A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...

QuietBloom

I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.

The guy is a cheating, lying douche.

Dump him, move on.

Problem solved.

The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.

rml_16

I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.

The guy is a cheating, lying douche.

Dump him, move on.

Problem solved.

The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.

I think this peson was questioning why the OP was blaming the "other woman."

wolverine66

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

sure they can. like anything else, they have to want to change. they don't have to change. some people don't change that, but many do.

you don't have to believe me. that's okay. i don't want to hijack the thread.

_KitKat_

I think cheaters can change, just not for the person they cheated on. They obviously don't value that relationship, so why would they change. There may be rare exceptions but a 5 month relationship may seem long to the OP but really it is just a fling in the grande scheme of things. Also she has already stated she most likely is calling it off, which I believe would be the best thing to do also.

:flowerforyou: to the OP for having to deal with this, please remember there are many great guys out there.

QuietBloom

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.

mmm_drop

I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.

The guy is a cheating, lying douche.

Dump him, move on.

Problem solved.

The *chick* has been enabling the behavior. That's OK, we are setting her straight.

I think this peson was questioning why the OP was blaming the "other woman."

Yes, I wasn't clear there, but yes, the "other woman".

Ninguneado77

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.

not through life…through childhood

wolverine66

i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.

in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."

in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.

this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.

so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.

(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)

WOW! We should all get on pain meds then b/c that was an amazingly astute response. In this thread OP has made herself less someone to reject others for by kicking the man in question out during arguments. You hit the nail right on the head...so glad you're on my FL.

me too :-)

UsedToBeHusky

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.

not through life…through childhood

People can change. But they usually don't without the right motivation, just like in childhood. But as adults, they have to suffer a much greater loss.

malimisko

Be glad it is over. And make sure to keep it that way. Exes are exes for a reason.

I also don't know all the details, but if that girl was single, she has every right to go after who she sees fit. Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships. In fact, many of the best quality women are never truly single, so guys have it harder. Many jump directly from one guy to another. When things are on the wane with one guy, they start dating around, pick the best option, and break up with the old bf once they have secured a new guy. Some aren't as deliberate as that, but often have a line waiting for them once they become available and might be on the market for less than a month. This is why when a guy hears "I have a boyfriend", it is utterly meaningless. In theory, we need to dig deeper and see if you are really happy with things. I'm not one usually to pursue someone who says this, because even if they have a boyfriend, she should make it known that she is making herself available to me.

OP-I looked at your profile pic. You seem to be a pretty woman who should have no trouble finding a man if you have the right mindset and attitude. But you should not tolerate what that guy did to you, and have no contact with him or that girl. They are out of your life now and you are better for it.

Single guys have every right to go after women in relationships ?

Sure you have the right - but the men in the relationship with the woman you are after also has right to show you in a nice, non violent way, how that is wrong - if you get my idea. If you play with fire be ready to take what's coming after.

cmcollins001

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

So, according to your logic, if you cheat once, you're a cheater for life. And, therefore, according to your logic of "People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change." someone who has never cheated will never cheat.

So, you have to have cheated to be a cheater, but if you've never cheated then you will never cheat, but if you will never cheat, because you've never cheated, and you CAN'T change, then how will you cheat in the first place to be a cheater????

People CAN change, and people often change. It would be a very sad and pointless world if no one ever changed.

jennifer_417

You've been together 5 months, he's cheated on you twice. Move on. For your own sake. Please.

ZombieGeezUs

So let me get this right: He showed you everything and proved to you that he rejected this girl time and time again. He only slept with her AFTER you told him it was over (twice) and this is his fault.....how? Over means over

HardcoreP0rk

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

I guess. If you call *that* logic.

doorki

oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.

you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.

changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values

I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.

by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…

well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.

People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.

People's morals can certainly change. There is no such thing as a moral compass that you are either born with or are not. It is something that can and is developed through life.

not through life…through childhood

No, through life.

imhungry2012

He is just as pathetic as she is. I have been in your shoes and the only regret I have is that I didnt get out of that relationship sooner...and that I didnt listen to anyone who told me that until I realized it myself (3 years later).

sweetpea03b

I think the key here.... is "he felt so bad both times". Honey, if he felt bad there would have only been ONE time... or better... NO TIMES. Making a mistake only has to happen once to learn your lesson... if it happens again its a HABIT.

Forget him... move on.

doorki

So let me get this right: He showed you everything and proved to you that he rejected this girl time and time again. He only slept with her AFTER you told him it was over (twice) and this is his fault.....how? Over means over

Faye_Anderson

Don't know if this has already been said but GET. A. GRIP you've been together 5 months, you've kicked him out twice. Doesn't sound like a lasting relationship

dbmata

Relationship woes?

PIITB