Holy sexism, batman!
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What exactly are you including in "or whatever", because that's where the harm comes in. The other is just rude, not harmful.
But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!
1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)
We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.
body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.
Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."
Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"
Calling out to a girl saying she's sexy or whatever harms her dignity? If it does she's definitely got some other issues going on
I'm not gonna go through every possible thing lol but if it's truly "catcalling" and not threatening like the *kitten* one, then yeah it's just rude lol0 -
OP
Come Out Come Out Wherever You Are!
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Sorry... too busy ignoring you to care...
Yes. One would get ignored, whereas the other one is vomit-inducing.True story. I mean, saying "you're sexy" and saying "b*tch I'ma tap that *kitten*" is a little different... but still. Agreed.
Ignored?! You would IGNORE me?! That's vomit-inducingly rude :sad: :sad:0 -
If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.
If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).
No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.
I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.
10/10 post0 -
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Like I said before, sarcastic and hateful.
I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:
"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?
No just showing that you can call her sweet cheeks, but your saying a male doing it irl means he wants to be demeaning....0 -
Ya keep saying "we as women" like we're this monolithic thing that behaves identically. Not all men behave in a sexist, douchey way, so I don't make statements about "all men".
If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.
If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).
No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.
I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.
Getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive is repugnant to me as well. If it isn't to you, well, I really don't think we have any common ground to discuss this further.0 -
I don't mean you, but these guys did apparently do it to the OP at night when she was walking alone. Not cool and getting into scary territory, yes, imho. I don't mean they were definitely scary guys, but there's no need to do it then. C'mon guys. Use some common sense.
Perhaps, like OP, these guys had been drinking. Ergo, common sense wasn't a particularly strong option.
I'm not "excusing" their behavior - partly because I don't know what was said - but there's a bit of a difference between pointedly trying to harass OP and simply not being able to censor oneself.0 -
But you know darned good and well that doesn't absolve men of the responsibility to treat them with human dignity, that's the difference!
1.) don't go about walking when you are several drinks in
2.) don't walk about like you are a victim (head down no eye contact)
We smell your fear, ladies... We smell it because we're savage and sexist animals who prey on the weaklings.
body language says volumes... there is a reason certain people get messed with more than others.
Truth. Head up, shoulders square, and walk with a purpose. That says "Don't fk with me."
Head down, slowly sauntering, avoiding contact.... "I'm a helpless little girl... come n get me!"
agreed- just because I know what I am and am confident doesn't mean it's ALLOWABLE/ACCEPTABLE for them to be doing that- it just mitigates part of the issue.I have become accustomed to men buying me things and actually do expect it when I go out single. However i do not consider it a trade off for being treated shabbily. I feel men are capable of treating me with respect AND buying me drinks. I have a lot of faith in them.
also- I would never nope nope nope.
People buy me things if we are on a date- because THEY ASKED for my company- I don't black and white date/paying not paying- but If a guy asked me out- I would expect him to pay. I never expect people to pay for me just because I'm single and out and about- I'm not a 5 year old little girl. I'm a grown *kitten* woman- I pay for my own things- heads off a LOT of problems. To much qid pro quo- drinks lead to expectations that often get turned into butt hurt feelings which wind up in ackward places.
I can't STOP someone from sending a drink over- but I never expect it and I don't appreciate people walking up and asking if they can buy me a drink just to start a conversation- that's just... meh- so lame.
I don't consider it lame. I think it's sweet. I don't go out anymore without my husband but in my age bracket it's acceptable. I am fully prepared to pay my own way if I go to a place that sells anything, but if someone offers I don't decline. I don't feel they are buying my time or attention either and if that angle reveals itself I can either grab the check, buy the next round or put the tip down. Many ways to backpedal from creeps who read too much into it. they are few and far between though. IME.0 -
So, are you saying you didn't get the satirical use then?
Like I said before, sarcastic and hateful.
I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:
"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?
No just showing that you can call her sweet cheeks, but your saying a male doing it irl means he wants to be demeaning....0 -
Ya keep saying "we as women" like we're this monolithic thing that behaves identically. Not all men behave in a sexist, douchey way, so I don't make statements about "all men".
If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.
If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).
No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.
I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.
Getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive is repugnant to me as well. If it isn't to you, well, I really don't think we have any common ground to discuss this further.
Please... you're telling me you'd be like "no officer please give me the ticket" lol0 -
If he told me he was going to tear it up because he liked my tits, you bet your life I would. I would also get his badge number and report him.
Ya keep saying "we as women" like we're this monolithic thing that behaves identically. Not all men behave in a sexist, douchey way, so I don't make statements about "all men".
If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.
If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).
No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.
I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.
Getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive is repugnant to me as well. If it isn't to you, well, I really don't think we have any common ground to discuss this further.
Please... you're telling me you'd be like "no officer please give me the ticket" lol
ETA: Because guess what happens when I show up at JP court and tell the prosecutor that the officer was a sexist pig? That's not a ticket he or she wants to take in front of a jury.0 -
If he told me he was going to tear it up because he liked my tits, you bet your life I would. I would also get his badge number and report him.
Ya keep saying "we as women" like we're this monolithic thing that behaves identically. Not all men behave in a sexist, douchey way, so I don't make statements about "all men".
If you're serious that we have to accept that sort of behavior in exchange for having "a drink sent over by the gentleman over there", then oh my god yes, we should totally refuse.Unless we as a gender are going to start refusing the perks that come with men finding us physically attractive (a drink sent over by the gentleman over there, anyone?), it seems disingenuous to be outraged when the attention we get isn't the kind we want or that benefits us in some way. That doesn't mean that catcalls and having things shouted at us is ok, it's simply the bad side of the same coin.
If I don't have money to pay my own way, I don't go out. Why on earth would it be a man's obligation to pay for my drinks? (note, taking turns paying for going out to dinner and such is not what I'm talking about).
No, my point is that we as women seem to have no problem with men only taking into the account the physical when it works in our favor, then scream about being objectified when the attention is unwanted. I never see women complaining about getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive. The knife cuts both ways.
I've always been able to pay my own way and I don't believe that it's a man's obligation to pay for anything (just ask my husband), but that doesn't mean I'm oblivious to the fact that men are doing nice things for me because of the way I look and not because of my Master's degree. I doubt we're going to see a big feminist movement demanding those practices end, because we justify things we like as acceptable practices in courtship.
Getting free upgrades or getting out of speeding tickets because the other party thought they were attractive is repugnant to me as well. If it isn't to you, well, I really don't think we have any common ground to discuss this further.
Please... you're telling me you'd be like "no officer please give me the ticket" lol
Don't think he would be that forward about it lol0 -
I don't mean you, but these guys did apparently do it to the OP at night when she was walking alone. Not cool and getting into scary territory, yes, imho. I don't mean they were definitely scary guys, but there's no need to do it then. C'mon guys. Use some common sense.
Perhaps, like OP, these guys had been drinking. Ergo, common sense wasn't a particularly strong option.
I'm not "excusing" their behavior - partly because I don't know what was said - but there's a bit of a difference between pointedly trying to harass OP and simply not being able to censor oneself.
I agree. The problem for me is that I still have to be on heightened alert around them, and so it's not something I enjoy. But I don't automatically assume they mean to do harm. Just that they might mean to, so I get to worry. Sucks!0 -
So, we can pretty much boil this whole thing down to "Life is hard, wear a helmet?!" On that, we can totally agree.I don't mean you, but these guys did apparently do it to the OP at night when she was walking alone. Not cool and getting into scary territory, yes, imho. I don't mean they were definitely scary guys, but there's no need to do it then. C'mon guys. Use some common sense.
Perhaps, like OP, these guys had been drinking. Ergo, common sense wasn't a particularly strong option.
I'm not "excusing" their behavior - partly because I don't know what was said - but there's a bit of a difference between pointedly trying to harass OP and simply not being able to censor oneself.
I agree. The problem for me is that I still have to be on heightened alert around them, and so it's not something I enjoy. But I don't automatically assume they mean to do harm. Just that they might mean to, so I get to worry. Sucks!0 -
Yep! That's the way I see it.0
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So, are you saying you didn't get the satirical use then?
Like I said before, sarcastic and hateful.
I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:
"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?
No just showing that you can call her sweet cheeks, but your saying a male doing it irl means he wants to be demeaning....
I get it babycakes0 -
Well then I'm unclear on how I am supposed to know the motive for not giving me the ticket. It could just be because he generally gives people with a concealed handgun license the benefit of the doubt. Or, like the one time I got out of a ticket because the officer had to abandon writing it when he got called to run back up for somebody.
If he told me he was going to tear it up because he liked my tits, you bet your life I would. I would also get his badge number and report him.Please... you're telling me you'd be like "no officer please give me the ticket" lol
Don't think he would be that forward about it lol0 -
I know you're joking, but I have had men get threatening and confrontational when I ignored them after they said something to me. (For the record, the first time this happened I was fourteen and the guy was probably in his 40s. He told a friend and me that we were pretty, then got mad when we ignored him. Wound up following us for several city blocks, saying increasingly violent and obscene things, and we had to run to a gas station and call the cops. So it's no surprise that this is a touchy subject for me.)
Yes. One would get ignored, whereas the other one is vomit-inducing.True story. I mean, saying "you're sexy" and saying "b*tch I'ma tap that *kitten*" is a little different... but still. Agreed.
Ignored?! You would IGNORE me?! That's vomit-inducingly rude :sad: :sad:0 -
OK, then we're good, sweetpea.
So, are you saying you didn't get the satirical use then?
Like I said before, sarcastic and hateful.
I'm here for ya, sweet-cheeks.Wow, this is still going! I approve. :drinker:
"Sweet cheeks" how sexually demeaning of you to speak to her that way. Are you feeling rapey?
No just showing that you can call her sweet cheeks, but your saying a male doing it irl means he wants to be demeaning....
I get it babycakes0
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