What's the purpose of marriage?

eldamiano

Keeps them quiet for 5 minutes doesn't it?

dawncolleen0120

Interesting... I've been asking that myself. I believe the orginal thought was to make the father of children financially responsible for them. Considering it has only been relatively recently that mothers could get gainful employment while their children would be looked out for. So if you worked there was no one to watch the kids. So it was intended that men would stick around if they were legally responsible in a marriage. Then there was the question of heirship. Keep in mind that there were no paternaty tests either. So the way I figure it, the only purpose of a marriage would be legal and financial. Divorces are no-fault. It can now be proven whether a child was yours or not. Women can work at any job they are qualified for. Women get college degrees, can buy property and sign contracts as often as men. Day care exists pretty much everywhere. And marriage doesn't assure anyone that one party can't just walk away at anytime. As well as children born out of wedlock are no longer shunned along with their mothers and abortion is currently legal (although I don't advocate that route). Things have changed alot for women so we are no longer totally dependant on men to take care of us, so I don't see why we have marriage anymore either.

Currently I'm married, been married for almost 18 years. I don't stay with my husband because of legal or financial reasons but because this is what I choose to do and I choose it again everyday. I realize now that I wish I weren't married only for the reason I'd like to believe he stays with me because he chooses to as well because if at any time he wants someone different or a different situation I want him never to stick around because he HAS to.

Oh, and since you asked, the purpose of the diamond ring was basically a way to let the woman he proposes to know he's serious - it was something like layaway. In the past women had to find a partner to financially take care of her and her children. So you'd want to find someone to marry you. If you get more than one suitor, the guy who buys you an expensive gift tells you he's not kidding nor is he likely to renige on your agreement before you run out to buy a wedding dress and stop dating.

UpEarly

Oh goodie... another post from my very favorite poster on MFP! :laugh:

inside_lap

Actually humans are not the only species that considers mating for life. Many other species do as well, both across and within gender (chew on that anti homosexual propaganda). So to say that marriage is only a religious institution is not accurage. Unless your putting long term cohabitation/relationships against marriage. Really, its ment to be an annoucement to the world that a pair plan to tie their lives together. And of course there are tax benefits and potential healthcare and other benefits depending on your career, location, ect ect. Though if you never legally marry and cohabitate in a state with common law marriages, expect that you may be taken to court anyways.

Oh, and by the way, women can be on the losing end of a financial breakup as well. As I'm a doc and my husband is retired military, I expect that I will likely be the one paying allimony should me and the hubby divorce. Beware of gender stereotyping.

In regards to diamond rings, the tradition was made popular by De Beers in the 1930s-1940s. Prior to that it was any jewelry, not necessarly diamond engagement rings, wer deemed appropriate. I believes it comes from the custom of a bridal price.

WendyTerry420

Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?

And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?

1. My husband and I are together because we want to be. We went for the piece of paper specifically for tax/insurance purposes.

2. IDK...Our wedding rings are silver with semi-precious gemstones: tiger's eye for strength, and malachite for prosperity.

RhonndaJ

As a non-religious person, for me marriage dealt with some legal issues that otherwise would have driven me crazy.

UsedToBeHusky

Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years.

Marriages have existed long before modern religion.

This... marriage isn't a product of religion. People inserted marriage into religion. Marriage exists in all religions. The selection of a mate is the purpose of marriage. The "marriage" solidifies that bond and transmits to others the significance of the relationship.

TheRoadDog

In my case, since I am not religious, the purpose of our Marriage was to declare the commitment to the person I expect to spend the rest of my life with.

It's just a ceremony and means different things to different people. Every person is different and every couple interprets marriage differently. If you are entering a relationship with the thought that it isn't forever, or if you feel like you need to protect your future earnings or current worth, then marriage probably isn't for you.

As for jewelry, that is a personal thing too. My wife loves things that refract light, so we picked out her ring together. I don't wear jewelry myself, other than a wrist watch, so I don't wear a wedding ring. My wife's name is tatooed on my ring finger.

If you have doubts, don't get married. If you are worried about how your mate could take your money from you after the marriage is over, don't get married.

I knew my wife was the one after our first date. I proposed to her on our second date. We've been together for 25 years and married for 21 years. If I had it to do all over again, I would do it a little differently. I would ask her to marry me on our first date.

If you have to analyze why marriage might be the right choice for you or weigh the consequences, don't do it.

UsedToBeHusky

Sorry, but I have to say if you are asking these questions you are not with or met the right person yet.

Maybe you're right. I haven't found someone I like more than half of all my possessions!

That's why you marry someone you can trust that won't screw you over just for the sake of screwing you over.

But then again, if you did find someone you could trust enough not to screw you over for the sake of screwing you over, then you probably wouldn't divorce them. But you know, it is what it is. People get butt-hurt.

If marriage is not for you, then find someone that feels the same way, and you are all good. There really isn't any point in looking for a reason to get married. If you see no reason to, then you shouldn't be getting married. It's really that simple.

juliemouse83

The hubs and I have been married for ten years. Not our first trip around the marital block for either of us.

In my younger years, we did it because that's what we were "supposed" to do; the military doesn't look out for your live-in girlfriend, so marriage just seemed to be the traditional thing to do. Granted, that eventually blew up in my face, but I digress, LOL...

The ONLY reason hubs and I got married was because we were not allowed to live together if he wanted to see his daughter. Their divorce decree stated no overnight visitors of the opposite sex unless related by blood or marriage, and since they split custody, I'd have had to move out half the time, LOL....Ok, and the married filing joint was kind of a plus, too.

Even if we didn't have the little piece of paper stating it's legal, I'd still be with him, because he's my best friend, and I can't imagine what life would be like without him.

Sweetredpoison

We live in a society now, where love has become disposable and so marriage seems pointless. I can't convince anyone for supporting marriage, but to me it's a very beautiful thing that we need to learn to value again.

^ This!!

FatHuMan1

Ejourneys

As a woman granted divorce from a traditional marriage on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty, I completely understand why one wouldn't want to get married. My traditional marriage was easy to get into. It was hell to get out of.

I can also tell you that for the first two years of our relationship, my partner of 18 years had no health insurance. I lobbied my employer at the time for domestic partner benefits, so that my partner could be covered under my health insurance. I was successful. However, unlike for traditionally married couples, the premiums for my partner's health insurance were counted as my income and taxed as such. My employer didn't do the paperwork correctly for that -- imagine my surprise when my last paycheck of the year came out as zero.

There are 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law.
https://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/an-overview-of-federal-rights-and-protections-granted-to-married-couples

The following comes from "The Future of Marriage" (Harvard Magazine, Nov-Dec 2004)

"By the authority vested in me by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I pronounce you…" is a phrase still used in many weddings across the state, though it’s no longer required. Nevertheless, Peter Gomes points out, "I am allowed to marry people not because I am a minister, but because I am an officer of the state. It is the state that regulates marriage and permits the clergy to do it. The fundamental definition of marriage in this country is as a civil institution, and that point can’t be made too often." As professor of law Janet Halley frequently reminds her family-law students, in the words of the Supreme Court landmark marriage case of 1888, Maynard v. Hill, "There are, in effect, three parties to every marriage: the man, the woman, and the state."

Source: http://harvardmagazine.com/2004/11/the-future-of-marriage.html

DebbieLyn63

On a more serious note- In April 2003, my parents celebrated 50 years of marriage. In the middle of a bad storm, with tornadoes in the area, more than 200 friends and family showed up to celebrate with them and witness the renewal of their wedding vows.
Their marriage was far from perfect over the years. no marriage is perfect. But the good outweighed the bad. There was a time that my father even left my mom, and thought he wanted a divorce. But they worked things out.

Two months before their 50th anniversary, they found out my father was dying from liver failure. The doctor gave him 2-3 months. He made it five. During those 5 months, my mother took care of him. While dealing with the fact that she would soon be a widow, she gently took his car key off his key ring when he could no longer drive, yet left him his keys to carry so he could unlock the house door, because 'men need to have keys in their pocket'. She patiently waited for him to dress himself when it took 3 times as long, and when the time came she she had to dress him, and even near the end when she had to bathe him and change his depends, she did so with as much dignity as possible.

You see, my parents made a vow 50 years before. To love and honor, for better and worse, richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do they part. They kept those vows until the day in July when my father took his last breath, in his home, with his devoted wife and children around him. He was not alone. He was very loved, and he passionately loved back.
He left this Earth with none of his 'stuff', his wife got it all. But he carried with him an abundance of love, and left behind a legacy of love and devotion.

Their marriage came with sacrifice, like every good marriage. But that is what you do when you take those vows. You promise to put your spouse's needs and desires ahead of your own. It is not always easy, but it is always worth it.

angdpowers

YOU WROTE: "Maybe you're right. I haven't found someone I like more than half of all my possessions!"

^^^

And this is probably why you are so afraid to get married or you only see the negative. Its too bad that all the examples of marriage that you've seen, choose to see or choose to dwell on is about "losing something" ... particularly possessions.

No one goes into marriage (or shouldn't) thinking about what they could potentially lose. Sure, its a possibility, but life is all about risks. When you can look past your possessions, the fear that some girl will "take you for everything your worth," then you will probably find out why some decide to marry.

I've been married to my husband for nearly 9yrs. Its REALLY been hard at times. He's in the military, gone a lot, we had a daughter after being married for 5 years who has tremendous special needs ... I could go on and on.

When we married, we made important vows to stick together, fight for one another each and everyday ... through all of it. We fight the war against everything that wants to tear us apart and see us fail as a couple and as individuals. Getting married, for us, was the first step to showing one another that we are connected in a way that is stronger than anything else out there.

Some walk away from marriage like its the flavor of the month. When you go through hell and come out on the other side TOGETHER? You know the beauty of marriage.

Its hard to give specific examples as to WHY you want to marry someone. When you love someone more than you love yourself, when you would do ANYTHING for that person ... you want to be married ... to " become one."

MrsSpitser

I agree with your sentiments. I am currently going through a divorce (for nearly two years now). Most people don't realize that marriage is hard work until they're on their way out of it. I'm not against marriage. I just realize now that it's not something to be taken lightly. I still respect the institution of marriage but I will be far more selective before and IF I choose to marry again.

Runner5AbelTownship

In my case? Purely practical because we have a son and the legal process is a nightmare should your SO die and you are unmarried.

melb_alex

It's mankind being susceptible to the social discourses in life.

Gone are the true values, principals and moralistic views of marriage as we are now conditioned to the aftermath and welcome divorce as the mentality is primarily financial ramifications should the marriage not last.

It's not about living up to and respecting ones vows it's the perception of 'the ***** took this from me'

hence my reluctance, that and my sister casually told me she was 'over it'

Why subject myself to that?

MinnieInMaine

There was another thread about this last month:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1136787-marriage-is-it-worth-it?hl=marriage

TL:DR: pretty much the same responses you've gotten so far, but I thought you might be interested.

KelGen02

For the life of me, I can't find any advantages of being married. I understand the religious aspect of it (even though I'm about as non-religious as they come), but that doesn't outweigh the cons.

My good friend recently got divorced from his wife of 4 years and he had to pay alimony. He agreed to pays $2,000/month for 1 year. Thankfully, they had no kids together. It always seems that a well educated man (or woman) who makes a decent amount of money always has a lot to lose if the marriage goes south.

So what's the real purpose of being married? Before the age of modern religion, men and women existed in harmony for tens of thousands of years. Can someone red pill me on the advantages, besides joint filing on your taxes?

And where did this silly idea of buying a woman a diamond ring ever come from?

4 years is not a marriage... a marriage is a life long commitment. The problem these days is that DIVORCE is so easy while Marriage is hard. Marriage requires work in order to be happy. You say the vows, in sickness and health and in good times and bad, but the minute the bad rears its ugly no one wants to put the work in. Yes there are circumstances where DIVORCE is necessary such as being abused or your children being abused. You fell in love with a person and there was something about that person that made you want to be with them "FOREVER" you have to go back to those "Forever" moments in the bad times and work it out. I have been with my husband 13 years now, we have 3 beautiful children and 1 that we took in from an abusive home. We have been through loss of jobs, foreclosure, the death of our parents, our grandparents, in law fighting, you name it, we have been there. We are able to get through hard times because we truly love each other and we lean on one another to help us through. I love him more today than I did the day I married him as we have grown together, we are best friends and have love, trust and most of all have an extreme amount of respect for one another. We fight, we are two individuals with 2 difference of opinions at time. Fighting is a healthy part of marriage, but it's not productive if you are unable to resolve the reason for the fight. It certainly isn't a forum for name calling and belittling. Marriage is a partnership, we both work full time, we both clean the house, do the laundry, drive the kids all over the planet, pay the bills etc. It can't be one sided. If you are fortunate to be a stay home mom you can't take advantage of it and expect that you will never have to work again. Unless of course you and your husband agree to such things. Marriage, say what you mean, mean what you say and don't let outside interference destroy what got you to the alter in the first place.