Holy sexism, batman!

WhoHa42

Ok so we can all agree that what happened wasn't sexist

Fullsterkur_woman

Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.

If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.

If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).

I'm with you in a way you might find weird. I have become accustomed to men buying me things and actually do expect it when I go out single. However i do not consider it a trade off for being treated shabbily. I feel men are capable of treating me with respect AND buying me drinks. I have a lot of faith in them.

I don't find that weird at all. And if they fail to live up to the expectations of acceptable behavior, they should be called out on it.

I just don't want men buying me drinks, that's all. Just a personal preference. The treating me with respect, that has to happen no matter what, or they get called out for being a douche canoe.

MyChocolateDiet

Ahhhh married 21 years.......that it explains a lot about your posts. You havent been out in the real world in quite some time. Men and women are on more equal footing sexually these days. People are getting married later in life after actually living it some.

We ALL like to be told we are pretty, sexy and desired...including men. If your man isnt doing that... Im sorry.

This reminds me. When I was young, a saturday night might have consisted of going out for a few drinks scantily clad and looking for guys to compliment our appearance as we walked by. we called it "clubbing".

Fullsterkur_woman

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

MyChocolateDiet

Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.

If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.

If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).

I'm with you in a way you might find weird. I have become accustomed to men buying me things and actually do expect it when I go out single. However i do not consider it a trade off for being treated shabbily. I feel men are capable of treating me with respect AND buying me drinks. I have a lot of faith in them.

I don't find that weird at all. And if they fail to live up to the expectations of acceptable behavior, they should be called out on it.

I just don't want men buying me drinks, that's all. Just a personal preference. The treating me with respect, that has to happen no matter what, or they get called out for being a douche canoe.

again we agree.

WhoHa42

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on

QuietBloom

Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:

Fullsterkur_woman

Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:

I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.

JoRocka

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

agreed- just because I know what I am and am confident doesn't mean it's ALLOWABLE/ACCEPTABLE for them to be doing that- it just mitigates part of the issue.

I have become accustomed to men buying me things and actually do expect it when I go out single. However i do not consider it a trade off for being treated shabbily. I feel men are capable of treating me with respect AND buying me drinks. I have a lot of faith in them.

also- I would never nope nope nope.
People buy me things if we are on a date- because THEY ASKED for my company- I don't black and white date/paying not paying- but If a guy asked me out- I would expect him to pay. I never expect people to pay for me just because I'm single and out and about- I'm not a 5 year old little girl. I'm a grown *kitten* woman- I pay for my own things- heads off a LOT of problems. To much qid pro quo- drinks lead to expectations that often get turned into butt hurt feelings which wind up in ackward places.

I can't STOP someone from sending a drink over- but I never expect it and I don't appreciate people walking up and asking if they can buy me a drink just to start a conversation- that's just... meh- so lame.

arghbowl

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on

True story. I mean, saying "you're sexy" and saying "b*tch I'ma tap that *kitten*" is a little different... but still. Agreed.

Fullsterkur_woman

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on

What exactly are you including in "or whatever", because that's where the harm comes in. The other is just rude, not harmful.

WisiPls

while everyone is heated up lets me just say


Calories in vs calories out is the way to lose weight, plain and simple

if you're eating above your maintence calories you will gain weight, and if you eat below, you will lose weight, you can do this with twinkies, and you will still lose weight, although you won't be very healthy

mnighttess

Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:

I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.

"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?

Fullsterkur_woman

True story. I mean, saying "you're sexy" and saying "b*tch I'ma tap that *kitten*" is a little different... but still. Agreed.

Yes. One would get ignored, whereas the other one is vomit-inducing.

arghbowl

Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:

I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.

"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?

In for the sexually demeaning language!

cafeaulait7

1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)

We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.

body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.

Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."

Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"

But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!

Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on

For me, just don't be doing it in the dark when I'm alone or in an alley, etc. There's lame and then there is full-on completely creepy, and that does not go so well. Why would a nice guy not want to respect that sort of obvious boundary? I don't mean you, but these guys did apparently do it to the OP at night when she was walking alone. Not cool and getting into scary territory, yes, imho. I don't mean they were definitely scary guys, but there's no need to do it then. C'mon guys. Use some common sense.

JoRocka

Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on

What exactly are you including in "or whatever", because that's where the harm comes in. The other is just rude, not harmful.
[/quote]

there is a way to say you appreicate a woman's attractive good looks and a way to be a dog- I think most people get that.

BUT- the degree of that- is wildly dependent on the person receiving the compliment.

I.E.
"You look like the last day after a long- cold hard winter"

Vs

"you look like the fresh first day of spring"

Same same- means the same thing- same day... different connotations.

Fullsterkur_woman

Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:

I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.

"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?

Like I said before, sarcastic and hateful.

arghbowl

True story. I mean, saying "you're sexy" and saying "b*tch I'ma tap that *kitten*" is a little different... but still. Agreed.

Yes. One would get ignored, whereas the other one is vomit-inducing.

Ignored?! You would IGNORE me?! That's vomit-inducingly rude :sad: :sad:

kgeyser

Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.

If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.

If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).

No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.

I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.