Harming children to make yourself feel good?

AJinBirmingham

Grandparents and aunties especially, and friends and relatives everywhere - please, please, please, please, please ask parents first BEFORE offering children sweets and treats!!!!! And NEVER sneak them treats when parents say no.

Of course you're not harming them on purpose, but a diet with too many cookies, cakes, candy and sweets is never good for anyone, especially children, especially when they are busy - and there are a lot of "special visits" during the holidays, so your offer might be a child's sixth cookie for the day.

Kids don't yet have the ability to make considered choices about their nutrition; their parents do. If you're going around Mom and Dad to feed them high calorie, nutritionally void food - you're getting your own, warm, fuzzy, heart warming smile, "thank you," and, "I love you," AT THEIR EXPENSE - in straight, harsh terms: YOU ARE HARMING THEM TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL GOOD. STOP.

SideSteel

Strong title. Curious where this thread goes.

fbmandy55

Bumpity Bump

TavistockToad

Strong title. Curious where this thread goes.

Yep! i'm in!

bf43005

I have a dog (not exactly the same thing) but you would be amazed how many people think it's ok to give an animal people food. Anytime I go to a social gather I make it clear to everyone that it is not OK to feed my dog anything. I think it's a parent's responsibility (or pet owner) to have that talk with family/friends. Don't just assume that everyone should know.

notworthstalking

I agree with checking with the parents before offering food to a child. You might not know them well enough and there could be an allergy or intollorance. For example , my youngest has to avoid sulfate , which means no dried fruits for the most part. I don't however get mad if my parents give my kids ice cream or a nice biscuit (cookie) I know they always have healthy options available as well as treats. Though healthy food that we don't usually have at home can be a treat too.

I think to say that all treats are harmful is a bit harsh. Though I do think a parents wish needs to be respected. The only harm is if the said 'treat' could kill or make that kid sick.

notworthstalking

I have a dog (not exactly the same thing) but you would be amazed how many people think it's ok to give an animal people food. Anytime I go to a social gather I make it clear to everyone that it is not OK to feed my dog anything. I think it's a parent's responsibility (or pet owner) to have that talk with family/friends. Don't just assume that everyone should know.

I agree. A lot of people food is harmful to animals. Chocolate for example can kill dogs.

melham

If you're that worried about what other people do with your kids when you're not around, don't leave your kids alone with them. Problem solved. You're welcome.

Number_44

Strong title. Curious where this thread goes.

Inorite?

I stopped reading at "Grandparents and aunties especially,"

Escloflowne

I agree, you will give all these little children diabetes with all these sweets!

ironanimal

You sound fun.

FindingMyPerfection

Feed your kids nutritious food before you bring them to the evil holiday gathering. It is only a few hours that will not kill the child's diet, but will, by your own admission, make people feel good thinking they are bring joy to your child.

I would never go to a gathering without being prepaired to give myself the ok to indulge this one time. If an indulgent day or week is really going to harm your child you may want to look at what you are feeding them on a consistent basis.

wardances

As a parent to a 1 1/2 year old my rule is "If mom doesn't see it then it didn't happen."
I say this in a half joking manner to let my relatives know that I may not care for my child to have sweets but, for goodness sake, he's a kid! As soon as turn my back he's just going to be scaling the refrigerator or something and burning off all those calories that were just put in him. On the other hand, I do ensure that my child is fed plenty of fruits, veggies, and nuts so it all evens out I think. Besides, sure, I can deny him all sugary products but then he will probably just turn into an adult who has zero self control when it comes to sugar. I've known a lot of people like this and they're rationality is "Well, I didn't get as a kid so I can just pig out now!" And, sadly, all of these people are overweight. Yeah, I'm not doing that to my kid.

callie006

I agree with the original post in most situations . If mom and dad are at the party or in the house, you should double check about food especially with toddlers. There are, however, some limits about what parents can reasonably expect from other adults though.

I do have an issue with people who expect other adults to "be the bad guy." My cousin, for example, will give her son a cookie at a party in response to a screaming fit and then say loudly, "That's it. Auntie C says no more. She's not giving you any more cookies." If you aren't willing to enforce rules yourself, you shouldn't expect others to do it.

I also am not fond of people who drop their kids off with lots of guidelines and don't pack appropriate food or warn the host or hostess in advance. If you have a child with dietary requirements or you have preferences, pack something the kid can eat (and enjoys to avoid tantrums).

ETA: That sure is an intentionally inflammatory title for a post. It's like the people from the local news wrote it.

Eleonora91

I don't think that's what makes the difference.
I have been chubby as a kid, and I've been a fat girl growing up, and I know this has a lot of reasons. My parents always bought me the food that I wanted: yes, they often reproached me because of it, and told me that I couldn't have something, or that I couldn't eat it all, but to be honest, children don't understand it and even if they did, they're not that different from us. Young and adult people all like to eat, and it's actually one of the hardest things on Earth telling yourself you MUST NOT eat that cookie, or that cake or whatever. It's just human nature, we're mostly indulgent about food and I guess it's something ancestral, since in the past we might not have been able to get food everytime we wanted.

Still, what makes the difference is not what you give to your children, it's the perspective. You, as a parent, feed him/her all the time, everyday, for the major part of his life. If your child lives at your grandma place because you work that's one thing, but if you just receive visits, or take the child out for a snack with his little friends, and he/she eats, that does not affect his whole nutrition. Having lots of cookie during the Christmas holidays will not make children fat, even though you can always try to avoid evident exaggerations, and I think that obsessing about what your child is eating is sad and will definitely make your child sad.

I think that we all agree that overfeeding a child is as bad as overfeeding yourself, but still, you're responsible for what you do to your child, not for what you do to yourself. If you want to diet it's fine, if you want to put your child on a diet then it might not be as fine. That's why it's so complicate to treat obese or overweight children, and you know they can see the consequences of this treatment when they grow up, and I'm the proof. Even if my parents allowed me to eat they would take me to every shop in town to find some clothes and if I didn't manage to find something that could fit I would feel bad and ashamed. That's what I was talking about by referring to perspective. It's okay to try to control what your child eats. It's not okay to label certain foods or habits as "harming", and it's useless trying to give the fault to someone else, because in the end, you decide not what to feed your child, but what perspective to put the whole eating thing on.

AMHouse85

I am not so worried that my kids would be on their sixth cookie, but that someone may give them an allergen. My kids are lucky they are not allergic to anything but my niece was 6 months old and someone at a holiday party thought it was a good idea to "sneak her a taste" of a peanut butter cup. Needless to say it was a fun holiday night spent at the ER for their family. Turns out she is allergic to peanuts. You just never know so better safe than sorry.

fbmandy55

Besides, sure, I can deny him all sugary products but then he will probably just turn into an adult who has zero self control when it comes to sugar. I've known a lot of people like this and they're rationality is "Well, I didn't get as a kid so I can just pig out now!" And, sadly, all of these people are overweight. Yeah, I'm not doing that to my kid.

That happened to my cousins. Growing up, we had a snack drawer at home. My cousins were not allowed to have sweets except for holidays, and they would come to our house and clean out the snack drawer. I even remember one of my cousins eating an whole box of hostess ding dongs and making himself sick.

Better to let kid enjoy them on the holidays and in moderation the rest of the year. As long as they eat a balanced diet, it's not going to 'harm' them.

ekz13

I'm handing out mini christmas cabbages (brussel sprouts) to kids now.. (that'll teach em):laugh:

sijomial

Someone has been reading "Big Scary Sugar Monster" by Lustig before bedtime again....

rml_16

That sixth cookie is vital. If a child eats six cookies in one day, ESPECIALLY DURING THE HOLIDAYS, it can be deadly.

Educate yourselves!

FindingMyPerfection

I am not so worried that my kids would be on their sixth cookie, but that someone may give them an allergen. My kids are lucky they are not allergic to anything but my niece was 6 months old and someone at a holiday party thought it was a good idea to "sneak her a taste" of a peanut butter cup. Needless to say it was a fun holiday night spent at the ER for their family. Turns out she is allergic to peanuts. You just never know so better safe than sorry.

This is my youngest brother almost exactly! It is heartbreaking to see all those needles being stuck in a baby who is struggling to breath.