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The official nightshift thread....

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  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I've got most of my Christmas shopping done for my mom and roommates, now just need to work on my nieces and nephews. I think one batch will get handmade scarves and hats, and the other batch will be gifted according to their hobbies.
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    I have done zero Christmas shopping...
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    When I was little, my grandpa made me a wooden dollhouse...it is probably 3.5 feet wide, 2 feet deep and 3.5 feet tall...it's huge. Has an attic, a spiral staircase, a front porch with a swing, flower boxes. It is plain wood, my mom and I were supposed to decorate it together (like THAT was ever gonna happen!). A couple years ago we picked it up from my grandma's house. I got so far as to priming the front of it but that is as far as we've gotten for finishing it. Anyway...my mom texts me today and says my kid asked for a 3 story Barbie house...can she have it? I told Elka she had to choose between the wooden dollhouse or the new one...she can't have both...and if she chose the new one, I was selling the old one. She decided to keep the old one because she wanted it as a reminder of me and so she could give it to her kids. So cute! I figured she'd choose the new one with bright pink plastic and an elevator! We really need to get on working on the old one. I understand how this one is kinda boring as is. Now that she is almost six, she can actually help a little with painting and what not. Speaking of painting...she is still in her "baby" room. Green walls and jungle animal border...we want to move her to the spare room which is bigger but need to paint (ugly maroon on walls and ceiling!!) then her current room will be my beauty/sewing room...after I re-paint!
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    I'd like your opinions on this issue...even if you aren't a parent...just give me your thoughts...

    A little over a year ago, we put our daughter on an embargo. We weren't buying her anything toys/games (except for holidays) because she was being so ungrateful and spoiled. We've never spoiled her but she is very spoiled by both grandmas. If you look through a toy ad or go to the store, she has one of everything. Not literally every toy, but every KIND of toy/game/arts and crafts for a girl her age...and multiples of many things. Well, she is still ungrateful and spoiled. I understand she is still very young and it is normal but we hate that she appreciates nothing and just wants to GET. If we tell her not to lose a doll by hanging her out of the car window, her response is that she has a ton more at home. Well, the embargo has taught her nothing and on one hand I don't want to continue it because frankly, I miss buying her stuff! It sucks that I see little things I know she'd love and I loved suprising her with little things before the embargo. But on the other hand, if we end the embargo and she never learned anything...doesn't that say a lot to her? I'm very consistent with my punishments and once I start a rule or whatever, I enforce it. I feel like if I lift the embargo...she wins in a way. But I'm not winning as it is. I don't know. It isn't really about anyone "winning"...I just want her to appreciate what she has and not EXPECT to be given things all of the time. I was spoiled (stuff-wise) as a child and it isn't beneficial to adulting...
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    I'm not sure that lifting the embargo would be helpful, especially if she fully understands the reasoning behind it. It is important to be consistent. However, if it isn't solving the problem, further action might be necessary. What about asking her to donate some of her toys? Maybe explaining that there are children with far less than she has and would be very thankful for some toys would be helpful?
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
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    I'm not sure that lifting the embargo would be helpful, especially if she fully understands the reasoning behind it. It is important to be consistent. However, if it isn't solving the problem, further action might be necessary. What about asking her to donate some of her toys? Maybe explaining that there are children with far less than she has and would be very thankful for some toys would be helpful?

    This.
    Also, I know she is only 6, but does she have chores? Make her earn some things. That definitely helped me a lot growing up.
    I made $5 a week as a kid but ONLY if I did ALL of my regular chores. I got bonuses for volunteering to do extra things not on the list and deductions if I had to be reminded or instructed to do my chores.
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
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    I'm not sure that lifting the embargo would be helpful, especially if she fully understands the reasoning behind it. It is important to be consistent. However, if it isn't solving the problem, further action might be necessary. What about asking her to donate some of her toys? Maybe explaining that there are children with far less than she has and would be very thankful for some toys would be helpful?

    This.
    Also, I know she is only 6, but does she have chores? Make her earn some things. That definitely helped me a lot growing up.
    I made $5 a week as a kid but ONLY if I did ALL of my regular chores. I got bonuses for volunteering to do extra things not on the list and deductions if I had to be reminded or instructed to do my chores.

    Don't have kids of my own but I was a only child growing up and was spoiled to an extent. I echo the sentiment about chores. I started around 5 with simple things. Cleaning my room, take out the trash. As I got older my responsibilities expanded. Both my parents worked full time so I contributed as I could even if I wasn't always getting compensation for it. You placed her on the embargo but the grandparents still spoil her? You may need to talk to the grandparents about that. Sure, you maybe not buying her new toys and stuff but if the grandparents are, then the lesson of the embargo was for naught.
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    We explain about kids with less every day. We live in an area with a lot of poor families and she knows there are kids in her class that have families in poverty. She is very willing to part with her toys, since she has so many. I recently edited her livinig room stash of toys and she didn't fuss when she saw the boxes of toys I intend to donate.

    She has chores, she used to have a chore chart for money, but she isn't motivated by money at this point. She does put her shoes/bag/coat away daily, puts away clean clothes, picks up her room/any mess she makes, feeds the cats, puts her dishes away.

    I did sign up for email notifications for the local food pantry so we could go volunteer and I told her about it. She is excited to do it but I still don't think that will make her grateful for what she has...

    I think we are expecting too much from her honestly. It is tough, her being SO smart and seemingly "grownup"...we expect her to conquer or grasp things that it will take YEARS for her to fully accomplish, if ever...just because she understands stuff now...doesn't mean her little brain is emotionally equipped to actually apply it to herself. I guess that is the frustrating part...I get why she behaves the way she does...but that doesn't lessen my frustration in parenting her...
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    Actually, the grandparents have very recently been asked to NOT buy her anymore toys. At first she wasn't happy about it but she's over it now...

    We take away a Barbie or a VHS if she doesn't wipe her butt well enough...lol. Again, she isn't happy about it but it doesn't really seem to bother her too much.

    We can't win with her!

    We've thought about taking all her stuff hostage and making her earn it back one by one...but that seems too extreme...
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    Honestly, gratitude is a tricky concept, I suppose. I'm an adult and I struggle with it often. I have lots of things for which I should be grateful, but I often find myself focusing on the negative things in my life, instead.
    Maybe you can set an example of your own behavior? Like, make a point of saying, "I'm grateful for_____." Or having discussions as to what gratitude really means, and having her make a list of all the things for which she is grateful.
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
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    Actually, the grandparents have very recently been asked to NOT buy her anymore toys. At first she wasn't happy about it but she's over it now...

    We take away a Barbie or a VHS if she doesn't wipe her butt well enough...lol. Again, she isn't happy about it but it doesn't really seem to bother her too much.

    We can't win with her!

    We've thought about taking all her stuff hostage and making her earn it back one by one...but that seems too extreme...

    My parents ended up taking everything away from my ungrateful @$$. They took everything except my books and they would buy me new books or take me to the library. I then became an avid reader.

    But I didn't learn that I was spoiled compared to other children until I was about 12 years old and the whole idea that I had my own T.V in my own room just blew a few of my friends away.
    Not to mention I had my own VCR and my own stereo.
    It never occurred to me that it wasn't normal. My parents weren't wealthy by any means but I definitely had more than some of my friends.
    I FULLY grasped the concept when I was 17.
    And now, I appreciate how spoiled I am and by finishing my Christmas shopping, I aim to show how grateful I am to have what I have and to be able to give back a little of what has always been given to me.


    So it is fair to say that she is probably too young to grasp the 'be grateful for what you have' concept right now, but as long as you show her the importance of sharing what you have and giving to those less fortunate, then that is better than a lot of parents are doing right now.
  • sufferlandrian
    sufferlandrian Posts: 8,244 Member
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    My oldest daughter's stuff comes and goes. She does well for a while and then acts like a complete jerk to her mother. I start taking things away and then the attitude improves. I start with the things she likes most like her laptop and her phone. Her mom is starting to get to me though. She comes to me after I take them and she starts giving me reasons why I should give them back, and it hasn't even been an hour.
  • LadyRN76
    LadyRN76 Posts: 4,275 Member
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    My oldest daughter's stuff comes and goes. She does well for a while and then acts like a complete jerk to her mother. I start taking things away and then the attitude improves. I start with the things she likes most like her laptop and her phone. Her mom is starting to get to me though. She comes to me after I take them and she starts giving me reasons why I should give them back, and it hasn't even been an hour.

    Hang in there, suffer ((hugs))
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    Holy shizz, almost the exact same thing happened to me! I had a tv in my room, stero, Nintendo, vcr...got it all taken away. I was a book lover before that and obviously didn't read as voraciously once I had all that crap but once it was gone, I picked up the books again! I think mine was for bad grades though...not "bad" grades...but anythying below a B was azz kickin' time and I was and still am a complete failure at math. It is the only subject I have never been able to master or even BEGIN to succeed in...off the subject...

    As for leading by example...I'm quite good at that. I'm very appreciative of what I have now...I've went through periods of being spoiled as a youth and I went through a periods of being homeless and having nothing as a young adult. Being an empathetic person also makes me grateful because I truly appreciate a warm house, hot/clean water, full cabinets, going out for dinner, a car that goes, etc. My fiance, on the other hand, is the person who is never satisfied with what he has. He isn't greedy or materialistic but he always feels like he should be more successful and he focuses on what we don't have as opposed to what we do have. I've been trying to get him to be more thankful for what we do have, at the very least to teach Elka, but also because it doesn't make anyone happy to sit and be sad about what you don't have. I try to get him to see that in the big picture, we are "rich". We have our own home, clean water, enough food, pets, etc and some people literally don't have a pot to piss in. He has a tough time comparing himself to people with less ...can do it easily with people with more though. I just think how lucky I am to live like I do...and we're just good ol' lower middle class folks.

    It did take me a long time to learn gratitude too...a long time...I guess I just want her to learn it early because it wasn't taught to me and it really bit me in the azz later in life and I don't want her to go through that.

    But, I agree...just even making a point of teaching her gratitude is more than a lot of parents do and I'm sure it will kick in eventually...

    Some nights (my nights off, wish it was every night) I ask her what was her favorite/least favorite part of her day...maybe I'll start asking her what she was grateful for as well...
  • Frankie_Felinius
    Frankie_Felinius Posts: 1,398 Member
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    My oldest daughter's stuff comes and goes. She does well for a while and then acts like a complete jerk to her mother. I start taking things away and then the attitude improves. I start with the things she likes most like her laptop and her phone. Her mom is starting to get to me though. She comes to me after I take them and she starts giving me reasons why I should give them back, and it hasn't even been an hour.


    The non-united front...the worst...my fiance is just now getting on board with being an actual united front. For the longest time he'd agree with me on parenting things, but not actually execute them...very confusing and frustrating for everyone involved!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
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    What's funny is I didn't have anything as a kid....I was 24 before I owned my own television. Well, I got a CD player when they came out....but as far as toys and dolls and even the regular stuff a kid would have....I just didn't. I have lots of things today that I would've killed for as a kid...brb...gotta work on being grateful for a bit.
  • bethanie0825
    bethanie0825 Posts: 1,475 Member
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    Maybe you could go thru her things and donate some stuff. Make her take it in and give it away. Then perhaps one thing in, one thing gets donated?
  • BodyByBex
    BodyByBex Posts: 3,685 Member
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    Maybe you could go thru her things and donate some stuff. Make her take it in and give it away. Then perhaps one thing in, one thing gets donated?

    I do that with my shoes.. :flushed:
  • bethanie0825
    bethanie0825 Posts: 1,475 Member
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    So remember me having heart palpitations and sweats a few months back, got diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. Had some blood work done in October, had a follow up yesterday morning. Level is now 27 (was 0.008) and I have hypothyroidism. They took more blood so I'll find out sometime today if it's still high. And I'll get new meds for that.

    WTF?
  • sufferlandrian
    sufferlandrian Posts: 8,244 Member
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    What? That doesn't make sense.