A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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So, according to your logic, if you cheat once, you're a cheater for life. And, therefore, according to your logic of "People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change." someone who has never cheated will never cheat.
So, you have to have cheated to be a cheater, but if you've never cheated then you will never cheat, but if you will never cheat, because you've never cheated, and you CAN'T change, then how will you cheat in the first place to be a cheater????
People CAN change, and people often change. It would be a very sad and pointless world if no one ever changed.
QFT0 -
I'm not trying to be a jerk here, but maybe this should be a decision you make for yourself, and not have a bunch of random internet strangers telling what to do with your life. I hope you make a decision that works for you. Good luck.0
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you people are being harsh.
he banged this chick twice to make sure the first time was either as good or bad as he thought. you shouldnt rush him to make a judgement so quickly, these things take time0 -
i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.
in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."
in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.
this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.
so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.
(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)
this is golden and well worth scanning through the thread to find this.0 -
I don't want to sound mean, but you need to toughen up and kick this guy to the curb. I've been in a similar situation and you should save yourself the agony now. If he had messed up once, I could potentially see forgiving the "mistake," but twice and staying in contact afterwards is not a mistake. It's shady and calculating. You've only been 5 months, so consider yourself lucky for figuring him out this early. Don't you think you deserve someone who will value you and treat you right, who is only interested in being with YOU? Even without the cheating, it sounds like you guys have serious issues - if he's coming home drunk often enough that you have to kick him out, there is a problem. If you stay with him, you know you will always be suspicious about who he's talking to or where he is.
Also, just a suggestion, but moving in together so quickly maybe wasn't the best idea. But to each his (or her) own. Good luck, and stay strong.0 -
Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...0
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I just want to point out that because he was sleeping with her before, and continued sleeping with her after, the odds are pretty good that she sees you as the man-meat-thief... jus' sayin'.0
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I don't want to sound mean, but you need to toughen up and kick this guy to the curb. I've been in a similar situation and you should save yourself the agony now. If he had messed up once, I could potentially see forgiving the "mistake," but twice and staying in contact afterwards is not a mistake. It's shady and calculating. You've only been 5 months, so consider yourself lucky for figuring him out this early. Don't you think you deserve someone who will value you and treat you right, who is only interested in being with YOU? Even without the cheating, it sounds like you guys have serious issues - if he's coming home drunk often enough that you have to kick him out, there is a problem. If you stay with him, you know you will always be suspicious about who he's talking to or where he is.
Also, just a suggestion, but moving in together so quickly maybe wasn't the best idea. But to each his (or her) own. Good luck, and stay strong.
Agreed. Let him go ... who knows what he actually did beyond what he admitted to
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^True dat. (to the man-meat-thief comment)0
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I didn't read all of this, but life is too damn short to even bother with him or her. Moving in together and you were only together for 5 months is just insane! I know there are a lot of people that move in together quickly and it works for them. Personally I wouldn't be that perosn. Kick him to the curb and foucs on yourself. LEARN HOW TO BE ALONE before you pursue another relationship. You need to learn to have enough back bone to not be treated like this. You are being manipulated and it's foolish to think his behavior will change.0
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My question is simple... why would you want to be with a person who clearly does not want to be with you?
My first husband cheated on me with my "best friend". They had been carrying on an affair for months before a true friend told me about it. His butt was out the door that very day (and he moved in with the said "best friend"). Did I love him? absolutely, we had a 8 month old daughter together. But that didn't mean I had to lower my standards. I cherished our vows to be faithful to each other, obviously he didn't feel the same.
People would always ask me "why don't you fight for him" and my question to them was "why do I want to fight for someone who does not want me?" because if he really wanted me, he would have honored those vows!
I am remarried now to a wonderful man whom I love and trust with all my heart. It took me a long time to find "true love" but it's out there. Don't settle for anything less...you deserve to be treated with respect, and cheating is not being respectful!0 -
I'm sorry kiddo, getting betrayed is never easy. I feel like you have better morals than that, so you should find someone who deserves loyalty, not someone who cracks under the pressure of a "snake" people like her are always going to exist for men and women. This perticular snake might not be around anymore but there are plenty more where that came from. So, in conclusion even if we alleviated the blame for him sleeping with her because you told him to leave, the fact of the matter still remains...he lied to you and kept her a secret, I don't know about you but I would never want a relationship built off of lies and deceit. Trust is the most important thing to me in a relationship and if he felt like he had to hide her from you...then that shows his intent right there. But, it's your decision, we can't make it for you... do you want to be with someone who is so quickly at someone elses door when you have a fight? I wouldn't. Well... good luck kiddo.0
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It's sad how nasty people are, I bet some of them are or have been cheaters, because why be so nasty? Also, I agree, count yourself fortunate that it wasn't longer.. and that you found out. Find a faithful true man and forget about the scumbag as quick as you can.0
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nd I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested.
What are you in charge of this?
I'll keep my mouth shut about people who are disgustingly lovey-dovey on FB, though. You don't want to hear it.
Because his way of "handling" it is to ignore them. But they continue to contact him. He ignores. They continue. He claims they will eventually stop because writing them at all gives them more fuel to contact him. Which, I get. Because I just ignore things in hopes of it going away. However, they continue. Friend requested him again...just won't stop. So, then I wrote one on FB and threatened to tell her boyfriend about her constant contacting. She wrote back, "I was just telling him to not come into my ****ing my work! No one cares about him or his son." HAHA. Whatever. She works at a bagel shop, and his son asked for a bagel. They always made up stupid reasons why they are contacting him. Desperate really.
I, however, could not keep my mouth shut. I was tired of it.0 -
Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...
Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:0 -
Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...
Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:
5 months and they "broke up" twice? Either way, it's time to move on.0 -
Wth is the definition of "cheating" for some of you? She broke up with him. He never slept with that girl while they were together. He didn't even FLIRT with her according the OP, which a lot of you "non-single" folk cannot say. Sheesh the judgement levels here are astronomical...
Why are you taking this so personal? :frown:
Lol I am not taking it personally. It is just boggling my mind that he clearly did not cheat, yet everyone wants to hang 'em high.0 -
i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.
in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."
in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.
this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.
so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.
(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)
Best reply I read yet to this post. :drinker:0 -
you people are being harsh.
he banged this chick twice to make sure the first time was either as good or bad as he thought. you shouldnt rush him to make a judgement so quickly, these things take time
:laugh:0
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