A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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YES
Thank you, I really appreciate your post because I AGREE. I WAS completely wrong to do that and quick to leave and so he went somewhere else. I have no room to talk. And he DID ignore her and tell her to go away when we were together. But am I just giving myself excuses and permission to be an idiot again??If you told him it was over he's off the hook.
If he ignored her while you were together he isn't invested emotionally in her.
She's dumb for being so hung up on him, but honestly, you don't have to let her get to you. He's with you, not her, until you tell him otherwise.0 -
But am I just giving myself excuses and permission to be an idiot again??
Yes. He should not be texting another woman every single day for months and hiding that. Especially another woman he has slept with. You don't hide something that isnt wrong.0 -
It's hard sometimes you can't see the forest for all the trees. When you are in a relationship it's hard to see these things but I think you need to be done with him sounds like a lot of drama.0
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Look I would question any dude that pretends like he didn't have control over what he sticks his d*** into and lets you blame another female for what he did.0
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Boyfriend cheats.
Blame girl he cheated with.
Take boyfriend back.
Uhmmm...good luck with that.0 -
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:First, boyfriend and girlfriend are not the same as married. I used to know someone who would say, "if they aren't married, then they're still available." Basically, best man or woman wins.
Second, the easiest person to get is someone who is already with someone. All you have to do is pay a little attention, listen for him/her to say a bad thing or two about their significant other then kick back and let it happen. Here are some simple rules a friend of mine once listed when we were teenagers.
Rule 1: Never, EVER, say anything bad about the significant other. The second you do that, the person you are after feels obligated to defend their significant other. However, if you say something nice or point out their good qualities, 9 times out of 10, the person you are interested in will put down the sig. other on their own.
Rule 2: Almost always be available. Either by phone, text, chat...whatever. Be there to listen to them gripe when the significant other messes up, and spend more of your time listening rather than offering advice. Occasionally, drop in a positive word or two about the significant other, once again, the person you are interested in will tear the S.O. down on their own. The more you are available and labeled the "good listener" or "just someone to talk to" the more the person you are interested in will rely on you.
Rule 3: Don't smother them. You want to be available more times than not, however, you don't want to end up in the friend zone. You have to let the person you are interested in miss you being around. This will make them think about you more often, especially when things are going bad with their significant other. They will also cause a fight or two over something stupid just to have a reason to contact you.
Rule 4: Don't rush things, let them happen. This way you don't look like you're the one who is tearing them apart. The decision to go beyond "just someone to talk to" has to always be the other person. They have to make the first move, so it will always be their idea.
Of course, married and especially a couple with kids are "off limits," but if they are just boyfriend and girlfriend or just dating, then either their relationship is strong or it isn't.
Remember: Sometimes the beans are worth more than the cow, but if you can get the milk for free, don't log it as water.0 -
Thank you, I really appreciate your post because I AGREE. I WAS completely wrong to do that and quick to leave and so he went somewhere else. I have no room to talk. And he DID ignore her and tell her to go away when we were together. But am I just giving myself excuses and permission to be an idiot again??If you told him it was over he's off the hook.
If he ignored her while you were together he isn't invested emotionally in her.
She's dumb for being so hung up on him, but honestly, you don't have to let her get to you. He's with you, not her, until you tell him otherwise.
Well yeah, I'm thinking so. Because he didn't block her texts when he said he was 'ignoring' her, did he?0 -
She's not the problem. You and he are.
Break up (for good); no more Ross/Rachel "we were on a break" break up rubbish.0 -
Why would anybody post such personal stuff like this to total strangers?0
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You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).0 -
She's not the problem. You and he are.
Break up (for good); no more Ross/Rachel "we were on a break" break up rubbish.
You have to watch all the way to the Season 10 Finale.0 -
i cant even read all that but.. shes no more pathetic than your cheating bf.0
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Surely he wants dumping for being completely stupid never mind cheating ......
in arousing your suspicions, confessing, and having evidence on his phone dating back months !!!0 -
My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
Your profile says you are 30..........You say "my husband of 19 years"........You married him when you were 11? I think your honesty is in question. :noway:
If you look at the rest of my profile, it says I'm really 38.
I was 18 when we got married.
Getting married at 18 is rather young to make a lifelong commitment.
You begging her to stay away probably encouraged her to come on a bit harder. People want more what they are told they can't have.
Being cheated on is a horrible feeling. In a situation where a married person has an affair with a person not involved in a relationship, the worse person is the married person having an affair. The single person has choice.
I think people who are married and in secure LTRs often forget what it is like to be single and how incredibly difficult it is. People who are married or in secure LTRs take things for granted that single people don't. There is much downside to being single, but certainly upside, especially for those single & childless.0 -
But am I just giving myself excuses and permission to be an idiot again??
Yes. He should not be texting another woman every single day for months and hiding that. Especially another woman he has slept with. You don't hide something that isnt wrong.
He was keeping that ***** in an emergency jar, which he broke the very second his relationship had a blip.
Cunning...0 -
Thank you for giving another side. That seems to be my only two choices that could possibly work out- Forgive and move on and actually 100% drop it and decide to trust, or leave completely and never talk againMy Ex cheated on me the first time and I forgave her and we moved on. It wasn’t easy but if you forgive him you do have to let it go and move on.
I was with a guy for 2.5 years when he cheated on me. I stayed with him for 2 more years and then he broke up with me for another girl he was cheating on me with. I should've broken up with him the first time. Because after the first time it was endless sleepless nights wondering where he was, who he was with, driving to his house at 2 a.m. to see if he was home (he usually wasn't, btw) and constant constant lies coming from him.
Do I solely blame him for the bad relationship? No. Our relationship was sh!tty with or without the cheating. But, I should've recognized all those red flags and ACTED on them.
But I was afraid of being alone. I chose to ignore obvious red flags for fear I would never find anyone who had the qualities that I liked/loved in him. That is a completely irrational thought/belief. You have to take off the rose colored glasses and see things for how they truly are and ACT on those red flags that you see.
You're always going to be worth more than some guy who runs into the arms of another women when the "going gets tough." Also, you shouldn't be breaking up every time the going gets tough, either. That in-and-of itself is a huge red flag. Either commit or disperse.
Books to read: Learning to Love Yourself, Codependent No More, 5 Love Languages
Also see article: http://www.yourtango.com/experts/debi-berndt/are-you-suffering-premature-infatuation0 -
Why would anybody post such personal stuff like this to total strangers?
Because anonymity is safer than blathering to all your friends and family about your dirty laundry. I am always very positive about my relationship with my family and friends, because I want them to be supportive and like the s/o0 -
:laugh:Hmm. Has anyone else noticed she coincidentally has a foot print on her shirt? Pretty apropos...0 -
My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman
Your profile says you are 30 years old. How the heck have you been married for 19 years?!?!? Was that a typo?0 -
You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
With that being said, it seems like you two are incompatible anyway. Five months into dating? That's still the "honeymoon" time. Why hang onto something that isn't working?
This!
You kicked him out twice in five months. His cheating is not the only problem. Everyone one wants to dump on him, only hearing your side of the story, but something was wrong with your relationship to begin with.
I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.
Yes may I now postulate on the other two sides of this story, there are 3 we've already heard OP's.
His side Thread Title: "HALP, I am in a relationship with a DRAMA mama who throws me out every time we fight and I even told her I have someone to turn to during these times, what can I do to make her stahp!!!!"
The other "pathetic" girls side Thread Title: "MEN only please, what makes a man stay with a dramatic control freak when I am ready, available, and sweet to him and always let him know how much I love him and would do anything for him?"0 -
Plain and simple... The trust is gone, so is the relationship!0
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Why would anybody post such personal stuff like this to total strangers?
Why do total strangers post TMI on the internet instead of fixing the problem themselves?0 -
Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.0
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Thank you, I really appreciate your post because I AGREE. I WAS completely wrong to do that and quick to leave and so he went somewhere else. I have no room to talk. And he DID ignore her and tell her to go away when we were together. But am I just giving myself excuses and permission to be an idiot again??If you told him it was over he's off the hook.
If he ignored her while you were together he isn't invested emotionally in her.
She's dumb for being so hung up on him, but honestly, you don't have to let her get to you. He's with you, not her, until you tell him otherwise.
Um... Yes. It sounds like to me you were waiting for someone to say something like this because this is what you were feeling; you just needed someone else to tell you it was 'okay'. I know how that works, believe me.
Good luck, hun. I hope your heart doesn't get broken again.0 -
Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?0 -
This is getting hilarious, and poetic.0 -
Well, he's getting it from two women who both seem to believe his lies no matter what he does, so not so much.Women who stay with men who cheat are just as dumb as women who pursue men who will cheat on their gf or wife. Cheaters never change; once a cheat, always a cheat. Lose him and move on.
What about the guy, who keeps getting thrown out and going back? Is he dumb too?
He has his backup plan, after all.0 -
You fought, then kicked him out/broke up with him.
He only slept with this girl during that time.
He didn't cheat.
You'd think this would be the case, but that involves logic.
Pretty sure most people aren't logical with their emotions (except me, i am robot).
Wait - are you missing the part where they were texting incessantly while NOT on a break? Or am *I* missing something?0 -
It never fails to make me chuckle when people who cheat excuse it as an accident. I've been approached more times than I care to remember by guys in committed relationships looking to cheat. Want to know how much thought I had to put in the choice to say no? Zero. Again, read: choice.
Shame on her for pursuing him. Shame shame on him for cheating. Shame shame shame on you for allowing this to continue and convincing yourself this might be acceptable behavior. Sounds like there are much bigger issues brewing.0
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