong - if you get my idea. If you play with fire be ready to take what's coming after.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
So, according to your logic, if you cheat once, you're a cheater for life. And, therefore, according to your logic of "People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change." someone who has never cheated will never cheat.
So, you have to have cheated to be a cheater, but if you've never cheated then you will never cheat, but if you will never cheat, because you've never cheated, and you CAN'T change, then how will you cheat in the first place to be a cheater????
People CAN change, and people often change. It would be a very sad and pointless world if no one ever changed.0 -
You've been together 5 months, he's cheated on you twice. Move on. For your own sake. Please.0
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So let me get this right: He showed you everything and proved to you that he rejected this girl time and time again. He only slept with her AFTER you told him it was over (twice) and this is his fault.....how? Over means over0
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oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
I guess. If you call *that* logic.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.
People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.
not through life…through childhood
No, through life.0 -
He is just as pathetic as she is. I have been in your shoes and the only regret I have is that I didnt get out of that relationship sooner...and that I didnt listen to anyone who told me that until I realized it myself (3 years later).0
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I think the key here.... is "he felt so bad both times". Honey, if he felt bad there would have only been ONE time... or better... NO TIMES. Making a mistake only has to happen once to learn your lesson... if it happens again its a HABIT.
Forget him... move on.0 -
So let me get this right: He showed you everything and proved to you that he rejected this girl time and time again. He only slept with her AFTER you told him it was over (twice) and this is his fault.....how? Over means over
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Don't know if this has already been said but GET. A. GRIP you've been together 5 months, you've kicked him out twice. Doesn't sound like a lasting relationship0
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Relationship woes?
PIITB0 -
So, according to your logic, if you cheat once, you're a cheater for life. And, therefore, according to your logic of "People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change." someone who has never cheated will never cheat.
So, you have to have cheated to be a cheater, but if you've never cheated then you will never cheat, but if you will never cheat, because you've never cheated, and you CAN'T change, then how will you cheat in the first place to be a cheater????
People CAN change, and people often change. It would be a very sad and pointless world if no one ever changed.
QFT0 -
I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but maybe this should be a decision you make for yourself, and not have a bunch of random internet strangers telling what to do with your life. I hope you make a decision that works for you. Good luck.0
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you people are being harsh.
he banged this chick twice to make sure the first time was either as good or bad as he thought. you shouldnt rush him to make a judgement so quickly, these things take time0 -
i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.
in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."
in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.
this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.
so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.
(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)
this is golden and well worth scanning through the thread to find this.0 -
I don't want to sound mean, but you need to toughen up and kick this guy to the curb. I've been in a similar situation and you should save yourself the agony now. If he had messed up once, I could potentially see forgiving the "mistake," but twice and staying in contact afterwards is not a mistake. It's shady and calculating. You've only been 5 months, so consider yourself lucky for figuring him out this early. Don't you think you deserve someone who will value you and treat you right, who is only interested in being with YOU? Even without the cheating, it sounds like you guys have serious issues - if he's coming home drunk often enough that you have to kick him out, there is a problem. If you stay with him, you know you will always be suspicious about who he's talking to or where he is.
Also, just a suggestion, but moving in together so quickly maybe wasn't the best idea. But to each his (or her) own. Good luck, and stay strong.0 -
Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...0
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I just want to point out that because he was sleeping with her before, and continued sleeping with her after, the odds are pretty good that she sees you as the man-meat-thief... jus' sayin'.0
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I don't want to sound mean, but you need to toughen up and kick this guy to the curb. I've been in a similar situation and you should save yourself the agony now. If he had messed up once, I could potentially see forgiving the "mistake," but twice and staying in contact afterwards is not a mistake. It's shady and calculating. You've only been 5 months, so consider yourself lucky for figuring him out this early. Don't you think you deserve someone who will value you and treat you right, who is only interested in being with YOU? Even without the cheating, it sounds like you guys have serious issues - if he's coming home drunk often enough that you have to kick him out, there is a problem. If you stay with him, you know you will always be suspicious about who he's talking to or where he is.
Also, just a suggestion, but moving in together so quickly maybe wasn't the best idea. But to each his (or her) own. Good luck, and stay strong.
Agreed. Let him go ... who knows what he actually did beyond what he admitted to
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^True dat. (to the man-meat-thief comment)0
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I didn't read all of this, but life is too damn short to even bother with him or her. Moving in together and you were only together for 5 months is just insane! I know there are a lot of people that move in together quickly and it works for them. Personally I wouldn't be that perosn. Kick him to the curb and foucs on yourself. LEARN HOW TO BE ALONE before you pursue another relationship. You need to learn to have enough back bone to not be treated like this. You are being manipulated and it's foolish to think his behavior will change.0
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