A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...

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Replies

  • My question is simple... why would you want to be with a person who clearly does not want to be with you?

    My first husband cheated on me with my "best friend". They had been carrying on an affair for months before a true friend told me about it. His butt was out the door that very day (and he moved in with the said "best friend"). Did I love him? absolutely, we had a 8 month old daughter together. But that didn't mean I had to lower my standards. I cherished our vows to be faithful to each other, obviously he didn't feel the same.

    People would always ask me "why don't you fight for him" and my question to them was "why do I want to fight for someone who does not want me?" because if he really wanted me, he would have honored those vows!

    I am remarried now to a wonderful man whom I love and trust with all my heart. It took me a long time to find "true love" but it's out there. Don't settle for anything less...you deserve to be treated with respect, and cheating is not being respectful!
  • zcarpenter91
    zcarpenter91 Posts: 51 Member
    I'm sorry kiddo, getting betrayed is never easy. I feel like you have better morals than that, so you should find someone who deserves loyalty, not someone who cracks under the pressure of a "snake" people like her are always going to exist for men and women. This perticular snake might not be around anymore but there are plenty more where that came from. So, in conclusion even if we alleviated the blame for him sleeping with her because you told him to leave, the fact of the matter still remains...he lied to you and kept her a secret, I don't know about you but I would never want a relationship built off of lies and deceit. Trust is the most important thing to me in a relationship and if he felt like he had to hide her from you...then that shows his intent right there. But, it's your decision, we can't make it for you... do you want to be with someone who is so quickly at someone elses door when you have a fight? I wouldn't. Well... good luck kiddo.
  • VeganAmandaJ
    VeganAmandaJ Posts: 234 Member
    It's sad how nasty people are, I bet some of them are or have been cheaters, because why be so nasty? Also, I agree, count yourself fortunate that it wasn't longer.. and that you found out. Find a faithful true man and forget about the scumbag as quick as you can.
  • cynthiaj777
    cynthiaj777 Posts: 787 Member
    nd I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested.

    What are you in charge of this?

    I'll keep my mouth shut about people who are disgustingly lovey-dovey on FB, though. You don't want to hear it.

    Because his way of "handling" it is to ignore them. But they continue to contact him. He ignores. They continue. He claims they will eventually stop because writing them at all gives them more fuel to contact him. Which, I get. Because I just ignore things in hopes of it going away. However, they continue. Friend requested him again...just won't stop. So, then I wrote one on FB and threatened to tell her boyfriend about her constant contacting. She wrote back, "I was just telling him to not come into my ****ing my work! No one cares about him or his son." HAHA. Whatever. She works at a bagel shop, and his son asked for a bagel. They always made up stupid reasons why they are contacting him. Desperate really.

    I, however, could not keep my mouth shut. I was tired of it.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    5 months and they "broke up" twice? Either way, it's time to move on.
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.
  • LuLuChick78
    LuLuChick78 Posts: 439 Member
    i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.

    in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."

    in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.

    this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.

    so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.

    (i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)

    Best reply I read yet to this post. :drinker:
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    you people are being harsh.

    he banged this chick twice to make sure the first time was either as good or bad as he thought. you shouldnt rush him to make a judgement so quickly, these things take time

    :laugh:
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    Maybe you misread the first post?
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    Maybe you misread the first post?

    Oh? Tell me which part I misread.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:
    He showed me the messages. They had been texting back and forth nearly every day for months.

    And he slept with her twice when he and gf had fights. He never blocked the other girl's number from his phone.

    Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!
  • I do hope for the best. But, ultimately at the end of the day he is/was in the relationship with you, not her. It's his job to be faithful to you, not hers. If she wants to be trashy, let her take that route and wind up in the same position as you one day - her own fault. The more you take him back the easier he'll find it to be to get away with things in the future
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:
    He showed me the messages. They had been texting back and forth nearly every day for months.

    And he slept with her twice when he and gf had fights. He never blocked the other girl's number from his phone.

    Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!

    Yeah, he has been texting her, and? According to her, the majority of the texts were him turning down her advances. She also said that they weren't flirty and he didn't lead her on in any form. He slept with her twice AFTER she kicked him out and said they were over. So I am still failing to understand what he did wrong, besides lying about it originally.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."

    It took me a while, but this is a truth I also now embrace.
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Okay... but it was obvious that his very good friend was interested in him romantically. If he really was interested in protecting his relationship, he would have seen the risk that the friendship posed to the relationship and cut the girl off completely.

    No, I don't really know what he said to either woman at any time, but as others have pointed out, he could have manipulated the OP to believe the version of the story as she presented it to all of us.

    Either way, the OP does not need to tolerate this. If he really wants to hold on to this, then he should cut the girl off completely and go get some sort of couples counseling with the OP. He has to be willing to make more effort at this than just saying "it will never happen again." Because if he isn't willing to do more than that, then he will probably do it again.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    I'm sure it was also a bit for his ego. Some guys like to always know there's that one girl that has feelings for them. It makes them feel better about themselves. My ex was horrible about doing this after we split. He wasn't with other girls, but if he was feeling down he'd start calling or texting me. Asking me to hang out. I've broken that cycle, but it is quite pathetic.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Kick him to the curb.
  • sbbhbm
    sbbhbm Posts: 1,312 Member

    by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
    well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
    People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.


    I was a cheater. I cheated on my first husband consistently for 10 years. I have never cheated on another person since, and I never will. I developed morals and self-respect... perhaps a little late in life, but it is possible. My second husband was an abusive and cruel person, even in my misery I never once strayed from my marriage vows. It would have been easy, lots of offers of "comfort" from men that I know, who knew I was being abused and were trying to take advantage of the situation. I wouldn't allow them so much as a hug. I am now sickened by the idea of not being faithful, and I don't know how I had it in me before to do that to my first husband. People can change, it is absolutely possible.

    *edited because I was trying really hard not to quote the entire conversation....
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?

    If he can't respect my boundaries and stop asking me to come over for sex, then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Of course, that is presuming that the OP's boyfriend actually established those boundaries as you seem convinced that he has.
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?

    If he can't respect my boundaries and stop asking me to come over for sex, then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Of course, that is presuming that the OP's boyfriend actually established those boundaries as you seem convinced that he has.

    I seemed convinced he has because the OP said that he has, so.....
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?

    If he can't respect my boundaries and stop asking me to come over for sex, then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Of course, that is presuming that the OP's boyfriend actually established those boundaries as you seem convinced that he has.

    I seemed convinced he has because the OP said that he has, so.....

    Okay... so let's presume that he did establish boundaries with this girl. She still didn't respect them... why did he continue the friendship? She was obviously making herself a risk to his relationship.
  • Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?

    If he can't respect my boundaries and stop asking me to come over for sex, then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Of course, that is presuming that the OP's boyfriend actually established those boundaries as you seem convinced that he has.

    I seemed convinced he has because the OP said that he has, so.....

    Okay... so let's presume that he did establish boundaries with this girl. She still didn't respect them... why did he continue the friendship? She was obviously making herself a risk to his relationship.

    Well, yeah. I never said he made the smartest decisions lol. I am saying he didn't cheat.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    So let me get this right: He showed you everything and proved to you that he rejected this girl time and time again. He only slept with her AFTER you told him it was over (twice) and this is his fault.....how? Over means over

    Arguments and rough patches are not breakups. I have yet to meet a woman who would even listen to this logic. Also, texts received prove nothing. He could have erased his responses. He clearly has a history of being deceitful with her.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...

    Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:

    Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.

    You know, it really doesn't matter that he only slept with her when they were arguing or when she threw him out. He used the active pursuer as place to crash and lead her on to believe that there would be more. Then, he went back to his girlfriend without severing the relationship with the active pursuer (allowing her to continue to think that there would be something more).

    I really don't blame the girl pursuing OP's man. He has totally lead her on. And everyone is hanging the OP because he is waffling back and forth between both women. If she threw him out, and he truly felt like their relationship was over to the point that he would drop into another woman's bed, then he shouldn't have went back. It's not really even the cheating that makes this guy a douche bag. It's that he is stringing two different women along, and doesn't really care about either.

    well now you are just adding whatever you want to the story. That wasn't the information presented, so that isn't the information I am using. You don't know what he said those nights he crashed at her house. Maybe they were really good friends before him and the OP got together (besides the obvious). I am not saying he is squeaky clean in all of these. Clearly, he has made some wrong choices, but they aren't as severe as everyone is making it out to be. Once again, the OP said he wasn't leading her on in any of the texts.

    Come on! How can you say he wasn't leading her on by keeping contact with her? If he wanted her gone, he should have blocked her phone number. Right?

    Right? Dude was keepin' her on a string for the fallback position. Be honest with yourself and admit that guys (and gals) do that.

    So, you never were friends with a guy that had a crush on you? If you were, do you feel like you were leading them on even though you made it clear that they were in the friend-zone?

    If he can't respect my boundaries and stop asking me to come over for sex, then we wouldn't be friends anymore. Of course, that is presuming that the OP's boyfriend actually established those boundaries as you seem convinced that he has.

    I seemed convinced he has because the OP said that he has, so.....

    Okay... so let's presume that he did establish boundaries with this girl. She still didn't respect them... why did he continue the friendship? She was obviously making herself a risk to his relationship.

    Well, yeah. I never said he made the smartest decisions lol. I am saying he didn't cheat.

    Emotional cheating and carrying on whatever type of correspondence/relationship with the third party can actually do more damage sometimes than the physical, technical cheating that you seem to be referring to. Obviously he wouldn't have apologized if he felt he did nothing wrong in their specific situation.