What's the purpose of marriage?
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I look at this and I see a flawed legal system surrounding marriage. Granted, it will only be a short term setback for your friend, but it stinks for him. Here's a guy, who is divorced, and he has to lose $24,000 for a reason that isn't entirely clear to me. As a newly divorced guy, he needs to get out there and find a new girl. Those $24,000 would really help him in setting the course for his future.
The funny part is that he's dating someone new and wants to get married again soon!
I have nothing against committed relationships. In fact, that works for a lot of people. I know people who live together, have kids, and live like a married couple, but they aren't technically married. I always thought some people have a lot to lose when they enter into a legal binding agreement.0 -
I got married because it was the best way to protect my partner in times of legal need, and in the event of my death. I've seen too many wills be contested to have much confidence in that, and were something to happen to me, I am not confident my family would take care of him, regardless of my wishes. If something happens to him, I want to be able to make the choices on his behalf, because we both know his family would not make decisions in keeping with his preferences.
Having said that, we both insisted on a pre-nup. Frankly, I feel pre-nups are incredibly romantic, because it's making decisions on how to best take care of someone, at the time you're MOST in love with one another. "In the event I lose my ever-loving mind down the road, this is me making sure you keep what's yours."0 -
In short, I don't think marriage is the problem. Individually and collectively, I believe we are the problem.
In essence, I believe marriage is supposed to bring some stability, and I think it can, but it's not automatic as I think it once was.
Totally agree. Also, part of what's so crushing financially when marriages fall through is the RIDICULOUS amount of money spent on weddings. My husband I went to Hocking Hills and had a beautiful ceremony, just the two of us, in one of the caves. Then we honeymooned for the week there. I think it cost $1000 for the whole thing. Then you see people spending upwards of $20,000+ dollars and starting their marriages out in a ton of debt. I also think that people often live beyond their means financially, and then cannot support themselves or their debt if a marriage were to end.
When we bought our house, I first questioned why my husband bought such a modest one compared to his peers in the industry he works in. It wasn't that I needed more, I was just curious. He explained to me that should he pass away (he's a lineman for Edison - very dangerous job), that he wanted me to be able to keep up the house payments and keep up our lifestyle on my OWN income. It made total sense and seems very wise to me. Whether my husband were to pass away or if a divorce were to happen, neither of us would be financially crushed. Child support would be paid either way - whether we ever married or didn't (though we'd probably do a joint custody situation in which case there likely wouldn't be support).
Thanks.
The spending on weddings is ridiculous. I've seen two instances in my family where I felt that the ceremony was too lavish. I didn't attend either one for various reasons, but I could tell it was too overdone. In my social circle, the best wedding idea I've seen was a couple that went to Kauai for a week, got married on the beach one day, just the two of them (and a 3rd person to take pictures), and then carried on with their honeymoon.
The example of buying the house is good financial planning, but could that have happened outside of marriage in a long term committed relationship that didn't involve either the state or an organized religion? Certainly something to ponder.0 -
Back in the day a diamond ring was known as a "down payment" on a girl to show the dad he could support her and other men would know she was taken. now days women just want the ring lol and its traditional.0
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Because I have seen what a truly happy marriage can do to make lives better. My parents have been married for 26 years. They have had tons of hard times, easy times, and times in between. But my dad still calls my mom 15 times a day to talk to her about what ever is on his mind while he is driving back and forth to his job sites. This drives my mom crazy because for the last 22 years she has been a homeschooling mom to me, my brother and my two sisters and he interrupts everything every time. Yet if he doesn't call for a few hours, you know she is calling to ask him what he wants for dinner, or to see when he will be home. It is obvious that they love each other more now than they did when they got married. They have learned to work together through everything and to let the small stuff go! Mom gave up years ago trying to get dad to put his socks in the laundry room instead of throwing them outside the door and dad will always try mom's new meal ideas no matter how many times they turn out horribly! (She is a great cook most of the time but...there are times when she fails miserably lol) It is truly a give and take relationship where both are very strong individually but even better together. They help each other be better people!
This is what my husband and I are working towards. We have been married for almost a year but been together for 6 years. We are newly on this path to a lasting marriage but we also both agreed before we even talked about getting married that we both viewed marriage as nothing light to start and it is forever. Love is not something that is just there, it must be earned and we have to work towards it. We went through so much before we even got engaged. I had horrible health issues, we both had issues with college and jobs, we later both had financial rough patches that we helped each other through, we learned how to balance a budget, we did long distance, and we had family issues as well. But we worked through all of them together and got stronger as we went. To me, this is what marriage is as well. Working together to help get through the tough times and enjoy the great times!0 -
Because I have seen what a truly happy marriage can do to make lives better. My parents have been married for 26 years. They have had tons of hard times, easy times, and times in between. But my dad still calls my mom 15 times a day to talk to her about what ever is on his mind while he is driving back and forth to his job sites. This drives my mom crazy because for the last 22 years she has been a homeschooling mom to me, my brother and my two sisters and he interrupts everything every time. Yet if he doesn't call for a few hours, you know she is calling to ask him what he wants for dinner, or to see when he will be home. It is obvious that they love each other more now than they did when they got married. They have learned to work together through everything and to let the small stuff go! Mom gave up years ago trying to get dad to put his socks in the laundry room instead of throwing them outside the door and dad will always try mom's new meal ideas no matter how many times they turn out horribly! (She is a great cook most of the time but...there are times when she fails miserably lol) It is truly a give and take relationship where both are very strong individually but even better together. They help each other be better people!
This is what my husband and I are working towards. We have been married for almost a year but been together for 6 years. We are newly on this path to a lasting marriage but we also both agreed before we even talked about getting married that we both viewed marriage as nothing light to start and it is forever. Love is not something that is just there, it must be earned and we have to work towards it. We went through so much before we even got engaged. I had horrible health issues, we both had issues with college and jobs, we later both had financial rough patches that we helped each other through, we learned how to balance a budget, we did long distance, and we had family issues as well. But we worked through all of them together and got stronger as we went. To me, this is what marriage is as well. Working together to help get through the tough times and enjoy the great times!
this sounds alot like my parents
made me smile I hope my marriage lasts like this 0 -
We live in a society now, where love has become disposable and so marriage seems pointless. I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.
^ This!!
:flowerforyou:0 -
I got married because it was the best way to protect my partner in times of legal need, and in the event of my death. I've seen too many wills be contested to have much confidence in that, and were something to happen to me, I am not confident my family would take care of him, regardless of my wishes. If something happens to him, I want to be able to make the choices on his behalf, because we both know his family would not make decisions in keeping with his preferences.
Then you need a trust and a living will as well. In addition to making your own living will make SURE that you go to whatever hospital you think you're going to end up at -- and if there are several in your area make sure you get those as well -- and fill out THEIR living will as well otherwise it has to go through the hospital lawyers and it could be too late. Being married doesn't automatically stop the contesting of a will nor does it automatically make you in charge of what happens because you are his wife. Look at the news. There are so many instances where a spouse makes the decision to take someone off of life support and the family takes them to court and the ruling is on the side of the family. It is important to have the proper legal documents in place.0 -
Can someone red pill me
The fact you use that phrase makes me wonder, why ask people here? There's a whole manosphere on the internet where this discussion will lead where you want it to.0 -
I got married because it was the best way to protect my partner in times of legal need, and in the event of my death. I've seen too many wills be contested to have much confidence in that, and were something to happen to me, I am not confident my family would take care of him, regardless of my wishes. If something happens to him, I want to be able to make the choices on his behalf, because we both know his family would not make decisions in keeping with his preferences.
Then you need a trust and a living will as well. In addition to making your own living will make SURE that you go to whatever hospital you think you're going to end up at -- and if there are several in your area make sure you get those as well -- and fill out THEIR living will as well otherwise it has to go through the hospital lawyers and it could be too late. Being married doesn't automatically stop the contesting of a will nor does it automatically make you in charge of what happens because you are his wife. Look at the news. There are so many instances where a spouse makes the decision to take someone off of life support and the family takes them to court and the ruling is on the side of the family. It is important to have the proper legal documents in place.
This is absolutely true! Having worked in the legal field (probate and estate planning, to be exact), it's SO IMPORTANT to have your wishes spelled out clearly. A will is not enough. In fact, it's a good idea to have (financial) powers of attorney, health care powers of attorney, AND living wills.0 -
I look at this and I see a flawed legal system surrounding marriage. Granted, it will only be a short term setback for your friend, but it stinks for him. Here's a guy, who is divorced, and he has to lose $24,000 for a reason that isn't entirely clear to me. As a newly divorced guy, he needs to get out there and find a new girl. Those $24,000 would really help him in setting the course for his future.
The funny part is that he's dating someone new and wants to get married again soon!
I have nothing against committed relationships. In fact, that works for a lot of people. I know people who live together, have kids, and live like a married couple, but they aren't technically married. I always thought some people have a lot to lose when they enter into a legal binding agreement.
He wants to get married again after what happened the first time? That $24,000 in alimony payments could have been a nice contribution to a BMW 3-Series, which sells around the low 30s. That 3 Series could have brought him some hot young women with tight bodies who want sex that is steamy, casual, and possibly without strings. However, I would recommend against basing your value prop as a mate on your car. Game needs to be more fundamentally sound than having a nice ride. A guy who has a nice ride and isn’t fundamentally sound in game is like a rookie Blake Griffin. Griffin had amazing athleticism but wasn’t the most fundamentally sound NBA player, nor would I say that about him today. Also, when I think of Blake Griffin, I can’t help but think of his bad decision with Brynn Cameron. I would say that Brynn Cameron has great girl game in the dating/mating sphere.Can someone red pill me
The fact you use that phrase makes me wonder, why ask people here? There's a whole manosphere on the internet where this discussion will lead where you want it to.
How are you aware of the existence of a manosphere?0 -
In on MikeM thread!
One (very cynical) theory I've heard about engagement rings is that they were originally thought of as a down payment for the bride-to-be's virginity.
I'm going to use my grandmother's wedding ring when (and if) I decide to get married. I think it's romantic...
My parents got married when they were 20 and celebrated their 32nd a few months ago, so I definitely agree that marriage CAN be a very beautiful thing.I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.
On the other hand, I know people who seem structurally incapable of making a marriage work despite being decet human beings.
What I can't understand about marriage is why society in general is subsidizing it, it should be a decision based on the feelings of two people, not tax advantages...0 -
[/quote]How are you aware of the existence of a manosphere?
Don't you worry about it.
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Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?
And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?
1. My husband and I are together because we want to be. We went for the piece of paper specifically for tax/insurance purposes.
2. IDK...Our wedding rings are silver with semi-precious gemstones: tiger's eye for strength, and malachite for prosperity.
My engagement ring is silver with a white topaz. I love it. It cost about 50 bucks. I'm a non traditional kind of gal, anyway. I'm marrying him because he is the first man that I've wanted to make it work with, no matter what.
That's about the same as what we paid, about 50 bucks each. A lot of people "oooh" and "ahhh" when I explain the stones as being symbols for a strong and prosperous marriage, but there were more than a few bewildered looks when they first saw our rings. We are both very non-traditional as well. We spent *maybe* $100 on the ceremony and reception. (including a cassette tape of
"The Wedding March" for $5 :laugh:)0 -
Can someone red pill me
The fact you use that phrase makes me wonder, why ask people here? There's a whole manosphere on the internet where this discussion will lead where you want it to.
Are you suggesting that only men can/should/do make references to "The Matrix?" :huh:0 -
Can someone red pill me
The fact you use that phrase makes me wonder, why ask people here? There's a whole manosphere on the internet where this discussion will lead where you want it to.
Are you suggesting that only men can/should/do make references to "The Matrix?" :huh:
No no no, I'm referring to a realm of the internet where phrases like "blue-pill" and "red-pill" are used to describe men by the degree to which they are aware of real or perceived manipulation by women.0 -
What I can't understand about marriage is why society in general is subsidizing it, it should be a decision based on the feelings of two people, not tax advantages...
You have it entirely backwards.
Married people in the past have been the ones with the brunt of subsidizing society, not the other way around.
Traditionally, married people have had at least one steadily employed person (nowadays, mostly two).
In the US, married people generally carry insurance and pay their own medical bills, etc. instead of relying on government assistance for support.
The advantages with taxes and benefits are a "perk" of their commitment to one another.0 -
Honestly though like someone else said if you are asking then you haven't met the right person. My husband is my best friend. We get along extremely well and there is no one else that I would rather spend my time with. We never have had a fight in the 16 years we've been together. EVER. We disagree, we have our own opinions but that's what is so great about it and why we don't argue: Because we're our own person and we respect each others opinions and we are mature enough to say "Okay. That's cool," and that's the end of it. IMO arguing is NOT a part of marriage but the result of a serious lack of communication. We communicate with each other so there's nothing that grows and festers between us and then ultimately explodes into a screaming, name calling, hurt match.
I am so glad that we aren't the only 'weird' couple that doesn't fight. Seriously, if you can't disagree without resorting to yelling and saying hurtful things to each other, you aren't trying very hard.
16 years together here as well, and we have yet to have a real fight. It's about mutual respect. Most people can't believe that it can be done.0 -
There are relationships for which it makes sense to ask "What is this relationship good for?" All of us have many of these. My relationship with the woman who most often is my server at the corner pub is just such an example. We have known each other for some time. I value her service, and she values my tips. I try to be as good a customer as I can to match her abilities as a server. This describes my relationship with my doctor, my stockbroker, and the guy who cuts my lawn. It is easy to describe the mutual benefits, the pros and cons of such relationships.
There are, however, relationships where the question "What is this relationship good for?" misses the point of the relationship in the first place. The is the relationship of Elizabeth and Robert Browning, of Pierre and Marie Curie, of George Takei and Brad Altman, and of Mildred and Richard Loving. Marriage grows out of just such relationships; and, as a consequence, to decide on a marriage, or judge the value of marriage based on whatever "pros" and "cons" seem evident is to misunderstand both the point of marriage and the underlying relationship.
Understood in this way, marriage is the full blossoming of certain relationships. It can, but need not, create a safe harbor for children, assure the long term care of another, and provide for some of the deepest and most profound experiences that we humans can have with another person.0 -
Can someone red pill me
The fact you use that phrase makes me wonder, why ask people here? There's a whole manosphere on the internet where this discussion will lead where you want it to.
Are you suggesting that only men can/should/do make references to "The Matrix?" :huh:
No no no, I'm referring to a realm of the internet where phrases like "blue-pill" and "red-pill" are used to describe men by the degree to which they are aware of real or perceived manipulation by women.
Interesting. I guess it makes sense in that context as well. I asked because I use those phrases a lot, my whole family does.0
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