What's the purpose of marriage?
Replies
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When married do u get a lot of sex?0
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When married do u get a lot of sex?
it's working out that way so far. Of course it's only been 18 years. Might be too soon to tell for sure. :ohwell:0 -
You can love someone in a monogamous relationship for your entire life without getting married, therefore marriage is not about loving someone in life-long monogamous relationship. Marriage, in practice, has more to do with government, religion, and money than love. Most marriages end in divorce due to financial reasons, because that is the glue that holds it together. When the money disappears, or times get tough, people get ****ty, and then they bail.
Since the beginning of time it was all about money. Arranged marriages? Money. Moving in together too early? Money. Dowry? Money. Kings and Queens? Money and power. Diamond ring? Money. House with white picket fence? Money. Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout most of history it was a business deal. It's about a stable commitment unified by the common agreement to acquire more material possessions and produce spawn.
Romantic Love is just an evolutionary emotion produced by the body to make you survive and produce spawn. That. Is. All.0 -
If we're talking about today..............................marriage is a legal document to try to give equal rights to both parties. Of course there are some that may need to have a prenup, but if one get "left" by the other, at the very least whatever they did together can get split. Without a marriage license, this may be much harder.
Some cherish marriage, some just are going thru the ritual because it's expected.
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And if we're talking historically, it was about right of sexual access. For most of human history, marriage has not been about love.
Some of us nowadays are just very, very fortunate that it gets to be about that.0 -
Marriages have existed long before modern religion.
Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years.
Regardless, men and women have been having kids and spending time together for well over 90,000 years before modern religion.
So you think before the term "marriage" and the religious institutionalizing of the union no one ever thought of monogamy or commitment?
At any rate, I felt the same way until I met someone I wanted to marry. Someone I genuinely wanted to be with and saw myself always being with. What happened to your friend sucks but . . . if one of your friends died in a car wreck would you stop driving? One bad experience that you know of isn't the whole experience. I mean, I know people who have had horrible experiences being divorced and all that BS, but I know even more who are very happy in their marriages. Honestly, I think when you meet someone who makes you feel that way, you'll change your tune.0 -
And if we're talking historically, it was about right of sexual access. For most of human history, marriage has not been about love.
Some of us nowadays are just very, very fortunate that it gets to be about that.
^^ Agreed. Marriage is historically a way of trying to ensure that any offspring produced are legitimately the males. Heirs & successors to bequeath property/money to. Also pre contraception marriage was deemed necessary to gain sexual access. I don't have an issue with marriage. If somebody wants to get married then good for them. If they don't then good for them.0 -
In the military I cant tell you how many guys proposed to me in hopes to move out of the dorms and get the extra money....I never fell in to this trap. But after marrying my husband I learned quickly that once you sign those papers it means the other half gets to change their whole persona and there is nothing you can do about it unless you divorce. Hopefully my divorce will be finalized by July!!!0
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You can love someone in a monogamous relationship for your entire life without getting married, therefore marriage is not about loving someone in life-long monogamous relationship. Marriage, in practice, has more to do with government, religion, and money than love. Most marriages end in divorce due to financial reasons, because that is the glue that holds it together. When the money disappears, or times get tough, people get ****ty, and then they bail.
Since the beginning of time it was all about money. Arranged marriages? Money. Moving in together too early? Money. Dowry? Money. Kings and Queens? Money and power. Diamond ring? Money. House with white picket fence? Money. Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout most of history it was a business deal. It's about a stable commitment unified by the common agreement to acquire more material possessions and produce spawn.
Romantic Love is just an evolutionary emotion produced by the body to make you survive and produce spawn. That. Is. All.
YIkes...someone who has never experienced true love...right here. Also, nice generalizations... Using words like "People get $hitty then they bail" and saying that money is what holds ALL marriages together? Really?
Example: My mom passed away last year due to multiple health problems. She didn't work for most of their marriage. She had six kids and stayed home to take care of them. When her health problems started adding up and she didn't leave the house, my dad was her care giver...and he took care of her for many many years when you say that most marriages ought to have fallen apart.
Be careful with such broad generalizations. Not all marriages are doomed from the start...and don't be jealous of those that actually make it.0 -
THAT'S RIGHT. You can do WHATEVER you want to do!!! You just can't choose the CONSEQUENCES of what you do. Considering that only ONE of the consequences is probable STD, what a foolish arrangement that is.there is no purpose
just to sleep with one person.
pretty dull,
There's the very common misconception that sleeping with only one person is boring. Puh-leeeeeeease! A couple who has spent years together has had time to learn what pleases their partner. It's anything but boring to have the same partner over a span of years. Unless you think it's exciting to play russian roulette and hope your latest partner didn't leave you with an STD.
At least one couple I know is very open about sleeping with each other, and others. Marriage can be what you and your partner agree it will be.
It sounds like someone missed the lesson on condoms, and the one on personal choice. My friends are intelligent people. You can get an STD just as easily by thinking it can't happen to you because you're monogamous. I don't know the details of their agreement, but both of them know what risks they are CHOOSING to take.
You, singular, can't do whatever YOU want to do in a marriage. In my marriage, we talk it over and decide what is best for us.0 -
tax benefits0
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Ultimately, I think you can still have someone to grow old with, spend time with, have a connection with, have kids with, etc, without getting married. Which is what I've stated a handful of times already.
The one poster made a good point that marriage serves as a deterrent from getting divorced if your marriage is up and down (though the divorce rate still hovers around 50%).
I also think people are less likely to call it quits early on and would try to work things out if they realize they have a lot to lose financially in a divorce.
This is actually a very polite and intelligent post. You are correct on all points.
Yes, you can have all these things without a marriage license. For a couple who are independently financially secure, this can work. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell are a prime example. They don't NEED to be married for financial reasons. They CHOOSE to be together for love and companionship.
For couples where the money is not as evenly spread, then there is the issue of an unbalance of power. If the man has the great paying job, and the woman stays home with the kids, then he holds the financial power over her. He can be a total tool, and know that he can get away with it, because she can't afford to leave him.
If they are married, (or in a common law state), then knowing that if she leaves, she will take half his money, plus child support and possibly alimony, then perhaps he is less likely to take her for granted and treat her like dirt.
So yes, financial concerns can be a deterrent for some people to get divorced, and make them try harder to make their marriage work. Quite often, a little time and effort will show them they didn't really want a divorce in the first place. Most marriages that can make it thru the tough times, end up stronger in the end.
So, in these instances, money does play a part in marriage.
Ironically, there is an increase in divorce among retired couples, strictly due to money, but for an entirely different reason. Being married has its advantages when it comes to taxes, health insurance, etc. But when it comes to retirement, it is the opposite. When both of them reach SS retirement age, one spouse draws the full amount they have earned, yet the other spouse can only draw half of theirs. This is SO wrong in my opinion. Since SS is such a small amount in comparison to what they were making while working, some couples divorce, yet continue to live together, so they can both draw the full amount and be able to pay their bills. How sad is that?0 -
This has been a very thought-provoking thread. I think about all the couples I have known that have divorced, and I noticed something interesting.
In every instance where the man has decided to end the marriage, it has been because of another woman.
In the marriages where the woman has ended it, less than half of them have left because of another man.
It seems that the men WANT to be married, just to someone different. Whereas many of the women would rather struggle financially and be alone, than to continue living in the bad situation they are in.
I also see men marrying much quicker after their spouse has died, or left, than women in the same situation.
I read a study recently that showed that a greater percentage of men were happier when they were married, yet a greater percentage of women were happier when they were single.
No sweeping generalizations here, just some musings on the subject. Carry on.
ETA My 13 yo son says that men get married so they have someone to find stuff for them. Because men are incapable of finding anything without a women to show him where it is. :laugh: Gotta love him!0 -
For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.
My good friend recently got divorced from his wife of 4 years and he had to pay alimony. He agreed to pays $2,000/month for 1 year. Thankfully, they had no kids together. It always seems that a well educated man (or woman) who makes a decent amount of money always has a lot to lose if the marriage goes south.
So what's the real purpose of being married? Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years. Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?
And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?
So much angst...
A whole thread dedicated to his friend's divorce.
I can't help but wonder if OP has a bit of a crush on his friend.0 -
I read a study recently that showed that a greater percentage of men were happier when they were married, yet a greater percentage of women were happier when they were single.
No sweeping generalizations here, just some musings on the subject. Carry on.
Maybe that is because of the way that people see married women, not because men aren't decent husbands. A lot of my male friends stopped talking to me when I got married, whereas things didn't change much between my husband and his female friends. Some of them are my friends now, and some of them don't like me but still like him. I found it depressing to lose male friends, felt lonely, and went through an adjustment period where I wasn't sure that I liked being married.0 -
Tax breaks I think. Dunno.0
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I suspect you don't actually want to know and are just starting a flame war.
I'm glad someone said it... If marriage isn't for you. Thats fine. But is IS for some people... and that's fine too... But a person's marriage can and should be incredibly sacred to them. And the fact that there is even a topic that asks this question... or worse yet that I was optimistic in thinking it wouldn't be a marriage bashing session... just goes to show that if you have to ask a question like this... you either have never had the gift of someone's love... or don't deserve it.0 -
Tax benefits. Not to mention power of attorney and legal rights should something happen to your significant other.
Also so people don't call your kid a *kitten* like Jon Snow.0 -
In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime. So this means my wife (soon to be ex--maybe) can screw anyone and not have anything done to her. OH yeah, if we divorce she gets allimony and child support to boot.
Soooooo say for example just for math sake, I make 100K/Year - and she makes 0 (nothing - she chooses not to work) - she now gets 50K to balance out the difference - her 0 and me 100K half of which is now 50K. Also in Illinois she will get the title of Custodial Parent - just because she is a woman. And even though after allimony we are making the exact same - she gets an additional 25 to 30K for Child Support - even though we have Joint Custody - she gets the title of Custodial parent. So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.
After all is said and done with me making 100K - I'll make 25K before taxes and she will end-up making more then what I could.
I can file for divorce and get screwed - or - allow her to screw anyone at anytime ...... and accept the fact that her 3-beauty salon appointment involves extracuricular activy..........
Screwed in Illinois0 -
I'm not the sort of person who's "must get married" I've been in a relationship with my partner for 8 years, lived together for 3.5, and am happy and content with this arrangement. However I would like to at some point.
Mainly because I think it's a really nice thing to have with the person you love, to be calling them your husband or wife, have a day to make it official/celebrate it. With the right person and not done on a whim I do believe it'll add something special to a relationship. Second reason is security, you get more security and legal rights should something happen to one of you. Third reason is that I do think a person is more likely to work through problems if you're married. I know marriages end all the time, and LTR's stay together, and I'm not saying you should stay with someone who treats you badly just because you're wed. But couples do have ups and downs and I just think that some people give up on good things all too soon, and you're less likely to if you have more to lose (a marriage)
For the record, I disagree with a husband paying his wife (and vice versa) any kind of money after they've divorced, unless she's played a role in the earning of that money, or has suffered a huge loss in earnings due to their relationship (former high earner, turned stay at home parent) Even that last one is a grey area for me. Why is he paying her $2000 a month when they have no kids?? My mind boggles. Fair enough if she's played a part in earning his money, but if not, I don't think she should get anything.0 -
In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime. So this means my wife (soon to be ex--maybe) can screw anyone and not have anything done to her. OH yeah, if we divorce she gets allimony and child support to boot.
Soooooo say for example just for math sake, I make 100K/Year - and she makes 0 (nothing - she chooses not to work) - she now gets 50K to balance out the difference - her 0 and me 100K half of which is now 50K. Also in Illinois she will get the title of Custodial Parent - just because she is a woman. And even though after allimony we are making the exact same - she gets an additional 25 to 30K for Child Support - even though we have Joint Custody - she gets the title of Custodial parent. So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.
After all is said and done with me making 100K - I'll make 25K before taxes and she will end-up making more then what I could.
I can file for divorce and get screwed - or - allow her to screw anyone at anytime ...... and accept the fact that her 3-beauty salon appointment involves extracuricular activy..........
Screwed in Illinois
That's a really good deal for the no income earning housewife in Illinois.0 -
In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime. So this means my wife (soon to be ex--maybe) can screw anyone and not have anything done to her. OH yeah, if we divorce she gets allimony and child support to boot.
Soooooo say for example just for math sake, I make 100K/Year - and she makes 0 (nothing - she chooses not to work) - she now gets 50K to balance out the difference - her 0 and me 100K half of which is now 50K. Also in Illinois she will get the title of Custodial Parent - just because she is a woman. And even though after allimony we are making the exact same - she gets an additional 25 to 30K for Child Support - even though we have Joint Custody - she gets the title of Custodial parent. So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.
After all is said and done with me making 100K - I'll make 25K before taxes and she will end-up making more then what I could.
I can file for divorce and get screwed - or - allow her to screw anyone at anytime ...... and accept the fact that her 3-beauty salon appointment involves extracuricular activy..........
Screwed in Illinois
Note to self...NEVER get married in Illinois! and BTW...not all women are like that...my EX got my money.
Good luck!0 -
In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime. So this means my wife (soon to be ex--maybe) can screw anyone and not have anything done to her. OH yeah, if we divorce she gets allimony and child support to boot.
Soooooo say for example just for math sake, I make 100K/Year - and she makes 0 (nothing - she chooses not to work) - she now gets 50K to balance out the difference - her 0 and me 100K half of which is now 50K. Also in Illinois she will get the title of Custodial Parent - just because she is a woman. And even though after allimony we are making the exact same - she gets an additional 25 to 30K for Child Support - even though we have Joint Custody - she gets the title of Custodial parent. So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.
After all is said and done with me making 100K - I'll make 25K before taxes and she will end-up making more then what I could.
I can file for divorce and get screwed - or - allow her to screw anyone at anytime ...... and accept the fact that her 3-beauty salon appointment involves extracuricular activy..........
Screwed in Illinois
Don't sign the divorce papers. Stay married, but sleep with other women.
Or you can sign the papers and learn to live off of 25k a year.
The choice is pretty clear to me.0 -
Glad you talk it over and consider things. I do too. But re: STD's, they don't just happen with no cause. "Safe Sex" is a lie. You cannot do all those things required to prevent STD's, nor guarantee that your partner, and ALL your partner's partners, have fulfilled all the requirements of Safe Sex. Two virgins who get married and have sex/contact only with eachother won't be acquiring STD's.
THAT'S RIGHT. You can do WHATEVER you want to do!!! You just can't choose the CONSEQUENCES of what you do. Considering that only ONE of the consequences is probable STD, what a foolish arrangement that is.there is no purpose
just to sleep with one person.
pretty dull,
There's the very common misconception that sleeping with only one person is boring. Puh-leeeeeeease! A couple who has spent years together has had time to learn what pleases their partner. It's anything but boring to have the same partner over a span of years. Unless you think it's exciting to play russian roulette and hope your latest partner didn't leave you with an STD.
At least one couple I know is very open about sleeping with each other, and others. Marriage can be what you and your partner agree it will be.
It sounds like someone missed the lesson on condoms, and the one on personal choice. My friends are intelligent people. You can get an STD just as easily by thinking it can't happen to you because you're monogamous. I don't know the details of their agreement, but both of them know what risks they are CHOOSING to take.
You, singular, can't do whatever YOU want to do in a marriage. In my marriage, we talk it over and decide what is best for us.
'0 -
I'm a married Atheist. I wanted to be bonded with my husband for life. And unlike most married couples, we did it the smart way. We went down to the county clerk's office and got married with just the two of us and a friend. The overall cost(including train tickets) was barely 100 bucks. So we didn't enter our marriage in debt.
It's good to know that most married couple did it the 'stupid way'. :noway:
Racking up debt or spending thousands of dollars just to say "I do" doesn't sound smart to me....0 -
Adultery shouldn't be a crime, but it should definitely result in an at-fault divorce. SMH.In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime.
Sorry to hear about your situation.
I'm with you on that one. As far as I'm concerned, a wedding is a religious ceremony followed by a beer bash. Neither needs to be expensive, never understood why people insist on lavish weddings. Different strokes for different folks...Racking up debt or spending thousands of dollars just to say "I do" doesn't sound smart to me....0 -
I suspect you don't actually want to know and are just starting a flame war.
QFT!0 -
In Illinois Adultery is 1, no longer an At-Fault reason for divorce and 2 NOT a crime. So this means my wife (soon to be ex--maybe) can screw anyone and not have anything done to her. OH yeah, if we divorce she gets allimony and child support to boot.
Soooooo say for example just for math sake, I make 100K/Year - and she makes 0 (nothing - she chooses not to work) - she now gets 50K to balance out the difference - her 0 and me 100K half of which is now 50K. Also in Illinois she will get the title of Custodial Parent - just because she is a woman. And even though after allimony we are making the exact same - she gets an additional 25 to 30K for Child Support - even though we have Joint Custody - she gets the title of Custodial parent. So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.
After all is said and done with me making 100K - I'll make 25K before taxes and she will end-up making more then what I could.
I can file for divorce and get screwed - or - allow her to screw anyone at anytime ...... and accept the fact that her 3-beauty salon appointment involves extracuricular activy..........
Screwed in Illinois
Are you sure? I'm really doubting your math here. I just don't believe that alimony is really 50% of your pre-tax salary and then child support gets added to the top of that.0 -
I suspect you don't actually want to know and are just starting a flame war.
QFT!
So many people talking about the impending flame war that never happened. :laugh:0 -
You can love someone in a monogamous relationship for your entire life without getting married, therefore marriage is not about loving someone in life-long monogamous relationship. Marriage, in practice, has more to do with government, religion, and money than love. Most marriages end in divorce due to financial reasons, because that is the glue that holds it together. When the money disappears, or times get tough, people get ****ty, and then they bail.
Since the beginning of time it was all about money. Arranged marriages? Money. Moving in together too early? Money. Dowry? Money. Kings and Queens? Money and power. Diamond ring? Money. House with white picket fence? Money. Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout most of history it was a business deal. It's about a stable commitment unified by the common agreement to acquire more material possessions and produce spawn.
Romantic Love is just an evolutionary emotion produced by the body to make you survive and produce spawn. That. Is. All.
YIkes...someone who has never experienced true love...right here. Also, nice generalizations... Using words like "People get $hitty then they bail" and saying that money is what holds ALL marriages together? Really?
Example: My mom passed away last year due to multiple health problems. She didn't work for most of their marriage. She had six kids and stayed home to take care of them. When her health problems started adding up and she didn't leave the house, my dad was her care giver...and he took care of her for many many years when you say that most marriages ought to have fallen apart.
Be careful with such broad generalizations. Not all marriages are doomed from the start...and don't be jealous of those that actually make it.
I appreciate your comment and I totally agree! To each his own!0
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