my hubby paying me to lose weight
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OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
and you are allowed to think it would be weird. im ok with people thinking it would be weird for them. but as others and myself have stated there is no black and white way for motivation. what works for one person may not work for another. and thats ok.
the big problem i have is everyone assuming her husband is some kind of controlling *kitten* when there has been nothing said by the poster to suggest this is even remotely the case. too many people have been watching criminal minds and think they can diagnose a relationship based soley on some text.
I don't assume that he's controlling at all. In fact, if he's willing to pay her to motivate her, he's probably not controlling (if he was, he'd just order her to lose the weight). They may have even come up with the idea together.
My issue would be the patronizing (in my opinion) reward system going on here. Again, TO ME it would feel uncomfortable, like I'm being rewarded for something I should just want to do for myself because I am an intelligent adult. But, again, if it works for her then I think it's great. It seems like a good motivation for the OP and if she views it as support then it's a great system for her!0 -
sorry samanthad1218...i didnt mean to imply you were saying he was controlling but a lot of the responses people had were saying he was. its ok to find it weird (not sure id agree with creepy, unless he was dressed up as a clown and giving her monopoly money while wearing no pants)0
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Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
An awful example? Oh no, not a bad example!!!! Won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
What are you banging on about? Or did you just feel like having a random, unsubjective, unproductive rant out of boredom?
I thought random nonsense rants were what we were doing here. I was just following your lead.
Haha, you're witty arent you....except for that you arent. Your rant could apply to any subject. Mine was directed at this particular post. Happy now?
Your comment was actually rather general and never actually referenced the issue. Simply stating that someone is setting an awful example could apply to so many subjects.
Use your noggin. If it is posted on a forum titled 'my hubby paying me to lose weight ' then it is hardly to be about advanced mathematics is it? Do you find common sense a tad difficult?
So your general statement must apply to the subject at hand but my general statement could apply to anything in spite of being in the same forum with the same title.
Gotcha
Well yeah sherlock. Criminals set a bad example too but never mind, won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
If I cant argue state an opinion, as according to you then what is the point of discussion in the first place? Blimey, I think you must be more bored than me...0 -
That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....
Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?
Oh for goodness sake. Use a bit of common sense. As if simply going to school was something to be rewarded for....
No, bonuses arent. They form part of a contract. The work equivalent would be paying someone extra to turn up on time.... Ridiculous.
I got a pay raise for showing up on time and being good at my job. There is no contractual obligation for that raise nor did I go above and beyond for it. It was rewarded to me merely for doing my job.
Well done. Would have you got a pay rise for showing up, sitting at your desk and twiddling your thumbs? No. You would get the boot. So please explain to me why a child should be paid for getting out of bed and simply going to school? Is your society in so much trouble?
(cant believe I am having this conversation)
I never said kids should get rewards for going to school. In fact I never acknowledged that line if reasoning and went straight to specifying "a job well done". Clearly you think merely going to school fits the bill of what I laid out, but I said no such thing.
But that was almost a smooth attempt to put words in my mouth.
"Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?"
Is it me, or by this sentence do you imply that sending your kids to school is a job well done? A pay rise the same thing? Same thing as what?
Or why argue with what I said prior? (blimey, I must be bored today)
Nope.
The person I was responding to was making a statement not about rewarding kids for going to school but about how this felt like a parent child relationship to her. My comment was also dwvoidnif rwfewnce to children going to school and focused solely on her associating a reward based system with parents/children when other examples of that system exist.
I argued with you because you said bonuses aren't examples of being rewarded for doing a good job (please refer to my exact wording) when they clearly are. I gave the example of my pay raise to show that such things are in fact bonuses fir a jib well done. You may have been having some little side conversation but I never veered from my original statement.0 -
My hubby doesn't pay me even though we both have our own money and a joint account. I joined Dietbet and I get my motivation from the competition it offers. Plus, you can get your bet back and a little more. Whatever works for you is what you should do.0
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Am I really the only one who finds this creepy?
I also find it kind of creepy. I'm in a weight loss challenge where I could win some great $$, but that's between friends who are all trying to lose weight. I think if my husband or significant other wanted to pay me to lose weight I'd be a little weirded out.
again, he didnt say hey fatty, heres some money if you lose weight... she is doing this and as added incentive he is sweetening the pot
I kind of feel like if someone is really willing to pay you to lose weight, that's essentially what they are saying. But maybe I'm being overly sensitive? I just know I'd be offended and think it's a weird situation where he would be rewarding me for something I should already be doing for myself. I agree with the kid/husband comment - if my husband is paying me to lose weight, should he pay me to clean my room, too?
OP is clearly happy about the arrangement, which is great if it's a motivation for her, and if it gets her where she wants to be in the long run then who am I to judge? For ME, it would be weird.
Because she is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
An awful example? Oh no, not a bad example!!!! Won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
What are you banging on about? Or did you just feel like having a random, unsubjective, unproductive rant out of boredom?
I thought random nonsense rants were what we were doing here. I was just following your lead.
Haha, you're witty arent you....except for that you arent. Your rant could apply to any subject. Mine was directed at this particular post. Happy now?
Your comment was actually rather general and never actually referenced the issue. Simply stating that someone is setting an awful example could apply to so many subjects.
Use your noggin. If it is posted on a forum titled 'my hubby paying me to lose weight ' then it is hardly to be about advanced mathematics is it? Do you find common sense a tad difficult?
So your general statement must apply to the subject at hand but my general statement could apply to anything in spite of being in the same forum with the same title.
Gotcha
Well yeah sherlock. Criminals set a bad example too but never mind, won't someone think of the children? What next, cats and dogs sharing a bed? Birds swimming and fish flying? We are all doomed because this one woman is setting a (subjectively) bad example!
If I cant argue state an opinion, as according to you then what is the point of discussion in the first place? Blimey, I think you must be more bored than me...
Sigh
Because this Muslim is posting on a forum and enticing opinion.... And it is not only weird but just very appalling and an awful example.
Wow. Looks like if I add a word to your very general and non descriptive post I could make it all weird and highly offensive. Not sure what that proved...actually it proves that your statent was just aa general as mine.
And you can give whatever opinion you want and I am then allowed to give my opinion of your opinion. A discussion isn't you say what you want and then no one else respondes.0 -
And you can give whatever opinion you want and I am then allowed to give my opinion of your opinion. A discussion isn't you say what you want and then no one else respondes.
no its called a marriage and the wife is always right
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That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....
Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?
Oh for goodness sake. Use a bit of common sense. As if simply going to school was something to be rewarded for....
No, bonuses arent. They form part of a contract. The work equivalent would be paying someone extra to turn up on time.... Ridiculous.
The part of the conversation. At no point did I say that bonuses are not rewards, but that bonuses are not given for fundamental levels of basic competence - the same thing as sending a kid to school because this is a simple requirement of parenting. Bonuses do not fall into this category.0 -
And you can give whatever opinion you want and I am then allowed to give my opinion of your opinion. A discussion isn't you say what you want and then no one else respondes.
no its called a marriage and the wife is always right
This is the most true thing I've seen in this whole thread. I always say there are three rules in my marriage
Achrya is always right
If Achrya is wrong refer to rule one
If you're ever in doubt Rule One0 -
jimminy cripes...i didnt realize that you lived in driving distance to me. of course you are always right. if i ever say anything contrary to this please assume i am either drunk, low blood sugar or someone hacked my account0
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If that's what motivates you, great! Personally if my boyfriend paid me to lose weight, I'd punch him in the face. I don't need a monetary incentive from him because I want to do this on my own.0
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That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....
Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?
Oh for goodness sake. Use a bit of common sense. As if simply going to school was something to be rewarded for....
No, bonuses arent. They form part of a contract. The work equivalent would be paying someone extra to turn up on time.... Ridiculous.
The part of the conversation. At no point did I say that bonuses are not rewards, but that bonuses are not given for fundamental levels of basic competence - the same thing as sending a kid to school because this is a simple requirement of parenting. Bonuses do not fall into this category.
I said "are bonuses not the same thing?"
You said "No. Something about contracts and crap to you now think somehow changes that you responded to my direct question with No."
I then went on to say that riases and bonuses are actually on par with rewards for being on time which actually addressed your blah blah after you said "No." You theb tried to make the conversation about doing the bare minimum, a stipulation I never made and in fact very specifically went against with my "For a job well done." In my very first response.
Again: I never changed my conversation from my first response to my last one. You however got confused somewhere along the way. Its fine to just say that and drop it.
Ugh. I hate when people screw up the quotes.0 -
My husband has offered sexual favors for every 2lbs I lose.
I offered that to my wife as well. Since the offer she hasn't left the couch.
Bwahaha!0 -
I didn't read all the responses..but eh...whatever floats your boat.
My husband isn't paying me, I am paying myself out of our joint account with new cloths...he works OT I buy new boots, he does an extra process meeting, I get new jeans...but I would do that even if I wan't losing weight...:laugh:
I Get a bonus at work I buy new weight plates...tax return comes in I get some new dresses...
I don't find it that creepy really it all depends on why he offered, why she is losing the weight and where the money is coming from.
Not enough info to determine that.0 -
Whenever I hear about people using money as an incentive, I think of my nephew, who was overweight as a child and teenager (and may be as an adult, I don't know, we haven't had contact with him in ages). My brother in law offered to buy him a new computer if he lost weight, and my nephew figured out how to fix the scale (non digital) to make it look like he'd lost weight. I guess my BIL wasn't actually looking at his son's clothing and how they fit, because after he'd "lost" the agreed amount, he bought him the computer and then my nephew was all, "Ha ha on you, I never lost the weight."
Extrinsic motivation can work IF there is already some intrinsic motivation. I know a lot of us here treat ourselves to a new piece of clothing, or a haircut, or something (non food) when we reach a small goal. I think others would find this less creepy if the OP's husband was, say, buying her a massage or a pedicure when she reached a goal, rather than handing over money. But whatever works, if it works, go for it.0 -
I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?0 -
I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?
Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.
And on that note: bed time!0 -
He's your husband. Can't you just take his money anytime? lol0
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I have not read all the posts, and I am sorry if I am repeating something. I want to warn you before you get started. Do you think this might cause tension in your relationship? Weight loss is so back and forth, and as you lose fat you may gain muscle. This would result in getting healthier while weight does not change too much. Do you think you might feel discouraged and unappreciated if this happens?
After my first month my boyfriend offered me a pedicure if I met my exercise goals. This was something that I could control and force myself to do. The number game seems too risky. Also, by putting a dollar amount don't you feel like hes paying to get you skinny (not necessarily healthy as it just focuses on numbers)? Doing special things for you would show how much he cares, and how he appreciates the way youre trying to change your life?
Note: you do not gain an appreciable amount of muscle at a deficit. That's just crap people tell themselves to feel less bad/fat when the scale doesn't move.
And on that note: bed time!
You know this isn't true, right? Worse than a 12 y/o troll.....0 -
My relationship with my boss is VERY different (in every way possible) from my relationship with my SO. I think this is apples and oranges.
That was my thing. It felt like a parent/child situation.This is like paying your 10 year old to go to school as an incentive not to spend time bunking off every day....
Are parents the only people who give money for a job well done? Are pay raises, bonuses, and commission checks not the same thing?
I find it odd that people jump to the parent/child thing. Makes me think things about those people. Just saying.
So if it's not parent/child, it's employer/employee? That's almost worse! lol
Seriously, whatever works for her and I don't expect everyone to agree with me. But TO ME this arrangement is creepy for the reasons stated.
I suppose I just don't see this apoearent creep factor or where giving your spouse things is taboo in some situations but fine in others.
Anything my husband buys me or gifts me with is basically saying "Hey, thanks for not being a crap wife and making me hate you, here's a pressie." And Thats fine, but if he says "hey, I'll give you a pressie if you lose that last ten pounds" then it's icky. Because...control?
I just don't get it. I've dated a controlling guy who told me whatbtonwear and what to eat and how to think and never ever once did he go "If you do X you can Y" because lol I didnt get options or choices or rewards. I got told to do stuff and if I didnt ibpaid the price for not listening.
+1
I dated a controlling guy once too. He never offered me money for anything. I just got lectures on how to dress, who to quit being friends with, etc, until I finally told him to go to hell. (It actually lasted about a month and only because he had a cute face.) The whole idea that money equals control is just absurd. Money has nothing to do with control unless money is the center of your universe.0
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